Why sometimes is painful/deeply frustrating to see hot girls ??

[Javfly33]

Some days I won't just find interesting any girl. Like no matter how physical attractive she is i will just go "meh"

However other times like today I saw such a hot girl just now and it's indescriptible the amount of frustration and pain I feel when it happens. It's like she is so fucking hot and beautiful I just want to die (or course I know I should approach her but not always it's the right time and especially right now it's a little tricky with the pandemic)

But like I said. It's so painful.. It might help to say that I'm a virgin so I might idealize too much the opposite sex (could it be that? ) so don't be too harsh on me .

I'm currently working on my social skills and pick up but I'm a little on hold due to covid. Just wanted to ask if it's normal to feel this when you see a very hot girl and especially if this will go away once I start to get laid.

 

Edited December 4, 2020 by Javfly33

[aurum]

@Javfly33

You’re feeling this way because you’re being shown something you feel you really want, but also feel you can’t have.

That triggers feelings of powerlessness, inadequacy and shame.

And then you know you should approach her, but you’re not, which then causes you to beat yourself up for not doing it.

To answer your question, no it doesn’t have to be like this. It’s very possible to develop your dating skills and resolve these emotions.

[Javfly33]

7 minutes ago, aurum said:

@Javfly33

You’re feeling this way because you’re being shown something you feel you really want, but also feel you can’t have.

That triggers feelings of powerlessness, inadequacy and shame.

And then you know you should approach her, but you’re not, which then causes you to beat yourself up for not doing it.

To answer your question, no it doesn’t have to be like this. It’s very possible to develop your dating skills and resolve these emotions.

Thanks, that seems a pretty solid answer @aurum Thanks for the motivation  

Edited December 4, 2020 by Javfly33

[Leo Gura]

It won't go away unless you start approaching them and treating them like you are cooler than them.

If you think she is better than you, you will never get her or keep her.

[Username]

I realized that I wouldn't want to be with 99,9% of them (I'm underestimating here), no matter how hot they are. It removes any pressure.

[Matt Skinner]

Just to add further support that you are not alone—I dealt with this constantly in college. Still do, actually, though to a lesser degree.

What the others have said is true. Raising your consciousness can help deal with the approach fear, but ultimately experience is key. The only way out is through.

Don’t be afraid to be a failure, or a loser, if it seems like girls don’t like you. Realize you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Keep learning and practicing.

[ColeMC01]

LOL why the fuck should a girl be above you because of her looks dude. Looks are such a small irrelevant part of life and as a actualizing person you should know this. I am not saying to see yourself as above them since that also is not healthy but at least do NOT see them as above yourself. We are all equal, all human. Everything you consider value is petty human bullshit that has no real truth or meaning to it, its fugazi, nothing more. However if you really want to see yourself as ABOVE the hot girls then just realize how much more developed of a person you are than most of the random people you see on the street. Being hot and developed human being are independent variables

 

[Shunyata]

Bruised egos.

[Username]

@dflores321 Why? I look at the hot girl if I want. She probably thinks that I'm interested in her. I don't care what she thinks because I don't want anything from her.

[bejapuskas]

@Username  Well some people for example do not look at girls even when they are attracted to them, because some women struggle with being approached and liked by too many guys and they simply cannot handle this. They don't enjoy being looked at you know. And there are many of these women. You can give up some of your momentary pleasure for this purpose. I mean, it is not easy and all I get you, just stating the counter-point.

 

[bejapuskas]

You can also say: 

But then compassion feels good oftentimes. Actually better than being a victim of your dick.

[bejapuskas]

@dflores321  I hope you didn't interpret what I said as 'you shouldn't approach girls'. I just wanted to say that compassion helps. 

@Javfly33 I agree with what aurum said. It seems to resonate with you too  You got it bro.

[Javfly33]

50 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

@Username  Well some people for example do not look at girls even when they are attracted to them, because some women struggle with being approached and liked by too many guys and they simply cannot handle this. They don't enjoy being looked at you know. And there are many of these women. You can give up some of your momentary pleasure for this purpose. I mean, it is not easy and all I get you, just stating the counter-point.

 

I 

 

23 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

It won't go away unless you start approaching them and treating them like you are cooler than them.

If you think she is better than you, you will never get her or keep her.

