Deep feeling of being "NOT Ok" / Having a problem

[RoerAmit]

So after a lot of introspection, I feel like I am "not ok" like there is a deep problem within my being.

If I am taking it to my past and my work with my therapist, I was very unaccepted by my mom, unloved and she judges me a lot until today.

That's it, I want to change, I want to stop blaming her for MY bad results.

This deep feeling is mostly stress, anxiety, depression, passiveness, and suffering. I wasn't abused physically and most of my needs are fulfilled.

Now I want to change what I feel in my being and how I feel about how I am. I stopped judging myself and that was a huge relief although it's hard and I come back to that sometimes.

I'm also working on stop blaming my mother for how "bad" she is. It's hard and takes work but I am there.

Sometimes I'm stuck on being a victim, and comeback to blame. I see that when it happens I stop being serious about this process.

 

How do I change my identity to a fully self-accepting person, knowing that I am secure, safe, and loved?

What made you guys become REALLY serious about this work of self-actualization, changing yourself and your results?

Thanks for your help.

 

 

 

 

[Carl-Richard]

2 minutes ago, RoerAmit said:

What made you guys become REALLY serious about this work of self-actualization, changing yourself and your results?

Do you really have any other choice? For me it was that or death.

[PurpleTree]

Have you read a or some "spiritual" books? Do you meditate sometimes?

Suffering and an interest in the universe is what makes me semi-serious about this work and keeps me coming back. Laziness, fatigue, anxiety etc. is what keeps from getting all the way in.

[RoerAmit]

21 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

Have you read a or some "spiritual" books? Do you meditate sometimes?

Suffering and an interest in the universe is what makes me semi-serious about this work and keeps me coming back. Laziness, fatigue, anxiety etc. is what keeps from getting all the way in.

I'm falling back from my meditation habit, which reminds me to come back today!

Yes, I do read these books, I am struggling the most with this inner feeling of being not ok and unloved. How do I change it? what am I lacking?  

[Farnaby]

@RoerAmit I think trying yo accept ourselves can easily become a trap, because you are trying to accept yourself to become something that you aren't yet, so by trying to accept yourself you actually are doing the opposite than accepting yourself (not sure if that makes sense lol).

I like Alan Watts take on this. He says something like "don't try to accept yourself more than you can right now".

What works for me is noticing when I'm lost in a thought story about myself or other people and bring my attention back to the present moment and relax. That way, you start to let go of stuff you usually are identified with, but you don't force yourself in this process. 

Also, making space for emotions is important. If your mother judges you or used to do it, it's normal that you get triggered. You are human and stuff will trigger you. What you can do is learn to not resist what's going on inside of you and let your body process those experiences.

Hope this helps!

[RoerAmit]

4 hours ago, Farnaby said:

@RoerAmit I think trying yo accept ourselves can easily become a trap, because you are trying to accept yourself to become something that you aren't yet, so by trying to accept yourself you actually are doing the opposite than accepting yourself (not sure if that makes sense lol).

I like Alan Watts take on this. He says something like "don't try to accept yourself more than you can right now".

What works for me is noticing when I'm lost in a thought story about myself or other people and bring my attention back to the present moment and relax. That way, you start to let go of stuff you usually are identified with, but you don't force yourself in this process. 

Also, making space for emotions is important. If your mother judges you or used to do it, it's normal that you get triggered. You are human and stuff will trigger you. What you can do is learn to not resist what's going on inside of you and let your body process those experiences.

Hope this helps!

Thanks, I'm on this exact way.

If I hate who I am right now - then be okay that I hate myself, accepting the truth and not trying to accept who I am.

And about the emotions - you opened my mind, thanks.

[No Self]

13 hours ago, RoerAmit said:

Yes, I do read these books, I am struggling the most with this inner feeling of being not ok and unloved. How do I change it? what am I lacking?  

The mind is a snake oil salesman. It starts with the not-OK feeling and then tries to sell you all sorts of false stories about yourself. Ultimately it is an energetic entity trying to grow.

Without the identification with the mind, you will not be buying into it so much. You take all practical action that you need to with your life, but are detached from the mind's drama. Eckhart Tolle's work covers this topic in much more detail. Hope this helps.