Meditation Journal *beginner*

[levani]

#1 (first time ever meditated today)

16 minutes in, felt "something" - indescribable so stopped, overall not as sufferingy as I expected it to be.

Tried to bring my awareness back whenever a thought popped up, really tried to just focus on my awareness, i tried scanning my body like vipassana but for some reason it was easier to focus on the sound frequency I always hear when it's silent

 

If any experienced meditators have any advise whatsoever - feel free to comment - i would love any feedback

Edited December 19, 2020 by levani

[levani]

#2

 

Started off well I guess, maybe I lost the awareness/concentration/focus a few times but only a few times no more than 10 which I feel is an improvement from last time but I'm just gonna let it play out.

There is this weird transcendence bit as if I am entering some kind of ionosphere or like a bubble which kind of feels like entering another state of consciousness or something it was frightening last time so I stopped but this time I just kept hoong and surprise surprise nothing happened out of the ordinary. The one thing that did happen after this entering into the bubble/higher state of consciousness is there were more thoughts that I could observe I guess ? I had To keep bringing my awareness back to breathing or scanning my body or the heartbeat or the sound of silence frequency thingy

Fear of Demons being in the room arose but clearly there were no demons in the room. This is something that I am battling against every day and I am kind of finally coming to the realisation that it is just simply another irrational fear and my mind is playing tricks on me to keep me safe or something.

 

... yeah

[levani]

#3

was quite difficult to stay "aware" in the beginning, i don't even fully understand what awareness is yet to be honest but i tried to focus on my breathing as much as possible. opened my eyes twice/three times. no weir experiences, some slightly fearful thoughts arose, tried to stay aware/still through them. was sweating like a fat slag ∵ i showered just before meditating

so far, 20 minutes x 3 days in a row.

[Raptorsin7]

Have you heard of the distinction between the direct path and the indirect path?

Why are you meditating? What is the goal of your practice?

[levani]

@Raptorsin7 i have not, send us a link bro

I am meditating to meditate.

It's the most important self-help habit according to some high consciousness people and increasing my consciousness is the #1 thing I could do right now.

[levani]

@Raptorsin7 i understand whay you're saying, as in... am I aware that I am aware or look for it in meditation, yes I understand that but i am doing meditation to increase my consciousness not to just understand what awareness is (I think)

[Raptorsin7]

"The Direct Path to Peace and Happiness" with Rupert Spira - YouTube

Check out rupert spira he's the best teacher i've come across.

I think the reason anyone meditates is because they think they will find happiness through meditation. Rupert spira goes right to the point, and shows in you in direct experience what exactly about meditation can bring about happiness.

[levani]

@Raptorsin7 sweet bro, thank you i'll check it out now

 

i already listened to his video "meditation: nothing can make you happy" and listening again now

[levani]

#4

 

another 20m today

felt like my head was twisting side ways on the front x axis even though it wasn't (i filmed)

irrational fears demons/darkness are slowly starting to fuck off, in fact they haven't been that scary lately

awareness more and more present and thoughts are kind of less frequent i guess

 

https://youtu.be/UXEf8QkhIQ0

Edited December 24, 2020 by levani

[levani]

#5

 

20m today, lots of thoughts, not sure how to make them less frequent, i guess by being aware between the thoughts

trying to feel my sensations as much as possible the silent frequency ear buzzing sound is quite easy to focus on I guess so i kept my attention / awareness there

1 fear arose one time in the right ear as if something wanted to whisper in my ear or some weird demon shit so i gave in once and opened my eyes but kept going after that

 

i will now do 5 minutes of concentration; pressure between fingers

Edited December 24, 2020 by levani

[levani]

#6

 

• 20 mins
• was harder to focus on the spare between thoughts today
• fear arose once and i opened my eyes (gave in)
• one song i like got stuck in my head for half the meditation
• found a comfortable position to meditate in - back against wall and cross legged

[levani]

#7

 

easier to be in the moment

still lots of thoughts

saw some weird shapes in my closed eye lids state, when they arose the thoughts fucked off more than normally

still unsure about how awareness itself isn't a thought

[Raptorsin7]

 

Edited December 25, 2020 by Raptorsin7

[levani]

#8 skipped

#9

best meditation so far, fears arose of demons or spirits in my room, gave in once but only once so that's good

felt like an orgasmic feeling behind right eye half way through

felt orgasmic in my third eye area/between eyebrows - i'm guessing that's what this flow state is or whatever, it fealt really good and i just kept going into it I guess - wondering if this was a mistake ? it's a sensation and i was aware of it, stayed aware so i don't see it as wrong but correct me if i'm wrong

20 minutes btw

[How to be wise]

@levani Your practice is going well! Keep it up. Don’t listen to @Raptorsin7

[Raptorsin7]

@How to be wise What am I saying that is not worth listening to?

I'm literally parroting rupert spira... so are you saying Rupert isn't worth listening to?

[levani]

On 22/12/2020 at 2:14 AM, Raptorsin7 said:

I think the reason anyone meditates is because they think they will find happiness through meditation.

i think @How to be wise is referring to this bit, which i disagree with so far i think but the video you sent it dope bro. It is the most important self help habit so far which i am aware of, i might bro wrong though innit

@How to be wise thanks brother

Edited December 28, 2020 by levani

[levani]

#10 skipped yday

#11

11 hours into hard dry fasting

felt like a good session

awareness is aware of itself (i think)

fears didn't arise even when something moved in my bin half way through, usually i'd open my eyes to check but now i see how silly that is

[levani]

found out the headpace app netflix show and did first episode

felt mad good, i did it after "sex" so it felt even more good, very tuned, very conscious kind of meditation

[levani]

I've slacked slightly and I was kind of feeling my consciousness decreasing in a strange way so today I did a 20,10,10 minute sessions and i felt a bit better I guess

 

harder to focus if not doing meditation properly

still observing thoughts