Should I have approached here ?

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Striving for more said:

Leo has recalled himself how he's approached girls with headphones in at the gym while they were on a treadmill and ended up getting a number and getting laid. 

I never said I got laid from that one. She had a boyfriend.

You can def approach girls with headphones. Stop giving a shit. Stop making excuses. If you find her attractive you must approach even if she's with her mother. Stop thinking about how to approach and just approach automatically. Move your feet towards her. Your mind will struggle to keep up with your feet, and that's okay.

[Depersonilized]

@Striving for more Hey man, you'll have plenty of opportunities again later. Maybe even today, who knows? As long as you learn your lesson, it's all good. Both success and failure are good teachers. Nothing bad about that!

[Danioover9000]

@Striving for more

On 12/17/2020 at 6:00 PM, Striving for more said:

 I was sitting on the train next to this cute girl who was totally my type

She had headphones in although She glanced back at me once or twice 

I had at least a 10 minute space to say hi and try get a number before I went home 

Without covid I would have no excuse, but I rationalized to myself not to because of coivd ...

Because I wanted to tap her arm to say hi but in my head I thought no she won't like that cos of covid lol

Empty Pussy feeling again lol

   Have you tried Nofap? It might give you extra motivation to at least greet, then question like how are you? and comment. Comments can vary, but the most effective is guessing comments/question, like 'I think you work at the hair dressers in town, and she may/may not correct, but if she does, and asks why, comment on what aspect of her appearance or behavior, be friendly about it. Or 'Do you work at the hair dressers?', or straight up say ' Are you single?' friendly tone and body language. Guessing statements/questions offer him/her the chance to correct you, harshly or lightly, and this give you the chance to follow up more, like with compliments or comments about the environment, chances to describe/tell a story.

   Don't forget to alternate between questions and statements.

[TheUniverseIsLove]

Someone approached me the other day and asked for my number. They maintained distance and had a mask. 
Just be smart about it. Have confidence and read what they’re comfortable with. 

I declined because I’m dating someone, but they did it very well.

Made small talk first, rather than be creepy, Left and then came back as to not miss the chance lol 
 

I think they thought my “I have a boyfriend” was an excuse... so they tried to show me their face to make sure that wasn’t why I was declining.

Maybe wait to show your face until they say yes to the number. You can send them pictures of your face first before they decide to risk it.

Edited December 19, 2020 by TheUniverseIsLove

[Javfly33]

@Keyhole Yeah sure, everybody that has headphones on is always because they are in total bliss and super-concentrated and not because they are as bored as fuck so they put up some music Lol.

 

 

[Loving Radiance]

@Keyhole @Javfly33 We can reason all we want, what it comes down to is your willingness to meet a new person & to potentially annoy a random stranger for 15 seconds.

It's a matter of selfishness: Do I value it more to meet a new person (to potentially enjoy life together in any shape/form) than to potentially disturb a person & to not connect, to not share your being?

[Danioover9000]

@Loving Radiance

3 minutes ago, Loving Radiance said:

@Keyhole @Javfly33 We can reason all we want, what it comes down to is your willingness to meet a new person & to potentially annoy a random stranger for 15 seconds.

It's a matter of selfishness: Do I value it more to meet a new person (to potentially enjoy life together in any shape/form) than to potentially disturb a person & to not connect, to not share your being?

   Actually that's good framing, like just say hi, small talk and exit. Make annoying people your mission by greeting and small talk at least, anything else is bonus. It's pretty automatic to me to say hi, small talk about my surroundings and weather, and exit. Key is doing this mindfully.

[Loving Radiance]

8 minutes ago, Danioover9000 said:

Actually that's good framing, like just say hi, small talk and exit. Make annoying people your mission by greeting and small talk at least, anything else is bonus. It's pretty automatic to me to say hi, small talk about my surroundings and weather, and exit. Key is doing this mindfully.

Yes, as soon as you sense unreceptiveness you can just leave without a word if it fels right. Mindful connecting with people makes it much more flowing and with less resistance from you & others.

Just saying hi is success. And I feel that is exactly what @Striving for more needs in his current circumstance.

