I fell in love with my vMEME Yellow Teacher

[Bernardo Carleial]

I still can't  believe  this is happening (and I also cannot  believe I'm  writing  this down) the reason  why  I'm  sharing  this with you guys it's  because  I  feel  myself  in a very vulnerable  state....

I live  in Brazil,  and I'm  preparing  myself  for taking an exam called ENEM, which is the equivalent  to a SAT test.

As I was studying  at my school, doing remote studying due to the pandemic, when I've  met her(she's a vMEME Yellow Literature teacher), she was substituting another  professor,  who left the school,  the moment  I saw her,  I immediately  started to feel  an intense connection,  I considered  myself  in a vMEME ORANGE/Green , but I always  had a very deep  appreciation  towards  the vMEME Yellow independence and expertise,  also the fact that they are a lone wolf.

And she has all that characteristics that were previously  mentioned (plus more) I started  chatting  with her, sharing her some ideas which I thought  she might  like, and she always  replied  me with a text expressing  her views in a more broader manner,  always  leaving  space  for discussion. 

Until  one day I couldn't  resist  anymore  and declared  myself  to her, that I was in love, and that's  when things get weird.... she replied  me back, in a very direct and also neutral manner (that's  pretty  much the moment  when I realized  how Yellow thinks...) She said that her job is a very important  pillar  of her life  and that she doesn't  want  to risk  losing it , she also said that she could  not intervene  with my emotions  in the sense that she wouldn't  say how I should or shouldn't  behave, that it is up to me to decide... she also  said  that if it isn't  too much for me that we can continue  having the same kind of  discussions that  we've  had before, because  she appreciates  my point  of view on things...

I remember  I felt devastated,  but at the same time she was so honest  and neutral that I couldn't  blame her  even if I wanted  to...

Until one day, I've  had an emotional breakdown (things  are getting  tough  for me these days...) and for some reason  I reached out  for  her once more asking for help, and she was slowly  being  able  to soothe  me and to take me out from that terrible  state that I was in...

She find out I'm an artist... and that immediately  sparkled  her attention,  she wanted  to  know  more about how my creative  process  actually  works.  She eventually  ended up calling me with  a giant list of questions,  wanting  to know  how the  world  looks  like  from  the perspective of an artist.

At that moment  I didn't  know  how to react... but I decided  to take  her questions, but from  time to time, I could  resist  and started  to say how much I'm  in love with her and how much joy it would  be for me  to get to know  her  better (I felt  very vulnerable  at that moment...) but again... she remained  silent  and neutral... and continued  asking me questions . The only  thing  near to what I was hoping for was the moment  she said that if it wasn't  in that particular  context (Professor- Student) she said that there might be a possibility  for her to consider because she finds my worldview to be very interesting... and that was it. And every  time  I try  to get  her to say something  more, she dodges  the question, once  more, in a very  neutral way....

I need some help guys! I'm  really  desperate . I was always  afraid  of falling  in  love  precisely  because  of that.  I'm  constantly  thinking  about her, but I don't  whether  I should  talk  to her more or try to avoid her for a while... Every  answer she does seems  more and more ambiguous  to me.... and she is very self-sufficient she likes  to do things by herself (even travel!) and I can imagine  how turn off  it might  be for her having to deal  with a needy guy the way  I'm  behaving  these days...

Please guys I need  help! If you were able to go that far.... please  give me a comment.  I appreciate  you guys thoughts on things!???

Edited December 6, 2020 by Bernardo Carleial

[Leo Gura]

Omg, man, you gotta move on to other girls. This is needy as fuck and it repels chicks.

You gotta bite the bullet and cure your neediness by talking to lots of girls and never falling into this kind of neediness again.

This isn't love, it's just a crush and it is meaningless. There are tons of other girls. As soon as you get this needy with one, you're done. It's dead forever. You killed it before it even began. Even if she magically slept with you, nothing good or healthy would come of it.

