Physics, Meditation, Lucid Dreaming: The Path

[Dragallur]

28 minutes ago, quantum said:

I found myself wanting to comment with something like "This is really awesome." But a better expression would be: "This makes me smile all over my face." I don't know why, but yeah... I totally agree with that.

Cool, personally I am bit careful since it might take me some more time to work to this "level" since it was probably my higher self. I also remembered today one more thing, when I was on physics/mathematics summer camp there was one girl and she had this T-Shirt.. I usually dismiss T-Shirts with anything written on them but now I really like what was there: "We did not agree on anything and yet we are going side by side." (or at least something along these lines, I guess it would not work always but hey, thats cute..) Well yeah I do really like some t-shirts.

[Dragallur]

118th day:
For everybody, the first question should be obvious, where is our weekly video Leo? I wonder if he will be able to upload it today or if he uploads it tommorow or waits another week or... what happened?

Enlightenment work
I did 52 minutes SDS right after I wake up.. later on to get minimum of 1 hour I did another session and hoped that it will be really long. Pain got me in the end when I thought that I have to over 70 minutes definitely.. it was 55 , at that point every fuckin minute counts and I was wrong by 15 at least? Wut? I also understood way better how concepts do not exist, I would give this on top of my list of insights, it was great.

Food
While diaboling I listened to "advice to high school students", at some point Leo mentions not eating bread. It is quite hard for me here, I first thought I would be able to do it completely but nah.. I can return to that and transfer to veganism when I return to Czech. I am trying my best to eat more and more vegetable and it is going great, interestin is that I do not have it as some kind of new habit so I wonder how it will work.

Teeth... no do not worry they are fine. I am becoming totally paranoid. Today I had a dream when I found out that my teeth have huge black cavities , when I woke up I felt so relieved. When I was last time at dentist as I mentioned, I asked them if they could check the rest of my teeth after they sealed the fissure (I found out today that it was what they did.. I would like doctors to try to explain more what is going on), they said that they did and it is allright. Some days later I was checking my mouth again and saw kind of dark lines on one of my molars and one more black spot. I was like, fuck this shit. Today I did finally check up with flash light to find out that those were just shadows and that the molar has just fissure to but it is not infected or something, that might be dangerous since food could get stuck there but I can leave it on dentist.. tommorow I am going to by myself Listerine or some other mouth wash.

I was also running today again, I had new record!

The Grand Project
I got new cool ideas, I rectracted a bit from the notion to program it myself, not sure again.

Well, thats about it.

Dragallur

Edited January 22, 2017 by Dragallur

[Dragallur]

122th day:
Uhhh...
I think that lot of stuff happened so this will be a bit of chaos:

My normal level mindfulness rises and it feels great to be more and more often aware, it also helps with my sitting posture since it is impossible for me to be bend somehow when I am mindful.

I like to stop caring about some things. For example I was quite sure that there was something happening in the school but I did not ask and simply let the surprise of next day having some lectures in "Methoden Tag". That reminds one was the "lectures" was about productivity, procrastination and so on. I basically knew the stuff in different form which made it kind of funny. The thing was a great orange stage advertisement, I find it interesting how people think in the lines of: "having good grades, going to university, getting job, being productive". At the same time nobody mentioned homeostasis so I am somewhere around 95% sure that none of them will change anything in their life even if they were inspired.

I recovered my meditation statistic. I think it was lot of ego but at the same time I told myself that it is ok, I lived without it for many months so I am not really attached to it anymore. I got pretty inspired to "null out" the "debt" in my meditation that keeps me from having 1 hour of do-nothing in average for the whole year, yes one year of self-development is coming!

I have my high quality teeth hygiene for 1 month now without a single break! That is very good!

I was running again and it went very well, also I am not taking other than cold showers though I do not like to shower everyday because of wasting my time and wasting the precious drinkable water!

Not eating bread is going very well, I realise that the mensa in school is not maybe the best eating place but at least it tastes good and about 2-3 times a week I have a salad with my food.

