The thin line between spirituality and madness

[mandyjw]

@Persipnei I developed a lot of thought patterns after having my second kid that my partner never helped and I had lost all the joy in my life in this sort of self sacrifice martyrdom for my kids. When you have kids you have to learn to not use them as an excuse for cutting yourself off from the things you want and that's hard when you're the mom because becoming a mother is a shocking transition. It's especially difficult because mothers are expected to give up more that fathers are, and they have the hormonal changes on top of the more severe life transitions.  The husband wants the carefree loving wife back, and feels even less like helping or even being around at all because he feels like it's expected and what he wants is to be appreciated. Both come to silently resent each other and may resent the child too. This is so common now because more than ever raising children is such an isolated thing for a couple. Before the community and extended family was a much greater part of raising them and not so much of the burden went directly to the parents. When we can see the bigger picture we can start to see the resentment thought patterns, discuss, forgive and help meet each others needs better. That's just my experience anyway. Good luck.  

 

 

[Persipnei]

24 minutes ago, Nahm said:

1) Shaken...as in “holy fuck this is amazing I am dumbfounded by this feeling & truth!! Everything makes wonderful sense! Miraculous!!!”...or shaken more true to the definition...’disturbed psychologically as if by a physical jolt or shock’...? 

Did that ‘experience’ involve a recognition of an underlying bond of all ‘things’, which is exceptionally intimate, inseparable....which may have previously been thought to be something one can hold or not hold, or find, or produce, such as from a relationship? 

2) Abnormal....to which the responses from others might be along the lines of “That is not a ‘normal’ level of happiness...I wanna feel that good!! What gives?!”...or more “I think you need help with these behaviors / actions / processing what you’re experiencing?”

3) Does it ring true in some sense that the reason you said ‘ok’, even when you wanted to say ‘no’, is ultimately for how you feel? Perhaps in the sense, it’s just easier than dealing with the/her fallout, as in her getting angry, you guys arguing, engaging in a ‘power struggle’ of sorts, maybe ‘cutting off’ or getting ‘cut off’ from intimacy, be it emotional connection and or physical?

If that does ring true even a little...can it be seen, or maybe deeply considered, that calm genuine ‘present’ communication about these matters can & would likely release some pent up feelings, maybe a resentment or two that was held in misunderstanding... bringing about some relief via expression and being heard, some airing out & letting go of perspectives which aren’t serving you or her... ultimately bringing you closer together?

I'm crying from joy at the moment. Since my experience that happens a lot, when something completely resonates. Let that be an introduction to this post 

1) It's hard to describe in words. The closest I can get is this:

Expanding and contracting breath of God. Cause and effect from the smallest scale to the biggest and back. What seemed like chaos became perfect order. 1000% sure that everything is completely happening exactly as it should be. Everything is connected in a way I could never have imagined. But at the same time it also had something very mundane, like: "Oh yeah, I forgot this tiny detail about life."

I was completely baffled for multiple days and in those days was very aware of how ego took over. It felt like a inverted acid trip, not sure how to explain it differently.

Once my ego had done it's renestling, it turned to extreme depression for a week until things slowly got more balanced. During that week I was really disturbed, but also knew it would be ok.

I started "seeing" colors and shapes just after the experience and have them almost daily since, especially after a deep meditation.

2) Abnormal as in: "You never behaved like this and we don't understand your explanation so there must be something wrong."

3) Yeah, I have tried my whole life to avoid confrontations. Let's say I had enough confrontations when I was a kid and didn't need that shit in my relationship. Now I understand there are different degrees of confrontation. Pff, this is a hard one...

 

You have given me a lot more words that gave me a lot of trust for tomorrow. You have really helped me and I have a feeling we are not done  My sincere thanks.

 

[Nahm]

@Persipnei

Feelin the love as well! What a joy to hear & thank you!