Physics, Meditation, Lucid Dreaming: The Path

[Dragallur]

41st day:
Enlightenment work
I wanted to do 3 hours of SDS in the morning but I woke up late again so after I started I was interrupted because of breakfast after 2 hours. It went just about fine and I feel like I can do 3 hours, mind you, this is with changing positions. So after 2 hours in the morning I did 1 hour of self-inquiry afternoon and then 80 minutes of SDS again, this is record!

After today, and some discussion here I will try to do more hardcore SDS. No moving whatsoever. I was today twice able to do 1 hour of nolotus position without break which is basically record and it is very good. I will use that to do super SDS tomorrow. Thanks for all of those that participated in my realising this

Lucid dreaming
I got up quite quickly so though I had dreams I forgot them immediately.

Physics
I did more Khan Academy, one tutorial plus something more. I also finished finally math olympiade except one task.

Mindfulness
Ok, I have just realised that I was not mindfull at all today.

Negatives
Watched part of movie but at least it was planned. Spent lot of time on forum well what can you do now?

Positives
No games. I was inspired to try to visualize what would happen if I played games and after one second of visualization I decided that I do not want to play it so I did not

Nice productive day anyway!

Dragallur
 

 

[Dragallur]

42nd day:
Enlightenment work
I woke up at 5:00AM as planned and did 1 hours of SDS without basically single move! I also did 30 minutes of self-inquiry in school waiting on train and then when I got home I did the same time again.

Just 20 minutes back I have realised that I was fooling myself about enlightenment. As somebody here said, it is way more tricky. I thought I was on the right path, doing my inquiry, meditating --> enlightenment coming soon! But its just belief system that I build up. Way better than normal ones so you can not see it so much but it is still ego delusion. So all the self-inquiry I did was leading up to this, it had to be done and I am back on the infinite crossroads after I checked one of the wrong ways. It is hard not to fool yourself in this matter.

It is really all just belief system. Lets break this system down.

Lucid dreaming
Many times in the morning I almost caught the dream but it slipped again and again...

Physics
I did some experiments today and I wrote physics exam though I did not understand it and it was too hard for me anyway since I was in higher class.

Mindfulness
Better than on weekend but not good anyway.

Negatives
Mindfulness, LDing.

Positives
Otherwise quite well spent day, not much time at home on actualization but rest of the week will probably be better though tommorow I am going on workshop on some engineering stuff so that is going to be interesting.

Dragallur
 

[Dragallur]

43rd day:
Enlightenment work
1 hour of SDS when I woke up at 5:00AM. I think I even felt asleep for a moment, I hope my body will adjust to this new schedule. Total of 80 minutes of Self-Inquiry splited up. Also another 65 minutes of SDS without break.

During second SDS I realised that pain is just a pain, quite similar to ANY other emotion. I realised that there is no reason to feel hurt when you feel pain. That was cool. During self-inquir I was able to replicate the feeling and I wondered what is touch, What is touch really? It is so strange when you think about it.

Lucid dreaming
I will let it rest before something interesting happens. Writing dreams of course but I will see how I decide with LDing.

Physics
Had 1.5 hours of physics and math at school, cool.. in math we are doing integrals which is a bit ahead of what I do in Khan Academy but I understand it no problem. (This is only because I have two weeks with higher class, otherwise they just begun calculus in my class)

Mindfulness
In the shcool I was very mindful of my beliefs but then over day I was not so mindful.

Negatives
Little bit of procrastination.. I wonder how the elections will result.

Positives
SDS is great positive. I wrote with one of my REAL best friends with email. Its funny how he is basically on quite similar path discovering similar things as I do.

Dragallur

[Dragallur]

49th day:
Enlightenment work
As usual 1 hour of self-inquiry and SDS though SDS was interrupted because of people

I need to start to meditate in the morning again because that eases self-inquiry a lot.

Physics
Experiments did not went good today and later I had a little time.

Mindfulness
It seems that base level of mindfulness is quite often a small bit higher. Otherwise weekend sucked and I am eating very fast and thinking about future a lot.

