Physics, Meditation, Lucid Dreaming: The Path

[Gabriel Antonio]

On 3/30/2017 at 4:51 PM, Dragallur said:

I am often these days doing some uncomfortable things as soon as possible. For example I was supposed to say "hi" from one person to some of my classmates though I never talk with them and today I finally did it.

YES!! Awesome dude!!

 

I am happy that you are practicing Yoga. It feels so good!!

Cheers from Brazil =)

[Dragallur]

192th day:
Journal
Yesterday I read a first page of my journal and now I just finished second one. Wow.. its extremely interesting to see how I thought half a year back. I think I was a bit ignorant of some stuff and thought I understood some things. Also its funny to read about something that I newly discovered and now it is basically normal thing for me.. for example knowing that pain is not actually painful, when I first wrote about it I was completely surprised but now it is completely clear to me how it works on this level.

Socializing
During weekend I met with some refugees and exchange students. It was interesting to just talk about some completely normal things with people that live with low amount of hate in their life and are kind of peaceful compared to average teenager. I did pretty well talking in German. I understand basically everything especially when the conversation starts running smoothly though my talking is probably troll level

Holidays
I will have 2 weeks of holidays. I have to write 15 page work during them for my school. I would like to try dynamic meditation too. Otherwise I am really looking forward to the relaxation.

School
I am writing tests these days but I do not really care about the results so I just calmly do my best which is great. I am usually proud of my one page German essays though there is tremendous amount of mistakes. In school I read book in German and at home listen to audiobooks.

Perception
Its cool how nothing around me changes but the perception changes everything so much... I could never appreciate this before so much.

Self Inquiry
I self-inquire in school often just spontaneously without timer, my existence seems so absurd sometimes, wow I could not believe that simple contemplation could produce such wonder.

No hope beacons here
No rays of light lingers
Underneath the black earth
Where the forgotten wait

No love resides here
No solace can be found
Underneath the cold soil
Where the sleeping gods lie
-Insomnium (Lay of The Autumn)

There is more,
That I can’t see
That I can’t touch
But I can feel, deep
I will break free
For this false reality
I will!
Leave the anger
Open your heart
Bloom outside this prison skin
-Persefone (Prison skin)

When it rains, it pours like hell
-Insomnium (The Gale)

Dragallur

[Dragallur]

194th day:
Did Dynamic Meditation instead of SDS today. It was pretty interesting though I was censoring myself during some of the random moves where I was acting like I have some shock .

I just returned from yoga and it was totally amazing. I feel so good right now, the right amount of tired that when I go to bed it will feel amazing. Two times the day before yesterday I think I totally automaticly did something cool. First there was this small boy in school (black skin color) and he kind of stretched his leg so I could have tripped over it. I was sure I would frown or him or something but I totally smiled and was very happy. Also I was walking from train-station and I saw that some girl from Asia is running towards train. I thought that maybe it could happen that the doors wont be openable anymore so I just ran back and opened them for her, it was not really necessary but I was proud of myself because I did it so automatically.

Today during math teacher brought some "special" equation for the start of the lesson. He did some mistake or what and I was basically only one who solved it.. then he started to give me compliments and I just wanted to tell him to shut up.. in the end I did not of course but I tried to get detached from the whole thing. I do not like when somebody thinks that I am good when he/she is comparing me to people who are basically not interested in math and had this stupid teacher for the whole year at least... I know that what I did was simply not special at all but still I have to get extra credit for it. In a way I mostly screwed it up myself when I told him the solution to the original problem (he firstly wrote minus instead of plus) after I just finished the one on the board.

On Wednesdays in town refugees meet to learn German so I was for the second time with them. They are not very good.. but who would expect it.. refugees are completely normal people! (Funnily I still have prejudices as I am trying to hold the good opinion about them and then I pick every single shit that happens and argue about it.. like when we played game and one of them was cheating ).

I got 60% in Geography for a test which was quite good though I wished for more. It leveled up my ego when I was that somebody had less than me. Tommorow I will probably find out about my biology test..

