Age difference in a relationships

[Carl-Richard]

Just now, Username said:

@Leo Gura Sometimes you need to book in advance 

Oh my god 

[Leo Gura]

5 minutes ago, Username said:

@Leo Gura Sometimes you need to book in advance 

Early bird special?

[Username]

@Leo Gura It's strategic thinking. There is too much work to create actualized.org just to find a good girlfriend.

[BornToBoil]

@Etherial Cat I mean I could tell our parents about it justifying it with looking after her. But it would be an absolutely heartless thing to do imo and would do more harm than good

[Forestluv]

He essentially gets to have a fling with a student, without facing any negative consequences. That's the type of thing a prof. loses tenure over. I doubt the guy is telling any of his colleagues what he's up to. And highly doubt he would bring her to any work-related social event. 

[BornToBoil]

@Keyhole Seriously though, what are the most important questions to ask him?

Any creative ideas?

[BornToBoil]

@Forestluv but she isn't his student.

Also I totally forgot to mention something that might be important. He invited her to meet his parents and she did. That's a good sign I guess.

Edited December 9, 2020 by BornToBoil

[Forestluv]

2 minutes ago, BornToBoil said:

@Forestluv but she isn't his student.

Female students occasionally flirt with their teacher and it can be super alluring for the teacher. Many male teachers have sexual fantasies of having a fling with one of their students, yet the consequences are super high. They would lose their job and most likely their career. . . The next best thing is to have a fling with someone else's student. (A student age girl). . . The asymmetric power dynamic is still there. He still has the teacher / student dynamic, without the consequences. 

I'm not saying it is necessary abusive, yet there is a dynamic there. It's like real life role playing of teacher and student. That has more realness than role playing with someone your own age or watching videos. 

[BornToBoil]

@Forestluv yeah, I understand that.

[hoodrow trillson]

If the guy is good looking then it's probably just her finding an older man hot.  A lot of younger women tend to like older men.  Not all older men though, only ones that don't look old as shit, ugly or are balding, wrinkly, fat, etc.

Sounds to me by your description of 'he doesn't look like a serial killer' (lmao) might be the reason she's attracted to him and she's just having fun.  Besides, you can't do anything about it anyways but you just gotta at least have her back in case the guy is nuts or something.

[soos_mite_ah]

1 hour ago, BornToBoil said:

On the other hand, I am going to trust her judgement since she haven't given me any reasons to not trust it so far. And discriminating her just based on her age and lack of experience seems wrong to me.

I don't think your sister has bad judgement. But I will say this. For women, it's very easy to make a mistake like this. We are always told that girls mature faster than boys and to some extent it is true because of the way women are socialized and how they are held accountable for their actions while people write of boys actions as "boys will be boys" instead of holding them accountable. Then, when a more mature, put together, older man comes along, it isn't unusual to be attracted to that because compared to boys your age, this guy is 10x better. However, this mindset over looks the most likely possibility that this guy probably can't compete with women his age because those women smell some type of bullshit that a younger woman may not have. 

Again this isn't to say anything against your sister. If anything, I wouldn't be surprised if she is mature and has good judgement if she does choose a guy who is mature in relative terms. But this is a very difficult trap to avoid. If there is anyone's judgement I would distrust, is the guy's. He is 37 years old and a teacher. He should know better, be aware of the consequences of a power dynamic, and know how weird it is (which I'm sure he has an inkling of since he lied about his age). And as someone who knows better and has more power, he should be the one to put his foot down and say no.

This isn't about discriminating your sister against her age and lack of experience. It is taking into account the very  real consequences that could come from an unbalanced power dynamic and relationship. 

[Carl-Richard]

2 minutes ago, hoodrow trillson said:

A lot of younger women tend to like older men.  Not all older men though, only ones that don't look old as shit, ugly or are balding, wrinkly, fat, etc.

Balding ☑

[soos_mite_ah]

55 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

You'd have to take care of their welfare as much as your own and it would create difficult conflicts in what should be done. To me, the first decision you'd have to make on their behalf is to say "no, you are too immature, come back when you're 25 at least".

I'd get probably into a creepy parenting dynamic.

I'd also spoil and suck the youth out of them with my maturity and my needs. Better them to grow on their own.

That's the consequence of still being in your formative years before you fully step into adulthood and support yourself financially, emotionally etc. Someone who is in their formative years needs to go through that process instead of skipping steps. Sucking the youth out of them so to say can stunt their growth and make them not integrate everything they need to learn when they are young because of dependence. In addition to dependence, they might act out more in the future because they weren't able to be young when it was appropriate. 

[hoodrow trillson]

1 minute ago, Carl-Richard said:

Balding ☑

lol it's usually just a preference for them so I wouldn't really hold it against them.  Part of it is mainstream media with regards to beauty.  Can't escape it bro

[Carl-Richard]

1 minute ago, hoodrow trillson said:

lol it's usually just a preference for them so I wouldn't really hold it against them.  Part of it is mainstream media with regards to beauty.  Can't escape it bro

I just couldn't bother with all that rogaine bs. My dad is bald and he is a women magnet, so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[hoodrow trillson]

Just now, Carl-Richard said:

I just couldn't bother with all that rogaine bs. My dad is bald and he is a women magnet, so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It's the face that counts!  And a HUGE personality.  

[BornToBoil]

@soos_mite_ah  she isn't going to depend financially on him. Our parents support her for now and then she already thinks about starting her own business. She is quite ambitious )

[BornToBoil]

@Carl-Richard @hoodrow trillson he is actually bald, lol

But he looks nice imo

[hoodrow trillson]

Just now, BornToBoil said:

@Carl-Richard @hoodrow trillson he is actually bald, lol

But he looks nice imo

That's it!  I wouldn't worry about it too much.  A lot of girls "date" older men in secret anyways so *shrugs* 

[hoodrow trillson]

13 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

I wouldn't say "a lot". Especially not when older is more than 3-4 years.

Most actually like much better guy around their age.

But surely, some do. It's quite the minority, though.

OK!