Share your sober awakening experiences

[TrippyMindSubstance]

Hey guys, I'm curious as how to many of you have had an awakening experience/non-dual experience while completely sober, and how it went. I remember reading someone's post a while ago where the person had quite an intense one while sober, and I'm wondering how many others have had similar experiences, because it's obviously much more rare. 

I know the term awakening/enlightenment/whatever can be vague sometimes, but just for some more clarity, some examples would be:

• undeniably seeing everyone as yourself
• undeniably seeing everyone/everything as God
• very clearly experiencing/seeing that underneath it all, we are all the same one consciousness
• experiencing infinity, seeing infinity wherever you look

What I would not count as an awakening would be for example having deep insights about yourself, society, or reality etc. which is just intellectual and doesn't involve a fundamental change in your direct experience.

Personally, I haven't ever quite passed that threshold where it's a full on awakening while sober, but I feel like I've been getting very close, especially over this past year. I'd say I've had at least 20 difference experiences where I was like 80% there, but just not quite enough to have that radical shift occur. I've experienced this many times while on psychedelics, even on super light doses, because I feel like they provide me with a sort of momentum, where if I start moving in the direction of awakening, I sort of accelerate into it. This allows me to get over that threshold, but when I'm sober and moving at that steady pace, I can't seem to quite get over that hump.

So yeah, that's it, I'm just curious! Feel free to share any experiences, advice, struggles etc.

[levani]

i think understanding comes in 3 different ways

 

intellectual

experience

realisation

 

i think awakening may have something to do more with the last one as it's the final level of understanding

 

i myself have never had an awakening (i think)

Edited December 23, 2020 by levani

[Carl-Richard]

I've had many dips into the source while meditating, but I'll go a step further and only mention the times I've awoken suddenly in the middle of the day without consciously meditating:

I sat on an airplane while listening intensely to Martin Ball's song "The Fractal of Being". The plane was about to land, the song was coming to an end and I was completely one with the music, until the lyrics said "Surrender to the flow", which was when a deep sense of warmth started emanating from my chest, and a sudden flash of terror and the realization of "oh fuck I think I'm going to die!" filled my center of attention. I opened my eyes and started to reach for my water bottle, and then most amazing thing happened: my hand moved completely of its own accord. There was no "me" moving it. I looked out the window at the beautiful landscape as the plane touched down and felt a deep sense of nostalgia while thinking "This is it". It was Me. It has always been me. It's what I've been all the time. It was the feeling of my living room when I was 3 years old. I was about to start crying as I was melting into the love and beauty of everything, but then we had to get up and leave the plane. I looked around as we were about to leave and I could see all the faces sitting in the rows behind me all at the same time. It was like everybody was all sitting together and I could feel all of them. Everything in my visual field was in crisp, crystal clear focus. I walked off the plane while feeling lighter than a feather, and I looked around, caught the eye of a toddler sitting in a stroller who looked at me with a confused stare. After that, the feeling of terror started to creep up again and I had to grasp onto my mind to keep myself from disappearing into it all. Infact, 5 years later, that is still what I'm doing.

Almost one year ago, I sat in a lecture. I was extremely well-rested, peak-energy levels, very calm in the body and mind. I had slept well, worked out two days in a row, it was the first day of true spring weather, and there was a full-moon. I had eaten just the perfect amount of food, the perfect type of food, my stomach was in the most perfect condition, I had abstained from all sexual activity for 5 days, my body was super flexible from stretching out 30 minutes everyday for 5 months, and I was sitting completely still with an upright posture while just listening to the teacher. I had recently experimented with provoking emotional releases during meditation, and I had become very aware of how I was creating tensions in my body. Somehow during the lecture, I became aware of how I was tensing up in the stomach in order to focus on what the teacher was saying, and I had the insight that if I just relax, let go of the tension and sit back, maybe I'll feel better. That is what I did. It felt great. Then not long after that, I got the sense that the lecture was suddenly slowing down, the teacher was talking very slowly and my sense of time and perception of what the teacher was saying gradually started to change. Then the familiar feeling of terror from my past awakenings of "oh shit I'm going to die!" arrived in full force, and I had no idea how to stop it. I tried manually tensing my stomach, clenching my fist, moving my feet, but then the insight that "you're still creating all of this, this is still all You" just cut through that illusion like it was nothing. I was on the verge of a panic attack until the lecture finally ended and I walked out (more like levitated out) while talking to my friends, all while trying to keep a straight face without revealing how I was about to freak the fuck out. I went to the toilet, somehow managed to ground myself, and went back to talk with some of my friends while looking outside the window at the beautiful spring weather. The rest of the summer was spent finding new interesting ways to clench my stomach in order to keep myself from disappearing.