I'm not sure if Logically I think she's better than me. I think it has to do with some deep down karma of my ego. It's just my hurted ego. Deep down I know I'm cool as fuck, thanks to Spirituality . But old conditionings keep doing this growth so freaking slow. As you said, the fact that I'm not approaching doesn't help either. Until I really approach I assume I won't really change do my conditionings will remain the same I guess. 

@ColeMC01 Im not sure I see myself below her because of looks. Some fucked up karma of my ego which honestly I haven't been able to know WHY have conditioned my life all my life. I lived all my life with a sense of "not worthy/enough" for no fucking reason. Luckily I've done A LOT of inner development this last year, my social anxiety has reduced like 50% over a year of the last 10 years. Socializing now with people it's so effortless for example. But on the other hand I still lack a lot of assertiveness. I have improved a lot, but i always go around carrying this sense of unworthiness which creates all sorts of neurosis and emotional fucked up states like the one I described yesterday in this topic . Kind of tired of it to be honest. I hope that next year going serious on pick up and doing more Psychedelics trips will end up once and for all this nonsense.

[ColeMC01]

@Javfly33 I feel you bro i used to be the same. Still am but A LOT LESS. What helped me the most was truly understanding and embodying relativism and the mechanics of projection. Also learning and applying the concepts that Leo teaches personally made me MUCH more confident in myself since i feel like i have a much higher understanding of things than before. It makes you feel like a developed person especially when you combine it with meditation and self love. Socializing is key of course but working on your inner bullshit is also very important and you can only do that by yourself. Understanding that what we perceive as value and worth does not exist and is completely dependent on the individual projections and reality will change your life once fully embodied. You will never compare yourself to others again and not give a single shit about what others think about you. Every individual person's perspective is just 1 out of millions. 

Don't give a single shit about what an individual person thinks of you, no matter who he is. Do not give anyone that privilege. 

[bejapuskas]

23 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

I'm not sure if Logically I think she's better than me. I think it has to do with some deep down karma of my ego. It's just my hurted ego. Deep down I know I'm cool as fuck, thanks to Spirituality . But old conditionings keep doing this growth so freaking slow. As you said, the fact that I'm not approaching doesn't help either. Until I really approach I assume I won't really change do my conditionings will remain the same I guess. 

@ColeMC01 Im not sure I see myself below her because of looks. Some fucked up karma of my ego which honestly I haven't been able to know WHY have conditioned my life all my life. I lived all my life with a sense of "not worthy/enough" for no fucking reason. Luckily I've done A LOT of inner development this last year, my social anxiety has reduced like 50% over a year of the last 10 years. Socializing now with people it's so effortless for example. But on the other hand I still lack a lot of assertiveness. I have improved a lot, but i always go around carrying this sense of unworthiness which creates all sorts of neurosis and emotional fucked up states like the one I described yesterday in this topic . Kind of tired of it to be honest. I hope that next year going serious on pick up and doing more Psychedelics trips will end up once and for all this nonsense.

What is it that you are really trying to achieve here? I think it is often useful to make sure you are not trying to achieve the impossible, that which doesn't resonate and feel good. For example - this girl will get me happiness but I can never get her - I can never get happiness. These things don't feel good because they are not true. Perhaps you have some deeper ideas about what relationships are that are keeping you from staying grounded in good reality.

[Javfly33]

3 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

What is it that you are really trying to achieve here? I think it is often useful to make sure you are not trying to achieve the impossible, that which doesn't resonate and feel good. For example - this girl will get me happiness but I can never get her - I can never get happiness. These things don't feel good because they are not true. Perhaps you have some deeper ideas about what relationships are that are keeping you from staying grounded in good reality.

I think there are several reasons.

I basically want to know how it feels to have sex with a hot girl. 

Another "why" is that is literally avoiding the excruciating pain I feel like the one I said in this topic. I don´t even know anymore if its because of emotional trauma, or just because Im fucking horny, but I want it to end. For that I´m willing to approach thousands of women if its neccesary. Anything to end this emotions. 

And is not 100% because of sex. Because I could just pay for sex. I really want to feel worthy by seducing a hot women and sleeping with her. Its like im not willing to die before doing that Lol.

 

[bejapuskas]

@Javfly33  Right I see. 

