I'm creepy...

[Strangeloop]

Like how? why? what? I don't even know what to ask no more. I just say these creepy things to girls. And after I'm called out I make justifications on the topic.

Is it bad? Can I get a girlfriend by being creepy? I don't think so.

when how can I stop being creepy and how should I talk to show my sexual interest in women without being creepy?

[Gili Trawangan]

The answer to these questions comes with more experience. Being creepy and realizing what you're doing is actually good practice, it tells you where to draw the line. Pull back a little bit if you're pushing it, but this is the process.

I remember, in the past, deliberately pushing things way too far just to see how far one can go. Trial and error.

[Origins]

@Strangeloop You're not learning from your experiences (outside of this get out of your head and be looking after your health, etc), that much is obvious; you keep on making posts about the same topic.

This is not good for your future, you're wasting a lot of time by avoiding simply sitting down to meditate on what has happened and learn the lessons from your experience, that's a large part of why you exist.

Whatever you're experiencing right now, sit in the experience and learn from it, that's why you have a brain and a mind to augment it.

This posting behaviour has to improve Strangeloop, as a reflection of your actual learning more than anything else, for your benefit more than anyone else. You must get more disciplined with yourself. 

Here's a diagram I just very quickly created that will be of some use in your reflections if you take the time to understand it (feel free to ask questions), kind of looks like a robot haha:

 

Edited January 2, 2021 by Origins

[PepperBlossoms]

@Strangeloop Hmm I guess what "creepy" is will vary from girl to girl and some will be able to tolerate more than others.

If you're trying to not be creepy and are getting feedback that it you creepy, you could try to take note of what is getting the reaction that you are creepy and then avoid doing that and try something else; get more creative!

I'm sorry you are having these issues!  You could turn creepy into attractive if you work on it.  Different girls are attracted to different things too - some may like it.

[hyruga]

End of the day, you just have to relax.

Be authentic and have fun and people will just treat you as normal. Then no one will feel creeped out.

[hamedsf]

NOPE, I wouldn't even bother to write to a creepy guy, let alone a woman would do it for you.

fix it up as soon as possible or you're gonna be stranded for the rest of your life.

never be needy and sexually open with women. a man will only open himself up sexually when the women give off the green signal to do so. 

[Hardkill]

14 hours ago, hamedsf said:

NOPE, I wouldn't even bother to write to a creepy guy, let alone a woman would do it for you.

fix it up as soon as possible or you're gonna be stranded for the rest of your life.

never be needy and sexually open with women. a man will only open himself up sexually when the women give off the green signal to do so. 

Not helping, dude. 

Besides, how has that been working for you?

[hamedsf]

7 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Not helping, dude. 

Besides, how has that been working for you?

Makin' some pussies wet here and there

[Striving for more]

@hamedsf

6 hours ago, hamedsf said:

Makin' some pussies wet here and there

 LOOLZ.

[Parththakkar12]

@Strangeloop You will come across as creepy if you are objectifying her. She'll be able to sense it and it'll feel creepy to her.

What you can try doing is connecting with her without having an agenda to have sex. Make the agenda of sex secondary to connecting with her. If you pro-actively care for and take ownership of her safety, it's highly unlikely that you'll go wrong!

[StarStruck]

On 2-1-2021 at 6:59 AM, Origins said:

@Strangeloop You're not learning from your experiences (outside of this get out of your head and be looking after your health, etc), that much is obvious; you keep on making posts about the same topic.

This is not good for your future, you're wasting a lot of time by avoiding simply sitting down to meditate on what has happened and learn the lessons from your experience, that's a large part of why you exist.

Whatever you're experiencing right now, sit in the experience and learn from it, that's why you have a brain and a mind to augment it.

This posting behaviour has to improve Strangeloop, as a reflection of your actual learning more than anything else, for your benefit more than anyone else. You must get more disciplined with yourself. 

Here's a diagram I just very quickly created that will be of some use in your reflections if you take the time to understand it (feel free to ask questions), kind of looks like a robot haha:

 

Where did you get the diagram from?

[Emerald]

On 1/1/2021 at 10:47 AM, Strangeloop said:

Like how? why? what? I don't even know what to ask no more. I just say these creepy things to girls. And after I'm called out I make justifications on the topic.

Is it bad? Can I get a girlfriend by being creepy? I don't think so.

when how can I stop being creepy and how should I talk to show my sexual interest in women without being creepy?

What kind of creepy things are you saying?

Are you being overtly sexual or needy? Or are you just acting awkwardly and thinking it is being interpreted as creepy?

Are you actually getting feedback that you're creepy? And when I say feedback, I don't just mean getting a 'no', because no's are just part for the course. I mean feedback by women telling you forcefully to stay away or visibly looking scared of you or telling you that you're creepy. Basically, rejection doesn't mean that you've been perceived as creepy... it just means that she wasn't interested. 

So, are you actually saying creepy things? Or are you self-conscious that the things you're saying are being perceived as creepy?

[Recursoinominado]

Been there, done that. 

If you are serious about improving, send me a DM and I will help you. 

[flowboy]

On 1-1-2021 at 4:47 PM, Strangeloop said:

Like how? why? what? I don't even know what to ask no more. I just say these creepy things to girls. And after I'm called out I make justifications on the topic.

