I was sure I was God during a trip, but I'm not sure if it was just delusion.

[TheSpiritualBunny]

So I've stopped with psychedelics for a while, but a few months ago I had the most crazy experience on 275ug of ETH-LAD (my absolute favourite psychedelic, always felt really deep and amazing). To compare it, it feel probably stronger then 750ug of LSD, it's INTENSE.

So I took it and a girl messaged me on Discord while I was coming up. I could barely text, but somehow managed to start a call, but I could barely say anything. The idea of what a girl even is kinda started to dissolve. So we broke up the call because it was impossible to talk to me, since I was already hallucinating crazy fractels and could not talk. 

I wasn't expecting much to happen, so I just continued by watching music videos, I watched "Girls like Girls" by Heyley Kyoko, and I was just SO IMMERSED in it. At some point I kinda got the feeling that I'm actually really god and everyone is me. I looked at the girl in the video, and I was convinved she was me, all the views on the video were from me, I made the video and all the other videos I saw. Then it get's fuzzy, since I think I blacked out a few times during the trip.

I ended up on my bed, and in my head I just involunarely started repeating "Everything is one, I'm one, one one one one ONE!!!! It felt like I finally realized something so obvious and just shouted it in my head over and over. I also had such an intense feeling of love. I kept repeating in my head "I love everything so much, I love you SO SO MUUUUCH OMG!!!" (I know there was a duality there). It was very weird and I can't put these thought processes into words very well, it was so insane.

It felt like EVERYTHING in my life was constructed to lead me to this realization, all my friends, everyone I passed by on the street, my family, all of them were nudging me towards this. It felt like everything, even the Coronavirus had a purpuse and was absolutely perfect, it was just the perfect dance of the universe. It also literally felt like I was at the steering wheel of the whole universe, and everything was watching me. 

I thought of other people, famous people, and it was like as if I was just revealing that all of the were just me. Leo is me, all the other Youtubers are me, my friends are me, Taylor Swift is me and so on. It felt like as if I was revealing that love is the true way, and I think I was thinking about "bad things" and was like "NO, LOVE IS THE WAY!". 

At some points, I felt like no one, including my family existed, at other points, I did feel like they existed and they were aware of me realizing that I was god, even though they were asleep and I was in my room alone at night. I had clear audatory hallucinations of them walking around and being so shocked about my realizations.

I also did weird things, like at some point I bit into a chocolate orange candy I had in my room for some "profound" reason I can't remember and then just made a mess with the chocolate all over my bed without realizing it. Something that I realized later was kinda dangerous is that I also had other drugs lying around.

When the morning came, I just felt so confused, I wasn't even sure if I took a psychedelic in the evening or what even happend, it just kinda came to me later. I was so shocked, I just cleaned up the mess on my bed, took a benzo and just slept it off. I never experienced any fear during the trip, it was absolute bliss, but when it ended I was just so shocked, overwhelmed and wasn't even sure anymore if any of this was true or if I just deluded myself.

I have weird glimpses of the groundlessnes of the Universe and also felt like I was completely empty and had no personality on high doses of ETH-LAD (200-250ug) and LSD (up to 750ug). But I didn't really know what it was, I think I just understood it when I saw Leos videos. But also, I watched Leos videos about oneness and love before that trip, so I'm not sure if I just diluded myself during this trip because I had these ideas, since I think you can also get extremely dilusional on psychedelic trips. I would just like to hear other's opinions about it. Thanks for any replies <3

[How to be wise]

@TheSpiritualBunny Your post is too long. Make a TL;DR.

[Leo Gura]

You're not deluded. You just fell back asleep.

[Javfly33]

Holy shit, one of the best trip reports I've heard. Need to try that eth lad

[Javfly33]

@How to be wise i don't think his post is that long for how profound shit he's saying tbh. Other trip reports are way longer

[TheSpiritualBunny]

On 18.12.2020 at 10:09 AM, Javfly33 said:

Holy shit, one of the best trip reports I've heard. Need to try that eth lad

You should, it's EXTREMELY visual. At lower doses, like 100ug (which feels like 250ug LSD) it feels less profound and more just like a fun drug, but at 200ug it get's very serious and deep, much deeper then LSD ever felt, it least for me. But it also causes much more nausia then LSD, but I still always prefered it.

And unlike what you would get from 5-MeO-DMT, this state lasted for over 6 hours I think. All fears and any shame, just gone, I wouldn't have cared at all if someone would have seen me like this.

 

[TheSpiritualBunny]

On 18.12.2020 at 3:11 AM, Leo Gura said:

You're not deluded. You just fell back asleep.

Really? I always thought that if you have an enlightenment, you don't have a doubt about that it was real afterwards. I wasn't even expecting anything when taking the ETH-LAD, tbh at that point I mostly just took psychedelics because it was kinda fun and entertaining. But this just hit me out of nowhere. And when it did, I wasn't even surprised or shocked when it started, I was like "well, this is what Leo talked about, it's so obvious, how could I not see it, let's GO!"

