Females are attracted to strength , Men are attracted to kindness

[ColeMC01]

So this is just a thought i had which i would be curious to know what you guys think.

So basically the idea is that girls are attracted to in guys in traits that relate around strength. Confidence, independence, ruthlessness, assertiveness, dominance, leading, being bold. You can be a piece of shit person and get great girls if you have these traits. Now, you probably wont keep those girls in the long term but you will attract them for sure. This is due to men having to defend and fight for the family since they are the physical stronger sex

Meanwhile females, when it comes to personality they have to be kind, sweet, caring, compassionate etc. So traits that make you a good lovable human being. This is due to them raising kids and you have to be sweet, caring etc.

The problem is that men think females are attracted to guys that are kind, caring, sweet etc and not to strength. This creates the "nice guys finishing last while assholes fuck a lot" thing. Assholes are strong, nice guys are not.

Now i know that guys care about looks too but so do girls. Guys care a bit more though that is true. 

What do you you people think about this?

Please don't roast me or insult, just reply calmly

[Gesundheit]

http://artoflovingaman.com/blog/2016/3/8/uzej4t4o86xwvobz8wwakzjxl0v79b-m38n3

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/ask-tony/polarity/

Just the first two results from googling "masculine and feminine attraction".

[JosephKnecht]

18 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

What do you you people think about this?

Please don't roast me or insult, just reply calmly

You are attracted to the things that you desire, but you lack. 

You are attracted because you feel partial, and you want to feel whole again. 

If you had everything, you would be the most attractive but will have nothing to attract.  

[aurum]

@ColeMC01

There's a certain amount of truth in what you're saying. But I would add a lot more nuance to it.

The problem "nice guys" typically have is that they're not in their power.

But that doesn't mean the other extreme of toxic masculinity is any better.

I wouldn't focus on trying to be either an asshole or nice. Don't "try" to be anything.

You need to find what is you and own it.

[ColeMC01]

@Etherial Cat A weak kind men will not get girls.

A strong unkind men will get girls.

Of course a kind and strong men is the best.

 

[BornToBoil]

@datamonster he is not famous, but Gabo Saturno is a nice example of stong, masculine and kind man.

[tsuki]

Girls are not attracted to boys that do X. Boys are not attracted to girls that do Y. 

A specific person is attracted to a specific person. Beyond that, configurations are innumerable and tying to optimize your chances for being accepted as a mate is a path to a miserable relationship.

If I were to tell the problem with relationships, it would be that people expect the other person to complete them. If you are miserable and spiteful when you are alone, you will be miserable and spiteful when married. The only difference is that there will always be a person to blame nearby.

Thank you for the mention @Etherial Cat, I'm glad that you enjoyed the video. Even though he is a synthetic character, the "complete person" is a much more spacious stereotype, only harmful to personal-deveopment junkies with a kink for perfectionism .

[Origins]

9 hours ago, ColeMC01 said:

So this is just a thought i had which i would be curious to know what you guys think.

So basically the idea is that girls are attracted to in guys in traits that relate around strength. Confidence, independence, ruthlessness, assertiveness, dominance, leading, being bold. You can be a piece of shit person and get great girls if you have these traits. Now, you probably wont keep those girls in the long term but you will attract them for sure. This is due to men having to defend and fight for the family since they are the physical stronger sex

Meanwhile females, when it comes to personality they have to be kind, sweet, caring, compassionate etc. So traits that make you a good lovable human being. This is due to them raising kids and you have to be sweet, caring etc.

The problem is that men think females are attracted to guys that are kind, caring, sweet etc and not to strength. This creates the "nice guys finishing last while assholes fuck a lot" thing. Assholes are strong, nice guys are not.

Now i know that guys care about looks too but so do girls. Guys care a bit more though that is true. 

What do you you people think about this?

Please don't roast me or insult, just reply calmly

 
bro you serious, don’t roast or insult? 
 

nooooh, you gotta get intimate with reality. Don’t be afraid with it. Insult me. We can play a game if you like. Get loose. You MUST face what’s real. Then you won’t care about all this nonsense, you’ll start actually interacting with people on a real level.

[Preety_India]

A woman likes a dominant guy because in the feminine mind (evolutionary reasons) dominant means "protector of the tribe/family and provider /caretaker/guardian". Basically a dominant guy screams "security and ability." 

Women want security in relationships more than anything, whether it be financial security or emotional /sexual. 

Women view alpha as "strong secure caring." That's why they're generally instantly attracted to a strong alpha dominant guy. 

