How can you feel less like a creep approaching or making a "move" on a woman?

[PurpleTree]

I just feel like such a creep or a bother when i want to approach a woman, i'm also very sensitive to others peoples feelings.

Or when let's say i know a woman from let's say some social circles and we get a long fine but then to make a move out of friend ship makes me feel creepy, leechy kind of.

Usually when i pulled women i was veeery drunk or on pills (i'm generally a happy drunk, almost never drank during the pandemic) usually just have to shut my thinking mind almost all the way down. My mind generally is pretty obsessive.

Or wait until i get approached, which happens once in a blue moon (not now though, fuck you rona) but then i'd also have to like her and it doesn't happen often.

I put myself in the friend zone a lot and getting out of also feels creepy.

Also the fear of rejection is almost worse than the fear of death for me and i've heard also for others.

And i'm already in my 30s yikes 

One thing which helps is more acceptance for myself which i'm always trying to work on and maybe also get a clearer life purpose. And also working on people pleasing issues. Also maybe lower my standards a bit and my expectations for myself.

Anybody feels like a creep approaching a woman, like you're being bothersome/annoying? Anybody got over that?

Edited December 12, 2020 by PurpleTree

[egoeimai]

I'll pm u. Lol

[Preety_India]

 

Work on your people pleasing issues. Be well dressed and (not drunk) while approaching a woman. Be polite and calm and subtle. Never ask too many questions right away or make any sexual moves right off the bat, invite her on a formal date like a dinner or a movie (hugely reduces creepy vibes), get to know her gradually and compliment her on her looks or interests, don't be afraid of rejections, reduce anxiety by approaching more women, appear confident, plan trips, go for long walks with that person to reduce anxiety, be upfront in your communication, honest in your responses about yourself, be friendly but learn to drop hints that you mean more than just friendship, send a flirty emoji if you're texting her, gradually escalate your interest, flirt throughout the conversations, but not too sexual, friendly flirting, light hearted flirting. And see where it goes. 

I guess the main idea would be to be persistent in your flirting to make yourself more visible or else it will just be a one time event and she might easily forget that interaction. So keep the logistics going by making plans further meetings and spending more time with the person. 

Spending more time with the girl is definitely a great way of bonding without feeling creepy. Also this gives her the warm feeling that you're always around and who knows, she might start getting feelings for you 

The idea is to remain persistent in keeping her interested and drawing her attention so you're always in her mind and at some point she might start thinking about you seriously and not just as a friend. 

First thing and the main thing to keep the story going is to decide on the logistics. Plan ahead. Where, what, how you're going to meet this friend. Visualize. 

Keep the chase going. Keep investing your time to build up the interest in this person that you like. Initially, she might ignore you or might not think much about you, maybe see you as a potential passing interest or a friend. But gradually as you keep flirting and dropping your clues that you are really interested in pursuing further, I guess this will definitely catch her attention and she might respond to you in a more serious/sexual/romantic kind of way. 

Goodluck. 

Edited December 12, 2020 by Preety_India

[egoeimai]

5 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 

The idea is to remain persistent in keeping her interested and drawing her attention so you're always in her mind and at some point she might start thinking about you seriously and not just as a friend. 

 

How do you know so much? 

Queen, you need to teach me lol ? 

[Preety_India]

 

Just now, egoeimai said:

How do you know so much? 

Queen, you need to teach me lol ? 

The real queen  (oh, king) is Experience 

 

[PurpleTree]

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 

Work on your people pleasing issues. Be well dressed and (not drunk) while approaching a woman. Be polite and calm and subtle. Never ask too many questions right away or make any sexual moves right off the bat, invite her on a formal date like a dinner or a movie (hugely reduces creepy vibes), get to know her gradually and compliment her on her looks or interests, don't be afraid of rejections, reduce anxiety by approaching more women, appear confident, plan trips, go for long walks with that person to reduce anxiety, be upfront in your communication, honest in your responses about yourself, be friendly but learn to drop hints that you mean more than just friendship, send a flirty emoji if you're texting her, gradually escalate your interest, flirt throughout the conversations, but not too sexual, friendly flirting, light hearted flirting. And see where it goes. 

