Random contemplations and mental masturbations

[BlackMaze]

Egos never shut up. I'm tired of them and i'm tired of mine. 

Are egos necessary? 

Ego means getting stuck and being rigid. Not flowing. We are used to this mode of the world. We just don't know what the alternative is. 

I read somewhere in here that personality in not the ego. That sounds right and feels like a relief. You are unique but you are not you and that means that everything is unique. 

Don't worry i know about my ego. I can also see yours. 

What do i even want? A nice dream? Do i want to wake up? Should i wake up and start building dreams? Does it even matter? See this? This is nihilism and i got trapped in this before. If nothing matters then saying that nothing matters also don't matter. Good thing that i read this somewhere. 

That means that everything just is. 

I'm going back to the video about free will because it left me confused af. 

What are plans? 

Things i want to do? What does this mean if there is no doer? Really no free will? Just enjoying the ride? Let the spirit do its thing expressing itself through this body? Even my desire to make the body healthier and strong to express "myself" is an expression that i can't control because i don't exist? 

What the fuck are thoughts. 

Really wtf are thoughts. 

Just by asking this question and by trying to find an answer bla bla - 

It's everything thoughts. 

Can i really know what a thought is by using thoughts? Who is using the thoughts? Me that observes them. So the observer is also a user? Is using something the same as observing something? Are those symbols on my phone enough to find an answer? Is a seeker the same as a user or as an observer? Is every verb a characteristic of the Self? 

Self is the source of every action everywhere. 

Does this mean that every action is also the Self? 

Where am i going with this? Probably it ends with the phrase everything is one. 

Where do i go with this as a human in a body? 

Probably looking to realize this for myself. But no, the self expresses itself by looking to get this realized. Why? Why does everything exist? Why does this soup has so many forms, good and bad, male and female and so on. I understand why psychedelics must be very useful to get closer to the truth. But why does a truth needs to be found? I'm getting lost. The next step is having a good life in the human form and letting dreams get created. Somewhere psychedelics will be experienced. And understanding alone is not freedom from thought because it is thought. Or a vision or whatever. You can let it go. If you do it's like surrendering. Maybe surrendering is letting the self shine through. 

 

Ok enough for today. Maybe i should let a mental no fapping happen. 

[BlackMaze]

What is time? 

We have day and night on repeat. We also have seasons. We are getting older. All this is something we experience. We had to call it something like everything we experience. We had to give names to things to communicate and plan our survival. Language was invented. We have history. We have advancement on all areas like technology. People die now and new are getting born. Everything is flowing but in our experience some things look like they stay the same. They too are changing but not at a pace than we can perceive. Each new experience leaves a remnant in memory. Memories are created always. The past is a memory. When we remember the past we are press play now and watch a video or listen to a narrative in the mind. This influences what will happen now. Things are getting created constantly. It's all a soup but for some reason we have a brain that can make reality seem solid. Reality is not solid. Like the frequencies we cannot hear there are other realities relative to the sensitivity of our perceptions. With a different pair of eyes i would not see a desk but something different. If this is true maybe other beings exist with different perceptions and bodies than a human. We cannot see them and maybe they cannot see us. Or they can. Maybe a bug cannot see us but we can see it. Being stuck to those pair of eyes and this brain is this what being in a dream means? Could it be that time is only true inside a dream? 

What happens if you stop dreaming? Maybe time stops existing. But you still have the senses you are still in the dream. Maybe then lucid dreaming starts. But why? Everything just is? Is it even possible to understand this with a brain? why? Leo says that it is possible to understand all of reality. Maybe i need some psychedelics or maybe not. Even if i understand everything what does this change? Is this evolution? Is this not just another dream? Sure it's good to be free of petty problems and feel connected. Why is understanding necessary? Why does it matter? Other than having a better life? Is there a purpose for the Self? Is this purpose not just another thought? And i'm getting lost again. 

[BlackMaze]

What is rest? 

Rest is necessary. You need rest when you are tired. Being well rested seems like the opposite of being very tired. 

We sleep every night because rest is as important as eating to survive. When we sleep our mind rests. Our mind gets tired everyday from constant thinking and our body needs repairing. 

If we don't get enough rest we can't repair fully. It's like working out, rest is necessary. You can't just do heavy workouts 7 days/week. You will most probably and up injured. You need rest in order for the muscles to grow by repairing themselves. In the same way everything we do grows us in some direction. First we take the action that requires energy expenditure makes us tired and rest make the particular muscles grow. If you are well rested before taking a test you will perform better. Rest is necessary even for learning. Rest recharges our batteries. We have an amount of energy at the start of the day that gets depleted until we can't stay awake anymore. Where does the energy come from? From the source... The same thing that created everything provides you with energy everytime you sleep. But why? 

Why can't we access this energy when awake? Sadhguru says that he needs only 3 hours of sleep. Maybe it's bs and everybody is different and needs different amounts of sleep. Or maybe he knows something that i don't. Maybe it's possible to save some energy and not waste it. Maybe it's also possible to access the source that repairs us every night. The only reason fasting is so good although i haven't really tried it is because we give our digestive organs a rest. What does the body do? It detoxes and repairs itself. So the natural tendency of the body is to repair itself when given the chance. If we don't rest enough we don't allow this repair and growth happen. We may end up sick. It isn't worth it because when you are always tired you are not so effective. You also harm the body. There needs to be a balance of what you do and how much rest you get. 

There are actions and things that deplete energy. Unhealthy living unnecessarily puts a strain on the body. Coupled with not enough rest it leads to sickness. Bad environment and negative people deplete energy. Negative and persistent thoughts and emotions deplete energy. Fidgeting is wasted energy. All these things can be dealt with. The less energy unnecessarily lost the more energy you have and less rest is needed. 

Some activities fill us with energy. Identifying them and doing more of them sounds like a good idea. The must be a common link in these activities that make us more energized. In some way they make us more connected to the source of energy. 

Yes if i keep doing this for 5 years i can already see the benefits. 

[BlackMaze]

What is addiction? 

Addiction is a behavior or a thing that without it we feel like crap. It may be physical, psychological or both. 

It is something that we feel we need. In healthy amounts it could be necessary, for example food but in excessive amounts is harmful. It could also be something completely unnecessary and harmful like smoking or heroin. It could really be anything at all. There are many really weird addictions if you do a google search. 

What leads someone to get addicted to something? 

It could be social pressure, emotional pain, chemical dependence, a way to escape reality and trauma among other things. 

When someone is addicted to something he/she feels powerless to stop the behavior or feels that can't live without something. Their lives would be better without the addiction and they know it. Just knowing this doesn't seem to help people to quit addictions, in fact maybe this knowing of the harmful behavior reinforces it example: smoking and the fear of diseases caused by it. 

I think that addiction is ultimately a non acceptance of current reality because of the belief of the inability to change it. 

Maybe i am wrong and is alot more complex but if this is the case the solution is rather simple. Accept the current reality fully by seeing it exactly as it is without mental filters and become a creator. Becoming a creator just means to create something rather than fight against something as i recently learned and realized. The solution is to create a clear vision of a non addicted person going on with his life without even being bothered from the lack of the object of his former addiction.