 

@Keyhole Feel free to give your pov on this. Your perspective is very much appreciated.

[Striving for more]

Ahh please leave all this spiritual stuff out of it. 

At least Leo's advice is straight to the point. The rest of you are just perplexing.

I'm just going to approach no matter what, who cares if I disturb someone, it's a couple seconds, & most people are lonely and disconnected & insecure & I think most likely a girl would be flattered, even if she has a boyfriend. 

@TheUniverseIsLove What kind of small talk did he make. This is something I need to work on, as a newbie I do always feel like a creep, I just need to practice and learn what is and isn't creepy

As for your comments about showing your face, I think you can tell how someone looks even with a mask. I don't think it matters too much

Edited December 19, 2020 by Striving for more

[Danioover9000]

@Striving for more

5 minutes ago, Striving for more said:

Ahh please leave all this spiritual stuff out of it. 

At least Leo's advice is straight to the point. The rest of you are just perplexing.

I'm just going to approach no matter what, who cares if I disturb someone, it's a couple seconds, & most people are lonely and disconnected & insecure & I think most likely a girl would be flattered, even if she has a boyfriend. 

@TheUniverseIsLove What kind of small talk did he make. This is something I need to work on, as a newbie I do always feel like a creep, I just need to practice and learn what is and isn't creepy

As for your comments about showing your face, I think you can tell how someone looks even with a mask. I don't think it matters too much

   Small talk about anything, like the weather or what's around you. 

[Striving for more]

@Danioover9000 That's true the trivcky part is creating attraction whilst  and making it clear It's not just a platonic interaction i'd have with anyone, without being a creep or too forward. 

Because if i'm too boring she'll forget me and not feel any attraction

But I'm not too sure if just saying "you're cute" works cos at least it's to the point but it's not exactly subtle or implicit which I know girls prefer 

[Javfly33]

@Keyhole Thats exactly why I find your message promoving anti-social behavior. In a world that we are already deeply disconnected by social media and internet addiction. Sure, let's get even more frightened of interacting with each other because "i hope I don't disturb the other person".

The issue is here is that for some weird reason you don't like that pick up is a thing. So you project your negativity in all of this kind of topics behind a curtain of saying a logical argument. 

18 minutes ago, Striving for more said:

@Danioover9000 That's true the trivcky part is creating attraction whilst  and making it clear It's not just a platonic interaction i'd have with anyone, without being a creep or too forward. 

Because if i'm too boring she'll forget me and not feel any attraction

But I'm not too sure if just saying "you're cute" works cos at least it's to the point but it's not exactly subtle or implicit which I know girls prefer 

Just approach being natural, expressing what you want to say to her. Become vulnerable and feel. Doesn't matter much what you say, but rather how confident and loving you are being in each second of yourself. What you do or say will only be a result of your internal attitude towards yourself. When you approach are you loving and accepting yourself or are you judging and hating yourself? At the end of the day it's all what it boils down to 

Edited December 19, 2020 by Javfly33

[Danioover9000]

@Striving for more

1 minute ago, Striving for more said:

@Danioover9000 That's true the trivcky part is creating attraction whilst  and making it clear It's not just a platonic interaction i'd have with anyone, without being a creep or too forward. 

Because if i'm too boring she'll forget me and not feel any attraction

But I'm not too sure if just saying "you're cute" works cos at least it's to the point but it's not exactly subtle or implicit which I know girls prefer 

   Go do just that, be boring and say whatever to the woman, like 'Hey, you've got a cute face/hair/clothes or whatever, and I find it refreshing. Came from a party/birthday party/ whatever place?'

   Nice approach is to come up to her and ask 'Hi, there, do I know you from somewhere?'. She might say 'No, sorry, do I know you?'. This helps you in some ways, gives you a chance to exit the small talk later, or deepen it if she chooses, and gives her the chance to reject or accept your approach because it's so innocent. Follow up like ' Well, I've seen you before at my work place/party/holiday at some country, and I saw you doing/talking to somebody/helping somebody out, and I remember your cute hair/face/clothes from before, I'm the nerdy/jock/edgy/shy guy from before, remember?' Again, this give her two or more options, to reject you by saying 'Well, I'm sorry, I still don't know you. I'm kinda busy or something', or she might play along or actually think you're from her past encounters, and you follow up. This interaction you're leading, and you're in charge of the flow of the conversation, taking whatever conversation threads she's giving you, and anytime you want, you can still exit and ask for her number to keep in touch., or something like that.

