Extreme resistance and fear when following my life purpose

[Don Wei]

 I was a civil engineering student, but I was always a more creative artistic person than a technical scientific person, I used to live in a 3rd world country where my talents where useless so I supressed it for my entire life, bit I could not go on like this, this way I'll never be more than average and the last few months while I was studying civil engineering were the most depressing, stressfull times I've had and I am paying my college a lot of money to study this too, so I decided to quit and go to the dutch filmschool to become a movie director, I first have to prove i'm good enough to enter, but I constanly feel insecurity and fear right now, it's like I constantly see so many reasons to quit and be normal and just get a 9-5 job like almost everybody I know. The film industry is not very big compared to hollywood or bollywood and there is a constant voice in the back of my mind that tells me to quit and that I can't and that it is impossible for me to become succesful here in the netherlands and then go to hollywood after that, and I don't only hear this voice while trying to do this, I hear it every damn time I try to pursue my purpose, I also write books at the same time and I hear the same thing, that i'm not good enough and that I don't have many oppertunities. I feel like I could literally go to LA or NY and still hear that voice telling me I don't have many oppertunities. 

How do I deal with this voice ? And how do I keep following my life purpose and be succesful even though it almost seems impossible most of the time ? I feel free but at the same time I feel constant danger, fear and I get these adrenaline rushes every day now. And I constantly hear things that demotivate me to go to filmschool and at the same time things that demotivate me not to go to film school, no matter what I do it's never good with this voice in my head

[hyruga]

Just study hard and you should easily pass film school. Make sure you learn everything in great details so you do not miss out important facets of film making.

Edited December 15, 2020 by hyruga

[mmKay]

Read "how to tame your inner gremlin"

 

You are stuck in ANTs. Automatic Negative Thoughts. And you are caught up in beliveing it. Also you are stuck projecting negatively towards the future. 

Clasic bad wiring and bad mind habits. You simply have left your mind wander in autopilot for too long and let it pick up garbage from your environment. 

 

You are not your thoughts. And thoughts are a tool. They have NOTHING to do with what is or is not TRUE.

The ramifications of this are quite large but for the sake of practically do this exercise :

Go to your room. 

Look at your bed. 

Actually say : I dont know how to lay on my bed. 

Say it again. I DONT KNOW HOW TO LAY ON MY BED. 

Im a failure. I will never be able to lay on my bed. 

This is terrible. It's impossible for me. 

 

- Get creative with the negativity and victim mindset , keep speaking out loud and proceed to lie down. 

See how the mechanism of the mind works? 

Do the same thing again but this time just thinking on the inside. 

 

Now apply this to your own problems. 

 

 

For the career part, only you can save yourself. Purchase Leo's Life Purpose course and get ready for at least a year of deep introspection. Good luck❤

Edited December 15, 2020 by mmKay

[Don Wei]

@mmKay thanks, well I just purchased the life purpose course, I was extremely nervous to do it because I am 18 and I don't have much money and everybody except my father would be extremely pissed off if I told them, but I understand how much value this is, and if I can really improve myself 10x times more with this which it probably will it is more than just worth it. Most people I know would spend that money on clothes or shoes but not this. I am definitely gonna do the exercises you described because I still feel the nervousness and insecurity that you feel if you don't do what everbody else does and truly follow your passion. If Leo reads this, thanks for all the help over the past. This whole actualized.org thing is truly something else, most people only give you a small piece of the puzzle and beat around the bush and when you purchase their course you discover they didn't know the anwsers too.

[Hello from Russia]

Mate, just open your eyes and recognize that opportunities are everywhere. In a sense, all life is - is a constant stream of opportunities

Edited December 15, 2020 by Hello from Russia

[mmKay]

@Don Wei ??❤

[Mu_]

19 hours ago, Don Wei said:

 I was a civil engineering student, but I was always a more creative artistic person than a technical scientific person, I used to live in a 3rd world country where my talents where useless so I supressed it for my entire life, bit I could not go on like this, this way I'll never be more than average and the last few months while I was studying civil engineering were the most depressing, stressfull times I've had and I am paying my college a lot of money to study this too, so I decided to quit and go to the dutch filmschool to become a movie director, I first have to prove i'm good enough to enter, but I constanly feel insecurity and fear right now, it's like I constantly see so many reasons to quit and be normal and just get a 9-5 job like almost everybody I know. The film industry is not very big compared to hollywood or bollywood and there is a constant voice in the back of my mind that tells me to quit and that I can't and that it is impossible for me to become succesful here in the netherlands and then go to hollywood after that, and I don't only hear this voice while trying to do this, I hear it every damn time I try to pursue my purpose, I also write books at the same time and I hear the same thing, that i'm not good enough and that I don't have many oppertunities. I feel like I could literally go to LA or NY and still hear that voice telling me I don't have many oppertunities. 

How do I deal with this voice ? And how do I keep following my life purpose and be succesful even though it almost seems impossible most of the time ? I feel free but at the same time I feel constant danger, fear and I get these adrenaline rushes every day now. And I constantly hear things that demotivate me to go to filmschool and at the same time things that demotivate me not to go to film school, no matter what I do it's never good with this voice in my head

Well, are you good enough?  Both as a talent, and good enough human being?

[Don Wei]

@Mu_ yes I am. I still have a lot to learn, but I have spend a lot of time improving myself for someone my age, I don't know that many people who do that, thats what I love about this forum, everybody here wants to be the best they can be and are serious about it too.

When it comes to talent, I have always been more artistic and creative. In fact, almost my entire family is more creative than technical for generations. So I should have actually known better than to run away from it and try to become an engineer. A lot of people didn't like it and called me weird. I did not like that and I did not have mqny oppertunities where I used to live, so therefore I heavily supressed this to fit in and be "safe and secure" and at this same follow my passion just a little bit, but that does not work at all.

So here I am, from now I'll go full out and transform my life on a bigger scale. I am still very scared and insecure at the moment though, your question even made me doubt myself for a moment and my ego almost got defensive before writing this reply, but at least I keep on going right ?

I am at a point where I have no idea where I'll be in a few years and how much I could achieve internally and externally, or how I would do that, but there is something that makes me keep going and also the fact that I already experienced what ignoring your purpose leads to, how soul draining that is.

Edited December 15, 2020 by Don Wei

[Mu_]

@Don Wei Sounds like you got your answer.  Keep reminding yourself of this when "the voice" comes back.  Dont yell at the voice, dont get frustrated with it, it may just be trying to protect you with taking the easiest way to survive, so just take that into consideration when feeling/hearing this voice.

Good luck, and btw its natural to have insecurity, doubt and some stress in life at various times.

[flowboy]

@Don Wei  Use those thoughts as your motivation. Set out to prove your own thoughts wrong. Every time you hear one, think: "Oh yeah?!"

You have to love seemingly impossible challenges and live to prove that it can be done.