Age difference in a relationships

[BornToBoil]

@xxxx I will do my best, thank you 

[mmKay]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

You only young once.

Huh put that on a shirt. ' YoYo ' right? 

[AtheisticNonduality]

1 hour ago, Forestluv said:

Being an intelligent, successful English teacher could also add worth. 

Ha! Are you trying to tell us something?

[Gili Trawangan]

LOL. I'm 38 years old, also an English teacher, and a few weeks ago I had sex with a 19-year-old woman I met on tinder (and my profile reads 34 instead of 38). The only difference between me and this guy is that I told her my real age as soon as we met. And I'm not going to have a relationship with her (though I would if I wanted to). This was a funny thread to read, but as you can imagine it only reads highly judgmental from my perspective. Or, I'm just a shady dude and a perv 

[Leo Gura]

The problem is the extreme power imbalance which will lead to him abusing/exploiting her unless he is a saint. Which of course he is not because he's already playing devilish games with hiding his age. Only a devil would want to date a 19 year old to begin with. So obviously he's gonna exploit her and she's too young and dumb to understand that.

Which is exactly why her parents would (correctly) freak out if they found out. You might as well tell them that their daughter is hanging out at the Playboy Mansion.

Men will go to great lengths to scheme to get young girls.

Nothing good will come of this. You might want to tell her parents because this dude could seriously traumatize her for a long time. Best case scenario he will just exploit her for sex and break her heart. Worse case scenario he will manipulate her so bad that she'll be in therapy for the rest of her life.

There is no happy fairy-tale ending here. He will exploit her. You better act fast before she falls in love with him.

The whole point of dating a 19 year old is that he gets to exploit her. Like a cat playing with a mouse. It's obvious to anyone with some sense what this guy is doing.

[Preety_India]

I will feel the same way. This girl is going to be exploited by this guy. 

I remember when I was 19 and fell in love with a 32 year old guy. He wouldn't look at me and promptly refused me saying "no, I can't, you're like a child to me".... He was too embarrassed to date me. 

He never exploited me. He could have because I was too submissive and naive and ready to do anything to get his love. But he didn't do anything and simply let me have my dignity. 

I mean he was a gentleman. He didn't want to ruin me and I'm glad that he didn't have sexual relations with me, maybe if I did I would have been traumatized after a breakup. 

He knew that very well and didn't want to break my heart or cause trauma. So there you go, not all men are like this 

They won't play games with you. I can't imagine that guy hiding his age and he was a super handsome guy. 

The thing is a man at that level doesn't want to do that kind of shit where he hides his age.. 

This is so sneaky. I want to be direct here and say tell your sister to just break up with him.. 

He is no good. It's better safe than sorry 

 

You know 

 

[Gili Trawangan]

Lying about his age was most likely for practical purposes. He must have noticed, as I have, that on dating apps once your age is above 35 your options decrease significantly. Most women under 30 are likely choosing an upper limit of 35 for their matches. I happen to look a lot younger, and in real life I have no trouble attracting young women, therefore I don't feel like I'm scamming anyone, and I always tell the truth about my age (online if I'm asked, and in real life no matter what).

So, the way I see it, the only mistake this guy made was not coming clean immediately about his age. But he did eventually, which means that he's probably not a douchebag, he was just afraid of losing the girl, probably because he actually likes her. Honestly I don't know, I don't know these people, but neither do you who are judging here and pretty much demanding that they break up.

I don't buy this whole "oh she's a baby, she doesn't know what she's getting into" and "he's likely a predator and will break her heart". For all you know, it will be the opposite; relationships are messy, and the chances that a 19-year-old girl will find her soulmate/husband at that age are slim whatever the age of the guy she's dating.

In the end, it comes down to how conscious and aware the guy is (and the girl too, of course), and nobody here has a clue about that.

[Leo Gura]

52 minutes ago, Gili Trawangan said:

how conscious and aware the guy is (and the girl too, of course)

I promise you neither one of them is conscious.

Which I guess serves them both right

[xxxx]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Only a devil would want to date a 19 year old to begin with.

Someone please show this to Leonardo DiCaprio.

 

[BornToBoil]

@Leo Gura my sister is probably more conscious than you think. And she just isn't the type of person to just tolerate someone who treats her badly. In my opinion, the most likely worst case scenario is that he will turnout to be douchebag, they will break up, my sister will cry for a week or two and move on. 

If anything, I think that me telling everything to her parents would traumatize her for life.

[BornToBoil]

@Leo Gura Also, the reason she doesn't want to tell anything to her parents (and I have the same opinion as well). Is because the last time she had a relationship with a guy who was more or less her age, our parents still feaked out and their reaction was completely inadequate in my opinion.

