Serious Resistance towards Planning.

[sat2493]

Hi guys. I’m 23. I have had chronic planning issues. I’m living with my parents, after graduating college. I’m asking from a place of anxiety and burden, but also from a place of enough is enough.

To detail my past attempts, I usually have tried adopting some standard planning templates that used urgency/important categories, deadlines. I’ve also tried more lax, planning styles that simply used dates, and writing out less specific intents. I have used multiple planning and event apps (Google Calendar, Todoist, Reminder, etc.).
 

Normally, I set a bunch of goals and deadlines, but I wind up committing to a single goal at the expense of the other goals. I am poor at anticipating the likely hang ups I will encounter when reaching a goal. I wind up committing to that single goal, and pushing the deadlines on my other goals back and back. Even the goal to which I wind up committing, I finish it later. I find my instincts of being perfect to be so tempting, I choose to finish it at a later time.
 

At the core of this is a sense, this feeling, this huge weight, to perform perfectly. I don’t like that feeling, so I usually avoid planning altogether, and focus only day by day, and ignore the bigger picture. You know the results. Things pile up.
 

I actually consider myself to be a very hard worker, but not necessarily the most conscious one. I really would like some feedback towards how I can begin tailoring a planning style that matches my stage of psychological discipline, and cognitive abilities.

 

If you have been successful at planning, I would very much value your feedback!  

[PepperBlossoms]

I use Trello and I like it a lot.   I also use Microsoft Paint and thinking.

I can put all the to-do's I want in there - doesn't mean I will be able to get myself to do them - I have the resistance probs pretty strong too.  I find that even if I ignore the task I tell myself that I need to do, the resistance doesn't go away and is calling me more and more to do it.  It's like an alarm that doesn't stop going off until I get it done...  I kinda wish I could just forget about the tasks and not do them but... the strongest ones are work related... so I "have" to do them or leave the job...

[PepperBlossoms]

Also - I used to consider myself a perfectionist as well.  Now I have realized that, depending on what it is, being a perfectionist can be a waste of time.  It may be that the type of work is better suited to doing it quickly and then making easy changes later or that it requires meditating what steps will be done and how in your head for a few minutes and then making it happen that way..  you can play with different methods.

Yeah I have the same problem of doing one thing and then putting everything else off as well and then taking too long to be able to get to the next - (we are quite similar!) I guess just trying to get the present task done to an extent that it is done ENOUGH even if not perfect and submitting it and then moving on to the next thing.

I also found that the feeling of getting stuff done, no matter how dreaded, is so much better than the feeling of just letting it linger... although some tasks can just have like 100 steps to them and some have to happen before others and it is kinda like a sudoku of what to do when (as my boyfriend pointed out).. really complex stuff.

[PepperBlossoms]

On 12/24/2020 at 4:35 AM, sat2493 said:

Normally, I set a bunch of goals and deadlines, but I wind up committing to a single goal at the expense of the other goals. I am poor at anticipating the likely hang ups I will encounter when reaching a goal. I wind up committing to that single goal, and pushing the deadlines on my other goals back and back. Even the goal to which I wind up committing, I finish it later.

@sat2493 I learned after talking to my boyfriend on the phone that another problem could be staying on the same task for too long.  Tasks can get boring and dull when there is not enough variety.  It may actually be easier to get stuff done by switching around which task one is doing to create more variety and excitement.  There is also the feeling that the several tasks are getting done as many of them are getting attention and not where one is getting attention at the expense of the others.  Also, while switching to a new task, you could get insight for how to do a previous task.  Plus, the new task switch may allow for a newness that allows one to work faster.  I hope this stuff helps.  Have a good day.

[Nahm]

@sat2493

I use a dreamboard and put feeling first, that way I don’t experience the frustrations you’re describing. 

[sat2493]

On 12/26/2020 at 4:44 PM, PepperBlossoms said:

@sat2493 I learned after talking to my boyfriend on the phone that another problem could be staying on the same task for too long.  Tasks can get boring and dull when there is not enough variety.  It may actually be easier to get stuff done by switching around which task one is doing to create more variety and excitement.  There is also the feeling that the several tasks are getting done as many of them are getting attention and not where one is getting attention at the expense of the others.  Also, while switching to a new task, you could get insight for how to do a previous task.  Plus, the new task switch may allow for a newness that allows one to work faster.  I hope this stuff helps.  Have a good day.

It did. Thank you. I feel more insight towards the “alarm clock” analogy you through in. I suppose that’s assurance that sooner or later I will learn my lesson to ... stop being the me right now that is lying on my bed  Guess I haven’t learned yet

Especially becoming more aware of that perfectionist mindset of mine as well, actually is contributing to the resistance. I also liked what you threw in about variety allowing some rest for certain mind activity while allowing some refreshing other mind activity.