Negatives
Quit 5:00AM waking up for quite few days after about 4 streak. Today I am going to try again and I am going to sleep at something like 21:35 which is very very good.

Positives
Quite some dreams. Low level of procrastination. In last week or so I played games only once and it was planned and then I just quitted and this is very good. If I have lot of things to do there is not way I would waste so much time. Also I executed some good intuition, I will watch the video soon enough again.

Dragallur

[Dragallur]

54th day:
Enlightenment work
Once in the days I did very good meditation without single movement, even my eyes stayed on the same stop for full hour. It was very cool. Otherwise I did basically simple sessions, as to why, see below.

Physics
I did not do any Khan Academy. Math and physics in school are very boring I will have to bring my own work next time.. the teachers are completely sad.

Mindfulness
I am keeping quite nice level of mindfulness in school but when I get home I get distracted by other stuff that I do.

What am I really doing all this time?

From the last friday to yesterday's friday I was reading a book. It is epic fan-fiction on Harry Potter. I quite like Harry Potter even though that I know it so much that I see mistakes all around. This guy named Elizier Yudkowsky wrote fan-fiction called Harry Potter and Methods of Rationality.

I already started to read it once lets say year ago or so. It was cool but then about in 70th chapter I gave up because there was part that did not interest me so much. I decided to give it a go again and started from scratch. Mind you, it has 122 chapters and something like 660 000 words. This is like two parts of longest Wheel of Time put together, which is a lot if you have seen Wheel of Time.. this is probably reason that it took me 7 days to read it (6 actually since one day I did not read it).

Why am I telling this? Well it was quite interesting. I have basically spend all the time after school until late evening reading it except meditation. Cool is that when I was getting about 6-7 hours of sleep I felt very good in the morning which I think has to do with sleep cycles that do not normally match exactly with the hours I sleep.

What is this book about? Well it tells one year of Harry being in school though since it is fan-fiction there are quite a changes. Harry is a rationalist and the whole book is very logically consistent. To match Harry's inteligence most main characters are extremely smart too. Now since I was and actually probably still am, a rationlists it very interested me.

On this forum people like to rant rationality quite often, no problem with that, maybe it is because of Leo's video or maybe not. The thing I realised after reading this book which is from guy who is high level rational is that when most people say that they are rational they actually are not. Harry, kind of representing the author is well above anything you might have seen and rationality is really about seeking the truth, questioning beliefs and so on. It uses mind  of course where lies the fundamental flaw. Perfect rationalist is aware of this, he is aware that all of this is fundametally wrong anyway, he is not attached to his beliefs that would limit him in the rationality and he is aware of maya. Rationality does not lead to fundamental truth as far as I know of course but if you read this book you will realise what is a power of rationality, if well done, in "physical reality", it will help you understand people, understand yourself, understand science and then it is tool and there is nothing wrong about it, and tools do not need to be used all the time.. you do not want to take tree down by hammer.

So what I have learned? I think I am quite integrated with my rational part of myself. Before I was kind of throwing it away since I realised that it can not get you anywhere, but ther truth is now.. I know it and I love rationality anyway, it is beatiful what you can do with your mind if it is properly trained.

Dragallur

[Dragallur]

56th day:
Enlightenment work
1 hour of SDS and Self-Inquiry. SDS was kind of strange because I had to have a huge support under my knees in cross-legged position since I have some problems with them right now. It kind of shifted my time feeling since I can guess usually quite well because of pain and I thought that I have like 15 minutes more than I did and then few seconds before the session was supposed to end I looked at the clock

Physics
Did experiments today, nothing else.

Mindfulness
Not very good. I wanted to eat slowly and mindfully. I eat extremely fast because my lunch was simply amazing.

• Computer games (0 streak)

 

My 1st rule of self-actualization

Mistakes are allowed. There is nothing wrong with mistakes. Learn from your mistakes. Do not blame other people for their mistakes. Do not fear of mistakes. Be glad that you noticed your mistake. Feel proud of your mistakes. Do not let the blame of others inside you.

