How do you overcome feeling cringe ?

[Striving for more]

Cringe is this common emotion I feel. I feel it when I talk to others, approach girls, when I speak, when I think, when I post on here. 

I'd like to say I don't care what others think but it's probably not true yet because I always cringe at myself. 

I feel like I was born a cringe lord 

Maybe I should order some psilocybin lool

[Guest EmptyVase]

Trying to avoid cringe = Adjusting behavior for others

I used to be like that too. I overthought every action and felt guilty for being myself. In fact, I really feared to be myself, because I feared what others would think about me. Fear is related to our self-image.

The solution was embracing myself fully. Embracing myself lead to automatic acceptance.

Embrace yourself. Embrace every part of your being. Embrace your mistakes, but also the things you do well. It's surprising, how much people can appreciate you for your "mistakes, failures, cringe" and so on. After all, it makes you you! And people appreciate that.

By doing that, you become authentic - because you don't try to hide away anything about yourself.

When you need to adjust your behavior because of some social norms or whatever, do it consciously.

Hope this helps

[Striving for more]

15 minutes ago, EmptyVase said:

The solution was embracing myself fully. Embracing myself lead to automatic acceptance.

Embrace yourself. Embrace every part of your being. Embrace your mistakes, but also the things you do well. It's surprising, how much people can appreciate you for your "mistakes, failures, cringe" and so on. After all, it makes you you! And people appreciate that.

By doing that, you become authentic - because you don't try to hide away anything about yourself.

Authenticity is key, gracias amigo 

[PurpleTree]

it probably has to do with low confidence, or ruminating, thought loops etc.

maybe you're a people pleaser and a perfectionist, you want to appear perfect which is impossible

[Guest EmptyVase]

1 minute ago, PurpleTree said:

you want to appear perfect which is impossible

Very true. If something like a perfect human being could exist, it would be the most boring person on this planet. 

 

[PurpleTree]

5 minutes ago, EmptyVase said:

Very true. If something like a perfect human being could exist, it would be the most boring person on this planet. 

 

Yea it's silly but it probably comes from the idea that you can't get hurt if you're perfect or something like that. Also comparing your insides (insecurities, feelings, tension etc) to other people outside appearance. But a lot of times people make a great appearance but it's the opposite on the inside as we for example see with suicide in hollywood stars, ceo's etc.

31 minutes ago, EmptyVase said:

Embrace yourself. Embrace every part of your being. Embrace your mistakes, but also the things you do well. It's surprising, how much people can appreciate you for your "mistakes, failures, cringe" and so on. After all, it makes you you! And people appreciate that.

Do you have any tips or techniques for embracing every part of your being?

[Guest EmptyVase]

5 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

Do you have any tips or techniques for embracing every part of your being?

One of the things which opened my eyes was realizing, that I embrace both "the good and the bad" parts of my friends and family. After seeing this, I couldn't unsee it anymore. If my friends and family were free of their "bad parts", there would be literally zero excitement in spending time with them. If I'd agree with everything, which my opposite says.. well, why would I even talk with them about stuff in the first place?

 

But feeling is also huge. @Nahm is the pro in this, but here are my two cents:

Recognize when you feel guilty about yourself. Really feel how it feels. Feel where you feel it. Feel how the sensations change while you feel anything you dislike about yourself.

While you do that, narratives about yourself will come up. Your mind will try to explain to you, why you are unworthy, not good enough etc. - feel that too and keep yourself from fueling these narratives. Just feeling itself will automatically lead to embrace. At least in my experience.

 

Own yourself. 

Try to laugh at your own insecurities and see them with humor. Not being so overly serious about yourself and allowing to laugh about yourself can be very healing. Nahm would maybe call that having an inner smile.

 

[Danioover9000]

   Take videos of yourself, and marvel at your existential cringe-ness . Or watch cringe compilations until you desensitize to it.

[PurpleTree]

12 minutes ago, EmptyVase said:

One of the things which opened my eyes was realizing, that I embrace both "the good and the bad" parts of my friends and family. After seeing this, I couldn't unsee it anymore. If my friends and family were free of their "bad parts", there would be literally zero excitement in spending time with them. If I'd agree with everything, which my opposite says.. well, why would I even talk with them about stuff in the first place?

 

But feeling is also huge. @Nahm is the pro in this, but here are my two cents:

Recognize when you feel guilty about yourself. Really feel how it feels. Feel where you feel it. Feel how the sensations change while you feel anything you dislike about yourself.

While you do that, narratives about yourself will come up. Your mind will try to explain to you, why you are unworthy, not good enough etc. - feel that too and keep yourself from fueling these narratives. Just feeling itself will automatically lead to embrace. At least in my experience.

 

Own yourself. 