The truth is, no girl is that special. She only seems that special to you because you're so needy.

[Bernardo Carleial]

@Leo Gura! DO YOU THINK  I'M  NOT  AWARE OF THIS LEO!!!??

I was a pickup-artist myself!!!!   

Off course  I know  that I'm  being  needy!!! 

Do you think  I'm  doing this willingly!?!?

I definitely  wasn't  expecting  this!!!

For years I thought  that  I got immune  to this, because  I haven't  experienced  that since I started  doing pickup... 

But now it seems  to have bitten  me in the ass...

[Stevensteins43]

@Leo Gura lmao be easy on him he’s from another culture South America is big on the love shit 

[Leo Gura]

15 minutes ago, Bernardo Carleial said:

@Leo Gura! DO YOU THINK  I'M  NOT  AWARE OF THIS LEO!!!??

I was a pickup-artist myself!!!!   

Off course  I know  that I'm  being  needy!!! 

Do you think  I'm  doing this willingly!?!?

I definitely  wasn't  expecting  this!!!

For years I thought  that  I got immune  to this, because  I haven't  experienced  that since I started  doing pickup... 

But now it seems  to have bitten  me in the ass...

Who knows what you know?

I mean, yeah, of course we can all get needy sometimes and develop a crush, but what's the solution? It's not like you're gonna make it work. The solution is to talk to other girls so you don't feel the crippling scarcity.

8 minutes ago, AMTO said:

Leo, is it the same when the women is the needy one, or is that dynamic different? 

Totally different. Neediness is not so repulsive in women, although it can also get annoying after a while. A needy girl will get used and abused. Her neediness is a problem more for herself than the guy.

[Stevensteins43]

@Leo Gura I seen your reply about Conor Murphy my point was to be more careful about talking about psychedelics even if you tell people to be careful they won’t you could say that’s their problem but personally I wouldn’t want that on my conscience I influenced people to go crazy 

[Preety_India]

@Bernardo Carleial  

From my perspective, you need to not be with this woman 

She is not taking it well. 

She gave you clear signs. Maybe she wants to be on her own. 

[flowboy]

I can't believe you say you were a pickup artist, and yet you thought it would be a good idea to "declare your love" whilst not even meeting her in person!

I haven't been that dumb since I was 19. Then again, maybe you are 19.

You should have invited her over and gotten a little physical. You know, without getting all sappy about your feelings. Just being cool and playing with her. Make her wonder whether you are interested. Well you just blew all that didn't  you.

I don't care what she says she won't risk in her job, people do a lot of things they think they won't, when there is physicality and sexual tension.

Can you still do that?

[mmKay]

2 hours ago, Bernardo Carleial said:

Please guys I need  help! 

Idk what kind of anwser are you expecting. You are being needy and you know it. The cure for that  is get way more experience with girls overall. Suck it up and go for next. 

The other thing you may do , that I think is what you want to hear, is getting out of the friendzone and burning the boat by excalating and trying to fuck her.

For her to love you you gotta  risk her hating you. 

In short, stop being her friend by negating her attention / validation, make her see you hanging out and having fun with other girls. After you haven't talked for a long time, when you meet up it would be somewhat of a fresh start where you can spark attraction. 

Plan on escalating on her, get the logistics right. 

And make the move. Either lovers or not even friends. If she rejects you deal with it. At least you are being honest with yourself and with her. 

Research getting out of the friendzone, it's a whole technical process. 

But I highly doubt you will pull out any of this. Most likely you will suffer and salivate a lot over her untill she finds a boyfriend and you feel more hurt. 

The sooner you move on the better. 

[Eren Eeager]

Crush is silly. I have never taken any crush seriously. It is just childish imo. You can make a deep relationship with virtuallly any woman as long as she has a healthy mindset. 

[BornToBoil]

@Eren Eeager

You might have as well said that alcohol or smoking is silly or that eating sweets is silly. Obviously everyone understands that. The problem is that people sometimes have problems managing their emotions and desires. 

