Navigating raising a child with a toxic ex

[Nahm]

Toxicity doesn’t ‘work’ the way you’ve mislead yourself to believe. A mind confined as such would not recognize it if the entire universe weaved of itself the greatest possible gift for itself. 

The utilizing & clinging to this falsity is fear. 

Fear is the avoidance of feeling. 

This is like vacuuming the floor, not even noticing it’s not plugged in, and assuming it’s the vacuum’s fault that vacuuming is not possible.

This is like believing “we are unable to interact in a healthy way”, and missing you’re creating that belief. 

The belief is there is toxicity, and other people are toxic. The truth is you are the source, and there is no toxicity, just the occasional innocent judgement. It is good that there is feeling, so this is readily recognized. 

 

These are the words of an awakened being. By awakened, I mean one who recognizes the distinction between conceptualization & direct experience, and as such is a source of wisdom. If I were you, I’d spend a day reading this:

“Why not use that as clarification to be the Dad you wish you would've had? You don't have to sacrifice or give up any of your life dreams for your kid. Don't use your life dreams as an excuse to skip out on your kid and don't use your kid as an excuse to skip out on your life dreams. Either option is fear talking and making excuses. The kid might help you clarify the shit out of your life plans though. It might seem like you're making sacrifices. You've been given a gift. You can have your cake and eat it too. Really. 

You cannot ruin anyone else's life without their permission. Let yourself off the hook, drop this fear and then you'll be free to act from the heart. Also likewise your ex and her influence cannot effect you without you giving it permission. Is it easier to cut someone off so we aren't affected by them? It seems that way in the short term but that's only kicking the can down the road. We'll inevitably run into the same kind of thing down the road with another partner in some other way until we learn to face the issue.” 

[JohnD]

@Nahm We've gotta crawl before we walk

[Nahm]

@JohnD

Babies can’t walk. We can. 

[JohnD]

@Nahm But how do we talk to the babies that can't?

[Nahm]

@JohnD

Sweetly, in a googly manor. 

Arguably, this is the greatest joy in the universe. 

It is ineffable magic, which makes all things worthwhile, and all things possible. 

But only direct experience will do. 

[JohnD]

@Nahm We talk in a way they relate to.

[Nahm]

@JohnD

You find this direct experience unrelatable?

What don’t you get, so to speak?

[JohnD]

@Nahm I was explicating my intended use of the metaphor, you took it in a direction that missed the message.

[Nahm]

@JohnD

Maybe there’s something you’d like to just...say?

[JohnD]

@Nahm I'll message you directly, I don't want to further cloud this guy's thread.