Panic of death while sleeping. Need help

[RedLine]

I am 27 and it happens to me since when I was a teenager. It happens once per month on average; sometimes more, sometimes less. It's the most horrible thing I can experience. It only lasts a couple of seconds, I think that if it lasted longer I would pass out or have a heart attack, I don't think I could bear that suffering.

 

I will describe it below:

 

It occurs always 45 minutes after I have fallen asleep. I guess I am in a point between daydreaming and deep sleep and my mind is very very clear. I suddenly realize that I am going to die someday, that there is no a single change I can´t avoid death; I am gonna die and all "my world" is gonna dissapear. I mean, I can think about the death during the day and nothing happens, it is just a though, but this time I 100% realize it. Then I wake up screaming like fucking crazy (it is a horrible scream, very high pitched and with a high volume) and shaking, I can´t controll it. This experience last 1-3 seconds but it is the most horrible thing you can imagine. What make it so scary is that it is fucking real.

 

I am not so concerned about the experience itself, because it only lasts a couple of seconds, but these things worry me:

 I wake up and scare my whole family and all the neighbors on my block with the scream. There are children who are scared and cry in the apartment below. I feel really bad about this...

 

Maybe one day when I get an outbreak of these I could have a heart attack, because I go from being calm to being in a panic mode like lightning.

 

 

 

Edited January 1, 2021 by RedLine

[How to be wise]

@RedLine Start a meditation practice. 

[Carl-Richard]

Learn to embrace it. It's a free ticket to enlightenment.

[snowyowl]

The ego's illusory grip on life sometimes slips and the void beneath is revealed. Yes, it's super scary, many of us have woken up at night with existential fears. Death is scary, spirituality is the best way I've found through it which isn't denial or escapism. But hey, if it gets too much you can seek help without feeling guilty, keep talking, even see your doctor for some medication if you need it. Take care and look after yourself my friend. 

Edited January 1, 2021 by snowyowl

[RedLine]

45 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

Learn to embrace it. It's a free ticket to enlightenment.

You are totally right. I have thought about this several times. If I could accept death in that moment I would get it. But it is impossible for me, it is too strong, I am very very far from being able to accept that madness.

 

54 minutes ago, How to be wise said:

@RedLine Start a meditation practice. 

The more background meditation I get, the more mental clarity (less ego defenses) I have and the more experiences (or stronger) of this type occur to me.

 

Precisely today I have written this thread because last night I have had my strongest experience of this type in the last 10 years. It has been 16 hours since it happened to me and I am still a little scary after the strong shock. 

 

18 minutes ago, snowyowl said:

The ego's illusory grip on life sometimes slips and the void beneath is revealed. Yes, it's super scary, many of us have woken up at night with existential fears. Death is scary, spirituality is the best way I've found through it which isn't denial or escapism. But hey, if it gets too much you can seek help without feeling guilty, keep talking, even see your doctor for some medication if you need it. Take care and look after yourself my friend. 

Thank you, appreciate your support.

[RedLine]

By the way: when I was around 10-16, I could voluntarily acces to that experience during the day, just thinking deep about death. It is not possible to me these days. It only happens to me during sleep now.

Edited January 1, 2021 by RedLine

[Carl-Richard]

12 minutes ago, RedLine said:

You are totally right. I have thought about this several times. If I could accept death in that moment I would get it. But it is impossible for me, it is too strong, I am very very far from being able to accept that madness.

Me too. The difference with me is that it happens everyday when I'm awake.

[Nahm]

7 hours ago, RedLine said:

What make it so scary is that it is fucking real.

Uh....it’s not though. The experience is of the thought of death, not of death. That thought is not jiving with you because you are actually eternal. If you listened to the response of the feeling, rather than the content / implication of the thought, this is the most obvious explanation. 

[Breakingthewall]

@RedLine could you explain the experience? I have had experiences that I think may be similar with psychedelics. infinite emptiness, total annihilation, and the certainty that this is so right now if you remove the veneer of ego. it's pure terror and I'm working to embrace it. I have also had the opposite experience: I am the only immortal being, absolute happiness, the one who is , also here and now under the fine veneer of the ego. one thing is wonder, the other is horror

[RedLine]

28 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

Me too. The difference with me is that it happens everyday when I'm awake.

Holy shit, I am sorry for you.

 

I don´t know why spirituality teachers doesn´t talk about this. 

