How to begin self-love? Good exercises?

[ginger28]

Hello friends, a while back I posted about being addicted to dating and having a meltdown everytime i get rejected which happens almost every first date. Lots of you told me I should practise self-love, turns out thats true. I watched a doctor k interview with a 20 year old guy who paid 8000 $ to different dating coaches, did 300 approaches and didnt get a single date. Dr K told him he misinterpreted his problem and that he should focus on self-love, rather than PUA, as the kid said he was an outsider in school and felt cringe when looking himself in the mirror. I am in a similar position because ive been thaught self-hatred by my parents and find it impossible to land a gf no matter how hard I try and I do see myself as unlovable.

So my question is: Has anyone overcome self-hatred and the need for a compensating relationship and what exercises or material or meditations did you guys do that worked? 

Thank you 

[SamC]

https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/

 

I'm working through the same problem myself right now. I have already started to see small improvements from a couple of months daylie practice with the " self compassion/ loving kindness meditation that can be found on the site above. Good luck!

[BornToBoil]

Hi, here is what I am currently doing:

- 5 minutes of affirmations daily (I love myself)

- guided visualizations/hypnosis on youtube

I also do mindful meditation and shamanic breathing, they are more general practices but also help a lot. And life purpose! Even though I only have a general idea of what it's right now, finding my life purpose have boosted my confidence and motivation a lot.

Here is the visualization that I really like: 

 

Also, watch Leo's videos about subconscious mind, visualizations and affirmation, they are old but still pretty useful in my opinion:

 

[ginger28]

28 minutes ago, SamC said:

https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/

 

I'm working through the same problem myself right now. I have already started to see small improvements from a couple of months daylie practice with the " self compassion/ loving kindness meditation that can be found on the site above. Good luck!

Thats actually the first thing I tried when I started researching the topic. A few days ago I was in a big self-hatred hole, feeling hopeless & insane and I did this guided meditation again and it shifted my mood 180 degrees. Stopped my suffering and made me happy. 

[SamC]

5 hours ago, ginger28 said:

Thats actually the first thing I tried when I started researching the topic. A few days ago I was in a big self-hatred hole, feeling hopeless & insane and I did this guided meditation again and it shifted my mood 180 degrees. Stopped my suffering and made me happy. 

Got it bro. One insight that have helped me a lot is that when you feel self hatred you're scared of feeling feelings that are linked to that. ( shame and low self esteem). In other words you try to control your emotional state and repress your emotions instead of allowing them to be a part of your experience. With not allowing them I mean that you try to find explanations to them and rationalization as to why you're in reality is not X and or trying to avoid the feeling/ destract yourself from the feeling and or avoid a scenario where you feel self hatred in the future.

Think of it like this. If I where to drop an apple on the kitchen floor a lot of people would still dare to eat it while some people who are hypochondrics for example wouldn't dare to do it. The people who wouldn't eat it makes this decision because of the fear of what might happen if they did eat it - while the person who would eat it may be aware of the potential risk but has accepted that fact and scenario and not created a narrative around what would happen.

The same goes for you but with your repressed emotions. You are scared of the feeling self hatred because you have created a story about what the feeling means. You have not accepted your feelings, why? Because if you in your eyes would accept your emotions you would be " fucked" because that would mean that your feared scenario of you being a person who hates themselves would become true. Don't make a big deal out of feelings, they are just feelings - and don't mean anything.

Ponder this question.

If someone close to you where to say, it's okey to feel shame, hatred or anger, what would you tell them? Would you agree with them? Why and why not?

Love

[SamC]

1 minute ago, SamC said:

Got it bro. One insight that have helped me a lot is that when you feel self hatred you're scared of feeling feelings that are linked to that. ( shame and low self esteem). In other words you try to control your emotional state and repress your emotions instead of allowing them to be a part of your experience. With not allowing them I mean that you try to find explanations to them and rationalization as to why you're in reality is not X and or trying to avoid the feeling/ destract yourself from the feeling and or avoid a scenario where you feel self hatred in the future.

Think of it like this. If I where to drop an apple on the kitchen floor a lot of people would still dare to eat it while some people who are hypochondrics for example wouldn't dare to do it. The people who wouldn't eat it makes this decision because of the fear of what might happen if they did eat it - while the person who would eat it may be aware of the potential risk but has accepted that fact and scenario and not created a narrative around what would happen.

The same goes for you but with your repressed emotions. You are scared of the feeling self hatred because you have created a story about what the feeling means. You have not accepted your feelings, why? Because if you in your eyes would accept your emotions you would be " fucked" because that would mean that your feared scenario of you being a person who hates themselves would become true. In other words, don't make a big deal out of your feelings, they are just feelings - and don't mean anything. Allow them to be there without trying to change them.

Ponder this question.

If someone close to you where to say, it's okey to feel shame, hatred or anger, what would you tell them? Would you agree with them? Why and why not?

Love