To Say Or Not To Say?... Or How To Say It? (help)

[King of Hearts]

Hello,

I need your help!

So, my girlfriend was invited to a party (only her even thou I know the person organizing it) And I am not comfortable with her going.  But I don't want to tell her " Don't go!" Mainly because I hate telling people what to do.

So... any ideas on how to bring it up and stuff?

Extra info:

The fact that I'm not comfortable with this is not created by " she will go to a party without me"... there are a lot of things there, including the people that will be there, some hate me and want me out of her (/their) life. She can get carried away with alcohol and other things..

I do not have much experience with relationships, enjoyed being single for a long time. And normally the fact that I'm not ok with this would be enough to break it up, but I really don't want to do that... We have a very big walk in a life defying path coming soon. (For both of us)

Any tips would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[FindingPeace]

32 minutes ago, King of Hearts said:

So... any ideas on how to bring it up and stuff?

Commincation. Talk to her. Tell her what you just told us:

32 minutes ago, King of Hearts said:

The fact that I'm not comfortable with this is not created by " she will go to a party without me"... there are a lot of things there, including the people that will be there, some hate me and want me out of her (/their) life. She can get carried away with alcohol and other things..

Fundamentally if you can't communicate in an open, honest way about these things then you have more issues to deal with than just her going to a party.

Tell her why it makes you uncomfortable. But, ultimately, you cannot control her. She will ultimately follow her own desires and do whatever she wants. And that's her right as a fellow human. So you may have to accept that she will go to the party anyway. But, at least if you've explained your issue with it, she has a chance to understand and to choose how to respond. Maybe you have nothing to worry about.

Ultimately, this isn't really about her going to the party. There are deeper problems at the root here and communication is a good place to start. Be honest, be open. Talk to her and listen to her. And above all, be accepting of the outcome.

 

[davidpuralocura]

tell her how you feel but not saying "dont go" or "i dont want you to go"

and talk about it

i dont know why soo many relashions they hide feeling over each other thinking they will gurt them or look bad

[Canadian]

First of all, there is a trust issue here. If you don't trust your gf  at some level, then there is something wrong with this relationship.

 

Tell her that you don't like the fact that she 's going there. Then explain why. Whatever happens, don't let her go if you feel horrible about it. But still, there is a trusting problem in your relationship. Work on it to fix in the future. If you're jealous, you gonna have hard time sustaining relationship with her.  

[Self-Mastery]

The first rule of a successful relationship is to be honest!

If you are afraid to be honest now, it is a very clear sign that you would have big troubles in future. If she does not care about your feeling, then, you should ask yourself why should you care about a person who does not care about your feeling?

Overcome this fear!

You do not force her what she has to do or what she has not to do! But, you should tell her what you think!

She either follows or not follows. If she follows, then the problem is solved. If she does not follow, you should thank "god" that you realized soon enough that your "ideal" girl prefer a party more than you!. From here, it is up to you to live with a fantasy or accept REALITY!

Wish you best of luck! BE HONEST WITH HER! 

Edited October 4, 2016 by Seyed

[Epiphany_Inspired]

Yes, Honesty and Trust are KEY. Control is not a healthy ingredient in a relationship recipe though. Any effort you make to tell her not to go is an attempt at control. You can be honest about your insecurities without trying to restrict her enjoyment of her social life or indicating distrust. Do not concern yourself with any of your perceived judgements of others there ("hate" etc), think only of your relationship with her directly. If the alcohol use at a dangerous level with blackouts poisoning etc, or there are rapes, gangs etc there, then perhaps it's fair to suggest she avoid it.  If not, do you think you could get past these issues on your own by placing wholehearted trust in her? Why not go to another event yourself, and have a great time too!