Deep Cleanse

[Preety_India]

A journal for keeping a record on cleansing 

 

[Preety_India]

You can't have an edgy person in the category of meditation and enlightenment. Because it doesn't work like that. 

You can't have a person like Milo Yiannopoulos in the field of spirituality 

That's how odd it is. 

You need a person like Eckhart Tolle in this field. 

It's almost like a person who has always been advertising junk food is suddenly in the field of diet and fitness. 

When this sort of thing happens the field gets hijacked and corrupted.. 

[Preety_India]

I haven't been keeping well since the past few days. 

I'm feeling very sick. 

 

[Preety_India]

I've been emotionally distressed since the past few days. 

Because of my ex. 

He contacted me on November 1 and  I thought I should forgive him for all the abuse. 

That was when I asked in the forum about forgiving him. I opened the forgiveness thread on November 3 

 

 

By November 7 (I don't exactly remember) , I received the bad news that he had cheated on me. He confessed to me. 

This sent me into a downward spiral and I was extremely distraught knowing that he had cheated on me. I had discussed with one of my close friends and they told me it was narcissistic abuse, I began reading about it and I realized that it was narcissistic abuse. 

That's when I started the journal narcissistic abusive personalities. I started this journal on November 8.

 

 

The next week I was completely emotionally messed up. 

This is when I wanted some closure or understanding of how to deal with the whole situation so I opened a bunch of threads in the dating section. 

These were the threads..they helped me a lot. A lot of them were opened around November 18.

During this time I had blocked him. 

 

 

On December 4, he contacted me again through a common friend and told me that he wanted to be friends with me. I was completely confused why he wanted anything to do with me. 

That's when I opened this recent thread a few days back on December 6.

 

Edited December 8, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

•  
•  
• Shutting the door kind of communication 
• Why should I even bother do talk to you if  everything that is thrown in my direction is negative 
• I liked the point of authentic Empowerment and assertiveness 
• Unique perspectives 
• Having understanding for the one you're empathizing with 
• Focus more on the communication 
• Don't let yourself to be taken for granted 
• Learn to spot hypocrisy 
• If someone doesn't take you seriously, learn to spot that right away, don't give them the closure or the "nod"... Don't agree with them. Be subtle with your communication 
• Be strict and cold around narcissist assholes 
• Don't automatically assume that everyone has the best intentions 
• See the subtle signs of guilt tripping and be good at recognizing 
• Real communication lies in real understanding /real bonding because that's how you really bond. Only when you create that bond, you can give the right solutions from that place by being in the shoes of someone. Rest is all nonsense. 
• Remember that you can never win with a narcissist 
• "he is just an idiot with a huge ego" (the ex) 
• Vent out as much as possible 
• Say no to toxic people 
• Detect hostility and Fake goodness or "nice-Ness" 
• Reprogram your mind - if someone is saying mean things, it reflects less about you and more about them. Don't react much. 
• Often times your polite behavior can be considered as people pleasing
• Avoid people who say negative things 
• Focus on 3 elements -   

       - Energy, vibe

        - Temperament, Nature 

         - Character 

• Focus on the quality of communication and real communication 
• My ex was trying to subtly guilt trip me, gaslight me and bully me. 
• Learn to only accept those people who acknowledge your feelings of pain, hurt and conflict. If they ignore your hurt or pain, just don't bother about such people. 
• . Being too cold around people can also lead to Repressed feelings 
• . Try to appear more subtle, more graceful and more detailed in your communication 
• . To my ex - if you always think that I'm a bitch, no matter what I say, you're allowed your bitch fits. Go on bitching about me, I don't care..
• . Try to talk more to people who have a welcoming kind of communication rather than the "shutting the door on you " kind of communication. 
• . I'm not very articulate with my self expression. I experience difficulty in this area. 
• . Sometimes you have to be friendly and open just to get all the knowledge you want to get 
• Being assertive can be a problem. When you're trying to be assertive, you're being guilted by this person. And when you're not being assertive, you're being called inauthentic. 
• If a person is a narcissist, they're always going to talk from their POV and not try to understand you. Always preemptively think how they are going to talk from their POV. 
•  

 

Edited December 9, 2020 by Preety_India

[RendHeaven]

21 hours ago, Preety_India said:

You can't have an edgy person in the category of meditation and enlightenment. Because it doesn't work like that. 

You can't have a person like Milo Yiannopoulos in the field of spirituality 

That's how odd it is. 

