Height-ism and the double level hypocrisy of feminists

[xxxx]

34 minutes ago, MrBON said:

Confident in himself, independent (does not mind being by himself) , kind, caring, honest, treats other as he wants to be treated, keeps his words (doesnt make false promises but chooses to have some honor basically), has life goals and things he wants to accomplish, has boundaries and principles which he will not compromise, is willing to be different regarding what he likes even if it considered unpopular or strange, educated meaning not necessarily high iq but knows shit about different topics so can have different kinds of convos

Thank you for the explanation. 

Look, MrBON, you do seem to have a good understanding of what it takes to be a great guy, so what is stopping you from believing that you are at the top of your game, if you do possess these qualities? 

The guy I was talking about does fit into your category of a great guy; also, about the other traits you deemed ‘shallow’ - his knowledge / IQ works for him because that is going to help him pursue his life goal; he’s charismatic (EQ) because he did possess most of the qualities you mentioned above - he was a very respectful guy, too; he was aloof, albeit the clout - that was strange - and it was not the fake kind of aloof, he just preferred his own company over that of others. 

He was a good mix of good IQ and EQ, also he was super confident in his skin. 

I gave you the example of this guy because, in normal circumstances, if you were walking on the street next to him, you would never imagine that someone like him could be at the top of his game,  just like the other 6’2 jock with a Lamborghini. 

I am telling you that all this is subjective - not black and white. 

There are going to be many girls who’ll be attracted to a guy that has the personality traits that you mentioned - there’s no scarcity, buddy - remember that.

 

8 billion people in the world, and you’re telling me all are the same? 

No. 

 

Nonethless, to want something special, you got to be special. And special is highly subjective. Get to know what your special is. 

Also, I recommend you stop judging people - be open minded before jumping to conclusions, be wary of defining something way too soon before getting a comprehensive understanding, and stop forcibly pushing people into categories. 

 

I wish you the best of luck. Hope you find your answers! 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 3, 2021 by xxxx

[Leo Gura]

@MrBON Sounds like you are just insecure about your height and looking for someone to blame.

[MrBON]

@xxxx Being a bit of a jerk, arrogant, edgy, spontaneous, overly funny so just making jokes all the time and never any more normal discussions, outrageous, overly dominant. These are the traits i do not like to have in myself (except spontenous maybe but that one is hard af to develop) that girls seem to love. If i can get a great girl without these traits then that would be great.

[Danioover9000]

   Fun fact: Shorter men tend to become much more stronger than average men, and higher than average men.

[MrBON]

@Leo Gura I don't understand why it is such a big deal for girls. I see plenty of chubby guys with slim girls but never a guy with a girl taller than her.  

[Gesundheit]

32 minutes ago, MrBON said:

@xxxx Being a bit of a jerk, arrogant, edgy, spontaneous, overly funny so just making jokes all the time and never any more normal discussions, outrageous, overly dominant. These are the traits i do not like to have in myself (except spontenous maybe but that one is hard af to develop) that girls seem to love. If i can get a great girl without these traits then that would be great.

You can certainly, but hardly, get a girl without these, just by cold approaching every girl you find attractive. Although it would be more challenging to keep her around without that whole package.

31 minutes ago, MrBON said:

@Leo Gura I don't understand why it is such a big deal for girls. I see plenty of chubby guys with slim girls but never a guy with a girl taller than her.  

Will understanding that affect your attitude positively? Maybe most girls prefer their guy taller than them, but so what? It is what it is. The question is what are you going to do about it? Even if you have 1% chance of scoring, it will turn to 0% if you don't become proactive about dating.

[MrBON]

@Gesundheit So i need to be an arrogant prick to get girls? I stated like 40 good qualities above, why are not those enough? Being overly dominant arrogant and edgy is not something that feels natural to me. Confidence is one thing, arrogance is another.