I was reading another Harry Potter fan-fiction the past three days. I already read it before as with Methods of Rationality but I remembered this one less but knew it is great piece. It was interesting how my perspective on the characters changed. When author makes someone good in their story they can only be roughly as good as the author himself... whatever was the case I was interestingly dismissing lot of actions that the characters did and the whole thing had quite good "breath" to it. I realised what Harry in Methods of Rationality meant when he talked about reading comics and science fiction and so on.. basically you get to "live" more lives when reading story about somebody no matter the set up. While I think this is a great argument I am also rationalizing.

I finished The Book of Not Knowing, I guess soon it is time to start again .. it was truly great, now more work.

I am getting better in unwinding my personalities. For example when I was reading the fan-fiction I was making myself suffer because I am thinking about myself as "astronomy student" which contains, for example, learning often astronomy.. when I do something else for many hours I punish myself because I am connected to the personality so much.

I wanted to write probably like 50 other things but it is hard to put it all down so fast, here is list of songs connected to certain self-actualization topics (it is all metal but these are some really good lyrics there, I think I will update this in the future posts):

Mistakes
Insomnium - Ephemeral

Religion
Insomnium - Mortal Share
Insomnium - Every hour wounds

Against rationality
Words of Farewell - Temporary Loss of Reason

Victim mentality
Epica - Victims of Contingency
Insomnium - Every hour wounds

Environment
Words of Farewell - Antibiosis
Insomnium - Where the Last Wave Broke

Meditation
Epica - Essence of Silence

You will die soon and you should do something with your fuckin' life/Death
Insomnium - Ephemeral
Insomnium - River
Insomnium - Death Walked the Earth

Enlightenment
Insomnium - Revelation

Knowledge
Insomnium - Black Heart Rebellion

Things pass
Insomnium - Lose to Night

Basic advice
Insomnium - Collapsing Words
Insomnium - Weather the Storm
Dark Tranquility - Atoma

Relationships
Insomnium - Shades of Deep Green
Insomnium - The Bitter End
Insomnium - Change of Heart
Insomnium - Daughter of the Moon

Dragallur

[Dragallur]

127th day:
Enlightenment work
I did 90 min SDS. 1 hour Self-Inquiry and Neti-Neti two times in a row because we had extra free days from school.

Tommorow I am back though... oh well.

Sometimes it gets quite deep during these sessions, I watched all of the psychedelics videos. It was good, it sounds really fascinating. Today I created a thread about living ecologically but it is not very thriving, oh well, maybe someone will implement the stuff.

Intuition
I want to do 7 days no computer challenge starting tommorow. I will still have access to my phone but there is much harder to waste time. Sadly I did not write my blog post for next Monday so I will turn on the computer for a short time if I decide to do it.. this of course means no journaling for one week.

Insights
People who build up good humor are amazing manipulators, I just came to observe it today.
When you eat salad and you use dressing you basically screw it up completely. I learned to take a little bit of dressing here but stopped now.
Salad needs to be much bigger than normal meal.

DIaboling is quite fun after you do some difficult work like after some physics or so. Which reminds me that I really moved quite a bit with my astronomy. Today I kinda finished the first chapter problems and tommorow I will probably read  the next one and then slowly work on the problems again.. the stuff is difficult but the way I do it I understand it in the end.

I went running two times since my last post. Today was kind of lazy but still surprisingly fast. Cold shower is must, I wonder if I will crush with it since I did not take it as a new habit at all but simply started, it is definitely easier now also because of self-inquiry work.

Finally I bough Listerine as a mouthwash. It is totally chemical piece of shit, at least it seems so.. more of a reason to save more energy and be more ecological. Also I will probably chew gum more times a day because I am slightly worried about a fissure (molars sometimes have deep "cracks" that can catch food easily and are hard to clean) on one of my teeth. When I was at the dentist they said that they checked other teeth as well so I think they saw it and decided that it does not need treatment now.

It is cool to balance during do-nothing some thing on your head, that way it wont drift to other position, diabolo is great in this

I want to change my breakfast a bit because everyday I eat oats with raisins and some other stuff without taste that they add in, I think the oats are not exactly best but I will have to check out few resources to find it out.

Dragallur

[JKG]

11 hours ago, Dragallur said:

I want to change my breakfast a bit because everyday I eat oats with raisins and some other stuff without taste that they add in, I think the oats are not exactly best but I will have to check out few resources to find it out.