Also sexually a lot of women prefer domination in the bed. They feel fulfilled. 

Does this mean they like an unkind guy? 

An unkind guy = asshole (AH) 

A woman doesn't like or want AH. They simply tolerate an AH with the expectation that he might stop being an AH. 

But that doesn't happen. She will stick around in the relationship for a while after which she will dump the guy. 

The theory is this. 

Everyone likes caring and affectionate, both men and women. 

The only difference is that women like the extra X factor of "sexually, financially, emotionally" dominant because it aligns with their needs of the perfect Prince Charming - handsome, sexy, dominant, kind, strong, secure, provider, faithful, respectful. 

Can't blame women. This is how they've been fed with fantasies in movies, books, novels, girls discussing boyfriends etc etc. 

It comes down to raw social conditioning. 

Women have been socially conditioned by both patriarchy and females to consider "strong, dominant, caring  kind" as attractive. 

The bottom line is that both gender like a "caring person." 

Nobody likes "unkind or AH." 

 

Edited December 12, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

@Etherial Cat  I usually don't look at the word "dominance" as something enslaving me. 

I don't see it as a slave narrative. 

I look at it differently. 

To me dominance means not a "boss" but someone "guiding motivating encouraging and leading" like a coach or mentor or simply the bigger guy who knows more and is more secure and leading me to be with him. 

I see dominance as the "big brother who always cares with tough love" 

A man can be dominant without being bossy and even if he is bossing me around, I generally don't see a problem in him being my boss if he is polite and caring and simply directing me. 

I like to be his little princess rather than queen 

 

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

If anything, his little princess is supposed to be his daughter, not the woman in his bed.

Ahh, you're taking this the other way lol. Men do call their women princesses. 

Some women like the idea of being the smaller one in the relationship. 

And smaller, not in terms of age. 

Dependency is one thing and feeling endearing is another. 

I guess to me the whole queen aspect looks like a "dominant female" and I don't prefer that.. 

I'm very submissive in relationships with men and I'm aware this may not be perceived in the best way, but I don't necessarily look at it negatively. 

Maybe he can call me his little princess and if I have a daughter with him, he can call her the little Queen. 

It's a lot about just semantics. At the end of day, it has to be a happy relationship, the terms really wouldn't matter much. 

I don't think too deep into this. 

To me in our culture it's completely okay to call a woman a princess, it's considered affectionate rather than asymmetrical or enslaving. 

In fact it doesn't have to be an older man and younger woman, they can be both of the same age and he can still lead her on. 

It's just a matter of what is respectively attractive to both male and female in that culture. 

 

[Preety_India]

Just now, Etherial Cat said:

Semantics and linguistic do have ramification in our psyche, though.

It shapes how we perceive the world and how we think.

I share your opinion on not wanting to appear as a "dominant female" either.

It's not that one wants to be become dominant, but wanting to be seen as equally important.

Just like being a feminist doesn't mean you're for female supremacy. It means that you want to be treated as full stack human and not a second order one.

I completey get your idea. 

But I just don't see any reason why being a dominant male to you automatically translates as "a master slave dynamic" or asymmetric oppressive relationship, or treating the woman unfairly or not considering her equal.. 

Just like you think that being a feminist doesn't equate female supremacy, don't you think a dominant male might think that being dominant doesn't equate male supremacy. 

Just like you think that you being called a Queen is more about equality, rather than dominance, I think calling him a King is about respect and adoration rather than slavery. Does this make sense? 

It's about mutual perception. If I think he is a king, he should also think of me in a respectful way. I don't see a problem in giving higher leverage to a man in a relationship and I don't consider it as a competition, where if I consider him a king, then it automatically means I'm a slave? No, I don't look at it this way. It's not like that I have to sacrifice something of myself or compromise to make him feel above me. I'd more than glad if he is above me. 

 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Etherial Cat said:

You can find alpha type males that aren't sexist, which is what I was referring to in my first post.

But in nowadays society, it is the exception and not the norm.

I do agree with this. 

I kinda get where you're coming from, you're trying to caution me that a dominant male could easily be a sexist asshole, right? 

 

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

Yes.

I would say that integrating negative bias towards the Feminine is a social standard and we are all equally subject to it. For both males and females.

So one has to be cautious and constantly try to untangle and dissociate those bias in oneself and in society because we are conditioned with a mapping that isn't fulfilling for both gender, but run deep into our unconscious. 

I am worried because when I read your posts, it seems clear that you still suffer a lot from past abuses, so it's not far fetched to make a correlation between your taste for submission (and self-sacrifice?) and you needs not being seen and fulfilled by a man.