So I doubt she would be willing to tell them anything even if this guy was her age (at least not anytime soon), let alone when there's all this age controversy

[BornToBoil]

@Gili Trawangan @Keyhole I don't know if that's important in this case but she didn't use tinder to just hook up, they didn't have sex for more then a month after they've met.

I don't know what his intentions were obviously.

[Preety_India]

Stop all this drama. Just go and tell the parents. The parents need to know as soon as possible. 

You shouldn't hide such things from parents when she is only 19. Terrible idea. 

 

[BornToBoil]

@Keyhole yeah I surely will talk to him and keep an eye on the whole situation

[Moon]

38 minutes ago, BornToBoil said:

@Leo Gura my sister is probably more conscious than you think. And she just isn't the type of person to just tolerate someone who treats her badly. In my opinion, the most likely worst case scenario is that he will turnout to be douchebag, they will break up, my sister will cry for a week or two and move on. 

If anything, I think that me telling everything to her parents would traumatize her for life.

Are your parents abusive towards her regarding this sort of thing, with dating in general? 

If so, yeah don't tell them which I guess you wouldn't anyway haha 

I guess you know the full situation better than any of us at the end of the day. 

[BornToBoil]

@Preety_India if I made it sound like a drama, then I'm sorry, my bad. But there really isn't much drama. 

When I talk to my sister about it she seems pretty rational and coolheaded (maybe a bit irritated about me being too nosy). 

I trust her to be able to handle the whole situation even if something goes wrong (of course I'll also do my best to help if something goes wrong).

@Moon they are not abusive per say, just too strict and overly protective. She probably still has a tracking option turned on on her sim card so they can know her location (I did too but I changed my phone number since then and they are less strict with me in general since I am a guy). The last time my dad found out about her having a boyfriend and her being at his house without telling them anything it was a crazy shouting much, tears and stuff.

[Moon]

2 minutes ago, BornToBoil said:

@Preety_India

@Moon they are not abusive per say, just too strict and overly protective. She probably still has a tracking option turned on on her sim card so they can know her location (I did too but I changed my phone number since then and they are less strict with me in general since I am a guy). The last time my dad found out about her having a boyfriend and her being at his house without telling them anything it was a crazy shouting much, tears and stuff.

Actually yeah that still sucks, and I can relate and that shit can leave a mark too. Like for me it resulted in paranoia being with guys incase I get caught, and physical symptoms during intimacy etc, really bad haha (AND my parents have never caught me with a guy or thought I've had a boyfriend, was insanely stupid things that would sound ridiculous if I typed them ?). But luckily never tracking like your sister does, that's insane! 

Anyway, like you said, the situation is up to your sister and hopefully it all turns out the best it can 

[BornToBoil]

@Moon thanks for your support!

[IAmReallyImportant]

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The problem is the extreme power imbalance which will lead to him abusing/exploiting her unless he is a saint. Which of course he is not because he's already playing devilish games with hiding his age. Only a devil would want to date a 19 year old to begin with. So obviously he's gonna exploit her and she's too young and dumb to understand that.

Which is exactly why her parents would (correctly) freak out if they found out. You might as well tell them that their daughter is hanging out at the Playboy Mansion.

Men will go to great lengths to scheme to get young girls.

Nothing good will come of this. You might want to tell her parents because this dude could seriously traumatize her for a long time. Best case scenario he will just exploit her for sex and break her heart. Worse case scenario he will manipulate her so bad that she'll be in therapy for the rest of her life.

There is no happy fairy-tale ending here. He will exploit her. You better act fast before she falls in love with him.

The whole point of dating a 19 year old is that he gets to exploit her. Like a cat playing with a mouse. It's obvious to anyone with some sense what this guy is doing.

There seems to be truth in it. I think people would get more conciouss about possible dynamics if someone who is well educated in this regard would make a video about it ;-) I don't like this weird relationships which seem toxic to me and I somehow get angry if I see this. Its strongly selfish of course.

[No_thing]

Currently i am in relationship whit a girl 10 years younger than me. We are together for more than a year yet. At the beginning a red flag for me was that she is still 21 and this is an age where you still want to go party, Disco or something but at my age I am over that. So for me ther was dilemma cuz i want her to go through this phase of life but she wants me to be with her when she parties. Beside that we have so much in common we live together since the beginning we never fight. As an older i give her advices and freedom of her choices. I just wanted to say for me the age difference has some pros and cons but if they can speak with each other they can meke it last

 

Edited December 10, 2020 by No_thing