The thin line between spirituality and madness

[Persipnei]

It's been two months since I had an awakening that set my spiritual journey in acceleration. The friends I had for more than 20 years let me fall like a brick when I stopped playing my part in our habitual interactions and my wife told me yesterday she is leaving me, seemingly because I'm not playing my part anymore in the social drama's we created during the years. I'm fine with all this. I realized I have everything I need within me and wish them all the best.

The funny thing is that, while I have never felt better and I'm 100% sure of the way I'm walking, my environment thinks I have lost it and I need help. I wonder how many souls end in a mental institution because their environment can't handle their new way of standing in life. I thought my own ego would be the biggest hurdle, but it seems other people's ego really feel the need to keep mine in check.

I have reacted to their reactions with compassion and love, but realize that they are becoming more toxic by the day and that I will have to cut connections.

Not sure why I'm posting this... guess I needed to write it off...

[Nahm]

What are their reactions to? 

[Persipnei]

It ranges from sad compassionate looks to literally calling me a "danger" to my son. Not sure why I would be a danger, maybe I cuddle him to hard? 

I have seen this happen 20 years ago, when my sister turned her life 180° around. "She's in a sect", "she's doing drugs", ... People try to explain in their mindset what is happening.

I guess there is a big lesson to learn in this, but I haven't found it yet...

[Breakingthewall]

36 minutes ago, Persipnei said:

I'm not playing my part anymore in the social drama's we created during the years. I'm fine with all this.

Great . Be fine with that isn't easy, be strong is necessary. But you don't need to show that you changed, you have another vision of reality, etc.  When you "go up" a step in your consciousness, understanding of the ego, suddenly you see the games of others as something obvious, you wonder if they are the ones who have changed and not you. But it's possible to handle it and not make them uncomfortable (well if they aren't really egotic like a couple who needs drama of course) I think there isn't a thin line between spirituality and Madness. Maybe the people around thinks that you are mad, but not you. And it's easy to shut up and let them be

[Someone here]

50 minutes ago, Persipnei said:

and my wife told me yesterday she is leaving me, seemingly because I'm not playing my part anymore in the social drama's we created during the years. I'm fine with all this. I realized I have everything I need within me and wish them all the best.

Look life is a movie. We are all playing our characters. You can engage in the plot and pretend while you are maintaining your awareness of effortless being. It's not like you must abandon society and live in a cave to embody spirituality and liberation. You are what you are at all conditions.

Also you don't seem fine about your wife leaving you otherwise why you made this thread?  it's a non issue right cuz you don't need anything? 

Edited December 15, 2020 by Someone here

[Persipnei]

9 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

Great . Be fine with that isn't easy, be strong is necessary. But you don't need to show that you changed, you have another vision of reality, etc.  When you "go up" a step in your consciousness, understanding of the ego, suddenly you see the games of others as something obvious, you wonder if they are the ones who have changed and not you. But it's possible to handle it and not make them uncomfortable (well if they aren't really egotic like a couple who needs drama of course) I think there isn't a thin line between spirituality and Madness. Maybe the people around thinks that you are mad, but not you. And it's easy to shut up and let them be

It's not that I want to show it, but I can't behave like I did before, it just feels wrong to do so. I just want to be more true to myself and my environment does not like that... at all. I was the kind of guy who always did what was expected from him and now I make my own choices.

[Persipnei]

17 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Look life is a movie. We are all playing our characters. You can engage in the plot and pretend while you are maintaining your awareness of effortless being. It's like you must abandon society and live and cave to embody spirituality and liberation. You are what you are at all conditions. Also you don't seem fine about your wife leaving you otherwise why you made this thread?. It's a non issue right cuz you don't need anything? 

Like I mentioned, I am fine with her leaving. I guess I wanted to share this with people who might understand me. And yeah, I understand I'm typing to myself here, but putting things in a sentence is a good way for me to let those things go.

Not sure why I discover sarcasm in your last sentence? Guess I still need food and water.... 

Edited December 15, 2020 by Persipnei

[Someone here]

13 minutes ago, Persipnei said:

Guess I still need food and water. 

Alright do you want to eat good food or to eat from garbage?

Let go of it all and eat from the garbage or just practice some acting (it's easy btw) and eat good food.  That's the raw truth of the situation. 

[Persipnei]

32 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Alright do you want to eat good food or to eat from garbage?

Let go of it all and eat from the garbage or just practice some acting (it's easy btw) and eat good food.  That's the raw truth of the situation. 

I would prefer to not eat and be true to myself rather than the opposite. I know acting is easy, did it for 40 years continuously, but the easy way is not always the right way. In fact, most of the time, it's exactly the opposite. 

Edited December 15, 2020 by Persipnei

[Breakingthewall]

59 minutes ago, Persipnei said:

but I can't behave like I did before, it just feels wrong to do so. I just want to be more true to myself

I really understand. Not so different happened to me not far ago...well without divorced, but with relatives and many friends. there are some behaviors that are impossible to maintain. Congratulations on having come out of falsehood and into integrity. being completely honest is priceless, it is essential

[SourceCodo]

You're showing God that you don't truly appreciate your family and friends and find yourself above them. This is my harsh perspective - not true for you, but you might learn something from it. It tells us that the "you" they have come to know and love isn't actually you - so who is making this happen here? Are you just finally finding the courage to embrace your true values? If they don't fit, then do your best to make the transition as painless as possible... But you'll have to accept everyone eventually, so why not try with your own peers?

