Something casual

[Gesundheit2]

What the fuck is happening with me?! Inexplicable shifts in consciousness, but not in a mystical way.

I feel drained...

I want to express myself without talking. I have nothing to say. What's going on?!

[Gesundheit2]

The final piece of the puzzle...

“If poverty were a man, I would have had him killed.” -- Prophet Muhammad

He understood, like I now understand.

___

Clairvoyance. Destiny.

Orgasmic Vision. Utmost Clarity.

I see my future. I can feel it getting closer.

I know it will happen, because I can merge into it. When I imagine it, it resonates with me very intimately, very deeply. Indicating inevitability.

Nature. Energy. Intuition.

They send me on a permanent high, where everything gets crystallized.

___

I've worked hard for long enough. Learned my lesson the hard way; Work smart first, and then work hard.

So simple! Yet it was hidden from me the whole time. And for my own good. So that I can grow. So that I can learn how to be strong.

Suffering is the greatest teacher. Always keep your doors open, for it is a rare guest.

Do not resist the bad moments. Tough times ought to make you tough. Don't ever give up.

Soak up all of life. Embrace it. Merge with it. Be it.

Integrate. Incorporate. Include. Grow.

___

On my way to achieving my dream life...

I have everything in place. Only one piece remaining; Money.

The things I can, and will, do with money are innumerable. My potential is severely dwarfed right now without it. Just imagining having enough of it puts me in a whole other state of mind. A state of Power. Imagine when it becomes reality. My imagination is a lot bigger than my ability to articulate.

I have tapped into my full potential through imagination. I am a great person, perhaps one of the greatest ones alive, and I'm not shy to say it. I have qualities that make me better than most, when met with the right circumstances.

Just like with health, you don't know the real value of money until you lose it. Fortunately, I've experienced poverty, and since I study in medical school, I am able to see the real value in both health and money. They're the most important and fundamental things in life, and yet at the same time, ironically, the most taken for granted.

If you have good health and enough money, you have no excuse for living a mediocre life, let alone leading a miserable one. Your life should be incredible at the very least, and you'd be a fool to make it (or keep it) otherwise. I judge all the people who have health and wealth, but still don't know how to live properly. I am not like them and don't want to be. I wouldn't want to exchange this deep gratitude that I have with their ungratefulness. That would be ungrateful of me.

___

Various routes in my mind. Still deciding on which one I shall take first. The decisions will be made when it's time. It's all good, no rush, and no worries.

Some thoughts on my future lifestyle as God with fully matured and integrated ego (the highest state of consciousness is when the ego fully merges with God)...

Big mansion.

4 wives. Illegal to have more, unfortunately.

A lot of children, at least a two-digit number.

Countless acquaintances. Strong relations. Climbing up the social hierarchy.

A house for solitude, more like a farm. I want to retreat for a number of years away from all humans.

Moving out of the country, permanently.

Traveling.

Edited July 15, 2021 by Gesundheit2

[Gesundheit2]

I can't believe how it's possible to be so advanced in certain areas, and yet be so unaware of certain blind-spots that you have.

What am I talking about?

Well, here's the thing; I waste so much time and energy trying to bring others up to my level, mainly through truth-sharing. But most of the times, people are so blind by their biases and agendas to be able to comprehend what I have to say, let alone appreciate its depth and value, let alone accept it and then utilize it in any meaningful way.

See, the problem is that when you're too advanced, you tend to assume that the things you know as common sense are actually common sense for others. But since others aren't as advanced as you are, you'll often find yourself in situations where you have to dumb yourself down to their level and explain everything to them out of pure stupidity and lack of depth. In Arabic, we have a saying that goes like: "Smart people understand by the signs". Too much blabber/nuance is even considered a linguistic error. The less words, the better the quality of your message. Zero is an example of a smart person, he knows how to use language efficiently. Having to explain everything is for dumb idiots who have no depth whatsoever. They need someone to walk them through the process of thinking step by step before they can understand. And even then, they rarely will. And even then, they barely will.

The solution to that is to simply let go of the need to help others, and then let them drown in their ignorance. I always thought that I should be treating other humans as equal to me, but the truth is that I am nowhere near their level. The things I've seen and the depths of insights that I've experienced, I doubt many others have awareness, or even an idea of. Sometimes, I seriously feel like I'm talking with children.

