When Is It Wrong To Date Two Women At The Same Time?

[Willone]

About 6 months ago I ended a 9 year marriage. My ex cheated on me at least once, made out with several people over the 9 years and was always out till 1 or 2 in the morning despite my pleas for her to come home earlier. The experience was a blessing as it taught me to get out and be independent and work on improving myself. I think I've come a long way.

Having been separated for about a year and trying to figure out what that meant, I have been dating more than 6 months.

About 3 months ago I figured the dating apps were a numbers game. I had trouble getting second and third dates and being told I was handsome charming nice but not the guy the girls were looking for. I started going on as many dates as possible and ended up hitting it off with two different women in the same week. I told them both I was dating and not looking to settle down in order to gain relationship experience.

As time has progressed I have enjoyed spending time with both for entirely different reasons, although one seems like a more sensible long term choice while the other seems like the more volatile but very fun option. I've made the sensible choice before and ended up wishing for something more.

I've worked hard to be honest with both without providing details but both make it clear they want some sort of monogamous commitment and would likely cause quite a bit of drama if they knew I was struggling with this.

 Basically I am stressed to the gills feeling like I am juggling these two and trying to keep word to myself (to take some time to be single)

Any advice on Reddit or a basic Internet search says to break it off with one however I thought this forum might have other advice. I've ended up in this situation by pushing my normal level of comfort- not diving headfirst into another serious relationship.

 I'd love to hear someone's input on this! 

Edited September 27, 2016 by Willone

[Birdcage]

My personal opinion; you have been honest with both of them. You are not going around telling women you are in love with them and want to spend the rest of your lives together. So that puts you in a position where you are honest and open. 

They might be looking for something more and that's completely ok. 

I think you should take your time to search what you really want. Keep on dating, building your op sex skills? Settling down? Being single or not? Once you find that out, quit the drama of fulfilling someone else's desire and the fear of losing that person because you are not in the same path(relationshipwise). 

It is important to know that you want and move on from there. If not, it will come back and bite you in the ass eventually. 

Im not going for 'hey you have been married for so long, so go around and do pick up now..etc'. Everyone is different. 

Take time, meditate and find out what you want to experience after all the 'she said, fear, shoulds' are stripped off of your being. 

Hope this makes sense 

[Svartsaft]

Totaly makes sense. Great idea.

[flhugoboss]

Man want food and sex. Just go with the one that can cook. You can go without sex for a week but you can't go without food for a week (no junk food please...i mean can't go without food means she is not cooking). Just do the food and sex on both and find out yourself. Usually, one that has great sex is least likely to cook and the other could be a better cook but lesser fun in bed. Just pick one that is more important for you. I am a food culture person, for me is the latter more important. You have to execute to find out. You don't have to be honest with them...(when was last time they were honest with you...you never know they are banging other guys other than you...you don't know that for 100% sure) but just be honest with yourself...be assertive and pick one...they could be choosing you at the SAME TIME from another "guy" just like you.

Edited September 28, 2016 by flhugoboss