I figured out this rule even before I started actualization, it was based on text from a song:

All the pain and suffering, will dispirit or feed you.
dispirit or feed you.
For each and every time your failures will craft you
when the fear of them is gone

-Insomnium (Ephemeral)

Other things I wanted to mention

1,300,000 people died in Auschwitz alone (concentration camp in Poland). I was thinking about this and the fact that I have never seen anybody die. I realised that such a number is not comprehensible, at all. I also remembered the experiment where people were supposed to tell how much money they would give for saving some dying cute animal, in the same experiment people were asked how much money would they give for 8 such cute animals. Result? People are not able to multiply by 8, it was less simply because you do not imagine 8 dying animals as easily as 1.
I decided to play some short films that were taken by American soldiers when they freed concetration camps to actually see how it looked like. It was interesting, I have to warn of piles of dead bodies and starving people, I did not cry but it was definitely important for me to see.

Oh I had the world's spiciest natural growing chilli, pretty fun .

Intuition is amazing.
I decided upon intuition one thing about week ago (one person that is reading it may know what I am talking about) and I think it was great decicion and I feel happy that I did it.'
Last week I was wondering if I should go try out some new after school activity. I felt like I was to spend time at home but then I remembered that all surprising and new stuff actually happens elsewhere. I had this long ego discussion about comfort and so on. At one point it just broke and I went to try out jugling. It was fucking awesome!!! I loved it and I am looking forward to this friday when I will try it out again.

Dragallur
 

[Dragallur]

57th day:
Enlightenment work
1 hour of SDS, pretty good.. I really like how I seometimes just emerge from monkey mind into high mindfulness. 1 hour of self-inquiry.

Physics
Nothing really, I plan to return to Khan Academy again.

Few days back I thought about The Grand Project again. I thought it would be cool if you could also install a program which would basically be tables about planets, stars and so on. Lists of all equations that are commonly used, their explanations and some examples. WIth this astronomy calculator would come with which you could do your problems very fast as it would have built in things you need for astronomy, one click for any constant whether it is gravitational, Hubble or mass of Sun.

I am reading Think and Grow RIch by Napoleon Hill. Pretty interesting, it is about business which is something I might need one day. I will read more!

Mindfulness
Probably better than usual. I remember to be mindfull many times a day but it is only short time really.

• No computer games (1 streak)
• Waking up at 5:00AM (0 streak)
• Going to sleep before 10:00PM (0 streak)

Negatives

I received my history test today. It was very bad, the teacher returned it to me with few words. I basically misinterpreted the stuff there. I know that I do not understand the text that I have to analyze but still.. I hope that when my German improves I will be able to keep up with the work. At the same time the fact that I got 5 (0%) does not matter at all since I learn here something completely different from Czech (here we learn about Hitler, in Czech about medieval times) so I will have to catch up with the stuff anyway when I return.. it does not make sense to be sad about it at all.

Positives

Integration with all my parts is getting better and better. Sometimes I say in my head lot of bad words about people around though I know that it is just my mistake. Or I have some twisted thoughts, interesting things happen when you do not understand most stuff that people say around you, I do not stop these parts of brain anymore, I just let it be going and thinking that its funny what the ego does.

Dragallur

[Dragallur]

58th day:
Enlightenment work
Because I could not sleep I did yesterday another 34 minutes. Today in the morning 24 and later 54 and 60 of self-inquiry.

Physics
Not really but I have a great idea about trick in derivations which I need to test.

Mindfulness
It is definitely getting better. Today I was very mindful compared to normal but I can get way better.

• No computer games (2 streak)
• Waking up at 5:00AM (1 streak)
• Going to sleep before 10:00PM (0 streak)

I went to bed at 22:02 though after it I meditated though I would not count it. I have 3 minutes now

The Grand Project
I did some work. It turns out that I could get domain and hosting for 1 dollar per month for one year and then it would be something like 8 dollars for one month.

I will have to think a lot and figure out what I want to do, if I need to learn PHP or if I can just start or what.

Dragallur

[Dragallur]

59th day:
Enlightenment work
Sleepy SDS and interesting self-inquiry.

Physics
I went on 11th grade physics class but it was not worth it. I have found great way to multiply basically any two 3 digit numbers!