So, from now on, I won't explain anything to anyone. People will either get what I say, or they won't.

I have been implementing this lately, and it's quite effective. Plus, I get to keep my juiciest most useful and powerful insights for myself, which are probably incommunicable to begin with. But even if they weren't, people don't deserve them to begin with, because eventually they will use them against me, even after all the struggles of communication.

When someone tells you that you're wrong, tell them that they're right, and then do whatever the fucking hell you want to do, regardless.

Edited July 23, 2021 by Gesundheit2

[Gesundheit2]

Language is the key to development, but it can only take you so far, precisely as far as humans have reached. If your language is outdated/lacks nuanced, modern, technical terms, like Arabic, then your development will stop at a certain level, unless you learn another language. English is, perhaps, the richest in terms of pragmatism. But I guess other languages have depths of their own, and you can only understand them through experience.

There's A LOT beyond language, though. Language is still primitive, i.e. at the level of humans. There's A LOT beyond humans that they actually seem to me like apes right now, and I'm not even close to where I want to be or know is possible. And I'm not exaggerating. I used to always underestimate my development levels in the past, not really sure why. Probably low self-esteem, abusive/narcissistic people, and high peer pressure. But now, I have a clear sense of where I'm at amongst humans, and that has to be somewhere amongst the top that have ever existed.

Grandiosity, whatever.

[Gesundheit2]

I've got the answers! Not from the replies, of course. It's always been useless to ask others such questions. And it's also useless to share my answers, so I'll just keep them to myself.

[Gesundheit2]

Most violent and offensive rap I've ever heard! LMAO!

Topics: dissing, pride, rape, murder, war, humiliation, submission, and others.

Makes sense.

Edited July 24, 2021 by Gesundheit2

[Gesundheit2]

The entertainment industry is a bunch of monkeys fighting over your time.

Edited July 25, 2021 by Gesundheit2
monkeys, not people

[Gesundheit2]

How come I experience growth gradually, but also in leaps? Everyday, I'm a new person. Awakening happens every morning lol.

I can tell my level by the many things/people I'm no longer attracted to. What used to attract me yesterday is now neutral to me. I'm outgrowing everything in life very quickly, very steadily.

In the last few years, I've grown lifetimes. In the last year, I've grown decades. In the last few days alone, I've grown years. 

Every new level comes with different attraction trends. The trends are becoming more focused and less personal. And the previous levels are now seen as childish.

Is there even a limit?!

[Gesundheit2]

Lucid times..

Every morning, roughly between 5:00 am and 6:30 am.

Increased lucidity, vision, and creativity.

I saw Biden talking to me lol. 

Electricity, trees, Whitehouse...

Among other things.

[Gesundheit2]

Westerners are very neurotic! Look at all this covid paranoia. Even worse, look at the vaccine neurosis, which brand to take, hands-on, first impressions, side effects, blah blah blah. Honestly, it makes me want to vomit.

I mean, covid is real, but come on! Can't westerners be cool about anything?! Like, at all?!

[Gesundheit2]

Hardships are good, but only if you know how to take advantage of them.

It's one thing to face your demons when your life is perfect, and it's another thing entirely to face your demons, defeat, and burn them alive when you're living in hell.

In the first case, you are naive. You think you're actually doing something, when in fact everything is being done for you. You're playing life at the easiest level, and yet with cheats. You're standing on the shoulders of giants, thinking that you are a giant. You're strolling downhill with ease, not really doing anything special, but you think you are, because you're naive.

In the second case, everything is rigged against you. You start the game where you are weak and where your demons are freakishly strong. You're playing life at the hardest level, with huge difficulties/handicaps/disadvantages. And yet, you're not quitting. You take the hits fearlessly. You stand up again and again. You fight back, and then you eventually prevail. You take death in your hands, and turn it into life. You learn how to tame the wildest monsters until they've become your domestic pets. The ox is your servant now, and you shall ride back home. On the top of the world, that's where you belong, and nobody else.

Now, that you're the strongest. What more is there to say?!

Edited July 26, 2021 by Gesundheit2

[Gesundheit2]

Not sure why I spent all night last night watching gore videos. Still somehow disturbing after all this spiritual work. I'm still not quite there yet. I'm still judgemental and fearful on the inside. Ideally, one should be able to watch gore, horror movies, or anything without it being disturbing. Earlier today, I got high during meditation, and I thought the fear of death was removed, not my first time though. But I don't trust my insights while I'm high, as much as I don't trust psychedelic hallucinations. Got some insights from it all in retrospect.

