Can men and women actually be platonic friends or?

[Lyubov]

Is this just a game of self deception with one or both parties just keeping their foot in the door of the other as a potential option for sex/dating?

[PurpleTree]

even if there is the potential for sex/dating

i think men and women can totally be friends

friends imo are people who you can count on, and sometimes you can count more on a women than on a man for example. some women are more honest than some men etc.

it doesn't really have anything to do with gender

Edited December 12, 2020 by PurpleTree

[mandyjw]

Yes. I've been missing the total effortlessness of opposite sex friendships since I turned 6 or 7.  It's basically just the mind and identification, fear/desire stuff like when Adam and Eve were all of sudden were like, "OMG, we're naked!". 

[Recursoinominado]

Yes, but it is not common as people think.

I do have lots of female friends (some sleep in bed with me, even hot ones) and nothing happens.

But it actually takes energy to "avoid" sexual energy, i don't let this get out of control by deliberately acting a little beta. For instance, i tend to avoid long silent eye contact as this breads sexual tension, maybe i touch them less than i would a girl that i am interested in. Stuff like that.

[Preety_India]

As long as they have nothing to hide. 

 

[Roy]

Men and women can only be friends if the pressures in the social circumstances they're in dictates that they cannot or should not be in any kind kind of intimate relationship, hell even that sometimes doesn't stop people! Otherwise, no men and women cannot be platonic friends.

In my personal life and experiences I've seen a near 90% failure rate in that if men and women are "just friends" long enough, eventually one of them caves and starts to get feelings for the other, whether reciprocated or not doesn't matter. It just takes one person to have those feelings to corrupt the integrity of the label we are using here. There are probably even more men/women friendships that look platonic on the outside but in the minds of one or the other sexes are some sort of desire or plan for future intimate possibilities.

You have to keep in mind here that it's literally a fight against the very powerful force of our biology. Most people can't win that fight reliably enough which is understandable.

I don't want to get anyone triggered here. I'm not saying it's impossible for men and women to be friends. I just think it's a lot rarer than we realize. Hell, I've had great girl friends before. But it might have been the social group we were in that made the potential of getting together unthinkable, or maybe they had feelings that they never expressed and I just didn't consider it because I wasn't into them. Hard to know.

I'll just say generally no they can't, but there can be exceptions.

 

[integral]

The problem is people dont want friends as much as they want sex and deeper relationships. A desire that supersedes the other.  

[Someone here]

Yes ofcourse totally possible. What era are you living in ffs? 

Edited December 12, 2020 by Someone here

[ColeMC01]

@Recursoinominado How do you do it dude?! I have plenty of female friends but they all see me as a brother, as a great guy that they love and care about but have no feelings in that way. Some of them even find me decent/good looking and still no desire to kiss or anything like that.

Literally as having a brother that you think looks good and is a great guy but ofc you dont wanna touch him since you feel nothing in that way.

How do you manage to do it so easy (to make them feel attraction towards you)

[Arcangelo]

1 hour ago, Lyubov said:

Is this just a game of self deception with one or both parties just keeping their foot in the door of the other as a potential option for sex/dating?

YES.

Can men and women actually be platonic friends? > I could be friends with a 65 yo overweight woman.

[Recursoinominado]

@ColeMC01 It is hard to explain in a few paragraphs but basically women love to feel a range of emotions and they feel what you feel.

When you talk, make sure to talk in a free and expressive manner, they will be hooked on your story as long as you are.

They also love it when you lead the interaction and take them on a roller-coaster of emotions like you can be telling a sad story and finish with a funny statement (make sure to be exaggerated, like an actor). Or talk about a serious topic and then change to a light-hearted topic suddenly and completely forget about the last one. They love this "zen approach" to life, presence, and detachment, changing emotions and topics without any attachment, this makes you the leader of the interaction and shows that you are not clingy.

Also, lots of touch with sexual intentions, you can put your hand on her back and transmit sexual energy only by feeling it yourself first. 

Silent long eye contact creates sexual tension, they also love it. The one who can hold the most tension "wins", when you "win" she gets aroused, this shows emotional mastery.

All of that i avoid when i don't want the girl to get super attracted but at some point, those become part of your normal behavior, they will feel aroused and that's ok, that's part of your magnetism, your charisma. 

 

[Lyubov]

1 hour ago, Arcangelo said:

YES.

Can men and women actually be platonic friends? > I could be friends with a 65 yo overweight woman.

In my hypothetical I was assuming that there were no barriers for both partners that causes zero attraction between the two. 

[ColeMC01]

Thank you for the detailed explanation. Can you take these elements and implement them into your core personality? Some of this stuff would not come natural to me at all. I tend to be more logical analytical kind of person so me giving roller coaster of emotions is a bit weird for me. The eye contact and touching part i can do without much trouble if i want to. However i tend to be a bit logical in the way i talk, i make jokes and overblow stuff out of proportion for fun ofc but changing convo topics fast i kinda suck at. I prefer exploring a topic fully before moving on the next one

[aurum]

@Lyubov

You definitely can. But often someone ends up trying to make the situation more than platonic, usually the guy.

If you really want to have female friends as a guy, you gotta be okay with letting go of that.

[Lyubov]

35 minutes ago, aurum said:

@Lyubov

You definitely can. But often someone ends up trying to make the situation more than platonic, usually the guy.

If you really want to have female friends as a guy, you gotta be okay with letting go of that.

isn't it almost always going to be the guy cause men are expected to move things forward? I think women dread rejection more than men do. I had a female friend that liked me and she sort of just hinted at it subtly by making things kinda easy for something to happen and not much more than that. I've had many female friends before but I've been doing some self reflection and wondering if there is an element of self deception to some of these friendships. I don't think characterizing an entire relationship based off just one factor of attraction that may be part of it  is a good idea but it seems like when denied it becomes a sort of shadow of the relationship. 

Edited December 13, 2020 by Lyubov

[xxxx]

Can happen if both the parties have an avoidant kind of attachment style. 

You can love someone a lot, and still not want to be with them. There is mutual understanding involved here, arising from similar ways of thinking about things. 

@Lyubov

 

[egoeimai]

Yes it can be. My best friend is male and I'm a female. Lol The love is beyond anything I've felt and it's pure. It's the most amazing thing that happened to me and I wouldn't change that for anything! Or anyone. It's super rare. It can't just happen like this ? it's not something you're aiming for. It's pure luck and mutual intentions. If it's one sided it won't  last. 

[Gesundheit]

It's easier for women to be platonic with beta/omega/delta males, but with an alpha/gamma it's so much harder.

Men are deprived animals. If it's possible, we'd fuck the holes in the tree trunks.

[How to be wise]

@Lyubov Having female friends is the best indicator of the ‘nice guy’. Real men don’t lie about their emotions, and the real fact is that the average healthy man wants to sleep with any decent girl. So why will he spend time with her when he only has one objective. 
 

Freud’s drive theory shows that biologically the man has only two fundamental drives: sex and aggression “fuck it or kill it.” But the nice guy will hide his impulses and pretend like nothing is happening just to ‘be nice’. Hence his name. But truth and kindness are not the same thing. An honest man will openly express his biological desire, and when the girl refuses he will walk off.

 

This video will show you the true power of the biological impulse. The man couldn’t even finish reading his newspaper!

 

[Moon]

Platonic friendships be like:

??

Still, a lot of the times they can be just friends though.