The thin line between spirituality and madness

[Someone here]

@Persipnei well you said she wants to "leave" me? I interpreted that as she wants to divorce you basically. I guess if it's just some normal householder everyday drama everything should work just fine. 

[Persipnei]

20 minutes ago, SourceCodo said:

I mended the relationships around me and did not abandon them. I started to and quickly realized my trap... Be the change you want to see, lay it on them softly my friend.

For me there is nothing to mend, unless you mean I should behave like I did before just to keep the peace? I also didn't abandon them, they don't want me anymore.

[Moon]

16 minutes ago, Persipnei said:

I think you misunderstood me. There is nothing to forgive. I don't join in her drama anymore and she doesn't want to drama alone, I guess?

Lol and she thinks you're the "mad" one? ?

Yeah obvs it's not good to see yourself as superior to others, but it doesn't seem like you do...more like you've become aware of the incompatibility with such people. 

[Persipnei]

1 minute ago, Someone here said:

@Persipnei well you said she wants to "leave" me? I interpreted that as she wants to divorce you basically. I guess if it's just some normal householder everyday drama everything should work just fine. 

We had a really good talk before those words fell. She doesn't want a partner like I am now, so I'm giving her all opportunities to do what she has to do. We'll see what happens, she looked quite sure of herself.

[Carl-Richard]

27 minutes ago, Someone here said:

What is being true to yourself? You don't have a self.  Where do you find those lines objectively? Like is there a holy book somewhere that says what "being true to myself is"? What is this yourself That you are true to? Do you realize the utter meaninglessness of this statement? Let's laugh at this for a while. Show it to your wife she might forgive and you guys will get again on track lol. 

(I hope you get the hidden message here) 

Do you ever just sit back and think "what the hell am I talking about?"?

[Someone here]

@Carl-Richard it's beyond your level of comprehending.  I'm pointing out the bullshido of everything we say. Most people are not aware how they are creating their own suffering by imagining that "being true to myself" has any meaning whatsoever.  I challenge you to give me any possible meaning of this. Lmao. Flip it upside down turn left right it's just hogwash. 

[Spaceofawareness]

10 minutes ago, Persipnei said:

I talk way less, lots most of my nervous attitude and don't have the need to express my vision on every little thing that exists anymore. I had outburst of anger before, and those are completely gone. I became a better person, that's for sure.

But yea, I won't have a conversation about some movie or sports game that doesn't interest me anymore, so I guess I'm boring now in their eyes?

It's not that I started talking about this with everyone, only when they started asking questions I answered.

Awakening is just the beginning, and, what you are experiencing and feeling now, will also wane again, maybe sooner, maybe not so soon. But your life stays with you, and because those connections are going to always be a part of you, seeing as you have a family with kids, they will always be a connection to your heart. You saw them emerge into this life, as part of you, nurtured them, watched them grow, shared experiences. 

Its like in quantum physics, when two particles become entangled, they are essentially linked, what happens to one effects the other and vice versa. Your life, your heart, has become entangled with at minimum your child, even if the connection with your wife may have weakened. But remember, the connection between your wife and son is the same. Yet if your wife and your connections polarity changes, that also creates the division between you and the child, which means a piece of you also becomes divided. Division means suffering. 

You may be feeling a sense of detachment from your life, the world, things probably seem like an illusion. And while on some level they can be interpreted that way, in other ways, the detachment is also illusory, because that IS you. And you don’t want yourself to become divided. So this will require some resolution at some stage, or suffering will occur.

It may seem that this life is illusory, yet, there is no other life outside of this one. 

i don’t know how candid you have been about this whole process to your wife, but if you can somehow include her in this rather than shutting her out, it sounds like it could only help. 

Good luck.

[Persipnei]

4 minutes ago, Moon said:

Lol and she thinks you're the "mad" one? ?

Yeah obvs it's not good to see yourself as superior to others, but it doesn't seem like you do...more like you've become aware of the incompatibility with such people. 

She didn't call me mad, my parents did :-) She is not angry, just didn't want me to change I guess. Can't blame her.

But yea, I guess it's understanding we are not very compatible anymore

[Carl-Richard]

1 minute ago, Someone here said:

@Carl-Richard it's beyond your level of comprehending.  I'm pointing out the bullshido of everything we say. Most people are not aware how they are creating their own suffering by imagining that "being true to myself" has any meaning whatsoever.  I challenge you to give me any possible meaning of this. Lmao. Flip it upside down turn left right it's just hogwash. 

Have you ever pondered the possibility that maybe he is talking about his own direct experience and not some belief? Being true to yourself IS Truth.

[Someone here]

7 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

Have you ever pondered the possibility that maybe he is talking about his own direct experience and not some belief? Being true to yourself IS Truth.

