Sensory clarity and concentration without Equanimity bring MORE suffering

[Endangered-EGO]

Hello I noticed something

My base level of concentration and sensory clarity had a huge increase during the last few weeks. My equanimity (letting the objects of perception come and go, without resistance) too, but it is not as developed as the other things. I trained concentration and sensory clarity by focusing on a lot of objects. Now I notice the SUFFERING of some things way stronger. For example today I had a little bit of nausea, and when that occurred I suffered WAAAYY stronger than usual. Fortunately it went away quickly, but still suffering more.

It seems to be dependent on the object, for example some thoughts and emotions just flow through me, and I wonder how I don't suffer by observing some of them, like mild fear, sadness, frustration but for example emotions like despair, feeling trapped and of course physical discomfort are being noticed more intensely, which leads to more suffering under specific circumstances.
I guess this is the hard part of mindfulness, dealing with painful objects, it's not yet possible for me to "take a step back" from identifying with them, like with the thoughts, and I just stand there and suffer for a while until they disappear.

Does anyone have a few tips on training equanimity for when it is very intense? I know it is magic for mild suffering, but what about "big" suffering?

Equanimity is also sometimes refered to as love, but I am not loving the objects of perception I am merely observing them and allowing them, maybe this is key?
I have no idea.

Don't get me wrong, I have no intention to transcend physical torture fast, but I want to go into the direction of reducing suffering in general and in every aspect.

Every time I suffer this gives me training, and I want to train correctly, so that I can at least have a positive thought going through situations in which I suffer haha.

[Seraphim]

Jivanmukti talks about equanimity a lot because it's part of that siddha yoga path and her youtube-videos have energy (shaktipat) that helps people with this.

[Endangered-EGO]

@Seraphim Thanks, one more teacher I probably need to listen to  

[caspex]

You can watch Leo's video on letting go. He gives a few exercises.  For me, I masturbated, so I started letting that go. This is effective because after some days the urge is really strong, and if you can let that go too, it's very good training. Youvan do this while your body is feeling pain. When you are frustrated, angry, sad, excited, happy. Just try letting it go and flow instantaneously. Also be sure to identify yourself as an illusion and let that go as well. Letting yourself or "me" go is very helpful into having a flowing mind that is unsticky. Once you let it go, the flow suddenly goes 50 fold.

[Endangered-EGO]

@Swarnim There is possibly a lot of "Me"-ness in physical discomfort. I just don't see it yet.

[caspex]

42 minutes ago, Endangered-EGO said:

@Swarnim There is possibly a lot of "Me"-ness in physical discomfort. I just don't see it yet.

The first time I ever noticed what I was when I was sitting in silence during the evening. I wasn't expecting any insight. I wasn't even trying meditate. I just meditate on my own without realizing sometimes. And suddenly, I realized I was the awareness that fills all. And the mind, body and world is part of it. 

I think you have to let go of all your conceptions, Leo's latest video on realizing God helps a bunch in that. If you can burn all your conceptions, you may see that awareness that fills all. Why I say all is because the direct experience is all there is. No conceptions. 

Once you can see this, it's very easy to identify that me-ness anywhere, because no you are not identified with it. Since you have gone meta to self, self is easily seen. 

An easy way to identify this realization is if it feels as both "I am everything" and "I am nothing". Feeling "I am everywhere" and at the same time "I am nowhere". "All is me" and "There is no me". 

 

So in my opinion, you can realize in this order to make it easy.

Realize that awareness (by making a distinction between thoughts and consciousness, is pretty hard to see at first) > then see that it is you (usually it happens automatically when you realize that awareness, but if it doesn't happen, try to see it's you.) > then notice the ego/me/self(it's always a feeling in your heart) > try to let that go > then notice the feeling in your heart which denotes 'the world' > let that go > then notice the feeling of 'other' > let that go > then notice the feeling of "ALL" > let that go > then notice the feeling of "I am everything/nothing, everywhere/nowhere, etc." > and let that go > then notice all your linguistics in your mind > and let that go

well you get the idea. Basically be how a baby is. 

with this practice, you'll develop the spiritual muscle of noticing these feelings in your heart and letting them go. So let's say you put your hand in a fire. You'll then be able to notice that you wanting to pull your hand out is itself a feeling, and you are trying to resist that pain and heat. And you can let that go. Takes a lot of practice lol.

[Endangered-EGO]

@Swarnim Yes, it is not my intention with this practice to be awake 24/7. I have seen the nothingness, and I do self inquiry and use the deconstruction of reality with neti-neti in combination. I have a lot of "associations" of objects that I consider a thing. On that I am working too, I am also doing that with every suffering that occures, using shinzen youngs mindfullness methods.

Unfortunately I am not aware of all the associations I have. An awakening into the nothingness can help I believe, but I'll exercise mindfullness with what I have now. Unfortunately It is hard to deconstruct every association of "bad pain" that occures, because it doesn't happen really often, and I don't want to deliberately hurt myself. I'll just wait for the suffering to happen, and not cause myself for harm than necessary, because I am more interested in relieving suffering than in truth atm. I have seen the nothingness and had countless awakenings. I want to "stabilise" and fall deeper into enlightenment in the now.

[The0Self]

Suffer less by noticing it more.

[caspex]

11 hours ago, Endangered-EGO said:

@Swarnim Yes, it is not my intention with this practice to be awake 24/7. I have seen the nothingness, and I do self inquiry and use the deconstruction of reality with neti-neti in combination. I have a lot of "associations" of objects that I consider a thing. On that I am working too, I am also doing that with every suffering that occures, using shinzen youngs mindfullness methods.

Unfortunately I am not aware of all the associations I have. An awakening into the nothingness can help I believe, but I'll exercise mindfullness with what I have now. Unfortunately It is hard to deconstruct every association of "bad pain" that occures, because it doesn't happen really often, and I don't want to deliberately hurt myself. I'll just wait for the suffering to happen, and not cause myself for harm than necessary, because I am more interested in relieving suffering than in truth atm. I have seen the nothingness and had countless awakenings. I want to "stabilise" and fall deeper into enlightenment in the now.

Not asking you to hurt yourself, that was just an extreme example to get the point across.