Been focusing on my purpose for the rest of the time until earlier tonight, where I suddenly decided to go back in time and listen to the most popular music songs from my childhood. It was songs that people generally listened to all the time and especially on special occasions. I don't usually listen to Arabian music, so tonight was an exception. And YouTube to the rescue. It's weird that I haven't even once listened to the majority of the songs. All I have of them is hazy memories of the melodies, and that's it. However, it's been refreshing listening to them after all this time.

[Gesundheit2]

Stuck at Green emotionally, and at Orange intellectually. This dissonance is killing me.

Contemplating the devil helps, a lot, actually.

When you remember the evil nature of all beings, you get in touch with the responsibilities that come with it, since you're evil, too (like it or not). And as a result, you understand the importance of the devil, and the consequences of discarding it.

The devil exists for a reason, that is to remind God of his purpose. The devil is God's purpose.

No one really cares about you. Only the values you provide to them, from whatever deluded pov they hold. You, as God, have no delusions. You see with absolute clarity. You know what is what, and who is who. Survival, zero-sum game, and chimps in tuxedos. That is all.

Orange above all.

[Gesundheit2]

Feeling/EQ is the bullshit of the rich. The illusion of abundance creates good feelings.

Thinking/IQ is the bullshit of the poor. Scarcity creates thoughts and motivates thinking.

The middle class is a mix of both bullshits. Oscillating between the hope of moving up, and the fear of moving down.

Many people thrive from selling unfalsifiable claims. Pseudoscience.

And on, it goes. Humans, and the circle of bullshit.

They use models to study and map nearly everything, but they always ignore these factors, which are ironically the most crucial ones. They even study and map the factors themselves (the whole field of economics), but don't actually factor them in!

Edited August 1, 2021 by Gesundheit2

[Gesundheit2]

I keep forgetting rule #1 of the code;

DON'T SHARE THE CODE!

[Gesundheit2]

I guess some things/people are always just gonna be ugly and disgusting.

Fuck stage Green, for eternity! It's the single most disgusting group of people that have ever existed and ever will. It's not the content itself that's ugly, just the people who create and consume it, and how they go about doing all that.

Ugh, just imagining them gives me a headache and drives me crazy! I swear they're the only ones that physically stimulate vomit reactions in me. Their psychology is disgusting.

Edited August 2, 2021 by Gesundheit2

[Gesundheit2]

Good vs. Bad is the single best duality, ever. Nuance is for losers and idiots.

Not gonna waste my time explaining this insight, how I got it, or why it is true. You're just gonna have to accept it as the absolute truth. Otherwise, you're just stupid.

Smart vs. Stupid is another cool duality.

Edited August 3, 2021 by Gesundheit2

[Gesundheit2]

Exactly! Fucking hippies lol.

Anyway,

Been doing some serious shadow work, and was able to pinpoint some very first distinctions regarding women and music. I'm excited about that but won't talk about for now. I might make a new journal entry for each or both, or probably not at all. Need some more contemplation. I'm finally starting to see the end of this dark tunnel. I need to heal from those diseases asap. It's mandatory. I wanna return fully to my authentic nature.

Edited August 3, 2021 by Gesundheit2

[Gesundheit2]

An example of something I would never do.

My situation is worse, at least financially. And sometimes I do complain, get angry, lose motivation and hope, suffer from setbacks, etc. But I have pride, and that's all I need.

You could take my freedom, lock me up in a box, torture and beat me to death. But you could never take my pride.

And what is a man's worth without his pride?

Men can be reduced down to two types: the killer, and the beggar. Choose whichever path you want in life. You're either this or that. There's no third option. Remember the first principle in life: Survival, and zero-sum game.

Leo's advice is very practical. It gave me the motivation I needed to keep going down the path that I've already chosen. I've been suffering despair and lack of motivation in the past few days, and was hardly able to move forward. Somehow, and at some point, I started having doubts. Now, I know my efforts won't be wasted. I know that the harder I work now, the easier it will be then. Thank you, Leo, sincerely. Perhaps you should teach more about basic survival instead of the useless philosophy you're obsessed with.

[Gesundheit2]