Dragallur

 

[Dragallur]

196th day:
Holidays
Today is the first day of two week holidays. Amazing. I have started to work hard on my 15 page project on Oscar Wilde. I can train researching a lot which is great. I have written something already and read a lot about him and his time, it feels great. I have done extra 20 minutes of self-inquir today so thats 80. Also I do everyday before do-nothing 5 minutes of concentration and I did that 5 min. twice today. Self-Inquiry has some new dimension these days. I am really looking forward to the next days!

Dragallur

[Dragallur]

198th day:
Work
I have written like 5 or 6 pages for my work, that is good, I will continue to push so that I am finished as soon as possible and can start to review it!

I start the day always with meditation and yoga, that is awesome since immediately with meditation would be sleepy.

Ok, self-inquiry.. what the fuck.
It changed a lot in the last two or three weeks. I have kind of confused moments about my existence full of actuall questioning. No depression or something, it is very easy for me to just slide back to normal living. I did extra 20 minutes today but would like to do a bit more when I have the holidays.

After lunch I am going for walks when I inquire a lot. Also when I need a rest I will train a bit with diabolo or normal juggling. I went running for 12 minutes today. There is something special about the time or what because we ran it in the school and now I want to train it a bit. There I got 2520 meters which was far from what I would need to get 15 points (max), today I just measured that I ran 2770 which means the tempo of 4:20 for kilometer, good, that is way better. During the run I became extremely mindful spontaneously for short time and that was cool.

Dragallur

[Dragallur]

209th day:
Holidays
Well.. I have finished my work on Oscar Wilde. Now I will just have to review it and then send it to my teacher in Czech! It was pretty fun to do, 16 pages of text or so.

Today I used integration to solve a problem for the first time. I derived the formula for area of ellipse, it felt so good when I got the answer!

Last week when other people did meditation together I joined with self-inquiry and did it for longest time ever.. 140 minutes. It was great and I would go longer time if I was not so tired.

Otherwise I have enhanced by SDS a bit since the quality was declining over past weeks. The holidays are really great option to get these things again in shape.

Dragallur

[Dragallur]

217th day:
Thoughts
So I am back in school again. Somehow I quickly tend to forget about things that were just weeks back. Not that I can not visualize them it is just this weird feeling as if they did not existed until the moment I see them again (my family is a good example).

I got 43/45 points in physics, I was proud of myself though yes, the stuff was not hard. The only mistakes I made was that I calculated frequency (which I like way more ) instead of time and then I forgot to calculate with 4 springs on BMX bike and two wheels on a bike in another problem, dumb mistakes. In biology which was of course much harder for me I got 23/30 still somehow I was between the best people which I liked a lot (the word ego is illegal). I have a plan (that I wont tell anybody in Czech) to really try hard math and physics next year. I want to have 100% in both subjects, in math it is easier because of the teacher but at the same time in physics at least you can get extra points. It totally next level plan and I have no idea how much I will have to work for other subjects..

I have only about 15 hours left of self-inquiry until my average is 1 hour every day since the time I started, its a nice milestone.

90 day challenge (88 days)
When I was on yoga the last time we did some cool exercises and I decided to challenge myself and in the next 90 days try to achieve following things:

• When I stand I should be able to touch with my whole palms floor and press head on knees with legs straight.
• Knee touch with head when I sit down too.
• Spagat (german word!) (both sides)
• Spagat but the other way, you stand and move your legs to right and left instead of forwards and backwards. (both sides)

Again I have no idea how hard it will be but I thought it would be cool if I concentrated on some exercises like that, I do other in the mean time of course. I have made a video of myself doing all the exercises so that I can compare it in the future.

Dragallur

[JKG]

11 hours ago, Dragallur said:

• Spagat (german word!) (both sides)
• Spagat but the other way, you stand and move your legs to right and left instead of forwards and backwards. (both sides)

In English "Spagat" its called front split and side split.