I guess the main idea would be to be persistent in your flirting to make yourself more visible or else it will just be a one time event and she might easily forget that interaction. So keep the logistics going by making plans further meetings and spending more time with the person. 

Spending more time with the girl is definitely a great way of bonding without feeling creepy. Also this gives her the warm feeling that you're always around and who knows, she might start getting feelings for you 

The idea is to remain persistent in keeping her interested and drawing her attention so you're always in her mind and at some point she might start thinking about you seriously and not just as a friend. 

 

That's some good advice. But if i bond like that with a woman, like hanging out without being sexual, the first time i met them.

Then the friendzone feeling is very strong and then it makes me feel guilty to now try and be "sexual" or show some interest other than friendship, like now we're friends and i don't want to hurt her, take advantage of her and what would she think of me. Then it gets weird. You're right i should show steadily interest in her as a woman and not just a friend then but if i don't do that initially i almost can't do it afterwards and i have to be drunk to do it initially.

I also do like to have females just as friends.

[Preety_India]

6 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

Then the friendzone feeling is very strong and then it makes me feel guilty to now try and be "sexual" or show some interest other than friendship, like now we're friends and i don't want to hurt her, take advantage of her and what would she think of me. Then it gets weird. You're right i should show steadily interest in her as a woman and not just a friend then but if i don't do that initially i almost can't do it afterwards and i have to be drunk to do it initially.

I also do like to have females just as friends.

I smell a "friendzone" related shadow and limiting beliefs going on here. In this case it has less to do with the woman and more to do with your own perception of the situation between you and her. 

Making a move is naturally the next step in dating a girl and shouldn't carry the baggage of thoughts like "don't want to hurt her", "taking advantage of her", "what she would think", this way you have already limited yourself in your approach, providing yourself with ample opportunities to be friend zoned already. Instead be proactive and think "this is the right time" "she would be more than glad that I popped the question or asked for a date".. 

I guess what you need here is the reprogramming of your limiting beliefs and being more positive about dating and approaching rather than casting it in a negative framework. If your intentions are pure, the thought of "taking advantage" shouldn't really cross your mind. 

Maybe tone down the number of female friends that you have, probably getting used to females in the context of friends is perhaps habituating you to viewing women more as friends and inhibiting your primal sexual instincts. In a way you're shunting yourself, brother zoning yourself by constantly having females as friends. It's nice to have the opposite sex as friends, but I can imagine myself as having a lot of male friends and in that case, my romantic side might get shunted.. 

Basically it kinda skews your brain to feel awkward in sexual situations. 

I can easily see that here the girl is not the problem, it's your approach which is entirely wrong. 

You're already creating the foundation for friend zoning with your own limited beliefs. 

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? 

Try to work on changing these beliefs because they are clearly not helping, in fact they are harming your prospects big time 

Friends are forever and you can always make them along the way at any age, but dating is a whole new ballgame 

You'll have to be competitive to win a date. 

It's about attraction and building attraction is your sole responsibility. 

Drinking is not a problem if you're looking for a breakthrough. If it helps you get laid then so be it. 

What I see in your post is a ton of limiting beliefs that are inhibiting you from being authentic in your desire and expressing this desire and in turn causing you to be friend zoned. It's almost like you're asking for it. 

Work around on your limiting beliefs and triggers and thoughts. Be open and focus on building attraction with the goal of sexual relationships. 

 

[PurpleTree]

that's some good stuff thanks Preety for taking the time

47 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Making a move is naturally the next step in dating a girl and shouldn't carry the baggage of thoughts like "don't want to hurt her", "taking advantage of her", "what she would think", this way you have already limited yourself in your approach, providing yourself with ample opportunities to be friend zoned already. Instead be proactive and think "this is the right time" "she would be more than glad that I popped the question or asked for a date".. 

I guess what you need here is the reprogramming of your limiting beliefs and being more positive about dating and approaching rather than casting it in a negative framework. If your intentions are pure, the thought of "taking advantage" shouldn't really cross your mind. 