I'm aware. He thinks that he should obey a certain way of behaving and only then he is a good boy and being true to myself. And I'm saying not at all you shouldn't behave any ways in particular. That's the social programming. That's the conceptual matrix of "should" vs shouldn't. Right vs wrong that he claims to break free from yet he seems stuck at "being true to myself". It has validity within the social norm. But let's not forget it's just a fabrication. Imagine how would you behave if you were the only person on earth? Now compare that to how you behave right now among people and notice the mangtitude of your bullshido to maintain your self image. 

Edited December 16, 2020 by Someone here

[Persipnei]

@Spaceofawareness

Thank you for your post.

Yea, I have a son and I must say he is the only one close to me that seems to like me more than before. I understand the connection there is between him, my wife and me. I did try to include her in this, but your post made me decide I will try again and harder. But in the end, I think it's about the journey one walks, and if 2 people have been walking the same path for a decade and one suddenly changes path... Can't expect her to follow me.

 

[Carl-Richard]

Just now, Someone here said:

He thinks that he should obey a certain way of behaving and only then he is a good boy and being true to myself.

Being true to yourself is completely opposite of everything you're describing it as. There is no "should" in being yourself, only "is".

[frnsh]

3 hours ago, Persipnei said:

It's been two months since I had an awakening that set my spiritual journey in acceleration. The friends I had for more than 20 years let me fall like a brick when I stopped playing my part in our habitual interactions and my wife told me yesterday she is leaving me, seemingly because I'm not playing my part anymore in the social drama's we created during the years. I'm fine with all this. I realized I have everything I need within me and wish them all the best.

The funny thing is that, while I have never felt better and I'm 100% sure of the way I'm walking, my environment thinks I have lost it and I need help. I wonder how many souls end in a mental institution because their environment can't handle their new way of standing in life. I thought my own ego would be the biggest hurdle, but it seems other people's ego really feel the need to keep mine in check.

I have reacted to their reactions with compassion and love, but realize that they are becoming more toxic by the day and that I will have to cut connections.

Not sure why I'm posting this... guess I needed to write it off...

It's good to write off especially in hard situations.

The environment bends whan you move on from the hard situation that you are in. It is teaching you things, trying to observe it and meditating, would help. 

[Persipnei]

2 minutes ago, Someone here said:

I'm aware. He thinks that he should obey a certain way of behaving and only then he is a good boy and being true to myself. And I'm saying not at all you shouldn't behave any ways in particular. That's the social programming. That's the conceptual matrix of "should" vs shouldn't. Right vs wrong that he claims to break free from yet he seems stuck at "being true to myself". It has validity within the social norm. But let's not forget it's just a fabrication. Imagine how would you behave if you were the only person on earth? Now compare that to how you behave right now among people and notice the mangtitude of your bullshido to maintain your self image. 

I don't want to be rude, but as far as I know you haven't looked into my head. I have seen your posts come by and stopped replying to them after a few, since you don't seem to read my words and only project your ideas.

[Persipnei]

@frnsh

Yeah. The environment bends to my new reality. That's how I also feel it, but I guess I was looking for somebody else to tell me :-) Thank you.

[Someone here]

5 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

Being true to yourself is completely opposite of everything you're describing it as. There is no "should" in being yourself, only "is".

Exactly. So why he is imposing that he "shouldn't" engage in drama any more? What value is in not engaging in drama than to engage? But he thinks he "should" not engage. If he just let it unfold sometimes you engage sometimes you don't depending also on your mood. You are not the same person all the time keep that in mind. So he might leave his family now cuz that's his current mood and then regret it later when his not so awake any more.

   Anyways I delivered my point. Take it or leave it. Peace out. 

Edited December 16, 2020 by Someone here

[frnsh]

Just now, Persipnei said:

@frnsh

Yeah. The environment bends to my new reality. That's how I also feel it, but I guess I was looking for somebody else to tell me :-) Thank you.

Yourwelcome :-) 

[Carl-Richard]

3 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Exactly. So why he is imposing that he "shouldn't" engage in drama any more? What value is in not engaging in drama than to engage? But he thinks he "should" not engage. 

That is how YOU are framing it. Notice how he never used the word "should", not even once. He only described what "is".

 

3 minutes ago, Someone here said:

If he just let it unfold sometimes you engage sometimes you done depending also on your mood.

Why "should" he do that?

Edited December 16, 2020 by Carl-Richard

[Someone here]

5 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

Why he should do that? 

He shouldn't do it. Remove this should bullshit from your vocabulary and then live your life and notice how all your proplems will disappear. 

[Carl-Richard]

4 minutes ago, Someone here said:

He shouldn't do it. Remove this should bullshit from your vocabulary and then live your life and notice how all your proplems will disappear. 

You mean your vocabulary?