Slipping Reality.

[Andrea Marchetti]

Hey everybody, what's up?

I decided, after a long time of curiosity, to give a try to LSD. Few days ago. I started with 25 mcg and I realised that I wasn't going to die, so then after few days I tried 75 mpg, which is considered a low dose. I was feeling great, I had the sensation that all I intellectualised about was becoming reality all at once. I felt alive and genuine.
So I was at home willing to share time with my family which is something I never do, I stay alone almost all the time. I said to my mum I was under the effect of LSD. And that everything was fine. She is kind of proud and defending herself all the time, by slightly attacking others, and she said that I wasn't able to understand which direction I was facing to. I felt like she was condemning me and I replied unconsciously that she didn't know what direction was facing to. So I went outside, to breath some air alone. I started feeling like my mind was dividing, I felt like that was something over my control. So I started thinking about my mum ad how she felt and I came back to apologise. Then I came back again alone in my garden... I felt two voices speaking in my head, one was 'bad' and other was 'good'. I think that the episode with my mum triggered this. I've started feeling the eternity of reality. There was no time... Thinking of time made no sense. Reality shifted into this eternal ever present reality. I thought I was seeing now what christianity called hell and heaven. Eternal hell and heaven, I felt that we can really suffer. I felt I was slipping into another dimension, a dimension that always existed overlapped with the normal dimension, but this dimension had no time and space wasn't perceived as we usually perceive it. I felt I was out of my control, facing this eternal sacred dimensions. Do you know that the word sacred means 'what you should avoid'? Well, I understood that... I felt that in that world I would had need a knowledge which is different from the knowledge I am used to... I felt I had the choice to be good or to be bad... Consciously good and bad are concepts I don't like, I think they are relative. But subconsciously I have them, especially after being raised in a christian family... I felt that if, with my intelligence, could understand how that dimension worked I could have a great power, for both personal egoic wills and for loving purposes. I've chosen to be in the good side, that I would never want to be in hell for eternity. With hell I mean passing the eternity I was perceiving with a self that is full of fear, hate, anger... Only you and yourself. I decided I was ready to surrender many things, included myself, before staying there.
I felt that dimension was the dimension of demons too and fear is why they became demons. I started panicking about meeting a demon. I didn't know what to do. I was out of my control. I started thinking I was going crazy and I was forever damaged... Thinking about future and past triggered a new sensation of being stuck there forever, because time was inconceivable at that time. So I tried to meditate, to let go. I didn't really worked because I tried... I have seen an eye watching all around it my emotions, my body etc.. I was feeling that eye was immovable and slowly rotating. Watching everything. But it didn't worked. I was saying to myself "Great, Andrea, this time you did it. this time you fucked up yourself." and another voice was saying "Why?! This is not fair, I only tried this drug once... This is not fair."... I felt my mind was divided uncontrollably, I knew I was experiencing schizophrenia... My body was trying to do something, go somewhere, escape. I tried to contact my girlfriend but she could only come to me in one hour... One hour?!?! What is an hour if every moment is eternal? I couldn't even wait for an hour... My mind knew I couldn't do anything to escape that situation. I thought to kill myself, which is something I often thought before and I came to the point where I just said that I will never do, but I knew that killing myself wasn't going to work. I was just inhabiting the body, I was eternal... I remembered watching the sky, infinite and losing myself into this eternal reality where I was infinitesimally small... After a while, jumping into from one thought and another trying to pull myself out I just gave up, but not completely... I relaxed. I thought that it wasn't going to be that bad. I was looking at the trees, to animals, surrended to that situation forever... Everything was beautiful, I enjoyed. I had that feeling before too. But not me. I was tucked forever with myself, no escape... I felt how much I was missing love. Love is so important and I never cared much about love. I was feeling how much I need love and how much I am incapable of loving. I was completely left alone, in my garden. Nobody could understand my situation. My dog came next to me and started licking my hands, I was so grateful to her. This little dog. I felt I was making love with her, on a different level. I thanked her. Then I thought that if everybody ask love from others without giving love then there cannot be love, it is gonna miss. So I thought, where do we get love from if? We are like containers of love, we exchange each other our love... But where do we get our love from? The answer I came up with was that we call love our own self, our nature and our surrounding. Mother nature loves us. I intellectually knew before the importance of loving oneself, but I never emotionally comprehend it. It was like feeling I was going in the wrong direction...
The fear of ghosts and entities persisted over all this reasoning. I felt if I was empty of love these entities could possess my body. And I also seen my other dog, with his eyes wide open sniffing around and watching around, I felt or I projected that he was feeling something strange around him... That scared me. It wasn't an hallucination. You don't have hallucination of this kind. Only distortions.
Finally my girlfriend arrived, I hugged her. She asked, "What happened?". I said: "What happened?!?!?! Do you know what eternity mean?!?". I felt like eternity passed in those hours. That all that could ever exists was there. I felt connected with ancient people like they were there too... A strong feeling of connection with people all over the times.

Slowly I came back to normal, more or less. It's 4/5 days now from this experience... I shared this experience to share some insights I had and to ask help. Because know I am afraid I damaged my mind... I fear ghosts and I can't understand whether it's my subconscious or reality. The fear is my subconscious, yes. But that sense on concrete reality of another dimension. It was more real than normal reality. And now I feel like my reality is not really real.
My third eye, I am quite skeptical about these things but open to them, is vibrating. The forehead and temples are often tingling. I've searched online and I've read that when it happens it is opening, this opening is correlated with the spirit world and with other entities. Right now I am feeling it. I have also seen there are people who goes around this astral plane when they want.
I feel transformed after this experience. I am much more sensible to other people emotions and more kind. But I am afraid of the unknown, entities and loosing my mind. What do you say? Thanks for reading.

Edited September 24, 2016 by Andrea Marchetti

[Capethaz]

First of all, you didn't damage your brain. Trust me. Psychedelic experiences can be very hard and even traumatizing. What are you describing is symptoms of anxiety, maybe brought by the trip. My advice is to relax, do some other stuff and eventually this will pass.