 

So what is the solution? Just keep meditating to reach an ego death someday and get rid of this hell?

 

20 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

@RedLine could you explain the experience? I have had experiences that I think may be similar with psychedelics. infinite emptiness, total annihilation, and the certainty that this is so right now if you remove the veneer of ego. it's pure terror and I'm working to embrace it. I have also had the opposite experience: I am the only immortal being, absolute happiness, the one who is , also here and now under the fine veneer of the ego. one thing is wonder, the other is horror

I am sleeping. The next thought arise as clear as crystal: whatever I do, it is TOTALLY IMPOSSIBLE I avoid my death. It is not a simple thought but the most real thing I ever know/experience. I cleary understand that I am gonna dissapear. I cannot accep this and I wake up screaming like crazy fighting against that insight.

The experience is an insight: a mix between idea and emotions

 

21 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Uh....it’s not though. The experience is of the thought of death, not of death. That thought is not jiving with you because you are actually eternal. If you listened to the response of the feeling, rather than the content / implication of the thought, this is the most obvious explanation. 

Precisely that is what I do to escape from that experience "death doest´n exist, it is just a thought as spiritual teachers say " but deep down I feel this is not true; I can trick myself for a while but not forever. I deeply believe death is real and death is the end. I am not saying this is true, I am just saying what I feel/deeply believe. I have never experienced Absolute beyond death.

Edited January 1, 2021 by RedLine

[Breakingthewall]

3 minutes ago, RedLine said:

it is TOTALLY IMPOSSIBLE I avoid my death. It is not a simple thought but the most real thing I ever know/experience. I cleary understand that I am gonna dissapear. I cannot accep this

More or less the same than me. I think it's real...for the ego. In my case it's not like I'm gonna dissapear, its like there is nothing already, but the meaning is the same. Is your terror as an ego facing the reality. You are going to totally dissapear , became a zero. I take it as an opportunity . In a level it's a madness, horrible. You want  permanence. In another level...it's the reality. We, as an ego, are nothing, we are going to dissapear. The spiritual work is to dissapear right now. It's terrifying but must be done. 

[Nahm]

20 minutes ago, RedLine said:

I am just saying what I feel/deeply believe

You’re talking about a thought, a belief. Feeling is loud and clear that the thought / belief is false. Suffering is ‘siding’ with the thought, aka “being right”. Don’t ‘just live with it’, recognize your true nature. It’s so present and clear. 

Thought: There are individual people (who live and die), and I am a ‘individual person’.

Perception: Seeing, hearing, etc (there is no experience of ‘perception of thoughts’, perception is only perception. There is no perception of ‘people’, that’s a thought.)

Feeling: Unconditional love (experiencing the relativity of the thoughts. The discord & alignment of each thought). 

(Not meant in any personal sense at all btw.) 

 

A belief is a thought one believes is true. That is thought attachment, aka ‘monkey mind’, ‘ego’. In direct experience, you have never experienced death in perception or feeling....only the thought / belief. The Good News is death is a belief! This is evident right now in direct experience. 

[Chrisd]

Sounds like the condition called "night terror" 

[RedLine]

9 minutes ago, Nahm said:

You’re talking about a thought, a belief. Feeling is loud and clear that the thought / belief is false. Suffering is ‘siding’ with the thought, aka “being right”. Don’t ‘just live with it’, recognize your true nature. It’s so present and clear. 

Thought: There are individual people (who live and die).

Perception: Seeing, hearing, etc (no perception of thoughts, only perception. No perception of ‘people’, that’s a thought.)

Feeling: Unconditional love (experiencing the relativity of the thoughts. The discord & alignment of each thought). 

(Not meant in any personal sense at all btw.) 

I also know the theoy but in reality you dont find thoughts, perceptions and feeling separately. These are dualism. All of them happens at the same time and they are interconected.

Also, this experience happens when I am sleep, I dont have control over it and it last a few seconds. I cannot say, ok stop, this is a thought, I am not the though, be aware of the thought and so on, like when I am meditating. 

Edited January 1, 2021 by RedLine

[Danioover9000]

@RedLine

8 hours ago, RedLine said:

I am 27 and it happens to me since when I was a teenager. It happens once per month on average; sometimes more, sometimes less. It's the most horrible thing I can experience. It only lasts a couple of seconds, I think that if it lasted longer I would pass out or have a heart attack, I don't think I could bear that suffering.