Anyway, thanks for your reply, didn't expect that!

[Javfly33]

1 hour ago, TheSpiritualBunny said:

You should, it's EXTREMELY visual. At lower doses, like 100ug (which feels like 250ug LSD) it feels less profound and more just like a fun drug, but at 200ug it get's very serious and deep, much deeper then LSD ever felt, it least for me. But it also causes much more nausia then LSD, but I still always prefered it.

And unlike what you would get from 5-MeO-DMT, this state lasted for over 6 hours I think. All fears and any shame, just gone, I wouldn't have cared at all if someone would have seen me like this.

 

How is the afterglow? How much your ego has come back? @How to be wise can't unquote sorry 

Edited December 19, 2020 by Javfly33

[TheSpiritualBunny]

4 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

How is the afterglow? How much your ego has come back? @How to be wise can't unquote sorry 

For me, psychedelics never really had an afterglow, sometimes I felt some anxiety or slightly depressed the day afterwards. Especially for very intense experiences like this one I felt kinda depressed and also in shock when I came out of it. I didn't do this often, but as I said, after this experience I just took a benzo because I just wanted to sleep off the residual effects to think clearly about this experience the next day. High doses of LSD or ETH-LAD always had residual visual and mental effects for like 24 for me.

Honestly, my ego never was much different after a single experience, so I felt pretty much normal a day after that. I think it just got a bit softer after many experiences with psychedelics as well as dissociatives (I abused dissociatives before watching Leos videos, but I had very deep insights from them that pretty much all align with what Leo says). On dissociatives all language and literally everything we say, even this here is a complete illusion and nonsense, it was quite disturbing but so obvious.

[mandyjw]

You didn't delude yourself. You can embody that understanding in everyday sober life and function normally. You can have the best of both worlds, cause there are no separate worlds. Awakenings or trips like that are like glimpses and you can use them as a kind of road map for the mind to understand the heart, (they are the same, but you get what I mean) and aligning our lives. Bit by bit the way we see people and relate and think of things is aligned with the realization of oneness. Your best bet is to meditate, follow a good diet and exercise, read and study and then follow your heart. Check out the book, "The Nature of Consciousness" by Rupert Spira. It will help you understand this and everything on a greater, deeper level. God/Consciousness/Awareness, always with you, always is you. 

[TheSpiritualBunny]

2 hours ago, mandyjw said:

You didn't delude yourself. You can embody that understanding in everyday sober life and function normally. You can have the best of both worlds, cause there are no separate worlds. Awakenings or trips like that are like glimpses and you can use them as a kind of road map for the mind to understand the heart, (they are the same, but you get what I mean) and aligning our lives. Bit by bit the way we see people and relate and think of things is aligned with the realization of oneness. Your best bet is to meditate, follow a good diet and exercise, read and study and then follow your heart. Check out the book, "The Nature of Consciousness" by Rupert Spira. It will help you understand this and everything on a greater, deeper level. God/Consciousness/Awareness, always with you, always is you. 

Yeah it would be good if I would start these things. to be honest, I never meditated regularly, just occasionally. I wasn't even really serious about enlightenment. I just found Leos videos about it and oneness and consciousness and just thought "hmm, that's kinda interesting and makes more sense what science says". I thought I would have to work hard to get an enlightenment experience, but it just hit me out of nowhere while I was messing around with psychedelic drugs, so it was hard for me to believe it was the real thing.

 

[Leo Gura]

14 hours ago, TheSpiritualBunny said:

Really? I always thought that if you have an enlightenment, you don't have a doubt about that it was real afterwards. I wasn't even expecting anything when taking the ETH-LAD, tbh at that point I mostly just took psychedelics because it was kinda fun and entertaining. But this just hit me out of nowhere.

You had 1 lick of the jawbreaker, kid.

There's a lot more where that came from. 1 trip is nothing.

[Conscious life]

@TheSpiritualBunny I don't appreciate you to use the word God. God is something higher than your experience. what happen is, you come close and access your soul which is some aspect of God, some part, the image of God. I experience what you experience everyday without psychedelics naturally. 

[TheSpiritualBunny]

11 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You had 1 lick of the jawbreaker, kid.

There's a lot more where that came from. 1 trip is nothing.

You mean I saw a few hairs of the tail of the Ox. 

10 hours ago, Conscious life said:

@TheSpiritualBunny I don't appreciate you to use the word God. God is something higher than your experience. what happen is, you come close and access your soul which is some aspect of God, some part, the image of God. I experience what you experience everyday without psychedelics naturally. 

God, oneness, absolute truth, everything, the infinite, the "it", I know they are just words. No words can describe what it is, if you say "god" or "oneness", you already picture something that exists somewhere, but where is that "somewhere", in another "somewhere". I'm aware all these words are nonsense, but they are all we have for communication. And my soul is also just what you call "god".