The Hero's journey: An adventure to an awesome life

[MaxV]

Introduction

Hello everyone,

Tonight i'd like to start a journal about my progression through life.  It has been quite a journey sofar and for like many of us, this year in particular has been quite a ride. I'll post on every wednesday and friday in the form of a written post and to spice things up for myself i'll post a video of myself reflecting/recapping/expressing myself on sunday. These video's will not be edited and are an exercise for me to develope a powerful speech and to embrace awkardness.

 

Who am i?

Well this journey will be quite autobiographic so i try to use my own name as least as possible. I'll be going to be quite honest and brutal in the way i express myself. Which might be scary at first but is necessary in order to grow as a person. 

I'm a young man about to turn 29 in january, which to me (even if i know that its just a number and a illusion) is quite a huge thing. I've been busy developing myself from around when i was 26ish. Before that my life was mostly about partying, festivals and taking drugs at those because it made me feel more confident. 

But from that point on i had a really big shift in my learning curve. I was at this amazing festival called Freaqshow for the 2nd time. It was exactly 4 years ago. It was a NYE party with a theme of letting yourself go and dress up really silly. 

At this party i met a girl who was the sister of a good friend of mine. To make it short. We kinda clicked. Some months later (i don't want to make this all a too big of a thing so thats why the fastforward.) we meet up and things where awesome. But i was too in love and i haven't developed myself as a man enough and ended up being too needy and over the top. 

I ended up having sex with her and i slept at her place. I had 2 nightmares that night about her rejecting me. After she sended me home i cried alot driving to my place. I had so many voices in my head telling me how i wasn't good enough and such that it literally destroyed me in the drive back home. And you guessed it. The girl said she needed a little bit more time and i didn't hear from her again. 

This destroyed my world back then.. I was hopeless.... i was in such a hopeless state that i ended up putting 'how can i feel less shitty'(Or something like that) in Google and i ended up finding both Leo's video about self acceptance and The power of Now from Eckhart Tolle. 

I don't know why. But when i started to read the book something just clicked in me. The quote 'you are not your thoughts' resonated in an instant with me. I completely understood what was meant with this without understanding it logically. No i didn't attain enlightmented (In fact i know we all are but we aren't aware of it), but it did jumpstart my journey in  self-developement. 

 

Great but what now? 

Since that realisation, alot has happened and i as a person grew alot. This year in particular shows that. And aside from the whole pandemic this truely is a limbo year for me personally. 

I've been practicing graditude and i've been extremely gratefull for the position i'm in right now. I have a home, i work as a housepainter (which are in demand here. i can easily switch between companies). i have drinkable water and a refrigerator with food. i sometimes feel guilty because i have it so good. It could be seen from a orange (spiral Dynamics) perspective as kinda basic and unsuccesfull, but i'm not viewing it like that. 

 

Things to be proud of

I'm far from what i'd like to be as a fully actualized person. but i've made immense progress these years. 

- After a decade of pushing through i've obtained a level of competence in multiple creative field which i'm extremely proud of. Think about music production ( i actively produce music as a exstention of my personality), photography, photoshop and 3d art, and integrally combining them. 

- i'm an advanced calisthenics atlethe. I'm close to mastering the elite exercises, but even if i would keep it at this level. I'm really fit and thats something i'm proud of. Not many people have attained this level. (This might sound a little ego but i meaned this in the way that i care about my health. BUT... )

- I'm reading alot and it keeps getting more and more. I'll make a prioritylist on books in this weekend to see which books best for me right now to read in the upcoming months.

- I've learned to love myself. And i understand that this love is quite deep without being narcissistic. I'm still roads ahead, But if i look back 3/4 years ago. I never believed i could come this far. This is key in life. So many things just seem to flow after this (slowly but surely) occured.