Oats are good to fill up the stomach for quite a while. But they also make you feel "heavy." Something raw or light is better in the morning.

But if you want something that keeps you satisfied for while consider trying buckwheat. Let is soak in water over night or let it sprout for 1.5 days. Buckwheat also does not contain gluten which is good.

[Dragallur]

4 hours ago, quantum said:

But if you want something that keeps you satisfied for while consider trying buckwheat. Let is soak in water over night or let it sprout for 1.5 days. Buckwheat also does not contain gluten which is good

Thanks for the tips.. this morning was not an option, I slept a little bit longer and had 8 minutes to get out of house

[Dragallur]

135th day:
What was going on
Ok so 8 days ago I wrote that (intuition approved) I want to go for one week without computer. I was not really sure I would do that at that point but then I did. I still used phone but the computer was turned off the whole time. It was cool. I did not have any back lash when I stopped suddenly using it and was pretty calm. All the days except today I did 1 hour SDS, 1 hour self-inquiry and 1 hour Neti-Neti.. that was also kind of cool. I went running few times and also set a new record! I have to admit that it was more easy then I expected actually not really a challenge so next time I would have to go without all of internet or something like that, still it was cool and I had more free time!

Mindfulness
OH... YEAH MAN! It is rockin'! I am mindful longer and more often. I could not say the time throughout the day but compared to when I struggled some weeks ago! I am doing self-inquiry in classes quite often. I do not have any problem in paying attention throughout whole 90 minute lesson (I do drift to monkey mind).. I am not feeling sleepy at all which is amazing. I have been also trying to set up new sleeping schedule, I will be working on that now. I somehow caused me to have many dreams so I wrote some down. I also want to investigate something I call now MMM - Micro Morning Meditation. I will mention it if I have any success with it.

I am reading Book of Not Knowing again. Wow I just noticed how many times "I" is here, uhh .

Right now I am trying to use as much time as possible during the school pauses to study physics and when I am at home I spend time by meditating. I have finally finished the first chapter in the Introduction to Modern Astronomy book. Soon I read the next one about celestial mechanics. This time it will take longer time to catch up, I will need to do some research on vectors and integrals which they use of course

This means more Khan Academy when I have computer access again. Alright, I have to go to bed now.

Dragallur

[Gabriel Antonio]

That's a cool little challenge. Everything we can do to break robot mode is valid. But... I can't let go of my precious notebook.

[Dragallur]

141st day:
School
I am just quickly writing here. Interesting stuff is happening but it is hard to put it all in words since I do not keep the track of it throughout the day.

I wish teachers would stop abusing mobile usage in my school. Today I was reading a book in school as many times and I got pretty mad two teachers at least. Luckily there is so many of them that it is unlikely to happen that one would saw me two times in a day, then I would be in trouble. I came up with a great analogy, I feel like Rosa Parks who refused to stand up in a bus just because she is black. I do hide the phone after they tell me though, every single time I tell them what I am doing: reading book, learning geography, learning math.. they never listen or say that it does not matter, we are in a fucking school during a pause! Well, if student bulies you it is quite "ok" since you can just go to teacher who has almost ultimate authority (in serious case it wont help of course) but if you have a problem with teacher you can not turn to other teacher since they are colleagues and most of them agree on not being allowed to have phone out even during breaks even for educational purposes. I could try to change the rule that says it but in the moment that seems a bit crazy, I bet I will get in a bad argument with some teacher pretty soon.. but I am quite good in that, got some experience already . It is only partially about the phone. More of principles of course. I do not have a big problem just sitting and being mindful but I like to read too.

One thing that Germans learned me, I need to study the 20th century. It is so fuckin important. Especially 2nd WW and Holocaust and Hitler.. it is basically my duty.

Oh, I do not have at all now. Last friday exploded. I many things that I need to take care of and that I promised to do so no extra physics for some time or extra meditation. I feel like I might start lucid dreaming again but that is just a quick thought, first I need to get my sleeping schedule back in order!

Dragallur

[Mango1998]

10 minutes ago, Dragallur said:

One thing that Germans learned me, I need to study the 20th century. It is so fuckin important. Especially 2nd WW and Holocaust and Hitler.. it is basically my duty.

