Does time really heal?

[Kay100]

My son is in high school and didn't do well in the recent end of the year exams. Ideally it would be great to look at all his exam papers and figure out where the problems were and how he can improve on them. But the problem is, right now he don't want to look at the exam papers because it will remind him all the negative feelings the exam results brought to him. 

Well it's the holidays now so it's actually a good time to not think about the exams for a while and enjoy the holidays. So if after la month time from now, if we take out the exam papers again, would he forget all the negative feelings because of the time that lapsed? Does time really heal negative feelings? Would one month be long enough for lighten the heavy feelings? Or would it take much longer?

I'm not sure if it's better to help him to change any negative thoughts that he have about these exams, or just wait for a period of time and let the negative emotions pass? He doesn't allow me to mention the exam right now, so I think it would be hard to help him change his thoughts about it cause he just don't want to think about anything related to those exams right now...

 

[Gesundheit]

It really depends, but the important thing here is to make sure he doesn't feel like he's being pressured into a certain pathway. Stress can be very frustrating and counterproductive. He needs to make his own calls about his future, and feel the liberty of choice. Your role as a parent would be just to nudge him gently into the right direction.

What does he think/talk about right now instead? There may be some clues for you in there.

[Mada_]

I finished high school last year. 

I had a terrible year, had a very irregular sleeping pattern, depression, isolated myself and would binge eat to deal with stress. 

Imo, what your son needs is perspective on why school is important to him. That is what was missing for me; I would constantly be trying to motivate myself, affirmations, journaling, putting inspiring words on walls. In the end I couldn't put my finger on why it was important to me, but I could probably define it now. My friend who got awarded dux (best marks in the whole year level) said to me "I think a lot of the time I didn't manage my emotions, but year 12 was very important to me and I knew I wanted to do well". Meaning she probably had similar emotional challenges to me, but her vision allowed her to prevail. 

If money would allow it, I would recommend booking your son one or two sessions with an NLP coach. This way he'd be given a practical technique to be able to motivate himself, and a chance to meet a really positive role model. 

[seeking_brilliance]

Sounds like he puts alot of pressure on himself... Maybe unravel that a bit...

Your question does not only involve time and healing, but also about memory. With the time, he can begin to forget the pain a little, and have some time to remember that he is perfectly OK and there is nothing wrong with him.  

 

[Kay100]

@seeking_brilliance yes I guess the reason why time can heal is mainly because time helps  us to forget the painful feelings right?

[seeking_brilliance]

3 hours ago, Kay100 said:

@seeking_brilliance yes I guess the reason why time can heal is mainly because time helps  us to forget the painful feelings right?

Sometimes I wonder if the illusion of time, and memory, are intertwined