 

The challenges right now

- After the girl mentioned above. I've learned alot and grew. I had a weird long distant relationship kind of thing which didnt worked out and was horrible for me. I almost permanently damaged my hand in a drunk madcall with her. I have severly limited and phased out hard liquor. But when everything went great in march this year (even with covid happening) the girl of my dreams suddenly entered my life.  I might go into more detail in this in a video format but. for the first 2 months it was magical. I knew her for 6 years but contact faded away. (okay i didn't know her that well but it was 6 years ago when i met her). I remember how we first started talking and i knew form the start even 6 years ago that this girl is something. I was dating someone else which ended up being a toxic relationship. 

some years later (3 years ago) she messaged me and she wanted to meet up but i was too pussy back then to do it and i just went on doing like nothing happend(cringe af). 
I felt bad, i knew i ruined every chance with this girl. But march/april 2020 she suddenly out of the blue contacted me. This is where things headed of.. It felt so naturally. I knew this was the woman i have been 'waiting' for (not really i was just living life improving myself, but alot of other women just didnt interest me). 

Fastforward to now and alot has happened. This woman has alot of issues for herself to resolve which is perfectly okay. But its a hard thing to deal with. I know i have to move on and even if we end up meeting in about months or maybe years we'll see. But my challenge/problem is... i'm hoping too much. Alot has happened and i know most of you guys would say Dude this girl isn not good for you. and I agree she isn't right now, But when things are worked out who knows? I'll might go into more detail about this later on since its alot more nuanced (objectively) than how i explain this right now/

 

- My friends 

One of the most difficult things i'm facing right now is the fact that im growing apart from my old group of friends. I've had tons of experiences with these guys, and i love them for it, After years of working on myself (undertanding that this is quite a common thing) i'm just starting to become too different from them as persons. I've tried to hook them on their own personal development journey ( and i am aware that they are anyway) but they just do not vibe in the same way as i do with it and it shows now. I wanted to quit alcohol and smoking(i'm not a regular smoker) for quite some time now but they keep insisting on joining in on it for 'the fun' of it. This worked for a while but i'm sick and tired of this. People need to learn to accept my boundaries or else its just done. Even if we experienced life for more than 7 years by now. 

This is something i've been struggeling with and i didn't express this properly to them. But at this poin't if i'm radically honest, i'm not bothered to do anyway. I view this on itself quite problematic. But as my father stated (who's really far with self-actualisation) This is just part of how life works. you leave people and you meet new people. But at this very moment i'm in the limbo regarding this.

 

2021

So for 2021 i made the following post in a post regarding 2021 wishes/goals:

- Further expand on the Wim Hof Method, (Cold showers can be done at 2 min and 30 seconds now. want to up that to 5 minutes as a maximum), take an icebath and if possible attend a workshop guided by Wim himself. 

- Expand my calisthenics workouts. I'm doing oh so well but i have moments when i lose the consistency. Such a shame! I'm really close to some of the really advanced movements and if get the consistency right i probably be able to do them in about 6 months i suspect

- Cut out alcohol and upper drugs completely. I had my fair share of fun with these substances but they offer me no benefit anymore. 

- Save  money (atleast 6500 euros) This year i really became concious about how awfull i am with my finances. I already made a clear Sheet with my income and expenses, and i honestly do not have a bad income. Its just that i have so many bullshit expenses which i really want to tackle next year. 

- Learn and read more. I've been reading this year but not as much as i anticipated. So this definitely is gonna be something i'm gonna work on and i have PLENTY of books that are on my wishlist!

- Keep being creative and create more. This year i FINALLY released some music on Spotify! THIS IS HUGE TO ME. till november i didn't release music and i had a very rough time getting better. But it worked out! I pushed through and boy was it worth it! I finally progressed to a level of developement in music which i am proud of my own work. I also gonna expand on my photography and surrealistic skills.

- Increase my skills and knowledge as a housepainter.  At this moment i'm working as a housepainter and for now i like it. I'm very adept at the trade and for as long as i have this as a job i want to increase my knowledge and skillset with it as much as i can for the time being. So i want to research every paint and coating system and materials i get my hands on. there alot more to learn!

- Training my mind for systems thinking I already noticed that i'm starting to enter in this way of thinking in alot of ways and i want to get better at this way of thinking.

 

Thank you for reading thus far. 

Tomorrow i'll post a reflection post on 2020.

 

[MaxV]

Welp, that really didn't go according to plan that great. 

Alot has happened. I'll make a proper report tomorrow.