Is this abusive, or am I overreacting?

[Arcangelo]

11 minutes ago, flowboy said:

where I have to play these games.

No you got me wrong man.

We don't play no games.

They do.

 

[Barbara]

Yes, she seems really childish. I don't even know if she would really understand if you told her how you feel. But here's what I suggest. If you really like this girl, and want to be with her, try and talk to her. Explain to her what you said here about how those gestures were genuine and made you feel vulnerable. It's normal, especially at the beginning of the relationship that the other does things we don't like. But you have to communicate it to her.

On the other hand, if you don't think it's worth it, to talk to her because she wouldn't understand, or so, then probably you'll break up at some point, even if not for this thing. 

So basically, take action here. To a direction or another. Weight how much you like her and if she's worthy of your time and energy, figure things out. Explain your position to her. If you're really really honest and open, I guess she'll understand and be sorry. But if you think she's not worth it, then move on. 

[Barbara]

Lol and completely ignore the group chat

[flowboy]

@Barbara I appreciate the advice.

I'm still operating under the assumption that she's worth it, so I will talk to her asap.

Reasons I think so:

• She started with giving me a book. That prompted me to reciprocate, and then some
• We both explicitly expressed the intent to build an emotional connection with each other.
• I have had heartfelt sharings with her before, and did feel understood
• We have been building a nice connection so far and have a lot in common
• We have talked about spirituality before and I was pleasantly surprised
• I admire her as a person. She's extremely caring and extremely driven

[Barbara]

13 minutes ago, flowboy said:

I'm literally shaking with anger

And be cool, it's ok. She's just immature. And maybe this is like a pattern she has with her girlfriend. Peers together are even more childish, so, try and understand that. 
Either way, you'll be fine. Everything you did was from a place of love and authenticity. You did no harm. Only kindness 

[flowboy]

7 minutes ago, Arcangelo said:

No you got me wrong man.

We don't play no games.

They do.

 

@Arcangelo Look it's not like I've never bragged to my friends about things girls did for me (or to me).

It's just the publicness of it and complete disregard for my dignity that makes this particular case unacceptable.

I am sure girls talk to each other this way and I'm fine with that.

I also brag to my friends about her ass. She's fine with that.

I bet she wouldn't be so fine if I tried to make her show her ass to my friends, though!

And that's basically what happened here

[BornToBoil]

@Username I guess that might be true (depends on what do you mean by older though)

[Barbara]

@flowboy Yea, that seems cool
Work things out then. Do your best so she understands your position. If she doesn't, then there's nothing else you can do. I wish you the best of luck!

[flowboy]

@Barbara thank you?

[BornToBoil]

@flowboy yeah, good luck!

[flowboy]

@BornToBoil  Thank you?

[integral]

15 minutes ago, flowboy said:

@Arcangelo Look it's not like I've never bragged to my friends about things girls did for me (or to me).

It's just the publicness of it and complete disregard for my dignity that makes this particular case unacceptable.

I am sure girls talk to each other this way and I'm fine with that.

I also brag to my friends about her ass. She's fine with that.

I bet she wouldn't be so fine if I tried to make her show her ass to my friends, though!

And that's basically what happened here

??? then what is the problem? why take it so personally when its just a external manifestation of what you and her are thinking on a daily bases?

There is no dignity, you took a look in the mirror and got offended by what you saw. 

 

Edited December 11, 2020 by integral

[flowboy]

@integral haha thank you, that is now one of my favourite videos

My issue is not that she's thinking and sharing objectifying thoughts with her friends. That's just part of being a human with sexual interest.

My issue is with her doing it in front of her friends with me there, thereby creating a situation that takes dignity away from me and insults me.

As far as I know, there is an unspoken rule that you don't disrespect or humiliate the person you date in front of your friends.

See the content (that she thinks this stuff) I am fine with. The getting other people involved in objectifying me, and not giving me a dignified 'out', makes it not just about the content, but also about harming my social value to benefit hers.

 

And yes, I like being nice and I like being a good boyfriend. I like being sweet, I like taking care of my body, I like that she thinks I'm a hot piece of ass.

I don't like when she sits me down with her friends and tries to demonstrate power over me: "Look what I can make this hot piece of ass do. Jump, little puppy, jump for me!"

Edited December 11, 2020 by flowboy

[BornToBoil]

@integral yeah their relationship is very stage orange and stuff like that is to be expected I guess, but she just took it to some new cosmic levels of toxicity, lol.

[Roy]

43 minutes ago, flowboy said:

We are both 28

Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes. Yea man, if she's still doing something like that at 28 this is not something that's going to be good long term. Judging from all the posts I've read from you, you can definitely do better than her mate.

Don't let yourself sink on the crazy ship, jump off.

[integral]

@flowboy haha love that video

Ok so its about loyalty? She didnt have your back. 

She used you to get more love for herself somewhere else. 

Self love. 

I give you this, you give me that, I want i want i want i want i want, the foundation of most relationships. 

Its all about her and not about you, its all about you and not about her. You guys are completely isolated from each other and dont know it.

Both in your own bubbles of getting what you want. Giving her things in any form is about you getting more of what you want. 

Edited December 11, 2020 by integral

[flowboy]

@integral For a relationship to work, both people are supposed to have a regard for each other's ego, and let it be reasonably comfortable. At least the kind of relationship I am interested in. Judge that however you wish.

34 minutes ago, Roy said:

Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes. Yea man, if she's still doing something like that at 28 this is not something that's going to be good long term. Judging from all the posts I've read from you, you can definitely do better than her mate.

Don't let yourself sink on the crazy ship, jump off.

Thanks ?

[Potato People King]

@flowboy To be honest, it seems to me like the girls are just having some fun... I would not be so stiff about it. Give it some time, loosen up a little bit... Make fun of her too, but not in a gross way. Definitely don't "jump as she wishes." If I were you, I would tease her with some creative funny stuff 

 

[integral]

@flowboy Not judging at all. I completely empathise with you.

What im saying is, there is a future where your invincible.  Walk the path. 

Edited December 11, 2020 by integral

[flowboy]

@integral Appreciated?