Age difference in a relationships

[Forestluv]

32 minutes ago, Ibgdrgnxxv said:

Teachers who shows the slightest sign of perversion will be kicked regardless of whether they are a teacher or not. 

Not at the U.S. college / University level. Male professors can show low levels of perversion under the radar. And a small percentage of female students flirt with their male professors. I'd say about 5% of my female students flirt with me. I can flirt back at a low intensity. Yet if it goes to far, there are consequences.

32 minutes ago, Ibgdrgnxxv said:

This is why I love female teachers. 

Female teachers are awesome. There is a different dynamic with female teachers and their students, in terms of sexual energy. Yet I'm not as privy to that insight.

32 minutes ago, Ibgdrgnxxv said:

Teachers have gained the student's trust and respect to teach. 

I only said this because its online.. 

This is if I were to go back to that age being nineteen. 

That is also true. It's not either / or. Trust is a big component of teacher / student interactions. For example, many students have social anxiety issues and they will not speak up unless they trust the teacher will be supportive. 

As well, very light flirting does not necessarily break trust. Have had many moments with female students in which there is a wink or smile that evaporates. There is a sense of innocence and genuineness to it. 

24 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

I wouldn't say "a lot". Especially not when older is more than 3-4 years.

Most actually like much better guy around their age.

But surely, some do. It's quite the minority, though.

The age of their father has a big impact on what counts as "old" to them. 20 y.o. females with 42 y.o. fathers see males males 40+ as "old". Yet 20 y.o. females with 56 y.o. fathers generally don't see 40 as old. Nearly all the female students that have flirted with me have relatively old fathers. The ones with younger fathers generally see me as a father figure. 

I've the 500+ female students I've had, I'd estimate only about 2-5% express overt acctraction toward above average male teachers 15-20 years older. There can also be a power dynamic. The intelligence, success and authority of the teacher can be "sexy" to some female students, without strong physical sexual energy. 

That's just my observations in a college setting. 

[Preety_India]

I can't believe that people are supporting this. It's obvious that it's very odd that he is dating a 19 year old. I myself wouldn't date someone 21, let alone 19. 

It's not going to end well. But to each his own. 

To me it screams red flags all the way, if he was good, he wouldn't lied about the most standout factor here - age. That's a huge bad signal already. 

He seems too sneaky to me. Add into it that he is a teacher obviously to really young students. 

This thing doesn't look good from any angle, find any justifications that you might, but the simplest thing here is to notice how weird this is. 

All these long long discussions when it's so simple. 

 

[Chives99]

Pricnce Charles was 30, Dianna was 18, that marriage was a fucking disaster 

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Username said:

@Leo Gura It's strategic thinking. There is too much work to create actualized.org just to find a good girlfriend.

If only you knew how much sex I sacrificed to create Actualized.org

[BornToBoil]

@Preety_India well, we will see how it goes. But thank you for your concern 

Also thanks to everyone for your inputs, I didn't expect this thread to explode like that, haha

[BornToBoil]

@Leo Gura Do you regret it though?

[Merkabah]

@Leo Gura You are cut from a different cloth....... Make sure you STAY DIFFERENT.  ?

[BornToBoil]

@Keyhole quite a lot to be honest:

- They are both stage green (at least he seems to be from what my sister says)

- they are both vegans

- they are both into yoga, meditation, etc., (they even do it together sometimes)

But I will ask him about that directly

 

Edited December 9, 2020 by BornToBoil

[Moon]

Weird behaviour and I'd be concerned if it was my daughter ? Even if it doesn't seem like a toxic relationship, it's just strange like he's playing out a fetish or very insecure that he had to choose someone so young to dominate??

But I guess people emotionally mature at different ages too (in terms of your sister) but I personally had no experience with guys at that age and probably would've been easily influenced tbh

I don't care about age now (not impressed or influenced by it for example), as a lot of young girls also feel like they're worth more if they attract older guys

 

[Forestluv]

10 minutes ago, Moon said:

a lot of young girls also feel like they're worth more if they attract older guys

Being an intelligent, successful English teacher could also add worth. 

[Preety_India]

Worth is never outside yourself. All worth is within you. 

 

[Leo Gura]

29 minutes ago, BornToBoil said:

@Leo Gura Do you regret it though?

In some ways I do. You're only young once.

[lmfao]

I remember in high school this girl was open with everyone that her boyfriend was like 28 when she was 17, maybe her family and stuff were okay with it I have no clue (this is in the UK). No one said anything about it like it was weird, I just found it odd but never said anything. 

Edited December 9, 2020 by lmfao

[Username]

44 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

If only you knew how much sex I sacrificed to create Actualized.org

Quality >>>>>>>>>> quantity. You need to raise your standards.

[Moon]

12 minutes ago, Forestluv said:

Being an intelligent, successful English teacher could also add worth. 

Yeah true and who wouldn't want a more intelligent man haha

Ngl it's probably every girl's fantasy to be involved in that student-teacher dynamic, as a child it was always the hot young ones in their 20s that I fancied though  Still messed up when those scenarios actually come true though. 

 

[BornToBoil]

@Leo Gura I know you probably don't care about praise and other people's opinions, but personally I am very greatful that actualized.org exists 

[BornToBoil]

@Leo Gura

Also, Leo, if you don't mind me asking, how is your health doing? I remember you mentioning that your health problem affected your dating life a lot. I hope it gets better. 

Stay strong, you are awesome!

[xxxx]

I’m 24, and I wouldn’t mind dating a 44 year old guy, in case he is genuinely my ‘dream’ guy. 

Not saying I have, but I wouldn’t miss a good opportunity just because of an age difference. If the man is an overall - is confident in his skin, shares similar values, is trustworthy, treats you in a very respectable manner, is committed in every aspect of his life, an intellectual, emotionally stable person who doesn’t derive his sense of worth from another - especially dating a ‘young’ girl, I wouldn’t, personally, look too much into the age factor. 

Nonetheless, in this situation of yours - it’s him lying about his age that needs to be looked into more seriously, in my opinion. 

Doesn’t that show an insecure individual? No one truly confident in their own skin and aware of their self-worth would lie about such a thing. That’s definitely a red flag.

@BornToBoil

 

[BornToBoil]

@xxxx that's what I thought as well. He must have been to insecure to tell her at first. And while it might be an attraction killer for a girl, I would not mind it that much since being insecure doesn't make him a bad person and that's basically the main thing that I am concerned about.

[xxxx]

Just now, BornToBoil said:

being insecure doesn't make him a bad person

For that, she needs to be aware first. How would he react if she were to interact with young guys? What if she acts in a child-like manner - would he get annoyed? Does he act in an authoritative manner around her, just because he is older to her?

You can look at a lot of things - and believe me, it’s easier, too - given this age difference. There’s some well-defined territories here, that can be used as a means for assessment. Also, to truly get to know any individual- no matter what the age- takes time. There’s going to be an investment of time and energy, and we cannot deny that. 

The only thing I would advice is - stay close to her, talk to her about it, and do the impersonal assessment yourself. Your sister is going to be invested, and people in relationships overlook these things and give too many chances. 

To be very honest, you got to be her rock. 

@BornToBoil