The front split will probably be much easier than the side split.

[Dragallur]

@JKG Can you do any of the exercises?

 

[JKG]

12 hours ago, Dragallur said:

@JKG Can you do any of the exercises?

 

If I would stretch intensively for two weeks I probably could be able to to the front split and the first exercise again. But the side split would take me probably 6 months.

[Dragallur]

28 minutes ago, JKG said:

But the side split would take me probably 6 months

Oh, my hopes

 

[Dragallur]

219th day:
Challenge (86 days)
So I started... couple times a day a just hang down and stretch a bit and then do it for a longer and actually try to make it better. I will start to do some more exercises to help me. All the things I want to achieve are kind of in the same direction except the side splits.. we will see how it goes.

Hmm
Today I realised how easy it is to not make a big mistakes, let me clear it out: Often I have the urge to do something but I know that I should not do it because it does not stand with my values and so on, people call it egoic behavior . Often there arises huge discussion in my head with lot of arguments but the whole issue is always simple, if I do something good than the discussion wont arise.. I simply have to stop doing the things when I start to create discussions and arguments, its so simple yet so hard to execute it.

Dragallur

[Dragallur]

222nd day:
Challenge (83 days)
Going very well. I was on yoga today and we did side split there too. I can do couple more centimeters on the standing and reaching exercise but thats not a surprise, you can get quite stretchy in short amount of time.

Self-Inquiry
I... dont have anything to say really... its all so weird. I find it funny how quickly I can jump into normal mode of unconsciou living which is so similar and yet so different from conscious way. Its just that nothing really changes, its just the point of view, nothing more.

Who is getting attached to "I"? There is noone there! What the hell I am so alone, its just this voice, there is really nothing else happening, its so alone, it speaks to itself for hours and hours without realising anything. There is no "I" that would control it to prove it you would make only circular reasoning anyway, its like saying that Bible is true because Bible says that Bible is true. I am I because I am I says the I, there is noone else.

Dragallur

[Dragallur]

226th day:
The Grand Project
I have been very creative today. I have ton of ideas mainly inspired after Leo's last video which was amazing with all the 11 extra videos. I realised that I really, really do not want to be stuck on 9-5 job so I have been busy in thinking of way to avoid it. I brought launching the site a bit closer though I can not do that in Germany nor during summer holidays because I wont have enough time, after that I could maybe even have prepared something to immediately post and have enough knowledge around. I realised that I can for example make a basic course about derivations simply because I understand it very well. I have been researching on how big the market would be for what I want to do and it seemed to be bit questionable but there are definitely people who manage it. I will look into it more in the future. The idea that I would at some point become financially independent is thrilling, and even more so if I could manage with something so beautiful like TGP. I have set up provisionaly Patreon page and I am wondering if I should try to grow my blog again instead of just blind posting once a week.

Its late.

Dragallur

[Dragallur]

229th day:
Challenge (76 days)
I got better in side split and simply touching my toes. I am far away from touching my knees with head. I love it though. Its a thing where one can see some difference in matter of weeks, its also physical stuff. After I finish the challenge I want to set another one, I already have ideas as to what I could practice next.

Today in yoga class my teacher was so happy. I have not seen anyone so happy before, it was totally shining from her. As she was just sitting and looking around the other people and smiling I just started to laugh, it was great! It would be cool comfort zone challenge to ask her if she knows about enlightenment.

Comfort Zone Challenge
So @Gabriel Antonio talked with me about CZC... what could I do else than lie down on the street then?

I decided to do it today during pause for lunch. I went outside into the city to get away from the people from my school, it would not really help if they thought that I am weirder than they think right now. I stood for a minute on sidewalk of one of the main streets. There were lot of course and some people walking though no directly next to me. Then I lied down and as though I was chilling just left my feet over each other and closed eyes because sun was directly hitting my eyes. I counted 30 seconds and walked away, what would one expect, I did not think that it would be hard and it was not, though I have to admit that my pulse was somewhat higher!