[Striving for more]

@Keyhole You're just 1 person. Literally everyone wears headphones. Even if someone disturbs you for a second, it's not exactly like the worlds over, you just ignore them, get over it. 

wearing headphones isn't even a signal anymore because everyone wears headphones ? That's like saying wearing shoes is a signal, the best signal is body language. Even then it's always hard to tell until you try.

There's honestly very few other places to meet people than in public spaces, it's hard to find people not wearing headphones, & I'm not gonna be a pussy and start swiping around on tinder like a weird robot. 

You can't just expect people to go against human nature. I'm ignoring you're point because for although some girls will be like you and find it annoying, some girls will want it, some will be disinterested but won't be as triggered as you clearly would be, it's all a numbers game. 

Never listen to haters people.

Edited December 19, 2020 by Striving for more

[Danioover9000]

@Keyhole

3 hours ago, Keyhole said:

@Loving Radiance It is a matter of social etiquette.  People give signals if they don't wish to communicate and headphones are a signal that the person wishes to be left alone.  There are plenty of opportunities to meet people, it's okay to let a person do their thing if they are showing that is what they prefer to do.  More often than not, the person will be annoyed with the gesture.

I would say, you can generally read their body language to see if they are open to talking to you.  Someone who is closed off, busy, looking sort of checked out, or enjoying themselves, leave them be.

@Javfly33 It makes complete sense to leave a person alone when they are giving signals to do this.  Why should I change my behaviour to suit your agenda?  What would be the purpose of that?  I didn't really think about pick up in this context, just from the perspective of being a woman who wears headphones in public spaces in order to be left at peace.

 

   I definitely think studying body language is needed in social settings because it can make conversations more efficient. However, if someone has low or lower levels of social intelligence, they'll end up having to self experiment and trial and error their way into social fluency. In these cases I'd say if you take into account all other signs, and decide to say hi to a phone user, then it's okay to interrupt, as long as your own body language, facial gestures and tone is not aggressive and more assertive/passive.

   I also tend to wear headphones, but no music, as my visualization is strong enough I play my own music in my head, so if I'm interrupted, I know it waaay before the other does.

[Lyubov]

try to drop should statements if you can. i personally haven't found them helpful. i'd let this go. 

[PurpleTree]

1 hour ago, Lyubov said:

try to drop should statements if you can. i personally haven't found them helpful. i'd let this go. 

coincidentally i listened to this episode today which talks about the subject of should and shouldn't etc.

 

 

great episode

[Danioover9000]

@PurpleTree

23 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

coincidentally i listened to this episode today which talks about the subject of should and shouldn't etc.

 

 

great episode

   I've watched that episode, and one of my porn binges in the past started after watching this. Nearly put myself in the hospital.

[PurpleTree]

^^

you need mr. jesus in your life bruh

 

 

 

nah but leo said in the episode if this should/shouldn't thing really is the only thing in your life which keeps you from doing some dumb/dangerous etc. stuff then maybe keep the should/shouldn't

[Javfly33]

6 hours ago, Keyhole said:

 

@Javfly33 It makes complete sense to leave a person alone when they are giving signals to do this.  Why should I change my behaviour to suit your agenda?  What would be the purpose of that?  I didn't really think about pick up in this context, just from the perspective of being a woman who wears headphones in public spaces in order to be left at peace.

 

@Keyhole We might have different personalities then.

If I would be listening on my headphones, if someone stops me to tell me something I would gladly interact with them (doesn´t matter if its women or men. Of course unless they want to sell me something lMAO). Like, a human interaction is something more scarce and imo valuable than listening to a song or a podcast that i can do the rest of the day unlimited times. But maybe that´s just me  because I´m naturally extroverted and a lot of people just don´t like humans that much Lol.

Although I don´t understand how wearing headphones is a signal to leave a person alone 

Edited December 19, 2020 by Javfly33