 

here might also lie an issue, see i do think my intentions are mostly "good" but i also know the devilry inside of me (like it is in everybody else)

i know that i have a huge fear of commitment, so if i might like the women maybe deep down i'm thinking she's be better off without me.

sometimes good intentions can also lead to a "bad" outcome.

51 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Maybe tone down the number of female friends that you have, probably getting used to females in the context of friends is perhaps habituating you to viewing women more as friends and inhibiting your primal sexual instincts. In a way you're shunting yourself, brother zoning yourself by constantly having females as friends. It's nice to have the opposite sex as friends, but I can imagine myself as having a lot of male friends and in that case, my romantic side might get shunted.. 

Basically it kinda skews your brain to feel awkward in sexual situations. 

i did have a good number of female friends over the course of my life but right now there's maybe only 3 or so female friends which i talk to on a regular basis, not a huge number, this covid is also killing my social life.

53 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Drinking is not a problem if you're looking for a breakthrough. If it helps you get laid then so be it. 

yea if i could do it while being tipsy that would be alright imo (not great) but i have to generally get reeeally drunk to shut the mind down, which is a bit dangerous in itself.

 

a lot of this people pleasing, limiting beliefs and anxiety crap probably comes from being "raised" as an only child by a single mother who wasn't always very mentally stable. so from very early on i felt responsible for the "bad" feelings from my mother. then started smoking weed daily from a very young age onwards in a way to self medicate which in some ways numbed the feelings but in some ways just worsened the issues over the long run. so those things are pretty deeply ingrained and hard to get rid off, entangled onion layers

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, PurpleTree said:

a lot of this people pleasing, limiting beliefs and anxiety crap probably comes from being "raised" as an only child by a single mother who wasn't always very mentally stable. so from very early on i felt responsible for the "bad" feelings from my mother. then started smoking weed daily from a very young age onwards in a way to self medicate which in some ways numbed the feelings but in some ways just worsened the issues over the long run. so those things are pretty deeply ingrained and hard to get rid off, entangled onion layers

Sure. Deeply held mental patterns are always hard to get rid off. But just imagine, how much better you would feel if you completely rid yourself of such thoughts. 

Would it be better if you touched 40,and thought how much time you wasted being entangled in such beliefs 

You would be too happy to get rid of them right now and live the life that you want and not regret it later. 

I hope you do work hard on yourself. Drugs and weed and alll those distractions are only temporary and don't fix much of anything. 

However powerful mental reprogramming is a huge benefit and will significantly change your life for the better. 

In the end you'll thank yourself for the powerful developments in you. 

I hope you start making changes today. 

 

[Arcangelo]

How can you feel less like a creep approaching or making a "move" on a woman?

By doing it over and over and over again.

[Roy]

The first thing is you can't be thinking the thought, "I'm a creep, this will be weird."

If that is in your mind you are already fucked.

Breathe and train yourself so you have control over what thoughts come into your mind.

[Gesundheit]

Deep, deep inside; do you really want to be with a woman and have a relationship?

[mandyjw]

What's the worst that can happen? Do this as a "fear setting exercise" https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/286123

Look at it like you're giving her a compliment. She might be taken, she might not accept. She may have no idea how to properly receive a compliment. Lots of women don't because it's an art, especially when you sense that someone really has their hopes up. Sometimes because they are shy, sometimes because they are scared of connection and scared of what your expectations might be. Sometimes because other men have not been able to take no for an answer. Other times men have hurt them, objectified them and called them ugly all their lives so they objectify men in return out of that wound. Any time you get an awful rejection from a woman it's never personal. Often the women who reject inwardly glow because someone came up and expressed interest. Rather than looking at it as if you're asking or begging for something for yourself, accept the risk and look at it as if you're simply paying her a compliment with the invitation. Do it from the heart and let it go. Pretend like you're leaving a $10 bill on the park bench. It might blow into a rain gutter or it might be found by someone who really needs it. 