Mindfulness
Not as good as yesterday but still pretty cool.

• No computer games (3 streak)
• Waking up at 5:00AM (0 streak)
• Going to bed before 10:00PM (1 streak)

Thats all, I have one minute

Dragallur

 

[Dragallur]

60th day:
Enlightenment work
As usual.

Physics
I received my math exam today corrected. I got 44/76, too low? Yeah well.. I did not explain my way of thinking which lowered my point I did not know one problem at all and then I was not really able to formulate my answer. It does not matter of course and I am perfectly ok with it since I understand the topic well.

Mindfulness
As yesterday, so quite fine, hopefully tommorow when we celebrate Thanksgiving day I will be more mindful.

• No computer games (4 streak)
• Waking up at 5:00AM (1 streak)
• Going to bed before 10:00PM (0 streak)

No computer games are going fine, quite easy now though I procrastinated today and spent and checked forum a lot which cut out some time, it wont be so hard to correct it.

Why am I writing this so late?
Today with my class I was supposed to go to city (30 min) by train and watch a play with some religious context. I went there, the way to theater was quite easy but I took wrong turn somewhere and so I started to ask people. About ten minutes before start I was standing next to the theater and it was locked, I asked guys at parking spot but they did not have keys. Then I called my host-mother and after that I realised I was on in the street I was supposed to be at. I walked some direction and asked some people. Than there was young couple with smart-phone and they were the only people throughout the whole journe who pointed me well When I went by their directions it was something like 10 minutes after the start of the play and soon I asked again but not with the adress but only with "theater", I have underestimated the number of theaters that are there and everybody pointed me to some big one and when I came there I find out that it is wrong one. Soon enough I was walking back, no more limbing-running towards the train station since if I would teleport I would catch like 10 minutes of it.

IT WAS FUN. I wasted 2 hours but it was cool and they were not wasted[1]

This is one of the nice benefits of meditation, you do not care if your train is late by an hour or if you walk in a city where you have been once before for 40 minutes completely lost.

Another thing I realised. I talk with some people very different way. For example I can change myself to role of complete rationalist, non duality guy, person who talks about politics and so on. It made me think that some people know only one of my sides and that if I would be in my high-self I would act very differently, it is matter of choice. With some people I am very careful to not hurt their feelings even when I do not know them much which results in strange mix of words, then comes the part when I realise that I manipulate the person and whole discussion gets totally screwed, it simply does not make much sense. Also by this I too underestimate people, I am being too careful with them while I could unleash my whole "actualized" top level personality that I am capable of and have a great conversation.

Also I manipulate all the time, I had another of these great moments when I realised that the hole is deeper than I thought. By talking I manipulate, by not talking I manipulate, this results in the most strange thought processes that can make it out of my mouth then.

If this even makes sense.

Dragallur

[1]The moments when you realize that only people on this forum and several others will understand such paradox without single thought (or is it just my impression?)

[Dragallur]

How To Harness Your Intuition – Exercises:

How has my intuition served me in the past?

• Trying out completely new things and discovering they are cool.
• Giving me concept of how my dream business might look like.
• Getting me out of comfort zone to where something interesting happens.

How does my intuition feel when it’s working?

• Sudden idea coming out of nowhere.
• New view.
• Thing I would not do normally.
• Charge of flow.

What has my intuition been trying to tell me lately?

• Stop lucid dreaming.
• Start to execute actions on The Grand Project.
• Read more.

What is my intuition saying about my career?

• It says that The Grand Project is totally amazing thing.

What is my intuition saying about my relationships?

• Do not know yet.

Where is my intuition ultimately trying to guide me?

• I am not sure right now.

In what ways do I ignore my intuition?

• It says that it would help me if I stop trying lucid dreaming completely as it only wastes my time at the moment.

Why don’t I follow my intuition more?

• It feels scarry and jump in the dark.
• I fear of letting go to something like that.

What changes could I make to reconnect with my intuition more consistently?

• Ask throughout the day what my intuition think about this and that.
• Have "intuition sessions".

What would my life look like if I had the courage to follow my deepest intuitions?

• Fast and quality acting.
• Probably high authenticity.

