Feelings related to meeting new people

[2ofSwords]

Hi

Before we reach out to a stranger to say hello, we can experience some kind of discomfort. Maybe we anticipate being rejected, being criticized, being humiliated etc. because when we were children, that's what we've experienced when reaching out for love. The experience could have been so painful that we've rejected and repressed the feeling. We are left with an imprint of being rejected. And now as adults, when we feel that we want to meet new friends, have spontaneous interactions with strangers, have fun at parties, date people we find attractive, express what we feel and think, we feel great discomfort. We do not only have thoughts that are bullying us into being lonely, we can also experience it in our body. We feel less our body, we lose awareness of our feet standing on a ground, our movements become less spontaneous, our breath becomes shallow, we can feel tension in our chest. Our self-esteem becomes diminished. What we are facing is an imprint of an experience of pain when we want to connect with another human being. We anticipate a disaster in our mind. So here is what happens:

1. I feel I want to connect with another human being.
2. I experience great discomfort as a response to that feeling.
3. I identify with that pain and I reject my feeling of wanting to connect with another human being, meaning, I reject myself.

What can we do about it?
We have different feelings and sensations that happen out of our will. Emotions and feelings are the manifestation of our authentic self. First we will have to get more in touch with our feelings, emotions and authentic self. When we allow ourselves to just feel, we gather a necessary energy to really live. When we feel intensively our will to have a deep connection with another human being, then is when we experience negative self talk and resistance. It is at that time when we have to stay focused on our feelings and do not allow ourselves to repress them. 

It is not really about if another person is going to accept us or not or how another person is going to respond to us. It is not 0-1. What does matter is your relation to yourself. If you accept your feelings and emotions, but another person rejects you anyway, it can be uncomfortable but it will feel authentic, as you know you've stayed true to yourself. From my personal experience, when I stayed very close to my emotions and feelings and someone was responding to me with disapproval, I wasn't feeling uncomfortable at all but I was rather disapproving of their disapprove of me. The issue is when I anticipate being disapproved, then is when I reject myself beforehand. So it is an interesting dynamic, I'm really curious what's your thoughts on it!

[PurpleTree]

yea usually i'll just avoid situations where i can or could get rejected as a means of self protection.

which obviously isn't a great strategy but i hope with inner work i can get to a point where i care less about it and have my feelings better under control.

[2ofSwords]

6 hours ago, PurpleTree said:

yea usually i'll just avoid situations where i can or could get rejected as a means of self protection.

which obviously isn't a great strategy but i hope with inner work i can get to a point where i care less about it and have my feelings better under control.

Yeah, I can relate to that. A part of my post is that our feelings are too much under our control already. In a sense it is ok to feel fear. I don't know which is the best strategy to meet new people, make great friends and date people you find attractive. I assume it is about being authentic with oneself and not trying to expect results. If I bring positive energy that will attract people on it's own. Not all the people, but those who want to be attracted to it.