Now of course they would be removed from your life and replaced with something that fits better. You're always being heard and you shaped this event with your thoughts and actions.

Whatever you do, just remember that this is your making. You're being a judgy shit just like they are (assuming you can see the bigger picture of this life event). You can imagine how you would react to someone going through this shift yourself all you want, but you don't know. Show them some empathy.

Sorry for being a dick. But I sure wish someone would have laid it on me directly when I went through it. You might regret your behavior and apathy during this time and it will hurt bad... If you don't, you've only solidified my point. Cheers.

This is projection of my own story, but there's value here if you look for it earnestly. This experience will be a fading memory one day - give it the love it deserves - YOU built those relationships.

Edited December 15, 2020 by SourceCodo

[Seraphim]

Interesting. For me it was different. My family are supportive and my friends are so kind and awesome these days, it's like their emotional maturity grew so much quickly. But yes it's great that you follow your real self now! You will meet people with the same wisdom.

[Persipnei]

6 minutes ago, SourceCodo said:

You're showing God that you don't truly appreciate your family and friends and find yourself above them. This is my harsh perspective - not true for you, but you might learn something from it. It tells us that the "you" they have come to know and love isn't actually you - so who is making this happen here? Are you just finally finding the courage to embrace your true values? If they don't fit, then do your best to make the transition as painless as possible... But you'll have to accept everyone eventually, so why not try with your own peers?

Now of course they would be removed from your life and replaced with something that fits better. You're always being heard and you shaped this event with your thoughts and actions.

Whatever you do, just remember that this is your making. You're being a judgy shit just like they are (assuming you can see the bigger picture of this life event). You can imagine how you would react to someone going through this shift yourself all you want, but you don't know. Show them some empathy.

Sorry for being a dick. But I sure wish someone would have laid it on me directly when I went through it. You might regret your behavior and apathy during this time and it will hurt bad... If you don't, you've only solidified my point. Cheers.

This is projection of my own story, but there's value here if you look for it earnestly.

Thank you for being a dick, but even more thanks for projecting your story. It helped me assure that I'm doing the right thing :-)

[Someone here]

36 minutes ago, Persipnei said:

I would prefer to not eat and be true to myself rather than the opposite. I know acting is easy, did it for 40 years continuously, but the easy way is not always the right way. In fact, most of the time, it's exactly the opposite. 

What is being true to yourself? You don't have a self.  Where do you find those lines objectively? Like is there a holy book somewhere that says what "being true to myself is"? What is this yourself That you are true to? Do you realize the utter meaninglessness of this statement? Let's laugh at this for a while. Show it to your wife she might forgive and you guys will get again on track lol. 

(I hope you get the hidden message here) 

[SourceCodo]

Just now, Persipnei said:

Thank you for being a dick, but even more thanks for projecting your story. It helped me assure that I'm doing the right thing :-)

I mended the relationships around me and did not abandon them. I started to and quickly realized my trap... Be the change you want to see, lay it on them softly my friend.

[Persipnei]

31 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

I really understand. Not so different happened to me not far ago...well without divorced, but with relatives and many friends. there are some behaviors that are impossible to maintain. Congratulations on having come out of falsehood and into integrity. being completely honest is priceless, it is essential

It definitely feels lighter, like I let go of a big bag of masks I was always carrying around. 

[RedLine]

It sounds strange for me.

 

Since I practice meditation I am more compassive with people, judge less, more calm etc so my relationships improve x200%

 

How did your external behavior change?

Edited December 15, 2020 by RedLine

[RedLine]

btw it is not recommend to talk about spirituality to normies unless they ask you about that

maybe that's your mistake

 

[Persipnei]

2 minutes ago, Someone here said:

What is being true to yourself? You don't have a self.  Where do you find those lines objectively? Like is there a holy book somewhere that says what "being true to myself is"? What is this yourself That you are true to? Do you realize the utter meaninglessness of this statement? Let's laugh at this for a while. Show it to your wife she might forgive and you guys will get again on track lol. 

(I hope you get the hidden message here) 

I think you misunderstood me. There is nothing to forgive. I don't join in her drama anymore and she doesn't want to drama alone, I guess?

[Persipnei]

8 minutes ago, RedLine said:

It sounds strange for me.

 

Since I practice meditation I am more compassive with people, judge less, more calm etc so my relationships improve x200%

 

How did your external behavior change?

I talk way less, lots most of my nervous attitude and don't have the need to express my vision on every little thing that exists anymore. I had outburst of anger before, and those are completely gone. I became a better person, that's for sure.

But yea, I won't have a conversation about some movie or sports game that doesn't interest me anymore, so I guess I'm boring now in their eyes?

It's not that I started talking about this with everyone, only when they started asking questions I answered.