So as you can see, the common thread through all of my awakenings is a cycle of opening up, freaking out, and closing back down again. Infact now, just as we speak, despite not having meditated since march last year, I've entered a perpetual tug-of-war between staying grounded in dualistic perception and suddenly merging back into nondual perception. This happens often many times a day where I'll have a mini-freak-out of "oh shit I'm dying" and clenching up whatever muscle I choose to ground myself with. This weird form of neurosis can sometimes impair my performance, like during my last written exam, where I will be completely immersed in my writing but get interrupted by the realization that time, space and myself is about to fly out the window and never come back unless I scream and shout for it to come back. It's not that bad during the winter when the energy levels are comparatively low, but I'm a little bit concerned about how this spring will turn out. Other than that, my life has never been better  

Edited December 23, 2020 by Carl-Richard

[TrippyMindSubstance]

1 hour ago, levani said:

i myself have never had an awakening (i think)

When it happens past the threshold I speak of, there won't be any room for asking yourself "is this it?". That's why I consider that a proper awakening and wanted to take the intellectual stuff out of the definition. When you are truly in the experience, you see the oneness or infinity of everything as clearly as you see the screen you're reading this on. You literally can't not see it.  

The first time it happened to me on mushrooms, I didn't think it was possible to not see it anymore, and I thought I would stay enlightened forever. I still don't really understand how it goes away to be honest. At some point I just find myself back in separation again. 

[TrippyMindSubstance]

@Carl-Richard Beautiful post man thanks so much for sharing. I can definitely relate to the terror of feeling like you're about to die or disappear out of existence. A few of the times where I got to that 80% mark, I would realize I'm very close, my heart would start racing and I'd start trembling like crazy or break out into a sweat and then somewhat consciously bail due to the fear of dissolving. I say somewhat consciously because I think sometimes it would feel more like an automatic reflex, I guess due to me not being relaxed/still enough? I feel like this is where psychedelics used to give me that extra push/take away that option of bailing in the times where I was scared of awakening because that momentum I spoke of would be too great for me to be able to turn it around. 

 

23 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

The rest of the summer was spent finding new interesting ways to clench my stomach in order to keep myself from disappearing.

Man I lol'd at this . I know exactly what you mean about feeling like that tension is what was keeping you in existence or allowing you to focus on your teacher. It's funny you mentioned this because just last week, I had another one of those 80% experiences where I was laying in bed and realized that even though my eyes were closed, there was still some kind of tension in them as if I was looking at something, and I just needed let everything absolutely relax. So I tried my best and it felt like my consciousness started expanding, and I was moving in "that direction", but for some reason I wasn't able to go all the way. This time it wasn't fear that stopped me, it just felt like I didn't have enough of that momentum that psychedelics seem to give me in order to go all the way. I'm thinking that the stillness that meditation apparently generates might be kind of synonymous with this "momentum" psychedelics give me, and if I can build up this stillness in me it might help me have a sober breakthrough. 

I'm sorry to hear that the spontaneous experiences are causing you some trouble, but glad to hear things are otherwise going well. Hopefully you can continue to stay grounded and make the best of things!