What are some noble or aspirational yearnings that I am suppressing or stalling on?

• Becaming vegan.
• Getting rid of most things I own (here in Germany I do not have so many things but in Czech there is quite a treasure still).

Dragallur

[dude]

2 hours ago, Dragallur said:

It says that The Grand Project is totally amazing thing.

Fuck Yhea it is !

[Dragallur]

62nd day:
Enlightenment work
1 hours self-inquiry. I was trying hard to look behind things that are being said. "Once you learn language, you will HAVE TO understand words otherwise, they are just sounds." I find it extremely hard to get behind words since my brain immediately interprets them.
Almost 2 hours of SDS in two sessions.

Physics
DId Khan Academy. Found hours of content on astronomy though i do not know what quality it is yet. Yesterday I read something about Mars which I decided would be the first subject when I launch The Grand Project.

Mindfulness
Uhh, not so good, during SDS yes but not much otherwise.

• No computer games (6 streak)
• Waking up at 5:00AM (0 streak)
• Going to bed before 10:00PM (2 streak)

I have found pretty interesting stuff about green living. It sucks that since I still have to live with other people I can not change their behavior so much, I am still dependant on what they buy, how often they think I should take shower or wasch clothes.

The Grand Project - Encyklopædia Astronomica
Hell yeah. I am pretty happy with the title right now though in the adress it will have to be "e" of course. It is inspired by "Encyklopædia Britannica", so it is also in latin but still understandable. I thought about other titles too but they seemed very shallow. I checked I will not break any copyright by this since I am not planning to copy their logo and so on.

I was also thinking when I read "blogging is not a business" that I might need to have an idea to what I could potentially sell since otherwise only money profit would be for me advertising. I mentioned before this application with charts and calculator though that is kind of long term thing and would require somebody to program it. This runs into the issue if I should learn to program or not and right now I do not think so, there is so much stuff that I need to learn in astronomy alone that adding a programing language would break my progress by hundreds of hours. There is also Patreon page and I could have featured content or so.

Intuition
I deleted my meditation and lucid dreaming statistics. I could still retrieve it partially but I am not planning to.
I was thinking about deleting facebook account but did not decide yet.

Dragallur

(3 minutes before bed huh )
Let me know what you think about the title or if you have any other idea!

[Dragallur]

63rd day:
Secretly I hope
That nothing ever comes of this
And you are not alone
Wanting to come back
To a place where it won’t matter
Just what side you’re on
It’s when our lines are graded
What’s underneath will overcome

-Dark Tranquility (Atoma)
Enlightenment work
1 hour of SDS right after I woke up. 1 hour of self-inquiry in afternoon.

Physics
Nope, nothing.

Mindfulness
Great day on mindfulness except evening.

• No computer games (7 streak)
• Waking up at 5:00AM (1 streak)
• Going to bed before 10:00PM (3 streak)

I watched Doctor Strange. A bit of enlightenment stuff can be put on it and otherwise it was fun, I do not feel guilty about it though I could have done more productive stuff.

Intuition
From now on I will put sarcastic mark to everything I say is intuition - "intuition approved". So intuition approved is that I yesterday slept on flood watching the stars. Only thinkg that sucks about having glasses is that you do not see stars well without them. (Got I have 1 minute now.

The Grand Project
In the morning in library I decided to brainstorm a little on how I plan to make money out of the business. I will definitely create Patreon page, also I got a great idea that I could give an option to listen to all articles on mp3 since I could just talk everything I have written. I am still pretty satisfied with the title, second option on the list is Astropedia though similar names already exist.
I have also found some sites that have similar mission to what I plan to do. I will need to search through them and find how what does not work and where they would need some work to do. One that looked pretty good is just a wikimap, I am not doing only encyklopedic way, I need the people who read it also understand the subject and be able to practice it.

Dragallur

[Dragallur]

64th day:
Enlightenment work
70+50 min of SDS and 60 min of Self-inquiry. Great SDS today.

Physics
Little bit of Khan Academy. I wrote few days ago about my math exam where I got 46/77 points. Today math teacher showed us the solutions, uhh, I do not like when teachers do not know when they do not know what they are doing.. he was not even able to do last problem right, why does he give us problems that he is not able to solve?

