Do women really like vulnerable men?

[Preety_India]

@Keyhole lol that was a sweet gif. Haha. Kitty says yes to Leo. 

[Preety_India]

15 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Be authentic, be strong, be masculine, be feminine, and be a bit vulnerable in order to build intimacy and rapport.

Basically, the girl wants you to be a killer on the outside, with others, but soft and sweet with her. 

One word to describe all of this in a single phrase "be charming." 

 

[electroBeam]

24 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Basically, the girl wants you to be a killer on the outside, with others, but soft and sweet with her.

That's why lots of girls actually like it when you get protective and jealous of other guys taking her away from you.

Not every girl is looking for a killer per say. You can get away with just being driven/ambitious/trying to change the world even in a healthy loving way for a lot of girls. The girls I hang out with in hippy groups actually get turned off from a guy being a killer. And IMO its more sustainable to target those sort of girls, the killer mentality gets toxic real fast. If a guy is willing to be a killer with others, as soon as you do something he doesn't like, or as soon as a hotter girl comes along, he'll have no issue being a killer to you.

[Preety_India]

Just now, Keyhole said:

@Preety_India It's so true, a lot of women want this mixture with a man.  Makes us feel safe, and keeps the rest of the world out.
Just how I like it.

@electroBeam True, but sometimes there are those rare goodest good boys.  I've met a few in my day.  I ran away from all of em.  C'est la vie, mon cheri.  Wat yoo doo, eh?

Agree. Gems are always rare and rarer. 

 

[electroBeam]

20 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

 

@electroBeam True, but sometimes there are those rare goodest good boys.  I've met a few in my day.  I ran away from all of em.  C'est la vie, mon cheri.  Wat yoo doo, eh?

What alien tongue is this? Wtf is a goodest boy and this french cryptic message

[Lyubov]

I think we need to further define vulnerable. I think people think vulnerable means being afraid and sharing stuff through a fearful paradigm. I like to look at vulnerable being brave and sharing it more-so through a paradigm of honesty. There is a difference between being honest about how you feel in a healthy way vs being needy and scared and dumping that on the woman. The former is more attractive than the later. It's a bit paradoxical. I wouldn't treat your partner like your therapist however. We all go through ups and downs and I think expecting a perfect partner without any sort of emotional problems occasionally is unrealistic however. I think it always comes back to how brave you are and how honest you are willing to be. 

[Roy]

If you don't have company; friends or lovers, who you're able to share vulnerable things with and get support from you need to do some social circle upgrading lol.

[Preety_India]

@Keyhole @Loving Radiance @electroBeam  here's to the meaning of mon cheri. Have a good laugh. 

 

 

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, electroBeam said:

If a guy is willing to be a killer with others, as soon as you do something he doesn't like, or as soon as a hotter girl comes along, he'll have no issue being a killer to you.

The girl's attraction is NOT logical. Neither is a guy's.

You see big tits and you get attracted. It has nothing to do with logic. If you saw big tits on a grizzly bear, you'd still get attracted and by the time the grizzly bear was eating your face, it'd be too late.

[Roy]

33 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You see big tits and you get attracted. It has nothing to do with logic. If you saw big tits on a grizzly bear, you'd still get attracted and by the time the grizzly bear was eating your face, it'd be too late.

What the fuck does this even mean lmao?

[electroBeam]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

The girl's attraction is NOT logical. Neither is a guy's.

You see big tits and you get attracted. It has nothing to do with logic. If you saw big tits on a grizzly bear, you'd still get attracted and by the time the grizzly bear was eating your face, it'd be too late.

Yep, I'm sort of sensing a very sharp, clear cut attitude about attraction and relationships, like if godzilla has big tits, you're going for it regardless of any other factors, and that's hard coded in reality, likewise for women. And I'm just a bit uneasy about that because that sort of goes against healthiness and non toxicity, because having a relationship with godzilla will require having a relationship involving abuse, trauma, being sneaky and slimy, and that doesn't seem like a good idea if you value Truth.

Also I don't think attraction comes in 1 flavor. there are definitely multiple archetypes of attraction, and some are more healthy and conscious then the other. Like there's the red stage pablo bad boy type that women are attracted to, yet there's also the flamboyant, tree hugging, confident rock star type that's also attractive but a different flavor to pablo. Likewise for men, there are women who are really hot, have hot boobs and but and sexy, but also women who don't have boobs and butts that look as hot as that, yet they act more feminine, nerdy and have a more feminine frame, and those sort of cute nerdy feminine women are still just as attractive as the hot women, just in a more cute way. So there's variations to attraction, and some are more easy to be truthul then others. Like its easier to be truthful as a tree hugger/rock star then a pablo, and its easier to be truthful as a feminine, nerdy type then a super sexy/hot bitch type.

@Roy it means Leo is seriously considering joining Connor Murphy in his expedition to search for the hottest on 5 meo.

