Sexual inexperience and shame coming with it

[Valach]

Hi guys,

I have a deep problem I want to share with you. Throught my high school and early 20's my social life was quite bad, especially regarding the girls. Because of that I am now, at the age of 24 very inexpirience with sex. I only had 3 hookups in my life (2 of them I was quite drunk) and that's it. No relationship and staff like that. I wanted to get better with girls and social life in general so I started doing pickup at the beginning of the last summer but only did it for like 3 monts because of corona. At that time I did get couple of make outs and some dates but not sex yet. The thing is that I am quite scared of pushing the interaction to the sex itself since I am so inexpirienced and even the youngest girls I meet (around 18) are probably better at it than I do. This manifest in feelings of worthlesness and inability around girls. I was feeling like maybe I shoudl just drop my standarts so I can get this thing fixed and go out with some girls I am not so attracted to so I can at least sleep with them or something. 

 

I am actually not sure what my question here is, I would just like to know some story from people here, who were in the same situation as me and managed to fix it and how they did it (obviously having more sex is gonna help but other than that?).

 

Thanks in advance!

[Gesundheit]

1. Educate yourself more about sex and how to turn women on. Plenty of information online.
2. Go to gym and get in shape. Don't get ripped though, but just get your abs into good shape and you'll be on fire.
3. That's it.

[Spiral]

What’s does our social life look like?
 

Do you utilize desexualized spaces with your buddies?  Building a solid group of guy friends will aid you in fixing these types of problems.

When it comes to girls, just be ruthless but handle girls who’s not interested fairly.

[ertopolice]

Don't underestimate social group, trust me

I happened to me that i get to know fewer men due to my lack of social network

Applies to anyone

[aurum]

@Valach

Thanks for being so honest.

Your question highlights an important issue, which is the pressure put on young guys in our society to be sexual rockstars. You're expected to know exactly what you're doing and are validated as a "man" for your sexual skills.

Not only this, but you're expected to have these skills with no guidance and no training. Parents tend never to really speak to their kids about sex. At best, you got a joke of a Sex Ed program in middle school / high school. In fact, our culture is so in the dark ages around sex that they couldn't give you a proper initiation even if they tried.

The reality is that sexual skills take time to develop. I don't even want to tell you how embarrassingly bad I was at sex when I started. Looking back, it wasn't until my third long term girlfriend that I actually started to feel like I knew what I was doing.

Now that you're older, you can read books and attend workshops on this topic. Go for it if that speaks to you.

Otherwise, you're just gonna have to jump in a fumble around.

Expect you're going to finish too early or not at all. Expect to try and give her and orgasm and fail. Expect to go soft at exactly the wrong time. Expect to not know where her spots are. Even expect her to subtlety, or not subtlety, tell you that you're bad at sex.

All of this is coming (no pun intended ).

And if anyone tries to shame you about this, kindly tell them to fuck off . You're learning, that's all that matters.

[Lyubov]

love yourself fully here. love and support the person you feel is inexperienced and afraid. I can tell you now that the vast majority of women you meet won't judge you for this and likely won't even suspect you are inexperienced. 

[hamedsf]

I can understand, regarding this certain unprecedented situation, it could be an unsuitable time to attract girls since everyone got a humanophobia due to the virus and everyone is afraid of each other's shadow. coz in 2020, after this china virus manifested, I got one intimate relationship and that was only so hard because it was the initial phase of the phobia and I met my gf only 3 times and then her family didn't let her meet again due to the fear and things got unbearable and she failed to make me satisfied and went actually nowhere eventually. so it's the best time to find suitable girls online who are also not that afraid of the current situation in order to meet up with you constantly. at the end of the day, you both should swap spit at some point.  

Edited January 4, 2021 by hamedsf

[Loving Radiance]

@Valach  What may be good for you is being chill with girls. Hanging out with them on a regular basis.

Feel into your body what feels right when being with them. Hear into your body when you feel you overstep boundaries. Be non-serious with them, joke with them, laugh about yourself.

If you want to talk deep about something, talk deep with them and you feel right away if they are up for it.

Enjoy their being. Enjoy sharing your grounded presence with them. Enjoy sharing your authentic self with them, and if they don't like it that's ok because there are so many people out there with whom you can connect on a deep level.

 

Regarding sex, just enjoy their presence. Have a genuine intent of enjoying this moment with them. Be fun and be open to anything crazy that can happen. Sex doesn't have to happen, but you also don't mind if it happens. You are chill about that. You respect others boundaries and are open for them opening up. You love to make them feel safe. You love to make them emotional, to bring them on an emotional rollercoaster with you. You have fun. You enjoy this moment. You don't have a destination or end goal, you just want to have fun and enjoy the time with them. Sex is one stop on the road you are traveling.

I know it is hard to be not needy about sex, if you crave it. Focus on a fun, chill and non-judgemental vibe. You want to hang out with them, just assume they want too. Assume they want you, and they can always show their boundaries if the case would be true that they don't want you. You know you want them - let your vibe let them know that they have a sexual being in front of them. Move on if you feel they aren't fun to be with anymore. You are chill.

Counterintuitively, you are soft and you let go of any character you think you should play. You let go of any judgements of them or you. You just flow.

[Valach]

Just to update on this topic since I have been out of this forum for some time:

 

Thanks everyone for the advice on here. I found some usefull tips in everyones reply :}

Since January I hooked up with 3 girls and have a friends with benefits arrangement with one of them for 2 months now.

They all complimented me on my skills and from their expression in the bed I dont think they lied. The girl I am seeing even said she never experienced such intesnse and regural orgasms with anyone and she's been with plenty of guys!

What helped me a lot, was watching a Leo's series on sex, reading book Sex God Method and also suprisingly some technical tips I found on the internet and pornsites (not regural porn, but concrete tutorials on how to satisfy woman).

Everyone time I have sex I look forward to better myself and learn something new. My plan is that, when I master ( at least sort of ) this regural sex I will look into tantric sex a lot of people mention here on forum, but I don't want to skip stages just yet.

 

Thanks again, this forum and people in it are pure godl!

[Valach]

Also I have one quiteston regarding this topic.

Before I begun having regural sex I was often woried about finish too quick, but now I have the oposite problem. My current girl is often frustrated that I am unable to finish more then once in hours of having sex. Have anyone of u experienced this and how have u solved this? :]

thanks.

[Iksander]

@Valach I strongly recommend you listen to the audiobook/read 'The way of the superior man' by david deida. It will help you. There's nothing wrong with not finishing in sex at all. Often times when I have sex I don't even want to cum, so I don't.