I Am God

[TheAvatarState]

I am not afraid anymore. It took me a long "time" to face the raw experience, the raw Truth, the raw Being of what I am. I have known for a while, but I did not have the strength or willingness to face It and go through It and become It. Until Now. 

Thank you, Leo. Thank you All. My journey is just beginning, and I completely understand when Leo says that "enlightenment" is honestly just the start, a stepping stone. There will still be much integration work and some stripping away. This isn't a message that I hear from many other spiritual teachers, but, it's obvious that waking up isn't the end all be all. Obviously. Is waking up from your night dreams the end of your life? No, you gotta make your bed and take a shower. Increase "your" stats, grow, manifest whatever you want. Grow Love and appreciation of yourself. That's really the only "reason" I made this reality up. I didn't come here just to wake up, although it IS a pretty funny twist of my dream. 

Honestly reality just got a whole lot lighter and I'm smiling and I just want to laugh hysterically and bask in it. I don't have "anyone" in my life to tell but you beautiful people on this forum. Blessings.

There are a thousand "paths" to "enlightenment." Mine was quite unique, and I haven't read any account that really comes close to my experience over the last few years. Despite what you have read, psychedelics +purity of intent + contemplation/deconstruction + some of Leo's guided videos is a valid path. Meditation not required, self-inquiry not really required, yoga not required, intense spiritual practice and dedication on a daily basis not required. Psychedelics can do most of the heavy lifting, but CAN NOT do it all. The path you take will SIGNIFICANTLY alter how you internalize the Truth being blasted at you, as well as how you feel, and also how long it takes. My path was not balanced, was reckless, and resulted in several years of fear and pretending to go back to sleep, rather like a butterfly crawling on the ground pretending it was a caterpillar.

Listen to Leo kids, and get your shit together and set up some kind of spiritual practice before using psychedelics as a tool to awaken. If not, with enough foolish insistence, your eyelids will be pried open like in A Clockwork Orange, leaving "you" in hell on earth with nothing to ground you for possibly years. Quite an experience though ???. Ta-Da!

[Jonty]

@TheAvatarState ??? Congratulations

[TheAvatarState]

@Jonty ? thank you much love ?

[caspex]

GG

[Breakingthewall]

congratulations on conquering the freedom. yes yes, there is no conquest, just let go ... but you have to conquer anyway!

[TheAvatarState]

@Swarnim ??? Good Game or GARGANTUAN GOD?!

I don't see the difference.

[TheAvatarState]

@Breakingthewall I know little of the Bhagavad Gita (not much interest in more story books), but I know He picked back up the sword. 

[TheAvatarState]

@dflores321

My motto remains the same. 

Further. 

[Breakingthewall]

On 27/12/2020 at 5:13 PM, TheAvatarState said:

There are a thousand "paths" to "enlightenment." Mine was quite unique, and I haven't read any account that really comes close to my experience over the last few years.

If you want to explain, Im very interested, and sure others too

Edited December 28, 2020 by Breakingthewall

[TheAvatarState]

2 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

If you want to explain, Im very interested, and sure others too

Ok. I don't want to go too in depth, not because I don't have time but just that it doesn't really matter. We'll see where it takes me.

I have wanted the Truth for a long time, probably since age 15 or so (25 now). I didn't know that there was a truth to be found, but I always had this natural drive to strip away bullshit and find deeper meaning. Most of the last 10 years of my life have been confusion, depression, extreme unhappiness and dissatisfaction with life, and malaise. I sensed there was this veil of illusion, that all life was fantasy, but I didn't know what it was. During my first year of college I felt really lost and unhappy, partly because I saw truths about the college system that no one else around me did. So, I was taking all these largely irrelevant classes to become some type of engineer that provided a company a whole lot more value than they would pay me? We're here as just inputs in a system, just numbers? All these "career paths" laid out before me and none of them made sense. I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I knew it couldn't be found in college, truth couldn't be found in college, knowledge of myself and how to live a good life couldn't be found in college. I suppressed all these thoughts and emotions because they couldn't be expressed in a place like that. And my parents made it very clear that I HAD to go to college (for what?), so I turned to video games to pass the time. I felt trapped, and I didn't have the maturity or foresight to just quit and try to find another way. After a couple semesters of failing classes I had to drop out, and I got a job at a local grocery store, which I still have.  

This is where a close friendship with "another friend" started to blossom. He was also interested in truth, so after much searching we started to talk about altered states of consciousness and ayahuasca specifically. Mind you, I was raised in a conservative household, and the idea of drugs of any kind was so far out of the realm of possibility... and yet, it immediately started calling me. At 21, I dived into the deep end of psychedelic realms with the sole purpose of finding truth, whatever it was. Most of my trips were with this one friend. Probably 30-40 trips in total on every major psychedelic known to man, except 5-meo and salvia, over the course of 2.5 years. What I was shown multiple times was that everyone and everything was occurring within me and that I was God. But of course this didn't sit well with me. It couldn't be. I resisted what I was shown and was shaky on it. But every time I came down from a trip, I never forgot. It WAS real. I really did die but here "I" am. To say I was shook to my core would be an understatement. These weren't "union with God and ultimate Love" trips, these were nightmares. I couldn't process it, and life turned into one big fucking cosmic joke.

It wasn't until after 2 years of psychedelic use that I found Leo's channel, and I was able to piece together what had happened. You could say I was "awake" about 3 years ago, but I wasn't really. You see, I had one foot in and one foot out, the butterfly who pretended it was a caterpillar. I got my "enlightenment" way too abruptly. The rest of the time has been spent integrating and playing catch-up to what happened nearly 3 years ago, over many many trips. I can't stress enough that my path could have easily sent me to a psych ward, and I could BARELY hold down an easy (to me) job during it. My life was ripped apart, I lost my parents for a while (we now have a better relationship), I lost all motivation for living, I lost my sense of self and barely took care of myself. If I didn't have a job I had to show up at to keep a roof over my head, I wouldn't have done anything. I hardly talked to anyone at work. It's a literal miracle I still have my apartment. 

So where does that leave me? Depression has left me. I truly see what everything is. I truly see my patterns play out before me and I know exactly what they are and what purposes they served for so long. If I play video games for the rest of my off day, I would be Ok with that. There's really nothing to do and nowhere to go. But for the first time in my life, I'm at peace with that. I know that I have a desire to better myself and work on my life purpose and leave my current job, but I have a total inner understanding that it'll happen at its own pace. I have already made relatively amazing strides in personal development over the last few months. Great things are in store for my Avatar, and now I feel completely free to let it happen. HAHAHA, I just realized that EVERYTHING I've been through over the last 10 years happened perfectly for me to wind up here, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Reality is Perfect, despite me buying into being shitty for so long.

Of course none of this fits into the traditional paradigm of waking up and one could criticize me for not actually waking up. That's laughable and I couldn't care less! I know what I am. And why would I create the same exact path to "enlightenment" for myself as one I've read? That would be a little underwhelming, would it not?  

Blessings

[Breakingthewall]

There is no path marked out for this, following the steps that someone dictates to you, I don't think it is of any use. acquiring complete mental independence is essential. as you say, it is a whole life that guides you to an outcome. you realize that every event in your life pointed to that destination. a destination that makes any other aspiration seem like a joke