You need a person like Eckhart Tolle in this field. 

It's almost like a person who has always been advertising junk food is suddenly in the field of diet and fitness. 

When this sort of thing happens the field gets hijacked and corrupted.. 

I disagree...

2016 Leo was pretty fucking edgy, and it worked beautifully. His sharp attitude was actually what got me into spirituality in the first place. Obviously back then he wasn't fully developed though and he has lost that edginess overtime, but I don't think edginess necessarily equals corruption.

Behold, 48:50 to the end 

[Preety_India]

@RendHeaven it wasn't about Leo. 

It's about Milo Yiannopoulos. 

Edited December 9, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Important things 

• Perspectives 
• Reprogram the mind 
• Understanding 
• Say no to "shutting the door" 
• If someone doesn't take you seriously 
• Cognitive Dissonant people and bickerings. 
• I made a post on cyberbullying 
• Corruption of the field 
• Egoic pursuit of spirituality. Like a badge of honor thing going on. Using chemicals to feel great. There is more focus on image rather than true purpose or true meaning. "I've also conquered spirituality" 
• Spirituality is not about conquering, it's about being. If you are resisting "being" you aren't doing what you need to do. 
•  

 

[Preety_India]

What is the best way to record insights 

Argh. I had 6 insights early in the morning and I forgot to record them. 

This is the problem. Now I forgot all of them.. 

What I'm going to do is sit with a notepad and as soon as I have insights, just jot them down. 

So I don't have to forget. 

Please remember next time 

[Preety_India]

• Sometimes you have to put your hand in the mud to know what mud is like 
• You cannot become Christ by simply wearing the clothes of Christ. You have to embody Christ and Christ consciousness. 

 

Simply trying to imitate Christ is not only an egoic activity but also its basically corrupting something that is pure, basically corrupting the Swan. 

If you have to practice spirituality to come back to the materialism paradigm, essentially your spirituality is bogus. 

 

Edited December 9, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

This thread was really useful. 

 

[Preety_India]

Regarding my ex 

Venting about him helps me a lot with my recovery from the traumatic experiences in the relationship.. 

One thing that I observed with him is that he has a double image and when I studied narcissists, this is confirmed with them. Narcissists often tend to have double images - one that they portray to the outside public and the other that they have in the private. Their private persona is radically different from their public image. 

Their public image is someone who is very desirable and friendly and well liked. And their private persona is their real self. 

So publicly my ex boyfriend used to make it look like he loves all people of all races 

But privately he used to use racist slurs while describing people to me. And I used to always observe(notice) this great divide between who he always tried to portray himself to people versus the reality of his life. 

For instance most people who he was friendly with didn't know that he had been to jail. 

He wrote endless stuff on social media about how wicked  his ex  wife was etc etc. 

But in private he told me to have a conversation with his ex wife. And when I talked to her, she told me a completely different story than the one that he had told me.. She told me how he was violent to her. 

I assume that she went through a similar experience as I went through and she similarly suffered narcissistic abuse with him during their marriage and got fed up and divorced him. 

He also confessed to me that he slept with another woman while he was still married to her. And that was a bombshell revelation. And he tells me this towards the end of the relationship. There were so many things that he told me so much later. 

I presume that she had absolutely no idea that he was cheating on her.. 

This a fundamental characteristic of narcissists. They confuse you with little details. They never give you a clear picture. 

They silence you when you ask for more details. 

They keep a different image in the public and a different person in private. 

I saw him saying things and doing things that were completely different from his public persona. 

It's almost like you're dealing with 2 different people. 

Unless you have a private or deep personal communication with a narcissist, you'll never really figure out how they think in private. 

This is also confirmed when I see Donald Trump. There are scores of people writing books on him, describing their private experiences with him, usually not in a favorable light and clearly able to put out his private transgressions and separating it from his public image.. 

Often times you feel like you are dealing with a person who is leading a double life. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Yea try to come full circle with every experience in your life so you have proper closure and can move on. 

What you're doing essentially is bundling up all your anger, frustration, traumatic feelings, venting the whole experience, and throwing it out of your system, once and for all, and then throwing this wrapped up bundle and then starting a new chapter after all of the venting is done. 

Through this process you're also learning a lot of things that you missed out on. 