[Globalcollective]

@MrBON Instead of using up all this energy to complain about how life is unfair use it to work on your mindset and being a more attractive and happy man in general. You can get to a point you don't even give a dam if a girl will sleep with you or not. No matter who she is. I have dated girls a lot taller , smaller more attractive than me ect. Its all in your head and you have to slowly but surely clear out the clutter. I got to a point where I could get laid every day of the week from a point of being unable to talk to someone because of crippling anxiety.

This is a common trend now with young guys complaining about this, come on man you know deep down your better than this. 

 

[Gesundheit]

@MrBON It doesn't matter what you call it. What matters is how you make her feel. If you can't make her feel safe and protected with you, you won't be able to attract her. Arrogance is simply overconfidence. And not only girls fall for it. It's the arrogant person first and foremost, and then a lot of naive people.

Edited January 3, 2021 by Gesundheit

[Danioover9000]

@MrBON

20 minutes ago, MrBON said:

@Gesundheit So i need to be an arrogant prick to get girls? I stated like 40 good qualities above, why are not those enough? Being overly dominant arrogant and edgy is not something that feels natural to me. Confidence is one thing, arrogance is another.

   Be an arrogant prick for a short while, at least to let yourself be comfortable in it. For a shy guy, they call what average men call confident, arrogant, and end up shooting too short. Are you sure what you're calling arrogant isn't arrogance, and instead it's confidence? 

[PepperBlossoms]

Just some things to think about:

Consider the clash of ego levels of male with female and how they would interact and respond with each other at various stage combinations.

Higher developed ego female may reject sex to lower ego male.

Higher developed ego male may reject marriage to lower ego female.

If the ego levels are too far off from each other, they may not work.

If the pair are close in ego level, they may work better.

Lower ego may not see what the higher ego can see and thus won't even consider this as it isn't aware that it is at a low level.

Lower ego may be benefitted by suppression in order to move to higher ego stage.

Suppression could include one person dominating the other in terms of height/mass, more knowledge, being stuck in quarantine alone in room for 14 days, taking away or missed out resources/opportunity, etc.

Edited January 3, 2021 by PepperBlossoms

[MrBON]

@Gesundheit Arrogance may create results but so does lying and manipulating. Also i personally find it EXTREMLY annoying and i do not want to become what i dislike for anyone.

@Danioover9000 Confidence and arrogance are miles apart. Arrogance is basically over the top loud neediness. A confident person is not arrogant at all. Arrogance is when you are insecure af and try to look cool by being annoying. 

 

[aurum]

12 hours ago, MrBON said:

@aurum Could you define good personality please

Well for starters, not making internet posts about how women don't want to date you .

My point was why are you focusing on this?

You're right, women like tall guys and sometimes they're hypocrites about it. So what?

What if instead, you had self-talk that sounded like this:

"Okay, so women like tall guys. And that sucks because I'm not tall. Damn. But I can't change how tall I am and I can't change women's preference for tall men. So what can I do? Well, I can focus on being the most attractive version of myself. I'm going to follow my life purpose, I'm going to practice my social skills, I'm going to get healthy, I'm going to do the things I love to do, I'm going to get a strong social circle of friends around me, and I'm gonna laugh, have fun, and be at ease with myself. Whatever girls end up liking me, great. And whatever girls don't like me, that's okay too. My goal is just to be myself".

If you did what I just wrote, you dating situation would change dramatically.

So what are you getting out of the current self-talk that you have? Is it serving you? Or could it be something to let go of?

[Lyubov]

While I do think shorter guys can have it harder out there when it comes to dating I have mainly heard degrading stuff and self hate on this topic coming from men. I'm making an effort not laugh at male insecurities. I see far more mocking of short guys coming from men than women. We have to support each other when it comes to this stuff. Sure, there are some rude women who like to clown guys for this but I don't see a reason to spin some elaborate narrative around this. Short guys can still date and get some action.

Edited January 4, 2021 by Lyubov

[xxxx]

12 hours ago, MrBON said:

Being a bit of a jerk, arrogant, edgy, spontaneous, overly funny so just making jokes all the time and never any more normal discussions, outrageous, overly dominant. These are the traits i do not like to have in myself (except spontenous maybe but that one is hard af to develop) that girls seem to love. If i can get a great girl without these traits then that would be great.