 

Oh yes, you bet on that. it´s so mind-fucking what they did and I have the feeling, history is happening again... -.-

[Dragallur]

145th day:
Insight
I would not be writing today if not what happened few minutes ago.

I was doing self-inquiry. Thinking about my touch and how my body actually does not belong to me, how could it right? And then it came slowly, I started smiling more and more when I basically came to the realisation that I am reality. Now I was normally thinking at that point but it was kind of funny because I was trying to delve deeper into it by asking stuff but the thoughts/me could not make sense of it. It did not make a fucking sense! Anybody could argue with me and destroy it! I was taking reality as all of my perceptions plus thoughts and what I see etc., thats the point where I stand right now. I was also thinking what it means when I meet someone and that I am basically them and so on. It was amazing.

Right now I have more of a lingering feeling and can not really "identify" with it though tommorow I will dive into it again. Amazing.

Books
I need to read books for my school when I return to Czech. One book a week. It is kind of classic but I do not have much of a problem with that. Right now I am reading Pride and Prejudice which is very interesting book.

Today I learned that at one point it may hurt you to learn to say no. When you have no problem of saying no you might leave out good opportunities to learn something new.

I spent most of today on work with vacuum tubes with my host brother, I learned quite few new things.

On friday I was on chess tournament. I lost 2 games and gave remise on the first one. I could have won extremely easily but then I did stupid mistake . I like chess quite a lot these days.

I am also preparing for "show" for little kids with diabolo. That will be interesting and quite hard since I am not so good yet.

Also, I would not believe that I would ever hear my favorite metal group singing about black holes :

Dragallur

Edited February 18, 2017 by Dragallur

[Dragallur]

150th day:
Enlightenment work
I am doing self-inquiry quite often throughout the day. Otherwise I keep the normal 1SDS1SI (units in hours)

Random thought: I find it extremely funny that astronomers or physicists in research and such, set speed of light to 1 in their equation so when you check it out you do not see it anywhere

Books
I need to read those 23 books in about half a year, plus now for example for Theater class I have to read other book. For Czech I already finished Pride and Prejudice. I kind of liked it which is funny because it is only about love, marriage and relationships.. the message of the whole thing is about prejudice and I find it cool. Now I read The Black Tulip by Alexandr Dumas.

I signed up for Sciencium project by Derek Miller. The probability that he will choose me is extremely small but I wanted to try it out.

Not lying
I will write about this maybe separate post on the forum, I had some pretty interesting experiences with lying and honesty.

Sometimes my existence seems to me as the most random thing ever.
MMM is not really succesful but still will try, I forgot about it for some time.

I like the question Who Are You? way more than Who Am I? .. it kind of sets the mood on whole different level.

Basically no time for physics. Did I already wrote that I was on Chess Tournament? Oh and tommorow I am giving small show to some small kids in my school (with diabolo).

I was inspired by @JKG aka quantum () to make a vision board. I will work on it during weekend or friday.

I am not here the whole next week because I am going to seminar with my organization to Münich.
Already 4 days in a row I woke up at 5AM! FInally, it took me some time. One time in the morning I went running too.

Well, I guess thats about it, my random thoughts!

Dragallur

Edited February 24, 2017 by Dragallur

[Dragallur]

153rd day:
I wanted to say this for long time
Venus is fucking amazing these weeks. It is really "far" away from Sun so you can see it very easily. I am not surprised that they named the planet after goddess of love and beauty. Check out night sky anyway.. you might die soon.

Seminar
I wont write probably anything for the next week since I am on the seminar. I am really looking forward to it. I wont be able to jog I guess and my dental hygiene will not hopefully suffer from lack of time.

Today
Today I was cutting wood for like 3.5 hours. It was fun, I did self-inquiry partially during it too.

Friday
Killer day. I did the diabolo show without a single mistake two times out of two times! It was cool and I am really happy that I did not step back from it. I also had some interesting situations like when my shorts got ripped during sports class

Vision board
It is not finished.. almost, when I return I will do it, it looks cool.

