What to do about low consciousness friendships?

[Fran11]

I have mixed feelings towards some life-long friends of mine. I deeply care about them and I love them, but on the other hand, they are highly immature and unconscious in many regards. Their interests don't go beyond S. Orange stuff and I feel they drag me down and play a role in me keep falling back into toxic habits. Besides, I feel the distance beetween us increases as I advanced on my personal path, becouse they aren't growing.

I know this is common for Self-Actualizers and I'm sure many of you have faced the same dilema, so any advice is appreciated.

Edited December 12, 2020 by Fran11

[Preety_India]

Maybe don't spend as much time around them as you used to. 

Self actualization is a lonely path. 

You shouldn't try to discuss with them or listen to them, their perspectives will never satisfy you. 

You be who you are and dissociate from their line of thinking, although you could technically still be friends with them despite having different paths in life. 

 

[Fran11]

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Maybe don't spend as much time around them as you used to. 

Yes, that's what I'm trying to do. I kinda feel bad about completely cutting them off becouse we've been together for so long, and they don't mean wrong. But as you say, we just took different paths in life, and the distance beetween our values and interests grows more and more.

Thanks for replying, I appreciate it 

[Barbara]

I relate to this very much  If you're really close, like talk to them daily or so, try talking less and less gradually. If you have a chat group or habits together, start missing them also gradually. Like only answer every two days, and then every tree, and every five and so on. As much as it costs face that you have to grow apart from them. But you'll still deeply care and love them. Show them that every time you talk to them.
Warm regards

 

[Forestluv]

As I’ve evolved my inner and outer circles have changed. Yet it doesn’t necessarily need to be a rejection in which ties are cut. There are contacts I used to be in touch with daily. Yet now we just catch up every once in a while. I still appreciate them and curious to catch up occasionally, yet we just aren’t on the same inner circle wavelength. 

I’ve also found freeing up some space isn’t just the time I’m in direct contact with them. Due to entanglement, it carries over into my mind space the rest of the day. There is momentum and attachment to mind appearances. 

When meditating, observe what types of thoughts, images, memories and emotions arise. Many are associated with what we were recently engaged with. My mind and body is not an independent entity separate from an external world. It is deeply entangled with the “external” world. 

[Fran11]

1 hour ago, Barbara said:

But you'll still deeply care and love them. Show them that every time you talk to them.
Warm regards

Great piece of advice. That would be a nice balance, progressively spending less time with them, but when I do, give my best to make sure it's a high quality time and they feel I care about them.

1 hour ago, Forestluv said:

I’ve also found freeing up some space isn’t just the time I’m in direct contact with them. Due to entanglement, it carries over into my mind space the rest of the day. There is momentum and attachment to mind appearances. 

When meditating, observe what types of thoughts, images, memories and emotions arise. Many are associated with what we were recently engaged with. 

Very true. I noticed this problem a coulpe years ago, that after spending some time on a social interaction, then when I was left alone, my mind still kept entangled with it. 

What helped me to greatly reduce it is noticing as quickly it arises and giving up my interest on that recent social interaction (desire that I had done something different, desire for more interaction, wondering things about those people, etc.)

Thank you all for your replies guys, very much appreciated as always.  

Edited December 12, 2020 by Fran11

[meow_meow]

From my experience, if you continue to hang out with those people, at one point you'll realize that you no longer really relate to each other as much as you used to and will on your own disconnect from them, since theres nothing much left in common besides good (and bad) memories. 

I feel like I have to 'step down' intelectually to their level to 'fit in' and it surfaces, they feel it, I feel it, we both know it. it's basically a setup for failure. 

I'm going trough this right now, and my situation is very similar, except of course, its' worse because I got into studying narcissism and realized that a few of my 'closest' friends are both narcissists and I was just their narcissistic supply, nothing more.. but thats a different story.

You might even notice that they start to become jerks towards you, start taking your openness and kindness for weakness and can 'try' to manipulate you, if they're orange/red.

Anyway for me it just sort of happens naturally, I just sort of start to disconnect from my social circle on my own, without actually doing anything. I beleive its just how it is. Sad.

Edited December 12, 2020 by meow_meow

[Fran11]

39 minutes ago, meow_meow said:

I feel like I have to 'step down' intelectually to their level to 'fit in' and it surfaces, they feel it, I feel it, we both know it. it's basically a setup for failure. 

I feel you man.

For me it's not only about steping down intelectually but also spiritually, like having to pretend I care about S. Organge materialistic values more than I really do.

45 minutes ago, meow_meow said:

I'm going trough this right now, and my situation is very similar, except of course, its' worse because I got into studying narcissism and realized that a few of my 'closest' friends are both narcissists and I was just their narcissistic supply, nothing more.. but thats a different story.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I had some "friends" like that as well, but those I had no problem cutting them out of my life becouse their shitty attitude made it very easy to see that it was the right thing to do and I had no second-thoughts about it. 

It's the "good but underdeveloped" the ones that I have mixed feelings about. I guesd I'll just start spending less time with them as everyone suggested and see how it works.

