Escort Girls/Prostitutes while Self-Actualizing

[Jeff21]

Hello, 

I would like to get your opinion on the following; is it okay to go out with escort girls/prostitutes while self-actualizing or should I pursue I girlfriend? 

Let me explain. I am asking this because while I am self-actualizing I do not have the patience and energy for relationships, however, I do want to have sex, which I appreciate quite a lot. I try to look for "spiritual" girls or self-developing ones, however, it is kind of hard to find. Therefore what happens is that I have between 2 to 4 good solid "friends with benefits" which I go out every on and off (thus the need to have 2 to 4 of them)  however, after a while they invariably want to have a relationship or to get closer. As a result I either end up losing the friendship or seriously jeopardizing it, and that consumes a lot of my energy and time. It is important to bear in mind that I clearly explain to them up front that I do not want to have a relationship, and I keep reminding them of that; I tell them if they want to have a normal relationship I am not they guy for them. I am not an asshole or a jerk at all, in fact I am quite nice and caring to them and I really enjoy the present moment while I am with them, but I do not want to have a relationship because we are not on the same development path lets say.

Consequently I have been going out with escort girls/prostitutes for the last 6/8 months, however, I am thinking that perhaps I should get a girlfriend and stop being lonely (even Leo is/was looking for a relationship right?). 

So, I would like to get your opinion; should I go out with escort girls/prostitutes until I overcome this urge for sex, or should I stop it and pursue a genuine proper "spiritually" developed self-actualizing girl?

Thanks in advance for the honesty and support. 

 

Edited December 29, 2020 by Jeff21
I added some further description to keep consistency.

[Leo Gura]

What is it you ultimately want?

[Jeff21]

I want amazing sex and a self-actualizing girl to talk to and share experiences and etc. 

But you are right Leo; I can get both! 

Thank you for the help. 

[Lyubov]

nothing wrong with this per-say. society has partially given sex work a bad name and labeled it as something desperate and lonely individuals partake in. I think it could be energetically draining and unfulfilling though. probably a better investment of your time would be looking for a self actualizing girl like you mentioned you want. if you have the opportunity to engage in ethical sex services it shouldn't get in the way if you do it occasionally and don't see it as shameful. 

Edited December 30, 2020 by Lyubov

[UniverseWithin]

I've been an escort before, there's a lot you can learn from them if you find the right one. If you want sexual liberation, who do you think is going to know more, a random potential girlfriend or an escort? 

[Michael569]

I'd invest that time to find a girlfriend. A highly conscious individual who will meet your beauty needs but who will also bring in a great personality and aa character trait. Now when you go looking for those you have to be aware that same is expected from you and no such girl will date a guy who is beneath her on the spiral. 

Escorts are fake. Their bodies are fake, the sex is fake, everything they do is fake to get money and they themselves are usually absolutely deluded individuals often pretty traumatised. You'll probably get the kind of shallow sex experience you see on pornhub. Fake, boring and all-for-money. 

You can have the most amazing sex with a single girl that becomes your partner. Not only will you have your sexual needs met but she will also test you and encourage you to grow. That is unless you date a low-consciousness woman, in which case you'll be in for a lot of drama. 

[nitramadas]

29 minutes ago, Michael569 said:

I'd invest that time to find a girlfriend. A highly conscious individual who will meet your beauty needs but who will also bring in a great personality and aa character trait. Now when you go looking for those you have to be aware that same is expected from you and no such girl will date a guy who is beneath her on the spiral. 

Escorts are fake. Their bodies are fake, the sex is fake, everything they do is fake to get money and they themselves are usually absolutely deluded individuals often pretty traumatised. You'll probably get the kind of shallow sex experience you see on pornhub. Fake, boring and all-for-money. 

Hookers are cheaper.  

I think OP just wants to satisfy his urges, I don't think a "connection" is priority for this.  If you just think of hookers as sex toys then, suddenly, the question of "is it wrong" becomes completely retarded.

 

Quote

You can have the most amazing sex with a single girl that becomes your partner. Not only will you have your sexual needs met but she will also test you and encourage you to grow. That is unless you date a low-consciousness woman, in which case you'll be in for a lot of drama. 

Dude.. you have any idea how unlikely it is you'll just stumble upon a woman with the right personality type for you?  AND be attracted to her AND she won't have any dealbreaking issues?  I mean, if you're some stereotypical ISTJ, have no hobbies besides watching "whatever's on TV" and your only criteria is "don't be too fat" then sure, I would be more inclined to  agree.

AHHHHH NOW I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT THE CORRELATIONS BETWEEN PARTNER PREFERENCES AND SD STAGES!!  How foolish of me to think Socionics, MBTI, Enneagram, temperament, instincts, etc. would be enough to have the basics down..

 

[Lyubov]

6 hours ago, UniverseWithin said:

I've been an escort before, there's a lot you can learn from them if you find the right one. If you want sexual liberation, who do you think is going to know more, a random potential girlfriend or an escort? 

If you don’t mind could you explain your thoughts on this job? Did you enjoy it or find it helpful in some way?