Mindfulness
Amazing. Morning was very powerful.

• No computer games (8 streak)
• Waking up at 5:00AM (0 streak)
• Going to bed before 10:00PM (0 streak)

Huh, sleep

The Grand Project
I started to learn HTML and soon will jump on PHP.. I decided I will need it.

Dragallur

[Dragallur]

Thoughts:
Something has changed. I got the feeling few days ago, now it is not so strong but I can still relate to it. I do not know what. Something is wrong with me, with the self. Not in bad manner. Strange. I flinch when I get deeper in SDS or self-inquiry, something or nothing is there.

It seems to me that when I actually become mindfull for longer time I am actually alive. Imagine what life was like when we were very small kids, when we knew only few words. Everything was knew. We did not even knew how to move with our bodies well. Every sight, every sounds, every small was new. Now, everything is sorted. I can put everything I see in a box, name it, thats why time runs so quickly. Mindfulness...

Would you ever send somebody to eternal torture? Even somebody who did something bad in your eyes? I would not, I would not send even Hitler to eternal torture, even if he was 100x worse. Why? I think that lot of people underestimate the longness of eternity. Take afterlife that Christians promise for example. Lets say that you consider physical one where you can do stuff. What are you going to do? Well you have eternity so you can just do nothing for the first billion of years, nothing wasted. Then you can meet with all people that are in heaven, that is around 100 billion people right now, you can learn all languages, you can try everything you ever wanted, you can find new things, explore and so on. What do you do then? Well you have just finished, it took you few quintillions of years because you do it really mindfully and try to enjoy every piece of afterlife. You are nowhere close to eternity, the afterlife did not even started in a sense. What do you do then? You can do everything but you will ALWAYS end up with some end (yes you could start to learn Pi digits). What then? This is why I think death has a meaning and afterlife is completely pointless, you will be happy? And what? Afterlife without the option to end it, I think I would hate that. Which gets me to the point I wanted to make, how can anybody wish to send someone to hell = eternal torture? It did actually happened to me.. the thing is that human can not get close to imagining eternity and why I would never wish to send even Hitler in hell, that is worse than well, everything else. (Considering the usual moral code I use during my day). (What nonduality says is way different then physical type of afterlife)

 

[Dragallur]

73rd day:
Oh it has been a while since i posted, well few days. Anyway interesting stuff is definitely going on:

Enlightenment work
I bought the book Neti Neti meditation. It has only 50 pages but enough material for decades I guess

So since I deleted my excel charts I kind of changed my meditation, not really though right now I do everyday 1 hour SDS and then 1 hour of Neti-Neti or Self-inquiry, today for example it was Neti-Neti. Pretty neat, I often feel during these two things as though I am standing in front of huge beautiful dragon (those are my favorite animals) and not even that I can not comprehend its appearence and majesty but I do not even know that it is dragon and there are 3 feet of wall of smoky glass between us (and I do not wear my glasses ). Btw I hate the imperial units but this time it seemed nice ot use feet since in the song While We Sleep by Insomnium, they say "wall of glass thick and deep"... oh wait there is no "feet" there, ouch..

Physics
I am working on problems from one seminar. The one that I need to solve right now goes like this: you are on a beach with your girlfriend/boyfriend and you watch sunset. Since you want the romantic moment to last, you brought an elevator.. find out what speed does the elevator need to drive in order for you two to be able to watch the sunset.

Mindfulness
Last week was better.

• No computer games (17 streak)

Wow, I would not expect this to be so easy. I almost played one really old game yesterday, I completely forgot about this. It did not work though because of WIndows 10 so..

I will not try to wake up at 5:00AM for some time now. I feel like I have a bit of sleep deprivation and I need to catch that up so I stop falling asleep during SDS.

Pick Up
Well this is where things go as much personal as they have been ever in this journal, I guess. Well.

Girls. Yup. I was in a friendzone at least 3 times (I am 16 and one of them was for like 6 months at least). This never made me angry at this kind of stuff and rather learned me quite important things about myself. So no, I never had girlfriend, I have some good female friends, I had one about 2 years ago who was for some time probably the closest person to me ever but thats about it.