Haha, except for the spontaneous one (not too much, either), I dislike all these qualities that you mentioned. All these qualities involve men who talk too much, and I do not, personally, like such men as romantic partners. 

Have you seen a really secure man? He doesn’t need all of this.

It’s people who are trying to be something they are not, who try to be arrogant, edgy, etc. These people deliberately want others to perceive them in a certain light, so that they have an upper-hand over others and a situation. Do such people really have control over a situation or are they just clinging onto whatever little rope there is giving them false hope that they are in control? 

Look, MrBON, being arrogant and the like will just add up to your insecurities. I have had male friends who were known to be such ‘arrogant’ pricks, and when they opened up to me, I could see that they are lonely inside, and want a true relationship. They maintained this image of theirs at a cost — the cost of personal well-being. 

Remember this - A secure man just is. He doesn’t try. Of course, he is a well-rounded man, with a lot of great qualities, but these are not forced. 

To be honest, you got to be passionate about something - and let that passion fuel your confidence. Let it come naturally to you. You are on a self actualization forum - come on, you mustn’t choose to be like the crowd out there, right? 

 

I’ll mention this again, just in case it escaped your attention: 

 

8 billion people in the world and you’re telling me all are the same?

NO! 

 

Best,

Edited January 4, 2021 by xxxx

[Leo Gura]

14 hours ago, MrBON said:

@Leo Gura I don't understand why it is such a big deal for girls. I see plenty of chubby guys with slim girls but never a guy with a girl taller than her.  

Sounds like it's mostly a big deal for you.

[Spiral]

Sure girls care about hight and might even be hypocritical about it. However as long as your are taller then the girl you are interested in it’s fine.

Speaking of hight and hypocrisy, I knew this one girl who told me she would never be with a shorter guy. Seemingly very sure about it to. A month later is nuts about the shortest guy around and those way shorter than her

Edited January 4, 2021 by Spiral

[tsuki]

Public service announcement:

If you find a certain trait ugly, disgusting or repulsive, it does not mean that you are "not attracted to this trait". It means that you are being actively repulsed by it. That is a form of judgement and there are identifiable reasons for it. "Not being attracted to" means that you are able to hold space for it and experience it. When you are not attracted to short men, or fat women, it means that you can date or bang them but this trait does not contribute to their overall attractiveness.

This is completely different from what people hear when someone calls their trait not attractive. They hear that they are inherently unlovable because they are a certain way. This is a self-esteem issue and can be overcome by learning the workings of the mind and freeing oneself from thinking in dualities.

The second thing is that relationships are not built on equality. This does not mean that they are built on inequality either. Relationships are asymmetrical, non-complementary and people are incomparable.

• When a man is attracted to sex, but can't get any, then that man is not worthless.
• When a woman is attracted by money and has none, then she is not worthless.
• When a man is attracted by sex and finds a woman that wants money (and is not attracted by sex), then that woman is not worthless.
• When a woman is attracted by money and finds a man that is attracted by sex (and not attracted by spending money), then that man is not worthless.

These two are not incompatible, they are non-complementary. This is very common in relationships to seek partners with complementary needs, but they are close to non-existent. It's far more common to negotiate these things and work for the common cause.

If you let your attractions define your relationships, then you are doomed for repeated disappointments.

Edited January 4, 2021 by tsuki

[Gesundheit]

8 hours ago, MrBON said:

@Gesundheit Arrogance may create results but so does lying and manipulating. Also i personally find it EXTREMLY annoying and i do not want to become what i dislike for anyone.

You will find it EXTREMLY annoying until you realize, due to lack of sex, that that's been just your ego tricking you the whole time.

[StarStruck]

If you are tall you will know that it doesn´t do much for you if you can´t open your mouth and talk. It is all in your head.

It is like women who think their boob size matters a lot. Most men and women don´t look at particulars. They look at the whole.