Edited December 2, 2020 by electroBeam

[Lyubov]

Attraction between men and women is a dance between the masculine and feminine. Read up on how these two poles work. You can have very different life styles and values with someone but if they are in their feminine and you in masculine and you like how they look you will be attracted to her. 

Edited December 2, 2020 by Lyubov

[Emerald]

15 hours ago, Farnaby said:

Hey everyone!

Vulnerability is something that has interested me for a long time. In my experience, it seems to deepen emotional connection BUT it has to be expressed at the right time and not become emotional dumping, because that could easily lead to loss of attraction. 

There seems to be a fine line between vulnerability that leads to more connection and vulnerability that turns the dynamic into a boy-mother relationship if you know what I mean. 

What do y'all think? I'd like to hear both, women's and men's honest opinion on this

In my view, if my partner doesn't feel comfortable about being vulnerable around me, then there truly isn't a relationship. Relationships requires vulnerability and openness, otherwise intimacy is an absolute impossibility. But it does take a little time, bonding, and the development of trust to work up to a high level of intimacy.

So, it would be a bit of a deterrent if a man were really an open book emotionally on moment one of the relationship because it would feel like he doesn't have much emotional restraint and just doesn't really have himself together. So, it would be a little bit of a red flag if a man (or woman for that matter) leans heavily on me emotionally in the more friendship based context or in the dating phase. 

But vulnerability is absolutely required for a relationship to exist... otherwise it's just two people living adjacent to one another but not really connecting. 

[Origins]

@Farnaby What's the point in being in a relationship if you're not vulnerable? What you just want to fuck her? What's the motivation? That's what it boils down to doesn't it. Fucking. This is not a good philosophy. If the women isn't vibing its not meant to be, if the guy isn't vibing its not meant to be. Move on don't let your ego get in the way, just process the situation, learn and adapt. 

Both women and men objectify one another which is why you're going to run into dissonance about these subjects because there'll be situations where you're "vulnerable" or whatever and its not serving the interaction because the women is just into objectification or vice versa. Don't waste time with people, literally, zero fucking time, with people who aren't living up to your standards. You've got your standards there for a reason, negotiate with one another as you learn about each other but we've only got so much time left on this planet in this particular physical form.

If they're not evolved enough, find someone more evolved. If you're not evolved enough, leave the poor gal alone because maybe you're being vulnerable about something you should have healed from, learned from, progressed from or whatever it happens to be. But then maybe you're vulnerable about something that serves both your levels of development in which case go poor the wine of vulnerability and get drunk in each others dreams until you've both grown from the situation. But. Don't. Fuck. Around. Always focus on learning.

Best.

Edited December 2, 2020 by Origins

[Farnaby]

Wow, thank you for everything you all have shared. 

I guess the main takeaways are: 

• vulnerability builds connection but shouldn't be present too soon or too much because it can kill attraction
• yes to vulnerability, but not with a secret agenda or in some manipulative way
• some women like vulnerability and other women don't
• the ideal is a healthy mix of confidence, vulnerability, being charming, protective but not pretending to be invincible

I also agree with those of you who said we need a better definition of vulnerability because it seems like we all project our own experiences and interpretations. 

For me, vulnerability means not pretending that "everything's OK" all the time, especially when it really isn't. At the same time, it's certainly not always easy to discern what stuff you should share and what stuff needs to be dealt with without involving your partner too much. 

@Origins ^^ I like that straight to the point answer. For me it's never only about fucking. Sex is certainly an important part, but I'm not too interested in it if there's no connection. 

The part about vibing, I kind of agree but not completely. If you've ever been in a long-term relationship, you've probably experienced conflict, up's and down's, moments of connection and disconnection, of vibing and not vibing. I'm happy I didn't leave when we weren't vibing in harmony. I wouldn't have learnt how to navigate those moments, work on my attachment style, etc., if I just left the moment I feel we aren't vibing. 

I think it's important to discern between normal stuff that happens in relationships and red flags. 

[Preety_India]

@Farnaby yea. Vulnerability and confidence is the right mix. Or it can appear as dumping 

 

[SgtPepper]

Being vulnerable is fine, if you're using the narrative as yourself as a way to connect closer to someone. It improves both individuals understanding of each other, that is how you differentiate.

If you are using it as a way to garner sympathy, self-validation, and extra perks (like refusing to take responsibility for self-care and having someone else do it for you) then it becomes selfish and often leads to awful behavior. 

[Farnaby]

@SgtPepper thanks for your input! I tend to fall on the other side of the spectrum (shut-down and not share how I feel, sometimes not even knowing what I'm really feeling, trying to work it out by myself, etc.). 

I tend to overthink things so one part of me may say: "this is bothering you and it's not going away, you need to share it" and another part will say "what if you wanting to share that is just a way to manipulate the other person". 

 

[The0Self]

Vulnerability + confidence = win