[Lyubov]

I feel sort of low energy when it comes time to approach, like getting started on a boring homework assignment and a little nervous of it going nowhere and having wasted my emotional energy. I think it's one of those things you gotta give yourself a little push sometimes to get out of this place. 

[Red-White-Light]

@PurpleTree Treat them like sisters, and see there is literally no separation between self and other. 

[ColeMC01]

This is going to depend GREATLY on the country/culture etc where you are. In some cultures you can fuck within 1 hour, in others you need to marry before. So yeah. The general guidelines are already given here. Just 1 thing

DO NOT WAIT MORE THAN 2 DATES TO KISS SOMEONE, MUCH PREFERABLY 1

EVER

The end

[Byun Sean]

Your not being creepy or leechy when you ask out a girl if you do it in a polite way that shows you care for her feelings.

 

The girl has needs too. She wants the right guy to approach her. All girls really want is a guy who is strong on the inside that cares for her feelings.

 

The reason why women will view some men as 'creeps' is because they show the woman in subtle or not so subtle ways that they don't care about

her feelings and only care about using them for fulfilling their own sexual or emotional needs.

 

For example, women aren't attracted to so called "nice guys" because those "nice guys" are only nice because they expect 

sex in return of their niceness. Women smell this from a mile away and are repelled because this is a sign of weakness. 

 

A man who is emotionally mature and conscious enough will have a sense of care that surpasses his own needs and captures the feelings

and needs of the girl which girls can also sense. Thus this kind of guy won't care if he gets rejected or what happens to his feelings

because he is putting himself out there for the girl and that is enough for him.

This is the kind of guy women are looking for.

Authentic. Selfless. Emotionally available. Confident. Spiritually mature. 

 

I've never done cold approaches but I imagine they would be hard for the specific reason that the girl is observing everything about you 

and judging whether you will fulfill that certain criteria so much based on that first impression you give her. 

 

 

[egoeimai]

31 minutes ago, Byun Sean said:

Your not being creepy or leechy when you ask out a girl if you do it in a polite way that shows you care for her feelings.

 

The girl has needs too. She wants the right guy to approach her. All girls really want is a guy who is strong on the inside that cares for her feelings.

 

The reason why women will view some men as 'creeps' is because they show the woman in subtle or not so subtle ways that they don't care about

her feelings and only care about using them for fulfilling their own sexual or emotional needs.

 

For example, women aren't attracted to so called "nice guys" because those "nice guys" are only nice because they expect 

sex in return of their niceness. Women smell this from a mile away and are repelled because this is a sign of weakness. 

 

A man who is emotionally mature and conscious enough will have a sense of care that surpasses his own needs and captures the feelings

and needs of the girl which girls can also sense. Thus this kind of guy won't care if he gets rejected or what happens to his feelings

because he is putting himself out there for the girl and that is enough for him.

This is the kind of guy women are looking for.

Authentic. Selfless. Emotionally available. Confident. Spiritually mature. 

 

I've never done cold approaches but I imagine they would be hard for the specific reason that the girl is observing everything about you 

and judging whether you will fulfill that certain criteria so much based on that first impression you give her. 

 

 

That's gold. 

[ertopolice]

9 hours ago, Lyubov said:

I feel sort of low energy when it comes time to approach, like getting started on a boring homework assignment and a little nervous of it going nowhere and having wasted my emotional energy. I think it's one of those things you gotta give yourself a little push sometimes to get out of this place. 

Totally.

I am considering starting journaling and that's gone be one of my "fields" of goals to achieve. Approaching. For the moment i am committing myself to at least 1 new approach/chit chat/ whenever the situation and the pandemic environment allows...a day. lET'S SEE HOW IT GOES

But feels weird when u never ever put ur attention on this. I hope to gt used to it after 21 days

[ertopolice]

@Byun Sean

Regarding the struggle of the cold approach i guess same applies to women

I feel akcward approaching. Even if i try to be as a "sister"(e.g gym) and be open and friendly with everyone and make it as as natural state and not something forced...it's weird when u start an interaction with someone new. I feel judged by the very same criteria guys might got around girls who approach.