[StarStruck]

With "going out with girls/prostitutes" do you mean dating them?

[Globalcollective]

@Jeff21 You have a few options, could try obtaining from sex until you meet the right girl and channel that energy into your self Actualizing. I can't see how going with escorts will be good for you in the long run so I would see it as a no go zone but its not the end of the world if you do.  

Its actually not that hard to find the type of girl your describing you just have to go to where they might hang out so yoga festivals, self help seminars, meditation retreats ect. I work in a place where they flock to so I meet them in abundance, you actually quickly come to realise even if they are into the same stuff you are its still just as challenging maintaining a relationship and the grass really isn't that much greener. 

 

[nitramadas]

9 minutes ago, no_name said:

That is your limiting belief, if you keep believing that, those girls will be harder and harder to find for you. The reality is, there are more spiritual women out there than there is men. 

@Jeff21 I think getting escorts is the lowest bottom and I would never be with a guy if he has a history of being with escorts, and neither would any of my friends.

You need to learn to control your basic urges, otherwise, what spirituality are you even talking about? Seems to me you have some form of sex addiction that you need to look into - this is usually a major disguising turn off for any normal, healthy woman - spiritual or not.

Plus think about the STDs and STIs, some of which never get tested by doctors (HPV, HSV) and get transmitted so easily even when using protection - the chances of having these are almost 100% with escorts.

I'm just talking statistics.  Not every type of person is equally common.  And what if you appear to have multiple personalities?  You then try to conform to what you believe her expectations of you are?  Ehh.. talking to AI is more fun.

[Kalki Avatar]

@Jeff21 From my experience, scorts are one of the best discoveries I had at 18. They are open minded, cool and very sexual. Theres nothing bad in it. Maybe you can make a gf out of a good one. 

Edited December 30, 2020 by Kalki Avatar

[Jeff21]

@Lyubov Thanks for your reply, appreciated. 

16 hours ago, Lyubov said:

nothing wrong with this per-say. society has partially given sex work a bad name and labeled it as something desperate and lonely individuals partake in. I think it could be energetically draining and unfulfilling though. probably a better investment of your time would be looking for a self actualizing girl like you mentioned you want. if you have the opportunity to engage in ethical sex services it shouldn't get in the way if you do it occasionally and don't see it as shameful. 

@Lyubov Going out with escorts and prostitutes are not energetically draining at all, at least for me. They are only a couple of text messages away or a phone call and once you are done that is the end of the story. To your point on ethically sex services; obviously that is the case: no minors whatsoever or sex slaves for that matter. I am talking about some proper high class girls (escorts) or call girls (prostitutes), some of them even get to appear on main stream magazines. So no issues there. 

I do agree with you that I should channel my energy on looking for what I want. 

[Jeff21]

@UniverseWithin Thanks for your post, I appreciate your honesty and opinion.

15 hours ago, UniverseWithin said:

I've been an escort before, there's a lot you can learn from them if you find the right one. If you want sexual liberation, who do you think is going to know more, a random potential girlfriend or an escort? 

@UniverseWithin Escort girls are very interesting and they come from a large variety of backgrounds, so definitely every  encounter I have is a new and exciting one and I always take away something, either positive or negative, but there is always something to learn. 

Clearly when it comes to sexual liberation escort girls get 10 out of 10, but I am also looking for that type of self-developing kind of awareness if you understand me correctly. Particularly, I would love to find a self-actualizing escort whom is subscribed to Actualized.org

@UniverseWithin Why did you stop escorting? I mean, what was the main driver for you to stop it? Do you mind sharing? 

Edited December 30, 2020 by Jeff21
I added some further description to keep consistency.

[Michael569]

9 hours ago, nitramadas said:

Dude.. you have any idea how unlikely it is you'll just stumble upon a woman with the right personality type for you?  AND be attracted to her AND she won't have any dealbreaking issues?

sometimes you need to compromise, of course, but issues can be worked on. What you don't want is a lazy, self-victimising drama queen just because she is 10/10. She'd make your life living hell. 

 

9 hours ago, nitramadas said:

I think OP just wants to satisfy his urges, I don't think a "connection" is priority for this. 

can't speak for OP but he wouldn't be making this post if there was not a sort of conflict on the inside. But I might just be exaggerating with the response.

9 hours ago, nitramadas said:

I mean, if you're some stereotypical ISTJ, have no hobbies besides watching "whatever's on TV" and your only criteria is "don't be too fat" then sure, I would be more inclined to  agree.

that kind of dude would not be posting around here....

 

[Jeff21]

@Michael569 I appreciate your honest reply and thanks for sharing your opinion here, really. 

10 hours ago, Michael569 said:

I'd invest that time to find a girlfriend. A highly conscious individual who will meet your beauty needs but who will also bring in a great personality and aa character trait. Now when you go looking for those you have to be aware that same is expected from you and no such girl will date a guy who is beneath her on the spiral. 

Escorts are fake. Their bodies are fake, the sex is fake, everything they do is fake to get money and they themselves are usually absolutely deluded individuals often pretty traumatised. You'll probably get the kind of shallow sex experience you see on pornhub. Fake, boring and all-for-money. 

