A PACT to myself : Inspiring Journal note

[Striving for more]

Summary : I wrote this diary paragraph as promise to myself to improve my life as I have been slacking off recently and been feeling despair. 

(I might delete this because It's kinda personal and too honest)

 

I, anonymous person, swear a solemn oath, a pact to myself.

I swear to myself to chase bigger things in life, but starting small and staying humble.

I swear to myself to live up to my expectations, to take more risks, to raise the standard, to go way deeper out of my comfort zone.

I swear to myself to strive for growth over comfort, to cut out the bullshit excuses.

I swear to myself to stop caring what others think, to stop living in shame and feeling embarrassed, to stop being so disgusted with myself, to stop telling myself I'm too stupid, too incompetent to succeed, that I'm not worthy of friendship.

I swear to myself to be more authentic, to stop putting off the things I love, the hobbies I love, the things I always wanted to do and learn and experience. I swear to myself to stop holding back from my true desires. 

I swear to myself to develop the ability to listen to my gut, to harness my intuition and stop living a hollow, empty life. 

I swear to myself to fix the tedious little problems in my life, impeding me from chasing the bigger things.

I swear to myself to escape wage slavery, but being realistic and humble, to work multiple jobs and side hustles whilst designing a business in my limited spare time.

I swear to approach every single hot girl I notice, & I hope to get rejected, ridiculed as this will grow me stronger ... I will push on until I become an alpha player.

I swear to work my ass off to achieve and transcend my egoic desires, and have such an abundance of money, status and women in my life, that I no longer need to think about it ... That I am forced to develop a higher purpose.

I swear never again to develop soft & hard addictions and to let go of any that still hold me back. 

I swear to tap into the pain of bad choices and wasting my youth thus far, & to use that pain only to drive me forward, no longer be in DESPAIR. FAITH is the emotion I will cling to with my life.

I swear to use my god given charisma & tap into my infinite creativity, inspiring & lifting up & entertaining others, producing art, art as defined subjectively as anything that captures & plays with the beauty of life and nature, capable of moving people in ways that wouldn't normally seem possible. 

My life thus far has felt horrific, I met all the wrong people, became almost schizophrenic. I've been put down and ridiculed and alone and I've witnessed Suicides & self - destruction. I've squandered all my dreams, missed opportunities, self-sabotaged. I was a toxic mess, a dark void sucking the life out of anything & everyone in my proximity.

I sucked so hard and hated myself so bad I became nihilistic, I use to look at happy people passing the street & glare with envy and hatred, so full of self hate and nihilism that I wanted others to suffer with me. I went to bed every night with a sickening ache in my gut, forced back to drinking and pills to numb the pain.

Sometimes unable to leave the house for weeks , going crazy, so alone, stuck in an endless loop. 

Now I choose to flip this life experience full circle ... To become a beast... To live an extraordinary and rich life, with no limits. 

I am still lost deluded and I accept this, but I make a pact to grow day by day, relentlessly and exponentially until I live up to my standards.

Edited December 8, 2020 by Striving for more
too wordy

[kag101]

Be gentle with yourself! 

[juvoci]

Stay focused and relaxed at the same time. It is easier said than done, but it is the state of a true master.

=]  <3