Try to laugh at your own insecurities and see them with humor. Not being so overly serious about yourself and allowing to laugh about yourself can be very healing. Nahm would maybe call that having an inner smile.

 

hmm yea some good suggestions thank you

12 minutes ago, Danioover9000 said:

   Take videos of yourself, and marvel at your existential cringe-ness . Or watch cringe compilations until you desensitize to it.

maybe running around naked for desensitisation would be good too  

[electroBeam]

6 hours ago, Striving for more said:

Cringe is this common emotion I feel. I feel it when I talk to others, approach girls, when I speak, when I think, when I post on here. 

I'd like to say I don't care what others think but it's probably not true yet because I always cringe at myself. 

I feel like I was born a cringe lord 

Maybe I should order some psilocybin lool

Counter Intuitive move: feel deeply into the feeling of cringe, imagine wrapping a loving blanket around it and say "I love you so much my cringiness, I wouldn't trade you in for the world. I just accept and love you too much".

[Nahm]

@Striving for more

Judgement is not per se easy to let go of, but it is let go of by being aware of reactionary behavior, by not reacting. Just ‘sitting with it’, witnessing it, observing...but not reacting. If you no longer react to thoughts, you no longer judge. When you no longer judge, there is no longer the cringe. It is not ‘when I talk to others’, etc. It is when judgmental thoughts arise and are reacted to in behavior. 

[xxxx]

20 hours ago, Striving for more said:

I feel it when I talk to others, approach girls, when I speak, when I think, when I post on here. 

"Cringe is the intense visceral reaction produced by an awkward moment, an unpleasant kind of self-recognition where you suddenly see yourself through someone else’s eyes. It’s a forced moment of self-awareness, and it usually makes you cognizant of the disappointing fact that you aren’t measuring up to your own self-concept."

Book : Cringeworthy, A Theory of Awkwardness by Melissa Dahl.

.

When you realize that other is just as flesh and bones as you, you will stop trying to look at yourself through their eyes. You got to develop that awareness, first. 

.

These are reviews, in case you wish to read the book. 

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2416758539

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35260126-cringeworthy

[lmfao]

The only thing more cringe than cringe is to find everything cringe. 

"The only thing to cringe at is cringe itself" - Frank Roosevelt 

Edited December 20, 2020 by lmfao

[Striving for more]

These are all great tips and thank you guys. 

It will take me a while to embody this advice & overcome cringe - it's actually really hard in practice & overlooked in the PD community.

E.G > I messed up a good interaction with a really cringe text. & Even day later there's this residue of cringe still affecting me, I'd just be trying to cook then I would flinch at the thought of the text I sent.

Blah blah maybe no more thinking or focusing on the problem will solve, I just need to practice the tips until it's second nature. Too much overconceputalizing ok I will stop

Edited December 24, 2020 by Striving for more

[Striving for more]

On 20/12/2020 at 4:46 PM, xxxx said:

"Cringe is the intense visceral reaction produced by an awkward moment, an unpleasant kind of self-recognition where you suddenly see yourself through someone else’s eyes. It’s a forced moment of self-awareness, and it usually makes you cognizant of the disappointing fact that you aren’t measuring up to your own self-concept."

Book : Cringeworthy, A Theory of Awkwardness by Melissa Dahl.

When you realize that other is just as flesh and bones as you, you will stop trying to look at yourself through their eyes. You got to develop that awareness, first. 

Deep & precise AF BRO ! 

& YEAH even the people we desire & glorify must have there cringe moments - My mind always tricks me that this isn't the case - that I will never have that girl because I lowered my value through my display of cringe, something she would never do. Or like that celebrities aren't capable of cringe, does Brad Pitt fart ? lol

@xxxx

Edited December 24, 2020 by Striving for more

[The_Alchemist]

Be around beautiful people and watch them objectively;
Not player hating
Not worshipping

Everyone is cringe, it's just halo effect that lets beautiful people get away with it.

Conversational fluency, movement and humor are all things that can be trained.

[xxxx]

8 hours ago, Striving for more said:

YEAH even the people we desire & glorify must have there cringe moments

I mean, yeah. Look at Jennifer Lawrence - I love her. She has made her clumsy and embarrassing moments her strength - look at her videos / interviews.

Then, there’s Jack Nicholson - to a ‘suave’ person, he may seem cringe - but he owns his cringe - that’s his game. 

How to own your cringe? That primarily comes with not taking yourself too seriously.

.

Have I used too many Hollywood examples? Yikes. *cringes* 

.

All the best.  

 

[Value]

I have the same problem to an extent, used to have it more. If I'm enterpreting you correctly, try self loving visualizations/affirmations - loving yourself as you are right now, and then generally just being in more fun social situations. Also the more direction you have life purpose wise, the better.