Nonduality often gave me a rather nihilistic or helpless outlook on life.

[Gesundheit]

Just a phase. And it will pass. But try to enjoy it.

[Carl-Richard]

You're in the stage where you're trying to grasp the truth with your mind, which is inherently confusing. You must instead ground yourself in experience, become the thing you're so confused about. It also doesn't hurt to learn the finer distinctions between the relative and The Absolute. Nihilism, as a result of learning about nonduality, only happens when you're trying to appropriate The Absolute (non-duality) within the relative (duality), by trying to fit an infinite object into your finite mind. I've tried to boil down this fallacy in another thread which I hope doesn't make things more confusing :

 

Edited December 29, 2020 by Carl-Richard

[VeganAwake]

5 hours ago, TheSpiritualBunny said:

It is you!

Existence is itself... okay I'll take that.

 

But I was saying to LOOK for the you that feels like it's in the body.

What does it consist of?

Can you put a finger on it?

[Pilgrim]

On 28.12.2020 at 6:41 AM, TheSpiritualBunny said:

So I just don't know what to do with my life, stuff like making a buisness, earning lots of money, sex and getting into relationships seems more and more pointless to me. I could try to make the world a better, well "better" place or go and meditate in a cave in the mountains, I don't know.

I feel exactly the same! For me it's very difficult to find the motivation to actually achieve something because it really does seem very pointless to me. I am exactly in the same situation, I don't know what to do with my life. There are things I like doing more than other things, but I don't really care if I end up being successful or not. I generally don't really care about a lot of things. I enjoy the little things though, I like to just observe the miraculous play of nature and feel the elements, be in a really rough rain storm or feel sunrays on the skin and things like that. But I genuinely don't know what to do about the "big" things in my life.. I don't care about them at all. But yes, maybe it is indeed freeing as well. Maybe let's just follow what excites us, even if the excitement is small. It might be a trace. There must be something that in some way or form excites you or makes you curious even though it's totally "unimportant". If ultimately everything is pointless, it really does not matter whatsoever the content is. 

[VeganAwake]

19 hours ago, Pilgrim said:

I feel exactly the same! For me it's very difficult to find the motivation to actually achieve something because it really does seem very pointless to me. I am exactly in the same situation, I don't know what to do with my life. There are things I like doing more than other things, but I don't really care if I end up being successful or not. I generally don't really care about a lot of things. I enjoy the little things though, I like to just observe the miraculous play of nature and feel the elements, be in a really rough rain storm or feel sunrays on the skin and things like that. But I genuinely don't know what to do about the "big" things in my life.. I don't care about them at all. But yes, maybe it is indeed freeing as well. Maybe let's just follow what excites us, even if the excitement is small. It might be a trace. There must be something that in some way or form excites you or makes you curious even though it's totally "unimportant". If ultimately everything is pointless, it really does not matter whatsoever the content is. 

Maybe get a nice camera and take some pics of "the miraculous play of nature and feel the elements, be in a really rough rain storm or feel sunrays"

Get a little shelf with a sign saying happy new year with a blanket in front and take family photos...

People pay for everything...its a win win ❤

[TheSpiritualBunny]

On 28.12.2020 at 5:41 PM, WaveInTheOcean said:

But you are already experiencing the outcome of unlimited power: your current experience in THIS present moment is a result of that. Denying the divinity and miraculous mystery of the present moment as it is RIGHT NOW, well, that is the ego's doing.

Don't get attached to the *idea*/*belief* of "I am God".

You have always been God, and always will be God. 

You feel helpless.
Well.
Take care of your ego's needs. Don't be in denial. Accept your shadow side (ego). Deep down, your ego wants to fall in love with life, it wants to pursue something, it wants to achieve something, it wants love, it wants to be recognized for being 'good'. Accept this and start to take action to meet your ego's needs.

Denying ego is the most egoic thing to do and the ego's sneakiest deception-trick. It hides itself in disguise in form of the idea "I am God", and then it believes "well, that's it, nothing more to do", ... but, this doesn't work out, because deep down, you don't actually believe you are God, it doesn't feel like it at least (feeling helpless, right), and in actuality, what your inner child wants is to go out in the world and participate in it. Find a way to participate in it that gives you joy. Do good things to your mind and body, find something you're passionate about, take risks, put yourself out there and see what happens. Don't be afraid, as you say, it's all just Perfect Maya anyway -- there's no reason to live in fear. Make discipline and work-ethic some of your top priorities. You have to do the hard thing, you have to suffer, to taste the goodness. 

Yes, life may be a hamster wheel without any deeper purpose other than life itself. But: you got no choice but to embrace it. You are free to create your own purpose. To me, it sounds like you are deep down afraid of life: a deeply obscured belief of 'I am not good enough'.... and instead of getting to the bottom of this by taking action, you sort of obscure it all by saying to yourself "Oh, it's all Perfect. There is no reason to do anything", which isn't *actually true* if you don't feel like everything is perfect.

LIsten to your inner child. It wants to achieve. It wants to evolve. It wants to participate. It wants craziness. Dare to be crazy. Dare to set your foot in the world and make your unique mark.

Integrate the spiritual with the physical. Don't deny the physical. If you do, you are stuck in duality. After all: the physical is spiritual. The spiritual is physical.

Don't make the mistake of replacing direct experience with concepts. Concepts and thoughts are fine and all, if they serve to do conscious actions. If you just wander around in concepts and thoughts forever without actually directly experiencing anything those thoughts and concepts points to, then suffering will catch up with you.

Okay, even if I don't feel right, this is still the absolute truth and exactly what should be, but I get your point there.

And yes, right now I don't feel like I'm god, but does anyone ever get in a permanent state of being conscious that they are god? I was absolutely conscious that I was god on a 275ug ETH-LAD trip, and during this I was conscious of that for probably 6 to 8 hours where it felt like no one else besides me existed and I was the only being here. I was sure I will never forget that, but as the drug wore off, I was just really shocked but also back to normal.

And you're right, I also thought about just having a bit fun during my 20s and also getting into relationships, I just hope I can find girls that interest me. On Spiral dynamics, I'm pretty much at yellow with a bit of tourquise (I took a test), so that might also be a reason why I isolate myself a lot lately, like I barely even text people. Not because of anxiety, I often just don't feel like it. My therapist suggested it might me signs of depression, but I'm certain I don't have depression, I feel alright pretty much all the time. I also hope I can travel next year (well now, this year). 

Disipline is the hardest part for me, it hinders me with finding my own apartment, studying for uni exams, and I'm embarressed to admit, I waste my free time watching youtube videos right now. I wanted to make somewhat abstract and crazy drawings about Nonduality and Love, I have such good pictures in mind, but I still didn't do it

Anyway, thanks for your reply.