Edited December 23, 2020 by TrippyMindSubstance

[Carl-Richard]

10 minutes ago, TrippyMindSubstance said:

@Carl-Richard Beautiful post man thanks so much for sharing. I can definitely relate to the terror of feeling like you're about to die or disappear out of existence. A few of the times where I got to that 80% mark, I would realize I'm very close, my heart would start racing and I'd start trembling like crazy or break out into a sweat and then somewhat consciously bail due to the fear of dissolving. I say somewhat consciously because I think sometimes it would feel more like an automatic reflex, I guess due to me not being relaxed/still enough? I feel like this is where psychedelics used to give me that extra push/take away that option of bailing in the times where I was scared of awakening because that momentum I spoke of would be too great for me to be able to turn it around. 

I believe the only solution is to build up a lot of self-trust and self-love. I think I'm working on it though

Edited December 23, 2020 by Carl-Richard

[TrippyMindSubstance]

2 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

I believe the only solution is to build up a lot of self-trust and self-love. I think I'm working on it though

Yeah makes sense. I think freaking out is honestly an inevitable part of the process for most people. I do think I've gotten a bit better at staying relaxed for longer before it becomes too overwhelming so I guess the more I do that, the more trust I'll eventually build.

I'm sure self love is very important too. Maybe I subconsciously don't feel worthy of having the experience and my mind ends up sabotaging everything with fear?

[Carl-Richard]

5 minutes ago, TrippyMindSubstance said:

Yeah makes sense. I think freaking out is honestly an inevitable part of the process for most people. I do think I've gotten a bit better at staying relaxed for longer before it becomes too overwhelming so I guess the more I do that, the more trust I'll eventually build.

I'm sure self love is very important too. Maybe I subconsciously don't feel worthy of having the experience and my mind ends up sabotaging everything with fear?

My theory is that you fear letting go of your attachments, and you have to build up trust in yourself in order to let them go.

[QandC]

The first awakening experience I had was in 2015 and I was completely sober. It was after an intense cardio workout and right away I meditated deeply. The experience got me a bit scared. From listening to Leo talk about spiritual awakening and reading books about it, still contemplating and wondering what the hell it was, to suddenly becoming everything in my room – that was quite a shift. I thought that I basically experienced fullblown non-duality and I thought that I had lost my mind, but I just really had a glimpse of it. I did not see 'infinity' or 'love' or 'God'. There was just a clear shift in my awareness. The physical separation of everything ceased to exist. It lasted for around 10-15 minutes. I just wanted it to stop cus' my ego mind was still there resisting. I later told my parents about it and they thought I was even more insane haha. Good memories

Edited December 23, 2020 by QandC

[nistake]

I had a some sort of mini-awakening just yesterday. It happened in the middle of the night. I was lying in my bed and couldn't sleep. Now, this almost never happens to me because I'm a really good sleeper. However, I caught a cold a few days ago and so that pretty much interrupted my sleep. Anyway, I was wide awake, just staring at the ceiling. Various thoughts were circling in my mind and I was aware of them. I didn't try to interrupt them. As I was listening to them, my mind became much quieter. It got to a point when my mind became almost completely silent. Then the following thought popped into my mind: "hey, what is this silence, really?"

That's when I started to contemplate this thought. After 10-20 minutes it hit me. Maybe that's actually who I am. That pure silence which is prior to any thought, image or mental activity. The silence which is infinite and can never be named or classified. There wasn't ecstasy, fear, existential terror or any spiritual fireworks. It was quite factual actually.

This mini-awakening opened lots of possibilities, that's for sure.

[JosephKnecht]

I had an awakening once after writing this during contemplation. 

Quote

Nothingness is nothingness until it becomes something.

Something is something until it becomes something else.

Silence is silence until the silence becomes a sound.

Sound is just a sound until the sound becomes a word.

Word is just a word until the word becomes a language.

That was the path from nothingness to a language. And on the path, there is only one secret ingredient that was transforming everything. On the path from nothingness to language, there was only one thing that was killing the first to create the second. And that secret ingredient was awareness. Only when nothingness becomes aware of itself it knows that it is something.

Only when the sound becomes aware of itself, it becomes a word. Only in an instantaneous moment of insight, a moment of awareness, the sound that a human makes can be imbued with meaning to become a word.