[Striving for more]

Perhaps Leave them and disregard them if they are very far apart on consciousness. If the gap isn't too much, maybe it can work.

P.S, I almost ended up dead or in Jail due to low consciousness friendships, it's a slippery slope. 

[Fran11]

11 minutes ago, Striving for more said:

If the gap isn't too much, maybe it can work.

I consider them to be Orange with shades of Blue and Red. I've found that at this point I can only relate with people who are at least Green. 

So I don't think I can make it work, in the sense of spending as much time with them as I have until now.

11 minutes ago, Striving for more said:

P.S, I almost ended up dead or in Jail due to low consciousness friendships, it's a slippery slope. 

Yeah it's no joke.

For me one of the biggest problems is that they are pretty heavy pot smokers, and having been one myself, our frendship plays a role in making me fall back into that habit occasionally, in the form of binges.

[Mannyb]

Be there for them, yet don’t feel forced to be what you’re not. Namaste ?? 

[aurum]

@Fran11

I have left behind several friend groups myself. It's not easy but it can become necessary.

The good news is that then you'll have created space for people who are more in alignment with your values to show up.

 

 

[Arcangelo]

Kiss them good bye.

[Arcangelo]

I used to have a narcissistic friend that used me to get high. For every 60-80 joints I shared with him, he only shared one joint with me, two tops.

I considered him my best friend but then I develop some common sense and said to myself: -''Wait a minute, for every 80 joints I share with this MF, he only shares one with me? GTFO of my life you dead beat!''

And I blocked his ass.

Good decision, I don't regret it. What I regret is not doing it earlier.

 

 

Arc

 

[xxxx]

Cut some, keep some.

There will be many people who won’t be in alignment with your values, but not everyone is necessarily toxic. You’ll have to make that distinction.

The foundational parameter for any friendship is openness and acceptance. I have ‘low conscious’ friends who do not completely understand where I am coming from, but there’s genuine interest from both the sides to know where each other is in their life. They listen and try to participate, and I do reciprocate with things concerning them, albeit the issues they discuss aren’t up my alley, usually. 

I have other friends that I have cut-off from my life. They have been toxic. No space for people who put you down, make your life miserable, and put you on the train of self-loathing.

It’s not so much about the knowledge that they have, and the plethora of things that you they can discuss, but about who they are intrinsically as an individual. I know people too grounded in this material world, but are secure individuals - and they’ll make good friends, nonetheless - because their idea of friendship isn’t fickle to begin with. 

Make that distinction. 

Remember, people who are not on the same platform as you in terms of consciousness and people who are toxic by their very nature are very different.

@Fran11

 

[Byun Sean]

In the end you gotta do what best serves you. 

 

You want people in your life who lift you up on your journey. Not drag you down.

 

[LastThursday]

Come from a standpoint of love.

Love and accept people for who they are, and love and accept yourself for who you are (jeez I sound like a hippie). So sometimes cutting friendships is an act of love in itself. Sometimes sticking around is also an act of love.

What I'm getting at, is not to blame or shame others for how you feel - this is unloving. Take responsibility and admit that you're ready to move on and then actually move on when you're ready to.

Edited December 13, 2020 by LastThursday

[Striving for more]

@Fran11

23 hours ago, Fran11 said:

they are pretty heavy pot smokers, and having been one myself, our frendship plays a role in making me fall back into that habit occasionally, in the form of binges.

LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE. 

I was at a crucial threshold one point where I was finally taking a successful break from drugs despite being heavily addicted to pot and other stuff, and I had a plan to move country and change my environment, my intuition new this was best. 

BUT ... I GOT SUCKED BACK INTO IT ... then I devolved again deeper and deeper. 

LEAVE. Just be alone until you meet better friends trust me. 

every time I agree to meet up with old friends, the same shit happens, I get left with an empty, depressed psyche, a hangover, worse bank account. It happened to me this week lool Fuck. 

I have decided I will NEVER meet an old friend again. As they're not gonna help me grow. 

Edited December 13, 2020 by Striving for more

[PurpleTree]

1 hour ago, Striving for more said:

@Fran11

LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE. 

I was at a crucial threshold one point where I was finally taking a successful break from drugs despite being heavily addicted to pot and other stuff, and I had a plan to move country and change my environment, my intuition new this was best. 

BUT ... I GOT SUCKED BACK INTO IT ... then I devolved again deeper and deeper. 

LEAVE. Just be alone until you meet better friends trust me. 

every time I agree to meet up with old friends, the same shit happens, I get left with an empty, depressed psyche, a hangover, worse bank account. It happened to me this week lool Fuck. 

I have decided I will NEVER meet an old friend again. As they're not gonna help me grow. 

 I don't agree with that and think it's very extreme

 

stopped smoking pot from one day to another and i still have friends who do basically daily, doesn't matter to me either way

[Carl-Richard]

Burn it or play along. It's up to you.

Edited December 13, 2020 by Carl-Richard