A Touch Of Evil.

[Koji]

I'm a very new meditator. I've only  been meditating for about six weeks. For the past 5 days or so I've been experiencing strong emotions during my sits. I wasn't surprised by this. The instructions I've read and videos I've watched on meditation told me to expect this. I go thru it by trying to experience the emotion as fully as possible while remaining objective and observing my reaction. Sometimes I'll pour gasoline on the emotion to get it to burn hotter. It's working great. My brain feels 50 pounds lighter.

I've been experiencing the emotions I expected: anger, fear, sorrow, even blind rage. Usually the emotion is preceded by a tightness in the chest and a few gasping breaths. The emotion usually lasts about 5 to 10 minutes. Tonight, however, it began with convulsions. I doubled over and began drooling, spitting, making grunting noises and laughing softly. This lasted for over half an our. After the emotion went away I ended my session and went to post about it here. As I sat down at my computer I started to feel it again. I went back to meditate and the feeling lasted for another 15 minutes. I ended the session when I realized that I was starting to wallow in the emotion.

The emotion I felt I can only describe as pure evil. It was just maliciousness.

It wasn't frightening. I just found really interesting. I didn't realize this side of myself existed, but looking back at my life, yeah, I've done some pretty mean things. Now that I'm aware of it I can make changes to the way I treat other people.

Anyway, something I thought I should share.

[kurt]

@Koji

Nice!

This is encouraging stuff. 

One tip from Moi is remember not to identify with the stuff that is coming out.  It belongs to the causal body (unmanifest) where all the remnants from your past actions are stored and then come up as Motivations that entice you to act out the feelings and reinforce the whole loop.  Don't buy into it! Don't personalise it! See it for what it rightly is (humanness) you are not the emotions, you are the awareness, the emotions are KNOWN to you, therefore you cannot be them. Don't sweat them! Just make the connection between how you feel and your actions. 

This way you will quickly burn out the desire to continue to act out the programme and this will be replaced by a nice mellow sweet glow of confidence and internally derived satisfaction. 

Keep it up!

Also, want to mention, a lot of that stuff will also be caused by lifestyle, things like diet, living arrangements, the people you are around, type of excerises you do.  These things all actually make a difference in agitating the mind and keeping it locked in negativity. 

Just FYI

Edited September 25, 2016 by kurt

[Koji]

@kurt

Thanks for the encouragement, and for reminding me that I am not my emotions. Thanks also for reminding me to not neglect other parts of my life.

Cheers.