37 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Another "why" is that is literally avoiding the excruciating pain I feel like the one I said in this topic. I don´t even know anymore if its because of emotional trauma, or just because Im fucking horny, but I want it to end. For that I´m willing to approach thousands of women if its neccesary. Anything to end this emotions. 

So basically you value feeling good very highly? 

38 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

I basically want to know how it feels to have sex with a hot girl. 

But you are trying to seduce a hot girl and see how it feels having sex with her. Which implies you do not know how it will feel in the end. It is very easy to project that it will feel good, but than that doesn't have to be true. I mean it can be true, but then that also depends.

40 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

And is not 100% because of sex. Because I could just pay for sex. I really want to feel worthy by seducing a hot women and sleeping with her. Its like im not willing to die before doing that Lol.

I guess you know that though... I mean I could just tell you that you can be physical with a really hot girl, hold hands, kissing, sex, whatever. And it doesn't have to feel good. There are more important things, like connection. And I am not telling you this without experiencing it, it's not just some omg this girl is shit compared to my pseudo-orgasmic, even orgasmic awakening state kind of advice. I mean sure you are a guy and physical contact with another person, girl or a guy, can give you these biological benefits and make you feel better no matter the individual, but the emotional factors are impossible to ignore. I cannot say that all physical contact is always good, because there are scientifically proven physiological benefits to it, such as the release of oxytocin. (e. g. rape, also actually holding hands with a guy non-romantically can also have physiological benefits!) 

I guess you are like this seeker who has to learn everything by themselves and I get that. It seems kinda appealing and it definitely makes you understand things better. But still pay close attention to what you are actually doing. It is very easy to miss this when you are thinking. 

[Javfly33]

@bejapuskas Trust me, I ´ve tried all sorts of gimmicks and spiritual realizations to try to "trascend" this desires that are self-delusion and fake paths to happiness of the ego. And I have failed. Over and over. There´s no way I can´t beat sex. There´s no way I can surrender sex. You might as well ask me to surrender eating. I´m not in that level of realization yet. There´s no way I can trascend sexual desire and affection (ego karma) before burning it and burning it for some years.

My theory is that I have to heal my ego by doing all of this, then I of course verify it was all my projection and an illusion, and I will let it go and become bored of it. And maybe then I can abide in my within happiness.

But now? Na. I´m not in that level. Now the surrender is actually surrender the need for liberation and actually let the ego accomplish what he wants.

The irony is that you are totally right, but I can´t see it now

Edited December 6, 2020 by Javfly33

[mandyjw]

I wanted to have my kids my whole life, and I have two kids now, but I had two miscarriages before I had them and no way of knowing that I'd ever have a baby. I remember what hearing pregnancy announcements or seeing babies would feel like during that time. It was joy for someone else, but I was NOT seeing it. I know this probably seems like it has nothing to do with your situation, but it has everything to do with it, because it's just the tendency of the mind to notice what is missing. Don't look at what is missing, look for what is there. A sunset is stunningly beautiful, but you don't get tempted to try to claim it, own it or get worried that you won't be able to have it or hold on to it. If you can train that sort of impersonal appreciation of little things, you can apply them to the things you really, really want. Then you can take intelligent or inspired action to experience those things too. 

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

I'm not sure if Logically I think she's better than me. I think it has to do with some deep down karma of my ego. It's just my hurted ego. Deep down I know I'm cool as fuck, thanks to Spirituality . But old conditionings keep doing this growth so freaking slow. As you said, the fact that I'm not approaching doesn't help either. Until I really approach I assume I won't really change do my conditionings will remain the same I guess.

Simply make a rule that if you see a really hot girl, you MUST approach no matter how cringe.

The funny thing about really hot girls is that very few guys have the balls to directly approach them.

One time a saw an absurdly hot girl at Qdoba eating her food alone at a little round table. So I got my food and just sat down right at her little table like I was her boyfriend and started eating my food and talking about myself. She told me she had a dick (shit test). I told her I LOVE dick (passed shit test). Eventually she asked me to take her number.

No one has the balls to do that kind of thing and it comes off extremely attractive.

The girl turned out to be a nude model. She got fake tits, but they weren't big enough for her liking, so she went back to get them even bigger, twice!

Or, I could have been like you and never approached, eating my food alone in quiet desperation, feeling shitty about myself all day.

The difference between a winner's mindset and a victim's mindset is a set of perfectly shaped tits in your hands