Age difference in a relationships

[Preety_India]

@Arcangelo it's ok Arc. Gotcha. Hope all is well and have a wonderful blessed day 

[BornToBoil]

@Arcangelo what's wrong about asking what his intentions are? Seems like a legitimate thought provoking and open ended question.

Also, you are only saying that this relationship is ok because it suits your agenda of being a pick up artist who also wants to date 19 year olds, aren't you?

@Preety_India I agree that it's not about legal age or consent. However her having a relationship with this guy doesn't necessarily equal with her being immature. Even I, knowing much more about the situation than you guys do, have my doubts. So I think it's wrong of you to just come to conclusions like that.

@iceprincess Thanks for your concern, but just because something like that happened to your friend doesn't mean that it will happen to everyone. From what I currently know about the situation everything seems to be pretty stable.

Edited December 11, 2020 by BornToBoil

[Arcangelo]

5 minutes ago, BornToBoil said:

Also, you are only saying that this relationship is ok because it suits your agenda of being a pick up artist who also wants to date 19 year olds, aren't you?

You got me.

6 minutes ago, BornToBoil said:

what's wrong about asking what his intentions are?

Because he is gonna lie. Why you wanna be lied to?

 

[Preety_India]

@BornToBoil I just hope everything turns out fine for her. 

I'll say this much. When it comes to such things, there may or may not be Traps, one cannot be fully sure, so the best strategy is to be careful in advance. 

I know you care about your sister and that's why you opened this thread, if you had no problem with their age gap, you probably wouldn't have asked this question to begin with. These are your words from your original question "am trying to be open minded and all but I am still a bit concerned about this", so it does seem like you're concerned 

All I'll say is this. You keep an eye on the relationship of your sister. This is your responsibility as her brother since you do have some concerns. If you come across even the first sign of bad behavior from the guy where it seems like his intentions are not genuine but to simply use your sister for sex, then please warn her immediately about it and make her get out of it. 

If he is good caring guy and not simply pretending it, then cool, your sister will most likely be happy with him, so will you. 

Best regards. 

 

 

[BornToBoil]

@Preety_India Thank you. I may sound too supportive of this relationship, but I am not, I still have my concerns. And I am going to keep an eye on it. I just don't like that kind of black and white thinking, especially when it's based on a limited information.

 

@Arcangelo well, at least you have guts to admit that, haha

That's just your opinion which is based on what you would have done. He might lie or he might be honest, I won't know until I ask him.

Also, it'll be pretty hard for him to lie well enough for me and my sister to not pick it up. Unless he is a KGB agent, he is probably going to fail. When you structure your questions properly and catch a person of guard it becomes very hard to lie and keep your emotions in check.

[Striving for more]

 

I am 23 soon 24 . Is it ok for me to sleep with / date girls as young as 18 ? 

I personally can find any girl attractive from 18 - 50, if they are attractive 

I wouldn't personally aim for 18, 19-22 would be ideal but I wouldn't refuse an 18 year old if i liked her.

[Seeker531]

When I was 24 I had a very mixed up friend (23) and she got a boyfried who was 34. he took care of her a lot and supported her in her growth and handle her fear disorder. He often took part in things we do at that age like going to a bar, barbecues etc and for my external perspective at that time he was a nice and caring man over that period. It lasted about 4 years. Now, 7 years later I think  a little bit different of that what happened. She was insecure and had some troubles with career and family and she needed eagerly support of someone who has both feet on the ground. After 4 years she was growing them out to some extend and needed more of her freedom and the chance to make up for her own experiences that she was missing due to the disorder and this kind of relationship (even if we were often out together, she lived her life predominantly like a 30 year old). He did grow older and changed too and stopped behaving like a 25year old and got a bit rusty. There was also this power disbalance and they had to break up because of that amonst other things after these 4 years. Although he did help her get her shit together he was stuck to their old roles and they were striving in different directions with different obstacles etc and so after a while the thing became unhandleble. As in every relation there were more facets to it I can't mention here. But I wouldn't compare that to a 19 year old. Being almost 24 is a different cognitive level. 

[sailormoon]

@Leo Gura Do you think that is fine if a 30 y old girl gets married to a 50 y old man or you think that there is power imbalance or some different issue?

[Lyubov]

What's inherently wrong with a power imbalance? From my experience I've noticed a lot of women don't mind this and are attracted to powerful men. I don't think it's the imbalance that's the problem but more so how the man uses it. 

[Origins]

@BornToBoil honestly what a loser. 

“He’s scared”, I mean c’mon. It’s a massive red flag to be scared in this situation and under these circumstances.

[Lyubov]

7 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

A lot of women are terrible at understanding power dynamics and only realize too late they've been chewed and spat out.

 

The same happens to a lot of men during the beginnings of a relationship or courtship process. I don't think imbalances are a problem per-say. Plenty of women are attracted to the status and power of a man. It's a lot like the ying-yang symbol. Both men and women have the better end of the stick when it comes to certain aspects of dating/romanic relationships. 

Edited December 28, 2020 by Lyubov

[soos_mite_ah]

25 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

The same happens to a lot of men during the beginnings of a relationship or courtship process. I don't think imbalances are a problem per-say. Plenty of women are attracted to the status and power of a man. It's a lot like the ying-yang symbol. Both men and women have the better end of the stick when it comes to certain aspects of dating/romanic relationships. 

There is a difference between imbalances complementing each other on the same level to create a better whole because there are two parties bringing in different things to a relationship and a power imbalance. Like two people can come from completely different parts of life and have opposite energies that synergize in harmony to create a clearer picture. Both people benefit because they get exposed to different ideas and ways of looking at things. Like come on, dating someone who is equal to you on every level and someone who has very similar strengths and weakness can get boring because y'all aren't learning from each other. The point in this case is that learning and contributing in this type of relationship is reciprocal.

When it comes to large age differences, it falls under power imbalances. Like as far as life experience and intellectual/ emotional stimulation, a 19 year old can get a lot of advice from a 30 year old but the 30 year old can't do the same because the older person is in a completely different life stage where he should be past whatever the 19 year old is going through. There isn't the same amount of relatability or reciprocity. Not to sound crude but when someone that old is going out with someone that young at best is totally a sex thing with no expectation for intellectual/ emotional stimulation and at worse the older person is getting psychologically stimulated by being able to emotionally manipulate young person so that they can have power over them. 

[Preety_India]

@soos_mite_ah@

Yea I absolutely agree with you. 

 

@BornToBoil sorry got tagged 

[Lyubov]

@soos_mite_ah yeah, I do agree with you. I think the OP's situation is an example of a really extreme or dysfunctional power imbalance.  

[Arcangelo]

16 hours ago, Origins said:

honestly what a loser. 

Yeah why would a man be attracted to hot and young females?

Only losers do that.

I am the biggest loser.

 

 

Arc