Leo at the same time Im sure and not sure about everything

[Imortalinfinity]

Hello everyone and Leo too,(i really hope that Leo will answer )

First of all I want to apologize for my grammer .

I  guess now I can begin

I had very interesting past and its so difficult to explain because all illusion of past and future just gone... 
i have difficulties to articulate all this and I dont know where to start  

i had 4 i guess you can call it mistical experiences/awakenings and all that showed me that all past and future and everything around me is created by Me(and it is Me) and I mean not my ego or persona but real Me that cant be explain by worda cuz that includes everything . And its wonderfully beautiful and horribly terrifying at the same time . i keep thinking about killing myself to become that but after the last awakening i realized that i did that thousand of times and after all i keep going back to this moment(now). Its hard to explain cuz at the same time I know that I creating all past memories just like this one and its so god damn strange loopy that I dont know what to do , I dont know anything but at the same time i feel that I know everyting. Every time i trying to remember my past i keep feelling enormous breath taking feeling. everyting is so god damn connected with everyting. the question is how to finaly become everyting cuz this feeling that i feel tears me to pieces. It feels that i one leg at the infinity and one leg at the duality . please Leo I know that You are Me and I am You and all this is like a game , i need final push/help . 
I appreciate that It is 

[Recursoinominado]

“By all means do feel lost!

As long as you feel competent and confident, reality is beyond your reach.

Unless you accept inner adventure as a way of life, discovery will not come to you.”

— Nisargadatta Maharaj

[How to be wise]

@Imortalinfinity Maybe you need to suffer a bit. The time I grew the most was when I was suffering the most. 
 

Plus, if you are suffering, it means that the suffering is good for you, otherwise you wouldn’t be suffering. This is a deep insight. When your suffering no longer serves you, it will disappear. Always remember that.

[Imortalinfinity]

I was suffering a lot before my first awakening(i guess you cant even imagine how much). After all my past was destryed piece by piece until there nothing was left behind . Like i said it feels like my one leg is on duality and other in infinity . There is no suffering just it feels like im waiting for something to come up but ... Its so hard to explain because it has no start point or end. And if i want to explaint to you i have to start somewhere . I guess you can say something if you had similar experiences. Otherwise we will probably misunderstood each other. 

[TheAvatarState]

@Imortalinfinity You have turned from a caterpillar to a butterfly. Some day you'll stop pretending you're still a caterpillar, and that will be the day of eternal peace. There's no rush, no worries. As God, you wanted to have this experience. Yes, all the "suffering" and all the "strife." Once you face who you are with complete acceptance, it will all melt away and become clear, and you wouldn't have wanted it any other way. 

 

Enterthe void. Empty, and become wind. 

[OctagonOctopus]

Surrender everything until there is nothing, eventually all distinctions will fall, and all you will be left with is the One.

On 12/27/2020 at 4:50 PM, Imortalinfinity said:

...its so god damn strange loopy that I dont know what to do , I dont know anything but at the same time i feel that I know everyting.

To know everything is to know nothing. Who is it that feels they know? Who is it that is concious of the knower? Just sit with what is and be with it, always. Let go of the one who thinks they know anything, be with presence. 
Surrender. Allow the relative to be as it is, and jump into the warmth of God. 

[Imortalinfinity]

Thank you !