 

I will describe it below:

 

It occurs always 45 minutes after I have fallen asleep. I guess I am in a point between daydreaming and deep sleep and my mind is very very clear. I suddenly realize that I am going to die someday, that there is no a single change I can´t avoid death; I am gonna die and all "my world" is gonna dissapear. I mean, I can think about the death during the day and nothing happens, it is just a though, but this time I 100% realize it. Then I wake up screaming like fucking crazy (it is a horrible scream, very high pitched and with a high volume) and shaking, I can´t controll it. This experience last 1-3 seconds but it is the most horrible thing you can imagine. What make it so scary is that it is fucking real.

 

I am not so concerned about the experience itself, because it only lasts a couple of seconds, but these things worry me:

 I wake up and scare my whole family and all the neighbors on my block with the scream. There are children who are scared and cry in the apartment below. I feel really bad about this...

 

Maybe one day when I get an outbreak of these I could have a heart attack, because I go from being calm to being in a panic mode like lightning.

 

 

 

   I would suggest starting a meditation habit, a concentration practice (preferably one focused on parts of your body), contemplation and positive visualization about healing or flowing life energy into your astral body.

   Also, more basic would be to check your health, diet, sleep quality, exercise.

   Stranger advice that might work for your, as it did for me, was to play a video game before or slightly onto midnight, and start a creativity habit like the following for example: painting, drawing, viewing artworks, writing stories, poems, erotica, reading different fiction/non-fiction books, listening to music, composing and creating your own music, filming yourself, animating, doing martial arts, dance, fitness, learning to clearly create mental pictures/mental songs/emotions, do improv acting, do different board games, do role playing games. All this can be done physical or digital. 

[Carl-Richard]

42 minutes ago, RedLine said:

I don´t know why spirituality teachers doesn´t talk about this. 

The thing is that they actually do talk about this, but the words don't capture the gravity of the situation. "Ego death", "death of the self", "spiritual death and rebirth" very much feels like physical death from the perspective of the ego. The trick to avoiding that trap is to directly see how it's only from the perspective of the ego, but it requires being brutally honest with yourself.

[Carl-Richard]

37 minutes ago, Chrisd said:

Sounds like the condition called "night terror" 

I've had both the thing he is talking about and night terrors, and they're not the same.

[Nahm]

30 minutes ago, RedLine said:

I also know the theoy but in reality you dont find thoughts, perceptions and feeling separately. These are dualism. All of them happens at the same time and they are interconected.

Inspection of direct experience is not a theory.  There is no feeling or perception of death - that is what is found when properly inspecting direct experience...liberation from the suffering.  Death is a belief, a thought. I’m interested in your liberation of this (op) suffering, not any theories. 

Quote

Also, this experience happens when I am sleep, I dont have control over it and it last a few seconds.

You can reflect on it, and you can inspect direct experience, and it won’t happen anymore. I’m not trying to ‘be right here’ btw, I’m trying to help. Allowing help is a most fundamental principle. (Imo)

Quote

I cannot say, ok stop, this is a thought, I am not the though, be aware of the thought and so on, like when I am meditating. 

You can inspect direct experience now. Now is actual. 

[Breakingthewall]

I would not try to avoid that fear but to go deeper, since it represents something real, and also the key to the spiritual journey, the death of the ego. It is not only terrifying but in some way sad, but being is wonder and also there is no possible choice.

[RedLine]

8 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Inspection of direct experience is not a theory.  There is no feeling or perception of death - that is what is found when properly inspecting direct experience...liberation from the suffering.  Death is a belief, a thought. I’m interested in your liberation of this (op) suffering, not any theories. 

You can reflect on it, and you can inspect direct experience, and it won’t happen anymore. I’m not trying to ‘be right here’ btw, I’m trying to help. Allowing help is a most fundamental principle. (Imo)

You can inspect direct experience now. Now is actual. 

Can you specify how can I inspect direct experience while I am sleeping and that happens to me?

 

Just now, Breakingthewall said:

I would not try to avoid that fear but to go deeper, since it represents something real, and also the key to the spiritual journey, the death of the ego. It is not only terrifying but in some way sad, but being is wonder and also there is no possible choice.

Totally agree. But I don´t have enoughts balls haha

Edited January 1, 2021 by RedLine