Is it bad? Can I get a girlfriend by being creepy? I don't think so.

when how can I stop being creepy and how should I talk to show my sexual interest in women without being creepy?

@Strangeloop

Creepy is not a real thing that you can define in terms of what you say or do. It means a different thing to every person.

It just means: "made me feel (sexually) unsafe". Depending on a woman's history and upbringing, what makes her feel sexually unsafe will vary.

For example, concealed intentions/hidden agenda is often perceived as creepy. Thinking you want to fuck her while you talk to her, but not being honest about it and pretending to just have friendly intentions, can be creepy.

But then there's other women who are not used to directness, and a direct statement of interest will creep them out.

Violating social rules without acknowledging that you are, can also be creepy. This makes sense: if a person doesn't understand or respect the same social rules, all bets are off: there's no telling what they might do. They are completely unpredictable and that makes one feel very unsafe. Keep in mind that a man is basically a monster that can easily rape or maul an average woman, and the only indication she has that he won't, is that she can tell that he abides by the same rules of acceptable social behavior.

However, to be successful in dating you have to put yourself out there and do/say some unusual things, thereby violating a social rule here and there. Never forget to acknowledge that! If you do, and for example say: "I know this is totally random, but ...", you are socially intelligent and ballsy. If you leave that part out, you're an unpredictable creep.

Being an authentic man means expressing yourself honestly, and accepting that there will always be a certain percentage of people creeped out by you. By expressing yourself honestly, you make sure that you only creep out the ones who wouldn't be right for you anyway.

That's all you can do.

[Strangeloop]

@Emerald I wrote to her something like "I got to check you out first by touaching and sniffing" then she wrote creepy, and she never wrote back. And yes I do have a belief that women are objects of sex. Which does projects my behaviour onto them.

[caveman]

At a certain point, casual dating or interacting with the opposite sex can only be a mirror to our own unexamined beliefs and behaviors and not many people are willing to accept or say this.

There may be some repressed emotional stuff that you need to work through, that is blurring your vision of certain groups of people or the world as a whole. You already recognize some of it which is great.

Meditation, journaling, exercising, diet - just getting your lifestyle in place is a must (maybe you do, just saying). There's material also specific to relationship dynamics but I think you can tackle this with spiritual work more profoundly, learning about ego/trauma etc. And finding your path!

From there it's more about you growing as an individual and relinquishing the need to have a girl or anyone in the first place. Whenever I see someone, myself included, feeling a bit weird around a girl it's usually because deep down one is pushed around by the fear of not getting her approval.

If you know your mission in life, you don't need someone else's approval, so paradoxically you're not trying to control everything in relationships.

Also if you're approaching the classic culturally mainstream girl while you present yourself as anything else than mainstream, she will be more prone to dismiss you being a "cultural stranger", unless you're fully at ease with yourself around her.

Perhaps I'm blowing it a bit out of proportion, but that's my experience.

Edited January 9, 2021 by caveman

[Farnaby]

@Strangeloop I would explore the motivation/emotion you were feeling in order to say something like that without having built enough trust with the girl. 

That's definitely something that will make most women feel unsafe. 

Some people have this belief that they are creepy, which works like a self fulfilling prophecy and they act in weird ways. So it's a kind of self sabotaging acting out. 

Self-sabotaging is a coping mechanism that stems from fear. For instance, you can be afraid of being rejected by being yourself so you do things that lead to that because that way you feel in control and it feels familiar. What needs to be felt in that case is the underlying emotions of the wounded inner child.

If you want to connect with women, you need to learn how to be in your body, go with the flow, not second guess yourself too much and of course explore that belief about women being sexual objects. It's impossible to have empathy for someone if you see them like an object. 

Edited January 9, 2021 by Farnaby

[Preety_India]

Are you acting creepy with that person for getting attention or getting a reaction out of them. I was just wondering. 

Try not to objectify. 

And remember everyone likes to be respected when approached 

The most basic thing in any relationship is Respect. 

And if they don't feel respected by you, they will walk away. 

Also, you can only respect others when you are able to respect yourself. 

 

[flowboy]

On 9-1-2021 at 6:26 PM, Strangeloop said:

@Emerald I wrote to her something like "I got to check you out first by touaching and sniffing" then she wrote creepy, and she never wrote back. And yes I do have a belief that women are objects of sex. Which does projects my behaviour onto them.

@Strangeloop Yeah that is kinda creepy to me too. But really all it is, is uncalibrated: you estimated her boundary of what is comfortable at that moment, to be different from where it was. Mistakes like this are a necessary byproduct of discovering  that line of what is comfortable: because if you stay too safe and don't create any tension with what you say, you are not sexually interesting. And in real life conversation, you can simply fix this by saying: "sorry haha, just kidding", talking about something else, and poof, it's forgotten. If you text, it is forever and unerasably there, creeping her out every time she looks at the conversation.

This is why it's a fool's errand to engage in sexual texting before having sex. The risk profile is not worth it: high chance to creep her out, low chance that she will like it. And even when she likes it, it doesn't correlate with her wanting to actually meet up and do it: she's just enjoying the fantasy or playing with you to see how far you'll take it. None of these things are needed or even helpful in progressing your relationship.

Edited January 10, 2021 by flowboy