You can have the most amazing sex with a single girl that becomes your partner. Not only will you have your sexual needs met but she will also test you and encourage you to grow. That is unless you date a low-consciousness woman, in which case you'll be in for a lot of drama. 

@Michael569  Totally agree with you that I should invest time on finding a proper girlfriend. You are not alone here when it comes to that opinion as others have also shared the same view, so that is something I am now seriously considering for 2021. 

When it comes your point on escort girls; not all of them are fake. I meet some genuine girls who were doing escort purely because they are lost or they rebelled against their family for a while for example (among many other issues of course). Obviously the overwhelming majority of escorts are there for the money, but I found some really cool girls. Some of the girls work on regular day jobs, like high street stores or shopping malls, and they do escorting also (I guess it is where they pick their clients). I must tell you that in a couple of occasions the girl DID NOT charge me, one of them told me: "I don't need money, I have money". Another separate occasion a different girls told me: "keep it on your bank account" or something like that. Therefore what I am trying to say is that not all of them are fake and believe me or not some of them enjoy the sex also, although majority just fake it. 

 

[Jeff21]

6 hours ago, StarStruck said:

With "going out with girls/prostitutes" do you mean dating them?

@StarStruck Escort girls are more like to go out to a bar, or chill at the pool or grab a bit, talk and then eventually have sex. Prostitutes or call girls are exclusively for sex only. There is no relationship whatsoever with neither of them. Unless the girl is really really fun, then I see her more than once or twice, other than that it is one time event only. So to reply to your question, no dating at all. 

Edited December 30, 2020 by Jeff21

[Jeff21]

@Globalcollective Thank you for sharing your opinion here with me. 

4 hours ago, Globalcollective said:

@Jeff21 You have a few options, could try obtaining from sex until you meet the right girl and channel that energy into your self Actualizing. I can't see how going with escorts will be good for you in the long run so I would see it as a no go zone but its not the end of the world if you do.  

Its actually not that hard to find the type of girl your describing you just have to go to where they might hang out so yoga festivals, self help seminars, meditation retreats ect. I work in a place where they flock to so I meet them in abundance, you actually quickly come to realise even if they are into the same stuff you are its still just as challenging maintaining a relationship and the grass really isn't that much greener. 

 

@Globalcollective  I have indeed joined a yoga studio up until the Covid lockdown, however, to my amazement the girls that I met were not spiritual or self-actualizing at all. What I found is that these girls are just like shallow "wanna be yogies" because it is a kind of hype or cool and at the end I found them to be very much the same as the other girls, even the teachers! However, having said that, I do think that it is much easier to find a self-actualizing girl at a yoga studio than at the local gym or bar for example. Thus, thanks for that and I will keep that in mind. 

[Jeff21]

@no_name Hey, I appreciate your post and your straight forwardness, I also like how you expressed your opinion. 

2 hours ago, no_name said:

That is your limiting belief, if you keep believing that, those girls will be harder and harder to find for you. The reality is, there are more spiritual women out there than there are men. 

@Jeff21 I think getting escorts is the lowest bottom and I would never be with a guy if he has a history of being with escorts, and neither would any of my friends.

You need to learn to control your basic urges, otherwise, what spirituality are you even talking about? Seems to me you have some form of sex addiction that you need to look into - this is usually a major disguising turn off for any normal, healthy woman - spiritual or not.

Plus think about the STDs and STIs, some of which never get tested by doctors (HPV, HSV) and get transmitted so easily even when using protection - the chances of having these are almost 100% with escorts.

@no_name I disagree with you; escort girls are just like any other person, so I do not see them as the lowest bottom. Perhaps (and really perhaps) the lowest bottom would be a husband cheating on his pregnant wife (3rd pregnancy) with his male colleague from work while both of them are doing crake-cocaine under a bridge in town at 4am, and even so I really think it is okay. For example, I personally would comfortably date an ex-crake cocaine addict prostitute if she is changed and is self-actualizing. In fact, I think on this case we could both grow so much that would be ridiculously amazing. I am saying that not because I am an ex-addict or something like, in fact quite the opposite; I am "luck" enough to have an extremely good education and now a solid professional/business career (soon to get out of Matrix), but I do not judge people and I have a very open mind and I am looking for an authentic connection when it comes to relationships, regardless of the background. 

When it comes to STDs and HIV, needless to say I ensure to protect myself, I also ensure to get the best and highest possible sex services, in addition to that I regularly take HIV tests (at LEAST once a year) since some of my "friends with benefits" ask me for it. The last one was from Sept. 2020.

Finally, it is important for me to tell you and for you to understand that girls like you or your friends (as you mentioned it) are PRECISELY  the type of girls that I am NOT interested at all. I do respect your opinion A LOT and your way of thinking, and I see where you come from, but I have a different perspective on things.

  

 

Edited December 30, 2020 by Jeff21

[Jeff21]

@Kalki Avatar I could not agree more with you. Really. Thanks for sharing your view.