Men also tend to evolve in a world were feelings and emotional and social intelligence isn't the norm, so it is very difficult for one to anticipate or see your needs if you let them take full control and remain quiet in the passenger seat when they make all the decision.

What has been my experience, is that when a female appears submissive, an average man start abusing its power and take that submission for granted and start acting selfishly. And instead of putting clear boundaries, a lot of women try to compensate that lack of respect with being loving, kind and mellow because thinking about themselves and asserting what they want looks like an act of defiance or a masculine trait. So they keep on giving until exhaustion.

I also think that those who like to dominate women are those who are prone to shadow issues towards it and like to control women as a real life metaphor for their Anima. So it's not a good indicator of them being Feminine friendly at all.

Whenever I got the chance to meet some of these nice feminine friendly alpha we've been talking about, they weren't into abusing you physically, mentally or anything. They don't like to dominate and assert their power over you, but definitely will show strenght, protective skills and masculine features which leaves room for a woman to get into that receptive mode, but without leaving any wounds on her. 

And you can follow their leadership because their leadership isn't bad for you integrity.

That's a super nice take. 

But how do I figure out if the alpha I'm dating is feminine friendly or not? 

That is still a difficult thing because initially every guy puts on the best front. 

 

[ColeMC01]

@Preety_India Nobody likes assholes of course. I am saying that for a girl the ATTRACTION TRIGGER, will be strenght from a guy. Basically the thing that gets you to feel something towards him. For a guy it will be kindness for a girl, so if a girl is being sweet, kind, affectionate, basically like  a caring mom he will start feeling attracted to her.

For a long term relationship nobody likes an asshole ofc, assholes cant keep relationships long term for obvious reasons

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Etherial Cat said:

If they make you cry, leave you a feeling of being used, and/or most of the interactions aren't pleasant, that's a huge red flag.

Yes this. Very important. My interactions with my ex were very sexist and unpleasant. I wish I had known all this knowledge before, I would not have wasted 3 years with him. 

From now on I know that if the interactions aren't pleasant, it's red flag.

 

[Michael569]

On 11/12/2020 at 4:08 PM, ColeMC01 said:

Meanwhile females, when it comes to personality they have to be kind, sweet, caring, compassionate etc.

First of all they have to be physically attractive. The guy doesn't care about any of the other stuff if there is no physical attraction. We look at her face, her eyes, her jaw line, lips, breasts, tights and buttocks. We will scan every aspect of her body before we even being to show an interest in her personality. It is extremely shallow but guys are wired that way. Sometimes there can be powerful mental chemistry between a guy and the girl when they feel on the same line and feel they could talk for ages....but if there is no chemistry, forget it. Relationship dies or the guy will cheat. 

Secondly, I think what girls are looking for is not the macho trait but the confidence, the humour and a bit of cockiness. He needs to be a bit playful and childish but not too much to giver he a signal that he is looking for a mother in her, that's like giving her a slap across the face on the first date. Looks come a bit later. Mr nice guy makes for a better father but if he is boring to be around she won't be attracted at least not in most cases. 

But ofcourse there are exceptions to both 

[Preety_India]

18 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

I predict that the feminine will move in droves away from the masculine, a

I laughed at this. Sooner or later it's realized that the masculine is not worth the energy. 

[Nobody_Here]

I wasn't really attracted to my current boyfriend when I first met him. He's a manager at my workplace who worked in a different area than I did. I set up his company phone (edit: that was my job at the time) and we got to talking about cybersecurity, which is the field he works in and I want to get into. We clicked right away as friends. Eventually, he wanted something more. He's almost 13 years older than me and a manager, and at first, I was concerned that people would judge me for dating him for his money or status. Eventually, I gave in because he's just a great guy. He just happens to be a leader and has nice financial resources, and who am I to judge him for that? If he treated me badly -- I have my own leadership skills and my own financial resources, so goodbye. I don't need him. I just want him in my life and vice versa. I think this is how relationships should be. Not necessarily always needing each other, but definitely almost always wanting each other. 

Edited December 13, 2020 by Nobody_Here

[Jacob Morres]

You described me in the OP

i thought it'd be good enough to be nice but naw you need other qualities apparently (lul) 

Its hard to say though because on one hand you want to change yourself for the woman but lately I've just been like fuck the girl man I'm just gonna be myself.

Like im just gonna do what I wanna do and find a girl that fucks with that 

Edited December 13, 2020 by Jacob Morres