 

[inFlow]

Almost every morning when I eat breakfast I listen to trance music and I can hear God, this brings tears in my eyes every time.

On my rides home in my car I often just fall in God's Love which also brings tears in my eyes.

I could go on and on how I'am with God all the time, but I think your point is that you want to know if you can BE very spiritual sober and the answer is - ofcourse. Just meditate, exercise, eat clean, get your system IN FLOW and you will be with God very often. This work need decades of integration to get a real tangible reward in your every day consciousness. It's not only in those deep realizations where we are with God or Infinity. As time goes by you realize that you always are with it, you just need to stop, remember that and feel into it.

[James123]

@TrippyMindSubstance Ego death lasted for almost a week. Night before awakening, was hell, chaos and madness. When ego death happens “i” forget everything for hours, including the “i”. So called self was realized that it was just a process of thoughts as entire universe. Because of process of thoughts, naming and labeling created so called world. Life has never began. Entire duality was just a naming, putting meaning and labeling the words or thoughts. Entire universe just started with learning and knowing of the so called self. If “i” dont know “i” have never born. Than “I” realized at that moment, i am already what i am. I become directly nothing with forgetting everything that so called self learned. Before birth, after death and now is identical. Because, Everything is just a thought, which is nothing. Therefore, there is no something, just nothing, which is already me as before birth, after death and now. After that, thoughts are no longer “thoughts “, life is no longer “life”, language is no longer “language “. Everything is nothing, which is already what i am. After that so called mind was gone. Separation “me” and “world” ended. Nothing has never began. 

Edited December 23, 2020 by James123

[inFlow]

7 minutes ago, James123 said:

I become directly nothing

Absolute nothingness, empty void of something which is nothing. Beautiful. Those ego death moments are something magical.

[James123]

11 minutes ago, inFlow said:

Absolute nothingness, empty void of something which is nothing. Beautiful. Those ego death moments are something magical.

Definitely brother. ?? Thats what we are. Pure and empty.  

Edited December 23, 2020 by James123

[Delis]

Though I posted a Cannabis trip report here a few days ago, I have had most of my intense Spiritual experiences while being sober. My first spiritual experience occurred when I took 60 mg of N,N-DMT 7 years ago and while it didn't permanently erase my ego, it gave a glimpse of the true nature of reality or moreover what wasn't true: story of me and my past and future. In the peak of the experience, I couldn't recall any of my past or imagine my future in any way and the experience was filled with horror on the level of mind. There weren't any entities or anything like that during the trip but quite a pure awareness modulating itself into a cube frame like ones in the 80's 3D video games.

Some 4 months later, I had my first big sober awakening (a catalyst of which was probably Eckhart Tolle's book New Earth, that I read maybe a week or two before the experience) while watching TV with my family. It was the first time that I could see what was happening without being attached to what was happening: I could see my character watching TV and my family members around me as a one seeming whole instead of separate objects, events and people. I laughed hysterically and my family members must have thought that I was going crazy.

Following months, I watched a lot of spiritual YouTube videos and read spiritual books of Rupert Spira and others. I had many sober awakenings/awakening experiences filled with ecstasy and "inner luminance", but also quite disorientating experiences such as breakage of the illusion of psychological time i.e. without living a certain kind of reference points of the time that is imagined onto the field of the present moment or consciousness. I also highly doubted the validity of my thoughts both as a phenomenon and their contents and even had difficulties talking with the members of my family. One time the experience started just before I was about to go to my parents house to take care of some minor issue. There was no memory involved during my car ride to my parents' house but instead I was tightly bound to the present moment to the point that it was unsettling/terrifying and when I arrived in my parents house and talked with my mum, there was absolutely no separation between my mum and my character and the whole conversation seemed pre-destined and there was no experience of freedom in it. My thoughts later were that this kind of state of consciousness couldn't be maintained continuously. I started to see things coming to me (consciousness) while walking or driving a car instead of me moving in space and at a certain moment after meditation while sitting all the the things of personal me except the racing heart vanished and within an hour after that experience there was a shift in the energy of my thoughts and how they were perceived: it seemed as thoughts suddenly went silent so that there was not only no sound to them but thoughts also disappeared as soon as they appeared into the "void" of consciousness. 