Humboldt
I just found this quote shared by my mother:

"The most dangerous worldview is the worldview of those who have not viewed the world." - Alexandr von Humboldt

I was even considering to put it as my signature.. Its great and reminds me that I have not seen the world and no matter how I do not like the view so many adults live or how they take care of their kids, they have more experience than I do, thats a fact and I should be very conservative about all of my "theories" and the ways things are, othwerise I might be surprised by some nasty paradigm shift.
The cool thing is how many times this idea already worked for me, its really cool and humbling. It also reminds of overconfidence bias, a concept I learned about from rationalist community (yes this was written like this to invoke emotions against rational community and not make people read it or read it biased which is why I am writing this sentence.. there are great tests for overconfidence bias. The link teaches some quite valuable skills.)

The trend of making new journals is growing, but nahh, I will stick with this one for now though the "lucid dreaming" in the name does not really fit.

Physics
I did a lot of physics over last weekend. It made me quite tired but I moved a bit with the crazy book about astrophysics. I learned about u-substitution in integration. I saw a video about why one science YouTuber is not scientist. He said that he would enjoy the results but could not go through the process and that he thinks that it is important to choose the work where you like the process itself and not only the results (note to self: Veritasium2: Why I am not scientist).

Leo
Leo's last videos were so amazing. (Did I said it already?) Oh well...

Concetration
Since the release of the video I did first 2 minutes and now for quite some time 5 minutes per day. I quite like it now though I want to do it two times a day because otherwise I can not ever move to 10 minutes, lot of monkey mind.

Dragallur

Note: I am thinking of changing my name here and my profile picture since this is exactly the same as I use on my blog and I write here quite personal stuff and as Azrael noted, it would not be so good if somebody connected it together, though its not my true name so..

[Gabriel Antonio]

@Dragallur Awesome!!! 

Asking questions to "authorities" is a comfort zone challenge. Also, contradicting authorities is another one.

One type of CZC I have been doing is consciously trying to get rejected by girls so that I lose my fear of rejection. Till says that if you're afraid of getting rejected, go out to a club and try to get rejected by 10 girls as quickly as you can. I did on the bus today. There was a girl sitting next to me, and I simply said, "Can we start kissing?", she said no, but I have been feeling so confident that I started laughing and explained about comfort zone challenges.

I liked that you used the acronym I came up with haha "CZC"

Very good! I'm proud of you, bro

 

 

[Dragallur]

232nd day:
Alright (there is a lack of sub titles in my head)
Often I get uneasy about my german skill. Its because I came here to learn german and one could assume that it was "waste" of time if I did not learn it enough. Now when I realise it more and more I try to get more german in my day. I listen to some radio and YouTube channel called LeFloid, that I do when I practice with diabolo for example. This is the biggest thing where I am attached to other people's opinions. I know that when I return to Czech they will expect me to speak very good german and I fear I wont be able to fulfill it.

8 hour meditation
Yesterday I did 8 hours of meditation without big breaks though with changing positions. For some reason when I was sitting on my knees I always turned by ninety degrees the next time I did it. I started facing east, then north, west and south... interesting!

Life lessons
Today and yesterday evening I realised that there are some life lessons that you probably can not really speed up with actualization or any other stuff. There are things that you learn only by actually being in the situation and that can happen at any time, actualization though prepares you to interpret the lesson the right way. And then there are things you can not prepare for.

Mindfulness
I created a great technique to be mindfull more easily. It really helps me if I start to be mindfull and then tell myself how much new the sensations are.

"I just really never felt this and this at the same time"
"I never realised how much deepness is in this sound"
"I have actually never seen these kids run this way, its completely new experience!"
etc.

CZC ()
I will try something, not sure what yet but I will figure out some challenge.