I found a great song, the lyrics are amazing (they are in the description of the video):

Dragallur

[Dragallur]

160th day:
Return
So. Yesterday I returned from my seminar with YFU. It was cool. I did some socializing but was not really so succesful. When I was sitting in a corner and kind of "meditating" I got what I now call "charity" by one girl who thought I am lonely or something. It was nice from her and she started some normal conversation and then I started to talk about Spiral Dynamics. I do not know how much she really was interested but I think that it was a good that I gave it a shot. I learned lot and lot of other stuff but I can not really write about it since some I consider too personal for the people there and think it should stay between us. Also I am becoming more and more humble about what I know.. sometimes I just get so freakin crushed, especially when I realise how much I do not know about normal teenager behavior. I think that often people think that teenagers are kind of stupid, especially people here (I mean normal teenagers).. I do not think that is true, sometimes it surprises me how much better they are in something than me.

Meditation etc.
I did all self inquiry and meditaiton on the seminar but it was really worst quality. I want to do again some mindfulness meditation in the close future.

Music
I became there more tolerant of other music again. The people of course listened to lot of pop rap and such. It does not really stress me anymore though I find it funny that nobody listening to that kind of music asks others if it is ok to play it (I would say of course yes partially because of not wanting to cause problems) but if I would try to play metal music they would stone me to death... which also means that people listening to not mainstream music need to be more tolerant in average.

Books
I slipped back a lot. I hope I will be able to catch up. Also now I have to read a whole book in German which will be very hard.

Dragallur

Edited March 5, 2017 by Dragallur

[Dragallur]

Alright I finished my first version of vision board:
 

[Gabriel Antonio]

On 3/5/2017 at 4:35 PM, Dragallur said:

I did some socializing but was not really so succesful. When I was sitting in a corner and kind of "meditating" I got what I now call "charity" by one girl who thought I am lonely or something. It was nice from her and she started some normal conversation and then I started to talk about Spiral Dynamics. I do not know how much she really was interested but I think that it was a good that I gave it a shot.

I can totally relate to this. I am happy that you gave it a try! =]

[Dragallur]

168th day:
Year
Wow I am not writing much here... well it has been a whole year since I started to self-actualize! My first meditation session since I decided not to break the streak and since I made my first routine (which I am not doing for a long time now) 1st of March.. I have not quit in the entire time and I am very glad for it now. Alright since I have made again my statistics for meditation I can even share that here:

Together all meditation sessions and things towards enlightenment (like self-inquiry or neti-neti) took me: 563.7 hours

From that 319.5 hours was do-nothing and SDS and most of the rest was self-inquiry.

I started self-inquiry after like 4 months though.

Thats about it, 1/20 of 10000 hours so not really much. Of course the next year should be better since I am already on track, but hey the quality is anyway better than quantity.

Mindfulness
I thought I would start today mindfulness challenge. I was doing well until I started to work on something intelectual like writing post. I actually do not understand how mindfulness should work at that point. It seems quite natural to just let the flow guide me and let me really soak in the thing I am doing.. is that being mindful? If I am not being lost in the stories my mind makes up? I will try to continue tommorow.

Cold showers
And only cold showers. Its quite easy I have to say. I just go into this state of self-inquiry, tell myself that it is not actually cold and than it is kind of easy. The only problem that I have is not the coldness immediately but when my hands start to hurt physically because they are cold. It takes few minutes though.

Music
I have backslided here a bit but also found a great piece:

Melodeath is gold.

The Grand Project
I have not forgotten! Not at all! I was learning some math though I have to read a lot for school and am working basically from morning since I get into train where I read, through entire school and into the evening when I go to sleep.. this whole process feels very satisfying though today I am going to watch episode of Vikings. I have realised that I can help the Project in the future if I work on my blog which can serve as a part of the Project. Right now somehow I am starting to get likes on my facebook page from some random people which is cool.. I do not have much time to really upgrade it, hopefully in the future. Feel free to leave like on Science and Rationality facebook page

Random
Cutting wood is so much fun.
Venus looks great. (I love her )
Moon is amazing, rises after Sun sets and sets a bit before Sun rises, thats not going to happen in few days I guess.
Somehow I find more and more girls simply beautiful, before I go back to Czech I want to tell one of them that she is really nice.
All food tastes amazing.
[insert something smart]

Dragallur

... wow this was long

[Dragallur]

175th day:
Mood
Everything is passing away so quickly I am not really angry at school or anything though often in my thoughts I like to say huge amount of bad words about everything.

