Suffering so much

[AlwaysJoggin]

Why does God want to suffer this much why is infinity want to experience this how is this love how? 
im so angry i stay agnry for a whole day and I can’t forgive for petty things I have all these childhood traumas that hunt me before I sleep sometimes but I have people that love me I can’t forgive easily because they hurt me even if they beg me to forgive them I can’t let go it’s soo hard and I’m suffering even tho I want to tell them I love them and I forgive them and that i was never mad at them in the first place because I understand but at the same time i fo the opposite and make them suffer too ????? I’m so sad  

Edited January 2, 2021 by AlwaysJoggin

[No Self]

According to Neale Donald Walsch, God says "suffering is unnecessary, unwise, and hazardous to your health."

[PepperBlossoms]

I am sorry you are having the anger!  That is tough!  That is great that you have identified it and don't want it! 

I was in the same situation where I was angry and did not want to be angry but it was lingering - What helped me was I had watched a Susanne Cook Greuter video about different ego level development's reponses to covid and noticed that the ego will have different responses to things and some are more egoic than others- when I realized this - I was super embarrassed and let go of the anger as my anger was based on a low level of ego development.

Here's a summary off the top of my head:

Lower stages - the problem is out there, it is their fault; My scope of concern only extends to myself; Luck is on my side and I will get lucky - bad stuff happens to others but not me; Being too simple-minded and not looking at all the various aspects to something

Middle stages - looking at the situation from multiple perspectives; how am I part of the problem?  Learning more about the details to how something works; Doing things to help others; extending the scope of concern beyond just the self.

High stages - accepting that everyone is at their own level of ego development and appreciating the benefits that all the ego levels offer - feeling thankful for what each level allows; noticing the beauty in how short life is and appreciating that it is still here and hasn't left yet; embracing the goodness in all types of situations good or bad

Edited January 3, 2021 by PepperBlossoms

[AlwaysJoggin]

@PepperBlossoms thank you  I am through it now I will try to forgive as soon as possible so I don’t build and grow grudges because it will be hard to let go later my ego is on low stage I understand that i was actually on higher stage before but I recently went down as im dealing with stuff in life 

[ted73104]

Slow down man. Try to simply be yourself at the moment, and find someone you could talk about your anger to. Life is not about being right or perfect, but just experiencing what is present before you. 

You need to be mad and angry right now, your emotions are important signals from your mind and body. There is no need to enter a "higher" state in life (though you sort of will when you're able to let go of what is causing you frustration right now). The only thing you need to do is just to notice the current state of your mind and what your current situation is. List out two or three of the main things you don't like about your current situation. Then just pick the issue you would like to resolve first and find someone who you trust can provide you guidance to talk to.

I've learned that sometimes changing doesn't really have to do with overcoming the obstacle (becoming better in some area), but rather observing your narrative through multiple perspectives. The problem might have never needed to exist in the first place.

Edited January 12, 2021 by ted73104