While I called it pick up it was not much of a pick up. Today during lunch I had a great opportunity to talk with one very sympatic girl since she was sitting alone. It was completely catastrophic, but hey, I almost laughed out loud during my Neti-Neti about it. In the afternoon I summarised the conversation, highlighted important parts and commented on my mistakes, yeah they were really dumb. Thats my first experience with walking to person of another gender without even knowing their name and starting conversation out of nothing with no idea where it will go.

Random stuff
I started to watch Game of Thrones again but only in German. Wow, it is pretty hard, otherwise my german has improved a lot, I quite like it these days.

In physics test I got 13/21 points. Well, I had EVERYTHING right except one minus and then the teacher did not like that I do not write units often and my way of working through some problem. She does not have much of physics-problem-thinking. She always inserts value into equation and after that she evaluates it instead of manipulating it so that you have something you want to find out equals to stuff and then inserting the values.

Dragallur
 

[Dragallur]

79th day:
Enlightenment work
Today I woke up with stiff and later on painful lower back. Now it is better, I did some exercises but because of it I did SDS while lying on the floor which made me fall asleep for do not know how long. That sucks but once the back is ok I will get into normal sessions.

Senses are so weird. Every one of them is freaking unique. If you could only hear you would not know what seeing is and vica-versa. Imagine if you could see through stuff like you can hear around corner or you could smell something ON THAT PLACE and not in your nose. Or if you could taste food without the need to put it in your mouth!

Physics
I wrote about this physics problem. Seems I got it wrong but it is kind of weird though I learned lot of stuff from it and made a cool graph in desmos and so on. It was definitely awesome. Today I did a little bit of KA and also learned cool stuff about superconductivity. Tommorow is physics class where I am allowed to do my own stuff!

Mindfulness

• No computer games (23 streak)

Not so much I will become more mindful that I want to be mindful.

Every several seconds child dies. (This fact gets quite horrific if you imagine when you watch TV, shop, or do anything that you meet these dead children along the way[1])

Stuff
I watched Leos video: Critique of rationality. Huh, this is the worst video that Leo EVER made. I do not want to dig into it here since the probability of someone interested reading it is low (in other case write me message). If I would not be behind some other work like meditation and self-inquiry I would never buy into it. Anyway listening to some podcasts made me reconsider some stuff and close the veil between spirituality and rationality even more about which I am very happy. This is probably the biggest conflict I have ever had, we will see how it goes, the video about Confusion is quite handy here since sometimes I just let the case opened unanswered and it does not bother me so much.

I found out that if I get far enough in physics olympiade and/or physics seminar I do not need to do any tests for Faculty of Mathematics and Physics in Prague. Which is definitely great!

Dragallur

[1]It is kind of complicated to get the number of kids that die every x seconds. Some sites say 4 seconds or 10 or so. I do not dare to specify but it seems that 1 per minute is low estimate that you can be sure of.

[Dragallur]

82nd day:
Enlightenment work
During one part os todays SDS I found out something completely arbitrary to enlightenment. When I am kind of sleepy sometimes imagination gets very real and I can catch this moment for second or so and it is quite cool. It seems to me that it is kind of black and white but I am able to catch myself before I fall asleep, interesting.

I do not have much problem with 60 minutes of SDS anymore, maybe I will start to make to longer, dunno.

Often I learn the most valuable lessons when someone does to me or somebody else something not so nice and I truly notice what happen. At that point I tell myself, do not do this, you will hurt the other person, sometimes its just small things. Yesterday for example we started somehow to talk about dimensions and I said that we see only in 2nd dimension and our mind and memory says that we see in 3rd dimension. I had pretty good arguments but the other person stopped to talk with me probably because the idea simply seemed silly and the part with arguments was completely ignored I did not even got any from the other side... lesson, do not run away from discussion ever, even if you talk with creationists or Moon landing deniers, some people might actually want to learn what you think about the opinion and you need to weight the value of what they are saying since you might as well be just brainwashed about the idea. Especially if you talk with kids.