Friend
I was skyping with a friend of mine the other day. Very interesting I am looking forward to meet him again when I get back to Czech. He really is growing in interesting ways and there is so much that I can learn from him. Good privilige to have him as a friend (inside joke ).

Walking
When summer holidays start I want to walk a long distance again as I walked the last summer, it is great. I have been running today too.

Concentration
I would like to concentrate right before my meditation, I did that today for 2 minutes.

Stuff
I found another great piece of music today: Dark Oath - When Fire Engulfs The Earth
I loaned 3 juggling balls and can juggle quite well now.
Today I did some physics and math and I will make new paper lessons from problems in International Astronomical Olympiad that I also learn from. Tommorow I will finish derivatives on Khan Academy I am quite sure about that.
I finished german book and can now read stuff from my school again.

Dragallur

[Dragallur]

182nd day:
Self-Inquiry
Yesterday morning I went to bathroom. It was completely normal day so far. I entered and saw my reflection in the mirror...

In the next moment I got somehow disconnected from the voice in my head. I was thinking who the fuck is talking in my head this nonsense, and who the fuck is just asking this. My mind basically blew up and I just started to say "WTF" outloud. It lasted like 10 seconds and then I was laughing. Wow, that was cool.

Yoga
I need to do more yoga because of my back and such. Right now I am doing like 30 min a day.

Party
I went with my host brother on a party of exchange students. There were like 50 of them! I even met one person from Czech. Basically everybody was drunk, the only think that mattered was how much. I did not smoke or drink of course but it was fun to watch the other people. I met there lot of people that I saw before on some of the seminars. I also met other host sister who was not drinking anything and I talked with her for some time which was nice.

Exchange students play a game: "Flag game". Everybody has the flag of the country that they come from. If you want a new country you have to kiss other person. So if I from Czech will kiss somebody from Mexico I will get have Czech and Mexico flag and she too... well some people that I spoke with have like 16 flags or so . So most of the time there is somebody on this kind of party kissing to get a new flag...

Meditation
Yesterday I was so dead because I spent like 7 hours getting wood that my meditation was complete trash I was asleep during "parts" of it.

Dynamic meditation sounds quite nice but I do not really have the time in the morning since I am not waking up at 5 anymore.

Dragallur

[Dragallur]

186th day:
Thoughts
Days are fast.
Yoga is better these days.

I have found extremely spiritual music. The funny thing is that it is melodic death metal at the same time: Persefone - Spiritual Migration It is basically about Self-Inquiry, Meditation and even enlightenment, I wonder who are those musicians (they are from Andorra!). Their second album Aathman is similar and totally about seeking, ego and similar stuff.

I am often these days doing some uncomfortable things as soon as possible. For example I was supposed to say "hi" from one person to some of my classmates though I never talk with them and today I finally did it.

I think about enlightenment extremely often. I make these jokes to myself like today during yoga when I went towards opened window and just told myself: "Hey this could get me enlightened." I feel kind of blocked in self-inquiry but otherwise I am very happy.

After next week we have 2 weeks of holidays. I am looking forward to it but at the same time I know that if I were in school I could practice more German.. when I return to Czech I wont have the option anymore and now I am in the point when it is not so hard to say something so I really be learning quickly.

I listen to Eugene Onegin for Czech class. It is quite interesting and first time I have something to do with prose. Also in library so that I read something in German I loaned Heroes of Olymp: The Blood of Olymp. I have read all the other books many years ago and I decided that I will finally finish it.

In the holidays I will have to work on a 15 page work for my school, hopefully I will make it only in those 2 weeks. My topic is Oscar Wilde, he has really nice classics, like The Picture of Dorian Gray.

I really like to be ecological, it is really important for me. I have not broken my strike in Cold Showers or in no computer games.. both is very natural and there is no time for computer games.

Something else? No but... but only one thing... just... the fucking enlightenment. (No? Oh ok.)

Dragallur