Following two years I had minor spiritual experiences (such as telepathy, i.e my character and other character receiving the same thought(s)) and stabilized most of these experiences at least to some extent. But at the same time my cognitive function wasn't very good, but this was quite alright as though I was unemployed, I had enough savings so that I wasn't too concerned of my finance and basic survival. After these two years I started to have serious upper GI problems (on top of IBD that I have had for a long time) and lost my weight to the point that I looked very skeletal. At the same time my ego started to rise again, perhaps because the survival of the organism was at stake. Since then I have continued to have various health problems and I have learned and continue to learn to balance a state of being or pure consciousness and survival mode or ego.

 

 

Edited December 23, 2020 by Delis

[Nahm]

Sat on the cushion one morning and like someone flipped on a light switch, there was only one infinite ‘substance’, and it was me. 

[mandyjw]

I really don't think they are uncommon. I do think they are commonly misinterpreted. 

 Following becoming very interested in the forum and talking and fighting with a lot of members here I had an intense purge of shadow stuff followed by a realization of oneness, synchronicity and intuition. I would sleep for short bursts at a time and wake up with revelations and write them out. Felt like channeling, like I couldn't rip myself away if I tried. My biggest judgments, fears and traumatic moments were seen in an entirely new light and Understanding of Love. Things I had always loved and were drawn to and never knew why were also included in this Understanding. I realized that this was just a story, brilliantly, creatively un"written". There was a moment after a big realization where it seemed like "something" popped, but it was something and nothing at the same time, just like... awareness. Then just bliss, and more experiences of realization for days. People glowed. Everything glowed. People's faces seemed bathed in a light of love. I had no sense of time, it sped away. I'd observe my parents lamenting over something in their fridge that spoiled and intensely knew in my heart that it was the most ridiculous thing, of course nothing could be wasted. I had almost perfect balance, I had an intuition to turn a rock over and it was covered with fossils. I knew I couldn't die, it was laughable. The bliss lasted for a few weeks. Then hedonic adaptation ensued, some old thought patterns snaked their way back in, I had to stop being a blissed out asshole and come back to earth, but I knew that I had been given the most priceless non-map I ever could have been given. 

I've since had smaller minor purges of shadow stuff. 

@Delis Have you looked into reiki or any similar kind of healing therapies? 

[Delis]

@mandyjw No, I haven't. I have thought about trying acupuncture but for financial reasons mainly haven't done it yet as it might take several sessions to make a difference. Have tried osteopathic treatments for upper GI issues without much success. 

[TrippyMindSubstance]

6 hours ago, inFlow said:

think your point is that you want to know if you can BE very spiritual sober and the answer is - ofcourse.

This wasn't really what I meant, it's been just about 2 years now since I've done any kind of drug precisely because I realized that I can reach the same levels of spirituality sober if I put in the work, I'm more interested in what you mentioned below and the distinction between the two:

6 hours ago, inFlow said:

It's not only in those deep realizations where we are with God or Infinity. As time goes by you realize that you always are with it, you just need to stop, remember that and feel into it.

I think I have very similar experiences to what you mention when hearing God in music and having it bring tears to your eyes or remembering it and feeling into it to a degree, but again to me this feels more intellectual, even when it comes with feelings of deep joy and peace. In my experience, these are completely separate things from for example, what @Nahm said, which is the "awakening" I can personally relate to the most. It's not really complicated and there's no way you can misinterpret it, its just a very clear, radical change in experience from separation to oneness/infinity, exactly like if someone just flipped on a light switch and now you see it.

Those are the kinds of sober experiences in most interested in hearing about, but regardless I'm still interested in everyone else's experiences whether they think they qualify under my definition or not so thank you @QandC, @nistake, @JosephKnecht, @James123, @mandyjw, and @Delis for commenting as well!