You are talking as if you and everyone else apart from him are perfect and don't have things that you wish you did less or stopped doing.

Edited December 6, 2020 by BornToBoil

[BornToBoil]

@Bernardo Carleial you probably know the answer yourself already. The right thing to do would be to back off and suffer through it until your feelings calm down by themselves.

Stay strong, man!!!

[Eren Eeager]

31 minutes ago, BornToBoil said:

@Eren Eeager

You might have as well said that alcohol or smoking is silly or that eating sweets is silly. Obviously everyone understands that. The problem is that people sometimes have problems managing their emotions and desires. 

You are talking as if you and everyone else apart from him are perfect and don't have things that you wish you did less or stopped doing.

Obviously not everyone understands that crush is silly. Most humans don't. I was not judging him, I was merely telling him that crush is sillt and he shouldn't care about it. 

[BornToBoil]

@Eren Eeager yeah, that was an overstatement on my part, sorry ))

But you should understand that in the state he is in right now it is extremely difficult to be rational and to just stop caring about it.

[BornToBoil]

@Eren Eeager I had a similar situation as him about hal a year ago (not with my professor though). I knew perfectly well that relationships shouldn't be my top priority in life, thatI should put things like my life purpose and self-actualization first, and that I shouldn't be needy but it just flew out of the window. I couldn't care less about all of that and was thinking something like: "I am going to make us be together no matter what" and "I don't mind dying for that person". Of course this way of thinking is kind of retarded when you look back on it, but at the moment I didn't care.

And then all those crazy emotions slowly died out after 2-3 months and I was back to my normal self. So I think the most important thing is to not do anything really stupid that you will regret later during that period.

Edited December 6, 2020 by BornToBoil

[Eren Eeager]

10 minutes ago, BornToBoil said:

And then all those crazy emotions slowly died out after 2-3 months and I was back to my normal self. So I think the most important thing is to not do anything really stupid that you will regret later during that period.

Yup!! 

[Emerald]

I had a big crazy crush like this on my painting professor when I was 20 and in college. It was really obsessive and soul consuming, and I was so ashamed that I just couldn't seem to get it under control. And even though I never confessed my feelings to him, it was so obvious. I know I probably got on his nerves. But he was also compassionate, and I believe that he recognized the underlying reasons why I was obsessing as I had told him a lot about what I was going through at the time.

What I didn't realize until later was that my obsession was so much more about what I projected upon him than about him. I was going through a lot of upheavals at the time and I had no support system (zero contact with family then). I was in a space of experiencing trauma after trauma all while trying to get through school. I even lost a ton of weight because I just didn't know where my next meal was coming from. 

And I see now that, years later, what I did was I projected all the traits of my positive masculine side onto him... a man who was twice my age that had a family and a job he loves who embodied many "yellow" traits. And he became a symbolic representation of what I wanted in my life. And it really felt like, "If I could just have this relationship to him, then this would resolve so much for me."

And after about 6 months of heavy obsession with him, I realized that he was more of a symbol of what I could become in myself. That's when I could really get the value out of the intensity of the feelings I was having. And it took me about 4 or 5 years to really integrate what he represented as a symbol through using Active Imagination to embody the essence of what he represented to me.

And this was a huge part (probably the biggest part) of my intellectual development... as well as a positive transmutation of the trauma I experienced at that juncture of my life. I learned so much from him... both as a real person (as he was my art professor... I learned a lot about analysis and critique) and as a symbol of my inner masculine. 

You may consider that this professor of yours might be more a symbol that you can learn from. That's probably why the feelings feel so intense. Your feelings towards her are probably more about some inner potential you must develop a relationship to and unleash in yourself. Seek to integrate her as a symbol... don't seek relationship to her, but seek relationship to what she represents that lays dormant in your psyche.

Edited December 7, 2020 by Emerald