This song is pure art:

When the cold wind blows
Sending shivers down your spine
There is none so blind
As those who do not listen
Sleep of reason produces monsters

 

Dragallur

Edited May 14, 2017 by Dragallur

[Mango1998]

@Dragallur Don´t worry You have your whole life to learn German Just continue practicing and one day you might be better than a native German And fuck the others and what they want you to do. The only who matters is you

[Dragallur]

234th day:
Challenge (71 days)
I can hold my fingers way further down. It feels good. Head is about 7-12 centimeters above knees, I am better when sitting down. I need to use chairs for side split, not that I would be so good but its simply otherwise difficult to practice it.

CZC
I did not do anything in particular though I realised how many people greet me back when I run for example, not other teenagers though.

I realised that there are some challenges that are simply "kill level" some things that would be best for hard core nightmare.

Math
I am just practicing some math. In today's test I got 97/100 points. I lost the three because I did not provide sufficient explanation, thats important too. I am wondering what will happen when I return to Czech and we learn what I already learned here or in Khan Academy. I guess I will have to bringing my own work. In this sense there is nowhere to run because school will at some point provide the stuff especially if I want to go to University to study physics. I stopped watching all Khan Academy videos because I can do it a bit faster. I focus more on practising and moving onwards. I also really like to write on paper the symbol for integral, its so elegant! My papers where I do math and physics are quite full but I do not want to use new ones so I will continue to just fill them up, I like to do it if I first write with pencil and then with pen I can basically make two layers, thats cool.

Diabolo
I improved quite a lot. I can start vertax now and I even started to learn tricks like: infinite suicide or genocide. Its fun just to go out that do that for half an hour.

Running
I was running out again today. I was a bit slower than yesterday but I found out nice way where I can run on grass (not so bad for knees).

Repeating thoughts
Today thanks to @JKG and her very brave idea () I realised something about my pattern of thoughts. It started with me getting to know rationality and also as I later realised, with something me and my sister were doing. Every time when it was some "nice" time like: 11:11 or 12:34 she would say "Wish something its eleven eleven". I did that for fun and then after some time I realised that my wishes are limited and that I do not think big enough.. I wished for something small to happen that was in my mind at that moment. Then the only wish that I started to use was "I wish for universal peace". Now this way of thinking is stuck with me and might blind me to other perspectives (as always). For example when I wonder what would be the perfect day I take it to extremes and say that in that day everybody would get enlightened and there would be no wars etc. The thing is though that I wish this only in the "rational way" and not really listening to what I would want even if it would something smaller. Also there is lot of showing off included which makes it less authentic.

Dragallur

 

Edited May 16, 2017 by Dragallur

[Dragallur]

235th day:
CZC
Sometimes on wednesdays I go and meet with some refugees who are learning german. It was too easy for me but in the church building there are some people of my age who are playing game and speaking to each other and so on.

I came with bike which was like 9 km or so. I was extremely sweating because it was warm which made me a bit uncomfortable infront of the people but then I was not very close to anybody. Introduction was kind of weird, I should start by saying my name. They first started by everybody saying what has been happening the last few days.  I said that I wrote a test and I did not understand a part but that I did well in my math test, other people were saying something similar about grades. Then they prayed and thanked God for sunshine and that they could meet together, I knew they believe in God so it did not surprise me. I decided to not do anything. In USA they say when the school begins kind of oath to America and I never wanted to say that in a way but there you simply have to. I decided that I do not need to do it with them. Everybody had closed eyes except me, two people opened them probably because they were interested about what I was doing. Then they played a movie about evolution, all of them are probably creationists there. The video was so dumb. After it I pointed out few things but, uhh, the guy kind of ignored me and then I decided to say no more.

I realised that they created a bubble where they reinforce their cherished believe. It was so sad and I know that (unless somebody secretly was not going with them) they were so far away from realising how much brainwashed they were and probably none of them will ever realise it. When you know what to look for in this type of videos you immediately realise how much it is made just to persuade you with bunch of straw man arguments.

This whole thing of course says a lot about me and that is great. I at all do not regret going there and maybe will next time too.

It reminds me of DarkMatter2525's video called God's God, its amazing.

Dragallur