Shadow introspection

[Danioover9000]

   Warning: Might be very offensive and negative, so don't read if you will get super upset thank you.

   I'm doing a shadow work procedure by Ken Wilber. This type of shadow work I'm intending for a part of me that deals with lust, so this work is for my lust part, and I hope in this year I integrate just this one part of my psyche. Anything else, like easier time exercising, meditating, relationships, depression, sadness, fear, greed, anger  whatever, that's on the side. I'm aiming to get my pervert self from the shadows into the light, bit by bit. I'm using the Ken Wilber shadow work method. The meditation is my addition to prepare me for going deeper.

   After 20 mins of meditation: I bring to mind my pervy self, and I'm calling this self 'peter'. These are the qualities that he has: horniness, obsession, pleasure, greed.

   Me: What do you want from me?

   Peter: I want to feel the horniness, to feel that way like how I felt like in the past.

   Me: Why do you want to feel horniness?

   Peter: Because I want to feel pleasure from women.

   Me: What did you like in the past?

   Peter: I remember that sex scene you peeked at from a movie, and that was erotic. When you've masturbated multiple times to porn vids, comics and sex scenes in your memory, I was feeling more pleasure than ever.

   Me: What do you like in particular to get the most pleasure?

   Peter: From what I've felt so far in your past and recent masturbations, I like the erotica you've read in particular, and second to that is your sex imaginations.

   Me: What did you like from the erotica I read a long time ago?

   Peter: I like how that guy got his revenge on that woman who beat him up in the past. It was such a hot scene it felt like I sprinted for 5 minutes!

   Me: I'm leaving for now, so thanks for coming up and talking to me.

   Peter: Over already? Okay, I'll see you later!

   I'll later do a visualization session where I imagine taking on Peter's qualities and feeling how much resistance I have to peter's qualities. I'll edit how the experience gone for me.

   And future reference to a healthier ways of expression of Peter: masturbating at night, taking days to a week off, only after doing some work.