Physics
Quite lot of work in differential calculus. I moved forward a lot because I did function analyzing in school and not in Khan Academy.

I am also listening to podcast called Baeysian conspiracy. It is basically about rationality, these people are so peaceful and openminded! Its cool to see rationalists that are able to do it, I really like them. Baeysian statistics seems extremely interesting, I have never seen it mentioned on this forum.

There are so many freakin schools of "knowledge" there is no reason to discard religion, rationality or spirituality. One cool math teacher in Czech once told me that it is important to realise that it is dangerous to make conclusion about one field with the other one. For example science is not so much about God and spirituality simply wont constuct rocket and safe human kind from asteroid.[1]

Mindfulness
Saturday seems better to me little bit than other saturdays.

• No computer games (26 streak)

Leo posted on the forum something about shattering your view of reality and UFO. I have to admit that I am skeptical. Yes I am definitel skeptical but hey alright, I want to see any super-natural things for myself, this does not really help much. I think that you can get lost in shit. There is probably so much scam there and lot of good stuff too, but you can not really test it. Thats one thing I like about science and it is probably just because it is so mainstream and lot of people do it. In research you often know what are they coming from what assumptions they have and so on. Also these people know that you need to have large sample to get any results which is what some "healer" simply either does not know about or does not have.. it might just be placebo, it might only work this way and not another... whether you are enlightened or not.. you still get affected by biases. I am open to these things, I think that one of my friends is able to push people without touching them and bend metal at will.. so no I am not coming from ultra-skeptic viewpoint.

I have read my older posts here. Wow, its so funny.. it seems to me like I am reading diary of some child, three months after this it will happen again

Also my knees are great, my back is alright again!

Dragallur

(Going to #meditate right now! )

[1]What the teacher told appeals to me though I did not test these things myself...

[Dragallur]

83rd day:
Enlightenment work
Well lot of monkey mind. I am going throung Neti-Neti too fast.

Since winter break is coming I am planning to do long distance walking again. Two times I walked already in summer 65 kilometers and 50 kilometers once in a day. SInce I am not so fit at the moment I will probably start with 40 or so and if it goes alright I will walk more. Really looking forward to it, just realized that this plan was made up by intuition probably!!!

Physics
Wow today... I spent most of the day doing physics and math. I need to work so freakin much. I tend to look towards the people that have around 100% on one of the hard-core physics seminars and then I take look on the problems and its like another language..
The problem is that I have learn to expect that I will solve problem fastly or that I will see the solution immediately. At the same time I persuaded myself to do some research before giving up and I found the stuff I needed for one of the problems and basically understood everything in it which was great! Lesson: I need to learn more patience and really dive into the topics. I have really fun sometimes with derivatives, its really cool to do them.

Mindfulness
No comment.

(no comp. games)

I watched the new video of course. This one was pretty good indeed. No time to loose, there is really lot to do and physics and enlightenment need to be mastered.

I forgot to say, about week ago I had spontaneous lucid dream, cool but it was short as hell.

I spend a lot of time on the computer and on internet.. I think it is alright since I do not procrastinate these days and I need to learn physics on computer since I do not have here any books anyway.

Also I realized that I did another intuition thing. I decided that I will stop heating my room completely. It safes water which is good for environment (I was just re-learning something with calorimetry and hell, water takes so much energy to heat!!!). It is right now pretty chilli and my feet are freezing a bit but I can adjust!

After today I feel this strong urge to really learn physics cool.

One of the best threads ever on this forum was created when Leo  shared the book of Ra. Interesting was that the part I read I took pretty ok, but no I do not believe in UFO. It is not actually very important to take ANY position here, you can just let it be and let evidence show up, which I really like. Leo mentioned that there is some part about meditation and it is pretty well described to what he experiences which sounds cool.
Its all alright I know that my emotional reaction when I hear about somebody being religious is going pretty close to zero! I see how the yellow stage is amazing. I am not there, I have been thinking about it a long time but I am not there, definitely, long way to go.. but hell yeah it is great to feel peace and not disgust when somebody talks about these things.

Dragallur