On another note, these women are helping me so much, I'm glad they exist and their voices inspire me so much, I can completely relate to them, they are so soothing in how they are relating to my experience. 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Important things 

 

• Perspectives 
• Reprogram the mind 
• Understanding 
• Say no to "shutting the door" 
• If someone doesn't take you seriously 
• Cognitive Dissonant people and bickerings. 
•  

[Preety_India]

Discuss narcissist hierarchy and pyramid scheme in the other journal. 

Also discuss "behind the curtain" activities. 

And how to behave around a narcissist. 

How narcissists use strict filtering controls and hidden filtering codes. 

When does the narcissist give you the boot? 

How are narcissists beneficial to society? 

Discuss if all narcissists are abusive? 

Counterintuitive approach to love bombing. 

If someone sends you a beautiful or at least apparently beautiful message, learn to say to yourself (Counterintuitive) - this is not that sweet the way I'm thinking. 

 

Stop being instinctual around a narcissist. 

Edited December 9, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Some more insights 

 

Important things 

 

Perspectives 

Reprogram the mind 

Understanding 

Say no to "shutting the door" 

If someone doesn't take you seriously 

Cognitive Dissonant people and bickerings. 

One thing to do - if you get a nice "message" don't read it as nice instantly. Keep a certain threshold when something can be called "really nice" instead of jumping to the instinct of excitement, use Counterintuitive strategy. (this comes under Reprogram the Mind) don't give out instant positive reactions. (give that person more opportunities to be nice). Counterintuitive approach to love bombing. 

If you have a narcissist boss, don't expect anything from him.. Be cold. Have zero expectations. 

 

Whether it's mean or sweet give more opportunities to the person to reveal who they are. Don't jump the gun and get too defensive or too excited.. (increase your baseline limit for reactions) 

Work on triggers. Realize that you can't change people. Make the game difficult for them. Make two categories or 2 baskets for people - those that trigger and those that ground you. The ones that ground you are the ones that truly try to understand you. The ones that trigger you are not required. They are the canceled people. 

I'm too feminine. So the masculine approach would be to rig the game in my favor 

 

Edited December 9, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

In every situation, try to step back and take conscious decisions. 

I'll call this conscious control. CC. 

Also when you're around a narcissist in a relationship (romantic or non romantic), always remember that it is one way street. Because this relationship dynamic is highly predatory or parasitic. The person is simply feeding on you and getting what they want meanwhile leaving you deprived. Now understand that this is a zero sum game, rigged in the favor of the parasite /predator. But you don't want this. This is not productive for you. What you need is a symbiotic relationship which is mutually beneficial and mutually productive, that is the other person fulfills your needs and you fulfill their needs. 

Look for a symbiotic dynamic (2 way street) rather than a parasitic /predatory dynamic. 

 

Edited December 9, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

A deep Cleanse will involve reprogramming of the mind. 

 

Don't have the temptation to instinctively react or instantly react. Give some time and thought to yourself and do some Counterintuitive work before you react. 

 

 

 

Be careful not to play a role. 

Often times predatory people offer you a role. They can say things like "can you do this for me" or "you're wonderful, you're getting my job done" or "you're good for this work" 

 

Notice how they constantly assign you work as if you are already working for them. You didn't agree to any such contract but they inadvertently put you on their personal contract and subconsciously made you feel like you have a role to play. 

What should you do? 

Take a step back and focus on this role. And then think if this role really suits you or is it harmful for you.. 

If this role is overwhelming, then get off this illusory job that you're doing for someone. 

This often happens in cult dynamics where the Cult Leader or Master assigns you an automatic role without you signing up for it. 

It's only later that you realize that you were being the mule for the Master. 

Quit any roles you're playing especially if you didn't ask for them. If you didn't sign up for it. 

Remember that you're being automatically manipulated and directed to play a certain role without you consciously realizing it. 

 

Edited December 9, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

More insights

One way to understand that a certain dynamic is toxic is by recognizing one theme - you're not allowed to be yourself 

Are you being constantly contradicted no matter how hard you try to be yourself? You should know that when this happens, you're dealing with toxic people and this is a mild form of gaslighting. 

 

Be very conscious of your thoughts and reactions and carefully pick them apart and undo them. This is conscious undoing or Reprogramming the Mind. 

Not only are you undoing your deeply instinctual thought patterns but also replacing these thoughts with "productive or beneficial" thoughts 

Removing those thoughts which might be doing and attracting more harm. 

Edited December 9, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Like they say one way to beat the Devil is to learn the devil's craft and one way to beat poison is to use poison against poison